When To Have Babies?

I am always teasing my kids about when we will see grandbabies after these weddings, and I get the same response from both of them ... "Not any time soon." Understandably, both couples want to have time together alone with one another, get a good start on their careers, perhaps save a little money and have some adventures before children come into the picture. Brad and I had similar thoughts. Well, Brad did. He wanted to wait five years after we married, and I wanted to have children immediately (we'd been dating for four years by that point after all). So we compromised and three years later Ayla was born. It did give us lots of time to be together alone and her arrival into our lives truly was at a perfect time.

We did a little research to see when married couples typically have their first child. The only thing we found is that lots of women are waiting until after they are 30 to have children and, based on statistics, making more money than those who have children in their 20s. What was interesting in our information search, was the other articles we stumbled across in the process. "When Should You Move In Together?" "Half of Babies Born in U.S. Are Born To Unwed Mothers." "Do Married Couples Have to Have Children?" "Baby First. Marriage Later." "First Comes Baby, Then Goes The Marriage." It was a sad sorry list of stories. So we came to the conclusion, that with the way culture is today shifting priorities and God's design for families, we were not going to get accurate or even wise advice hunting on the Internet. So we decided instead to search out the Bible. When does God believe couple should have children?

Well, of course, after marriage. That is clear. He repeatedly shares that "fornication" is a desire of the flesh (Galatians 5:19) and immoral (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 and Matthew 15:19-20), meaning that sex is to be saved for married couples. Scripture goes on to say children are a heritage of the Lord and a reward (Psalm 127:3). He says us to "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). There is no hard and fast rule for when children should come after marriage (and in the Bible some had children right away and others had children far later in life), but we know when the Bible was written, there were few preventative measures for not having children. It was pretty much up to God. You can go that route, but understand then children could come nine months after the wedding.

Daddy says he thinks our children came at the perfect time, although he said he would have waited until it was far too late if I hadn't "pushed the envelop." I, on the other hand, still would have liked to have them younger ... and many more. So here is our advice ... which is the same advice we will give you for just about everything. Pray about it. Ask the Lord for advice on when He wants you to have children. Let's face it, He already knows all the children you will have, their names and the number of their days. So ask Him when the perfect time is.

For me ... the sooner the better.

Discussion: Have you gone to God to ask what He wants for your family? How many children would you like to have? When would you like to have children? What is your reason for the selecting that time?

Prayer: Lord God, our lives and the lives of those you gift us in our family are in Your hands. And what blessings they are, Father. We pray for precious grandbabies in our future and for You to bless them so they may bless Your Kingdom. In Jesus, Amen.

First Comes Love. Then Comes Marriage. Then Comes ...

One of these days after your marriage you will have children. At least that is what I am hoping for. Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" Seeing many of my girlfriends delighting in grandbabies, I am excited for my turn to spoil children of my children. I know we're looking at years in the future, but we wanted to say a little something about children in a marriage, especially since we have no intentions of writing a nine-month pregnancy/raising children blog when that time comes.

1) We want to remind you, when you have children, those children do NOT come before your spouse. We know so many people who place their children ahead of their mate. That is not how God intended it. God, spouse, family in that order. Don't forget this. This is important when remembering to carve out time for yourselves as a couple (date nights, anniversary celebration).

2) You are not your children's friends. You are their parents. At least until they become adults. So many parents don't want to discipline their children because they want their children to like them as a friend. Do them a favor and just be their parent. They will have plenty of friends but only two parents. Plus, if you are loving them as a parent, it will make that transition to friend far easier when they are adults.

3) Discipline your children. Do not hesitate to say "no." And when you do, don't be wishy washy and give in. When you do, you've just shown your child that foundations and limits are not solid. They need the reassurance and confidence limits bring. Plus they will respect you more for it. Proverbs 29:17 says, "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

4) Be a team. Be sure you agree on your discipline methods. Do not undermine one another. Children learn to play one parent off the other. This feeds into the above comment about setting a solid foundation.

5) Listen to them. They have much to tell you from that first coo through the rest of their lives. Really sit down and listen to what they are excited to share. Sometimes they are not as forthcoming with information (teens, especially) so ask questions that dig deeper. Once they open up, lots more comes out in conversation.

6) Respect them as small adults. It always drives us crazy to see parents treat their children like babies well into youth. Children are sucking up all the information they can to become responsible adults. If you baby them, do everything for them, without giving them a chance to explore, make mistakes and be responsible, you are harming them in ways that could take years to reverse ... and typically it happens later in adulthood at the hands of their boss.

7) Edify them. Make sure you build them up and encourage them. That doesn't mean give every kid on the team a medal or ribbon for participation. Their are winners and losers and they will need to learn that. However, they will need encouragement to reach goals and achieve dreams.

8) Tell them about Jesus. This is your responsibility. Read the Bible together. Set a time every day to do so if possible. Deuteronomy 6:7 says about teaching your children to fear the Lord and learn His commands, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Sing Christian songs together. Go to church. Get involved in Sunday School, youth programs and retreats. Surround your children with Christian fellowship. This will be their second family, especially if you live far from extended family. And pray for them every single day.

9) Spend quality time together. You only have those children through their senior year of high school, so spend time together teaching them, making memories, going on adventures and playing games. You will never ever say, "Wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my kids."

10)  Love them, love them, love them. This should be pretty easy and a no brainer. They are God's precious gift, the perfect combination of you and your spouse, a physical manifestation of the two becoming one flesh, and it's breathtaking to behold. It is your job and privilege to love them unconditionally as Christ loves you.

That is just a few tiny bits, but key ones in raising children. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." One of the best decisions I ever made was taking a step back from my career (just a step - I did plenty of freelancing) to raise our children. They were some of the best years of my life. I don't have any regrets about that decision. Brad and I were a good team, loving our babies with our whole hearts. And they turned out pretty amazing, thank you, Lord Jesus. It's a job we highly recommend. And we look forward to the day when we can love, love, love and spoil, spoil, spoil your future children.

Discussion: Do you agree with the above bits of advice? Do you have a family plan? How do you feel about parenting?

Prayer: Lord, you blessed Brad and I with children that we love so dearly. We pray, Father, they will be obedient to You always. And we pray they will one day get the opportunity to be parents themselves. We love you, Father, and thank You for the example you provide for as as a Parent. In Christ, Amen.