Toxic Talk

Last Saturday your Daddy received a call from the sports information director at a college where one of the newspaper's photographers was shooting the football game. The director told your Daddy his photographer was shooting inappropriate photos of cheerleaders at the game and would be thrown out if he didn't change his behavior. Your father immediately called the photographer to find out what was going on. The photographer was surprised by your Dad's call. He took a picture of a girl on the dance team wearing a sequined neck brace, showing her still doing her job inspiring the fans with this obvious injury. Your Dad straightened it out with the the SI director, but in the meantime, rumors were flying between the dance team girl (who obviously didn't want her photo taken) the police officer she spoke to, the sports information team and others on the field and in the press box. One person's misinformation was putting a photographer and the newspaper's reputation in a shady position. Had the police officer spoke directly to the photographer and asked to see his photo, he would have seen there was no cause for alarm or the harmful accusations. The SI director apologized to the photographer and all was fine.

I bring this up for several reasons. First of all to show you how gossip takes a life of its own, spreading like a cancer. Secondly, to make sure if you ever hear information about anyone, that you check it out at the source. Thirdly, absolutely never share the information with anyone else. And lastly, be careful who you share private information with.

When you're young, it's pretty common to share with your friends how you feel about someone you're interested in or dating. But once you've committed to that person, those conversations are off the table. Unless your betrothed or spouse is abusing you  - in which case that need immediate attention - what happens between you both is between you both. You do not share arguments or private conversations with anyone else. Ever. It is no one's business and puts your loved one in an awkward position if others are partial to that kind of information. If you are dealing with something that requires counseling, then by all means, get some, and share it with that Christian counselor alone. Otherwise, keep the private, private.

Proverbs 26:20 says, "Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down." We have been in many situations in our lives where we were in a place where gossip began. You can feel in the pit of your stomach when something is a gossip situation. It's the Holy Spirit's way of filtering what is necessary and needless. The bitter can take root, feeding off others and can be toxic to those sharing the information. James warns in his letter in chapter 3 verse 8, the tongue can be "a restless evil, full of deadly poison." If in that situation, simply remove yourself from the conversation for the sake of grace. You can even say something gently to that effect. It will stop the conversation cold and hold the gossiper accountable. "He who gossips to you, will gossip of you," the Spanish proverb says. And Benjamin Franklin once wrote, "Three can keep a secret if two are dead." So be careful in your speech. When in doubt, hold your tongue.

1 Peter 4:11 says, "If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God." Communication is designed to bring people together, to edify and encourage. See to it yours does.

Discussion: Have either of you been in a situation where you know someone was gossiping to you? Have you been tempted to share private information about the two of you with others?

Prayer: Lord God, you have taught us that a gossip can separate close friends (Proverbs 16:28). Help us to be mindful to recognize when we should and shouldn't listen to information and likewise should and shouldn't speak. Let your Holy Spirit guide us in wisdom. Help us to remember to keep our confidences out of love for each other and speak with grace. In the sweet name of Jesus, Amen.