Do. Not. Look.

I need to tell you a story. I share this story not to embarrass Daddy, but to teach a lesson. He has given me permission to share it. In the first year of our marriage, after Daddy returned from a business trip covering an away game, I found a porn magazine in his brief case. I was devastated. Apparently whatever I had wasn't enough that he had to look elsewhere. I felt my insides shrivel up in humiliation and embarrassment. And I was angry. I was so angry, I tore out every single picture and laid them all over the bed. When he came in the bedroom, I motioned to the bed, "Sleep with them. That's who you obviously want," and I walked away. I remember telling him later, "If you ever do that again, at least have the grace to throw it away before you get home." I never saw another one, and he tells me he never bought another one.

Pornography is one of the greatest evils in our world. It is completely destructive. And according to our Savior Jesus Christ, is adultery. After all He said in His Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." So if you're looking at pornography, you are breaking the seventh commandment. 

I read that 95 percent of the people who view pornography are men, so this is addressed mostly to our boys, but know, ladies, that it can be a problem for you as well. Pornography leads to feelings of guilt. It desensitizes males to the beauty that is sexual stimulation within a marriage. It's addictive. It can destroy a marriage relationship. Just ask Anna Duggar how she feels after her husband admitted his addiction to porn and subsequent affairs. It's a demon of the worst kind. And it's every where. According to Jerry Ropelato, more than 40% of internet users go to pornographic sites ... oh, and there are 4.2 million of them. I love this quote from C.S. Lewis: "You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act - that is, to watch a girl undress on the state. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fil a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, should you not think that in that country something had grown wrong with the appetite for food?" What does this say about our society's obsession with pornography?

So what to do? Don't look. How's that for simple? Do. Not. Look. If I get a bag of sea salt vinegar potato chips, I will go through the whole bag. And they are so bad for me. So what do I do? I don't buy them. I can't watch movies that have bloody violence, because I will have nightmares for days. I don't care if it's the best movie in the world with the greatest acting ever. I will not watch. Because of pornography's destructive, sick affect on people, do not look. Stay away. Don't even peek. Because that's a door Satan is quite successful at pushing wide open if ajar even a tiny crack. You Daddy said it's like a forest fire. All it takes is one spark. And he warns that pornography is not just a magazine with a bunch of nudie girls. Even the slightest provocative images can be a problem for men. The Hardees commercials of late? Victoria's Secret ads? Even regular television shows push the porn boundary. These are not helpful to men wanting to keep their minds on their wives. So keep that door slammed, bolted shut.

Keep your eyes focused on your beloved. In the words of Daddy, "Love your wife!" He actually yelled that. And he added, "Wives, love your husbands," commenting that keeping your sex life active helps. Find every bit of your spouse beautiful and desirable. Let me say, that your Daddy has never made me feel undesired. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful, sexiest woman in the world. When I asked him why he felt that way about me he said, "I think because I saw the way my grandfather loved my grandmother and the way my Dad loved my Mom. I knew that was important."

You are who the Lord selected for one another. So keep your eyes right where they are supposed to be ... on each other. 

Discussion: What would you consider to be pornography? How can you protect yourself from pornography? 

Prayer: Father, forgive us for taking something that is beautiful and twisting it into something harmful and ugly. Lord, fill us with your Holy Spirit and a desire for our spouse alone. May we always be sexually fulfilled in our relationship. In Jesus name, Amen.

Every Secret Thing

I respected him as a father and husband. I admired his political and moral views. But today ... today I am embarrassed for him. I am disappointed in him and even angry. I have lost respect for him. And my heart aches for his wife, children and extended family. I'm talking about Josh Duggar, the eldest son of the 19 Kids And Counting TLC reality show parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. Several months ago it was revealed Josh had molested his younger sisters when he was a young teen. It seemed like he and his parents had gone through the appropriate channels to both punish and educate their son and protect and comfort their children. He seemed to put that behind him and make better choices through his life. However, he secretly opened two accounts at the adultery-encouraging website known as Ashley Madison. Hackers recently released account information to the public (which the Ashley Madison folks denied could happen), Scarlet-Lettering marriage-destroying folks to the world. The fact that this site had 37 million followers thoroughly repulses me. Their goal was destruction of marriages and families, and now with this high-and-dry exposure, that will certainly happen. What a sad and sorry state these men and women have put their relationships and family into. What prompts a husband or wife to sign up to purposefully cheat on their spouse? It makes me absolutely sick.

And here's a guy, Josh, who has a beautiful wife, precious children, a family that loves the Lord, fame in a reality show that espouses faith and values, a career in morality, plenty of money - he's got everything - and it's just not enough. He decides to commit adultery, which he claims started with an addiction to pornography.

You know, we have this Father in Heaven who has created this beautiful institution called marriage and gifted those couples with love making, and for some folks that isn't good enough. They take what is good and make it evil, as mankind has been doing for thousands of years. I read one women comment on pornography as "natural and a reality." Say what?! There is no way God intended for people to be exploited in this manner. And its effects on marriage and love making are catastrophic. It is not okay. It's disgusting and destructive.

My children, you must understand that these vows you take ... they are legit. They are binding in the eyes of the Father. Adultery is a sin, one with consequences like the destruction of marriage, separating families and losing trust. Remember when we talked about how Adam and Eve, by disobeying God and eating the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, didn't learn about good? They already knew good in the Garden of Eden. What they learned in their disobedience was evil. By opening doors to things like pornography and adultery websites, you are learning about evil. Why would you ever want to learn about that?

I am begging you to please be wise in your choices. Shield your eyes from things that tempt you. Focus on your faith. Love your spouses. Remember the vows you make. Be a person of integrity and respect. I promise you Satan will never let up on you, so be armored up. Take delight in the beauty and good that God has given you. Remember King Solomon, who had it all, commented at the end of his book Ecclesiastes in 12:13-14, "The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil." It appears God has indeed brought the people of Ashley Madison's secret things into judgment.

You have been blessed to find someone you love more than anyone else in the world. Cherish and nurture that always. Be obedient to the Lord. Christ promised us that He came so that we may have life abundantly (John 10:10) and that comes from obeying His voice. That is our prayer for you ... obedience and an abundant life. It's so worth it.

Discussion: What are your thoughts on adultery and pornography? What are things you can do to prevent yourself from being tempted?

Prayer: Father, we live in a broken world, which you so graciously gave yourself up for. Father, I pray that your children, the ones who say they belong to you, will remember to be obedient to you and will shut the door, close their eyes and cover their ears to prevent exposing themselves to evil. We ask this in Jesus' name, Amen.