His Way/Her Way

Your Daddy loads the dishwasher wrong. Well, let me correct that. He loads it differently than me. He also never makes the bed, leaves all the lights on in the house, leaves clothes sitting right next to the hamper verses in it, squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and never puts the cap back on, is always hot when I am cold, never folds his pants on the crease when putting them on the hanger and likes his spaghetti sauce on the noodles not mixed in with them. And that is just a few. Notice that not all of those things are wrong, but they are certainly his way and not my way. And that can drive you just about crazy if you let it.

But let's face it, we are two completely different people coming from two vastly different backgrounds, locations and families. Some things we were taught differently, some things we just learned to do on our own in our own way. But put those two people together and make them live together forever ... look out! There could be some battles.

There are several ways you can handle it. You can try to change the way he does things (women and men everywhere are laughing at this one right now). You can change the way you do things (a few chuckles here as well) Or you can accept it for what it is and just deal with it. Depending on the circumstances, we have done all three.

For example, my family growing up was always late. Always. I was the last person who showed up to any event and the last person picked up after any activity. I didn't like it very much, but that's the pace our family moved. Your Daddy's family was always early. Matter of fact, they lived by the mantra, "If your early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, your left." When we first married, this was a trying time for Brad and I, because I was always running behind (with his long legs on a 6'1 frame and my short ones on a 5'4 frame, I was behind even when I was holding his hand and walking). I know it drove him crazy, so I did everything in my power to change that and be on time for him. It doesn't always work, but I do try.

Then there's this one ... when we first met he told me, "You are 95/5." "What does that mean?" I asked him. "You talk 95 percent of the time and listen 5 percent." Again, knowing that was a flaw in my communication skills, I worked very hard to be a better listener. So there are two examples when his way was actually the better way, and I made an effort to change.

But there are other things where we both stood our ground and just weren't about to change. And nagging isn't a wise choice. In Proverbs 21:19 says, "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." I'm sure that goes for husband, too. While Daddy hates change, it's honestly been a blessing, cause at least he hasn't wanted to change wives. :)

I saw a video once from a funeral where a woman was giving the eulogy for her husband. She went on and on - as people giggled - describing one thing after the other that her husband did that annoyed her. Then she stopped and through tears said, "I would live through any one of those things again, just to have him here."

You have to ask yourself, "Is it worth it?" If it's a change that will make you a better couple, save money, help you both be more efficient, then work on it together. If it's just a little nuance, like the toothpaste, then let it go. Or do like Daddy and I do, and each have your own tube. :)

But there is one other effective way for change ... one time when Daddy was driving in the rain, he did not use the windshield wipers. It was driving me crazy trying to see through that raindrop-covered windshield. Instead of nagging him to use the wipers, I started to pray. I kid you not, seconds later he turned the wipers on and left them on. Thank you, Jesus.

Yep, prayer. Best way of all. It made the greatest change in your Daddy's life. Because one of the greatest differences in our relationship right from the start was the difference in our spiritual lives. So I prayed and prayed, for 19 years, for Daddy to have a personal relationship with Jesus and become the spiritual head of our household as is required by God. And you know very well what happened on that Walk to Emmaus weekend where his life changed forever, and Jesus became #1 for him. And now he's a pastor! Be careful what change you pray for!

God has selected you to be together for a reason. He believes you will be a better team for Him in His Kingdom, serve more and do greater things together, than if you were apart. What a journey lies ahead as you learn about each other on every intimate level to work side-by-side for Him.

Frank Sinatra sang a song in 1969 called "My Way." The gist of the song was that inspite of the few regrets, he lived life well and on his terms. The last verse says this:

"For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way."

It climaxes at this point as the singer pats himself on the back for doing it his way. But notice the third line from the end: "To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels." While it's meant to imply the man didn't yield or be subservient, I would suggest, that the one who kneels ...  did it His way. And you'll find that's the best way of all.

Discussion: What things have you both discovered already that you do differently? What are things that need work on? What are things you can live with as is?

Prayer: Lord God, you are so amazing in your creation of us, each different yet each in your image. Help us to appreciate those difference, compromise where necessary, make permanent changed where needed and always mold ourselves to Your way. In Jesus name, Amen.