What Do You Expect?

You can't expect your spouse to know what you are thinking. You cannot expect your spouse to meet your every need or want. You cannot expect your spouse to change into what you are expecting. You cannot expect your spouse to meet your expectations, especially if they have no clue what those expectations are. And you cannot set those expectations high.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was telling me about advice she gave her daughers about husbands. She said to them, "They do not change. You cannot change them. What you see is what you get, so you better be sure it's what you want."

Now we would agree with her to point. Firstly, we would say any person who enters into a relationship thinking they can change the other person, train them to do something differently or mold them into something else they want is setting themselves up for years and years of heart break. It just isn't realistic. However, we do believe that with God all things are possible (Mark 9:23). So if there are attributes you wish to see bettered in your future spouse, you can certainly petition God and ask Him to do a work in them. After all, I prayed God would bring my sweet husband into a personal relationship with Christ, but understand it took 19 years for him to get there. Worth it, yes, but that's a long time to wait for a change that I could not force or instill in him myself.

However, you can communicate to each other about what you are hoping for in your relationship, and we recommend you do that early and often. Have a dialogue to see if it's possible to meet expectations you have for one another, whether in household chores, celebrations, parenting, career and church commitments. Be honest and open. Never assume the other should already know what you want and be meeting that. Communicate, communicate, communicate. And do it with gentleness and love. Remember it's about mutually benefiting one another and building each other up as you make this earthly journey together.

Discussion: Do you have certain expectations for your spouse? Are you willing to patiently wait for change?

Prayer: Lord, we thank you for the expectations you put on us: to do justice, love kindness,and walk humbly with you (Micah 6:8). May we do that always, and not set ourselves so high that we falsely expect others to achieve or reach what we cannot even attain. In Jesus, Amen.