Unchanging Constant

Anton and I rearranged the man cave two days ago. In order to give Daddy a bit of privacy office wise in Anton's bedroom, we moved Tone's TV and game console into the man cave. This require a complete in the room's dynamics. We switched around the furniture, books, tiny stadiums, pictures and the like to make the most of the space. Anton was nervous about the completed room. He was nervous because he knows his Dad hates change and he was worried about how he would react. He asked me if I would send him a picture of the changes to Dad's cell phone so that he would be prepared. My initial reaction was "no," but I decided to sent him two pictures anyways. His reaction: "Just as long as I can see the hummingbirds out the window." Not what either of us expected.

Brad does not like change. Don't change the furniture, don't change the routine, don't change his closet, move his books ... you get the idea. I proceed with caution when I make any changes, like rearranging rooms. He usually fusses for the whole first day, then realizes I've made good changes and gets in the swing of it. Just don't change it again.

While he's quirky in his desire to keep things the same, it is truly a blessing with regards to our marriage. He doesn't like change. He wants to keep me. And he brings that up any time I mention his frustration with any changes I make. But I do find comfort in his desire to stick with me in this spiritual journey called marriage, especially since so many folks give up on it. There are people all the time looking for the next best thing ... or trading in for a younger, prettier model. Thankfully, Brad likes this worn-in classic. He asks me all the time "Will you marry me?" and tells me how much he loves me all the time.

When Tone and I were driving yesterday back from the movie theater I said to him, "I love your fiance. Don't forget to tell her every single day how much you love her. Your Daddy does that for me, and it means the world to me." He said he has "Tell Kayla you love her" on a list of daily things to do. That is a beautiful thing.

So go ahead and change around the furniture. Get the latest and greatest technology. Try new things. But be uplifted in knowing you have this one unchanging, forever constant ... your marriage.

Discussion: How do you feel about change? How can you make your marriage fresh and new?

Prayer: Father we thank You that You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. That gives us a foundation we can trust. We pray the foundation of our marriages are likewise something we can trust in. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

What Do You Expect?

You can't expect your spouse to know what you are thinking. You cannot expect your spouse to meet your every need or want. You cannot expect your spouse to change into what you are expecting. You cannot expect your spouse to meet your expectations, especially if they have no clue what those expectations are. And you cannot set those expectations high.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was telling me about advice she gave her daughers about husbands. She said to them, "They do not change. You cannot change them. What you see is what you get, so you better be sure it's what you want."

Now we would agree with her to point. Firstly, we would say any person who enters into a relationship thinking they can change the other person, train them to do something differently or mold them into something else they want is setting themselves up for years and years of heart break. It just isn't realistic. However, we do believe that with God all things are possible (Mark 9:23). So if there are attributes you wish to see bettered in your future spouse, you can certainly petition God and ask Him to do a work in them. After all, I prayed God would bring my sweet husband into a personal relationship with Christ, but understand it took 19 years for him to get there. Worth it, yes, but that's a long time to wait for a change that I could not force or instill in him myself.

However, you can communicate to each other about what you are hoping for in your relationship, and we recommend you do that early and often. Have a dialogue to see if it's possible to meet expectations you have for one another, whether in household chores, celebrations, parenting, career and church commitments. Be honest and open. Never assume the other should already know what you want and be meeting that. Communicate, communicate, communicate. And do it with gentleness and love. Remember it's about mutually benefiting one another and building each other up as you make this earthly journey together.

Discussion: Do you have certain expectations for your spouse? Are you willing to patiently wait for change?

Prayer: Lord, we thank you for the expectations you put on us: to do justice, love kindness,and walk humbly with you (Micah 6:8). May we do that always, and not set ourselves so high that we falsely expect others to achieve or reach what we cannot even attain. In Jesus, Amen.