Part of the Family

You know how you know your children's fiances have become part of your family? When you haven't seen them in awhile and your heart fills with joy to spend time with them! Yesterday I got to spend some time with Kayla. I so enjoyed visiting with her. We had lots to catch up on and enjoyed some dinner together. Then to top off the evening, we Skyped with someone we both love and miss ... Anton. How many future daughter-in-laws spend a Saturday evening with their future mother-in-law? Not sure what those numbers are, but so grateful for the relationship I have with her. Kayla is a part of our family and we love her very much. And we feel the same about Rob. We loved Kayla and Rob before the couples got engaged. And we're so excited to officially make them our family members (just 12 days from now for Rob). We are firm believers that with these weddings we are not losing children, but rather gaining them. Our children have found the one whom their heart loves. They get strength and comfort from their beloved, support, encouragement, correction and much love. To hear how Kayla has helped Anton figure out what to get for his apartment (which will be their apartment in eight months), and hear about Rob's involvement in the details and errands necessary for their upcoming nuptials solidifies for us how much these two couples have become a team. Both couples have had to deal with separation by distance. Both have dealt with conflicts. Both have romanced each other in precious ways. Both have had adventures together. Both have prayed and worshiped together. And to think this is just the beginning!

We are so happy for our children that they have found and are engaged to the love of their life. How grateful we are to God for creating these precious individuals. How blessed we feel to have them as part of our family! And we pray we have been a blessing to them. Giving glory to God this Sunday morning for these two new blessings our lives. And praying for their days leading up to the weddings and all the days ever after. We love you!

Discussion: How has the relationship between you and your future in-laws grown? Do you see your marriage as joining a new family or creating your own? What have you learned from your future in-laws?

Prayer: Lord God, you have been so gracious to our children to bring Rob and Kayla into their lives! Thank you for the work you have done in them the days leading up to our children meeting them and the work you continue to do in them in their relationships. We pray for continued strengthening, blessings, growth and love for them both. In Jesus, Amen.

Down To The Wire

As the days to the wedding get closer and closer, I expect the stress levels for you couples will increase. I know with wedding planning and moving there is so much to do, complete and tweak. Your time is running out and likewise your patience can, too. It can be tough if you let the stresses get the better of you to the point where these moments aren't fun anymore. So we wanted to talk for a minute about those things.

First off, choose your battles. There will be little things that go awry. Deal with what you have to, but don't let it get the better of you. There will be bigger things that may require more of your time and focus, so don't let the small things eat at you.

Be realistic. Don't expect perfection. There was only one man who had that. Understand that you're dealing with flawed humans in a sinful world, so things will go wrong. In the words of my father, "Expect the best, but prepare for the worst." This way you are optimistic without being completely caught off guard when something goes wrong. That is being realistic.

Some things that don't go according to plan aren't anyone's fault. They just happen. So doing be looking to point blame where there may be none. Just dust yourself off and handle it with grace.

Prioritize. Deal with the things that need your attention immediately or carry the greatest weight. Get to the others when you can.

Pray a lot. You know the time is getting close, so take every single moment and challenge to the Lord in prayer. He already knows the outcome and solution, so let Him bear it for you. Proverbs 16:3 says, "Commit to the Lord what you plan to do and your plans will succeed." Since this wedding ceremonies are for His glory, commit them to Him and let Him handle it.

Be sure to take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, eat right and stay hydrated. You've got a lot going on, so be sure to treat yourself well in the midst of this. One of the best ways to deal with stress is to exercise: run, walk, lift weights, do yoga, whatever will help you let off steam in a constructive way.

Make a conscious effort to love each other. You will be so wrapped up in details here at the end that you may forget the most important one ... your beloved. So make it your goal every day to do something sweet, positive, loving and kind for your fiance. There are all kinds of benefits for both of you.

We love you and are praying for you as these days inch ever closer to one of the greatest days of your life. May there be more days ahead of joy and peace than stresses and challenges.

Discussion: How stressful would you say things are right now for you? What have you found works the best for you in dealing with stress? What have you done today to tell your fiance you love them?

Prayer: Lord, we know planning an event like this requires so much work that it can exhaust us. We pray, Father, that you will help us to prioritize and organize our to do list and not let bumps in the road frustrate us. Lord, I pray we always praise your name in the midst of our concerns. In Jesus, Amen.

As Far As It Depends On You

Today there will be a lot of folks posting pictures of the Twin Towers in NYC on social media. For anyone who was around on this date in 2001, it matters to us all. Like our grandparents before us who remember where they were during the attack of Pearl Harbor, we remember vividly where we were when we heard a plane crashed into the World Trade Center North Tower. We remember watching the television in horror and disbelief as a second plane hit the South Tower. We were under attack, and we all knew it in that moment. And it scared us. War was brought to our homeland. And our country changed forever. Our economy, our security, our trust and our patriotism were forever altered by those events. Regardless of our backgrounds, we all had a common enemy. Regardless of our relationships, we all were brokenhearted. We wept for our lost Americans in New York City, Washington, D.C. and Pennsylvania. We saw their faces and we heard their names. The phrase, "Let's roll," became a battle cry. We prayed for our emergency responders. We prayed for our president. We prayed for the families of the lost. It took only moments, but its effects linger these fourteen years later. We will never forget.

What does this have to do with marriage, you ask? It shows how in the blink of an eye your situation can change. It reaffirms what should be your goal as a couple: to delight in the moments you have with your loved ones. Because they are fleeting. It reminds you that you are His, in His care and serving His children as if they were your own.

My sweet darlings, our prayer is you will never, ever see something like that again in your lifetimes. That your children will live in a world of peace and love, empathy and forgiveness, grace and caring. The chance of that, based on our history and sinful natures, is not good. But we'll be praying for it nonetheless. Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Strive to love each other passionately, deeply and sacrificially. Delight in your moments together. These are precious times. Regardless of the number of minutes, days or years you have, those times together are such a gift. Enjoy them. And remember that truly, we are all one huge family on this planet with one amazing Father God. Remember to love those family members as such.

I have a friend whose only child, a son, was born on this date in 2001. While the world was changing, a sweet face entered it. While she remembers what happened in our country that day, she sees in her son, the hope of our future. And while there may be heartache in that future, there will be joy, too. Seek it.

We have learned a lot as a nation and as people since this date in 2001. Praying it pushes us, inspires us, warns us and softens us. And praying it's enough.


Discussion: What do you remember about 9-11? Did you learn anything as a result of it? Do you think Americans have?

Prayer: Bless us, O Lord, for we have heavy hearts when we remember what happened on this date. We see, Lord, our failings and, Father, the moments of joy and blessings in the midst of it. Lord, we thank you for never leaving us. And we thank you for being our God in control of everything. May all come to know and love you and love your children. In Christ, Amen.

Let The Faithful Correct Me

I was getting ready to print individual pages of a document and when typing in which numbered pages I wanted printed, I accidentally typed a letter instead of a number. A warning popped up which said, "Unacceptable character." It caught me off guard at first because I didn't know what I had done to get the warning, but then I chuckled when I thought how interesting it would be if that popped up when our personality flaws reared their ugly heads. You know, when we say that cuss word we shouldn't have. When we gossip. When we're jealous. When we selfishly put ourselves before others. When we lie. When we have a short fuse. When we're impatient. The list goes on. During those moments, we could hear a whisper in our ear: "Unacceptable character."

The things is, we know what unacceptable character is. God tells us what the acceptable character traits are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, generosity and self-control. Those are the fruits of the Spirit as explained by Paul in Galatians 5:22. But sometimes those unacceptable things slip out before we think. In Psalm 141:3 it says, "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not turn my heart to any evil." And later in that Psalm in verse 5, "Let the faithful correct me." So if you have a brother or sister in Christ offering you counsel, lean in, listen, repent and implement.

Set yourself to a higher standard. We are God's children and therefore should behave as such. It's better if we catch ourselves and change before others do the intervening. And the best way to stay on top of that is to be in the Word. Be in prayer. Examine our ways against the ways of Christ. The only way you know what Godly behavior is if you read what God says it is. 

Be especially cautious to be of good character with your betrothed. Often we take advantage of that relationship, and they don't deserve it. Don't they deserve the very best part of you? So be sure your character reflects the Lord of love.

Discussion: What are some character traits you need to work on? What would help prevent you from slipping into bad character habits?

Prayer: Lord God, you showed us through your son Jesus how we are to behave. We pray, Father, that we imitate Him and show people through our behavior that we belong to you. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Happy Is The One

Yesterday during my devotion time, I read Psalm 128, one of the songs of ascents (which Jews would read while climbing the stairs to the temple in Jerusalem). This psalm is a beautiful encouragement to everyone, especially men, so I wanted to share it with our husbands-to-be. It says:

¹ Happy is everyone who fears the Lord,
    who walks in his ways.
² You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands;
    you shall be happy, and it shall go well with you.

³ Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
    within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
    around your table.
⁴ Thus shall the man be blessed
    who fears the Lord.
⁵ The Lord bless you from Zion.
    May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem
    all the days of your life.
⁶ May you see your children’s children.
    Peace be upon Israel!

 When you read these verses, it's pretty clear what the key to happiness is for everyone ... fearing the Lord. Please understand that doesn't mean, "Eek! It's God! RUN!" in the scary fear sense. It means to completely respect. You know how when you were children and you feared disobeying your parents? It's that kind of fear. You are to be righteous enough to be obedient to Him. The phrase after that above explains how ... "who walks in His ways."

And look at what the psalmist says will be the reward! You will be happy, successful in your work, have a wife that compliments you and does good for the Kingdom, have the blessing of children, be blessed, live long and prosper (yeah, it looks like the Star Trek reference came from here). Know that this is not a endorsement for the prosperity gospel, where people believe if you are obedient to God you will be financially successful in life. There are plenty of folks who love the Lord who struggle in poverty. Matthew 5:45 says of God, "He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous." Good and bad will happen to everyone. But the eternal consequences of not obeying our Father are far worse. Christ promises us that we will have an abundant life in Him (John 10:10), but that is abundance in the Godly sense. Don't forget how much value there is in the spiritual rewards of a life of faith. Growing God's Kingdom is the best we can do. And being obedient to Him is the place to start.

So strive for righteousness in your life. It is our hope that in doing so, you will be blessed with all that is sung about in the above psalm. And how are we to be obedient? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind," (Deuteronomy 6:5. Matthew 22:37) and "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:39). Christ tells us every other law in Scripture hinges on these two commands (Matthew 22:40). There is no greater advice we can give you with regards to your life and your marriage.

Discussion: How difficult is it to be obedient to the Lord? What benefits have you seen to being obedient to Him? How does that obedience make you more successful, a better husband, good father and blessed?

Prayer: Lord God, may we remember to always fear you, love you and be obedient to you. You are our portion, Father, and it is more than enough. May our lives be lived in glory to you. In Christ, we pray, Amen.

The Wedding Prayer

When I was a little girl all the way through college, my friends loved my mother. I mean loved her. I cannot tell you how many people told me that very thing. "I love your Mom. She is so cool." She was certainly that and funny, took in interest in them and loved them deeply because I loved them. When you hear of girls who didn't get along with their mothers or were embarrassed by them growing up, that wasn't me. I loved watching her continuously reach out to the lonely and hurting to lift them up. My mother was one of my best friends. I loved to be with her and at the same time deeply respected her.

Today is my mother's 73rd birthday and she has fully lived those 73 years. She's has gobs of stories to tell you all about it. She believes that God has blessed her to be a blessing. She trusts He will completely care for her and thus cares for His children. She's the one who will hunt for the perfect gift for you, even when there is nothing to celebrate. She is creative, hilarious, animated, adventurous and faithful. And seven trips to the hospital in the last 10 months can't keep her down. Thelma, Timmy Jo, Themla, Sisty Ugler, Mom, Gaga ... so many names to describe my precious mom. A woman who has loved my children exuberantly and helped raise my nephews. It may be my mouth speaking, but it is my mother's words and intonation that often come out. I am proud to have her for my mother and I know she is one of God's favorites.

My mother helped me put together our wedding nearly 28 years ago. She was like our wedding planner. I know I would have never been able to pull it off by myself, especially since I was in my last year of college and preparing to move to Tennessee where my future husband had gotten his first job. Taped to the inside of our Wedding Book of Memories is a card given to us by my mother the day of our wedding. On the front it says, "The Wedding Prayer" and on the inside it says this:

GOD IS LOVE

May you have His kind of love for each other.

LOVE IS PATIENT AND KIND

May you be able to lovingly overlook each other's faults and weaknesses.

LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS OR BOASTFUL

May you seek praise for each other and not for yourselves.

LOVE IS NOT ARROGANT OR RUDE

May you give of yourselves for each other's needs

 and treat one another with utmost respect.

LOVE DOES NOT INSIST ON ITS OWN WAY

May you genuinely listen to each other 

with a willingness to be wrong yourselves.

LOVE IS NOT IRRITABLE OR RESENTFUL

May you be tolerant of each other's moods,

always ready to forgive, never holding a grudge.

LOVE DOES NOT REJOICE AT WRONG

BUT REJOICES IN THE RIGHT

May you experience happiness because

of each other's triumphs and successes.

LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS
May you seek to understand each other's differences

knowing you will stick together through it all.

LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS

May you fully trust and support each other in all your endeavors

LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS

May you always expect the best in each situation

LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS

May you never give up your commitment

to work on improving your relationship

LOVE NEVER ENDS

May you spend the rest of your lives together enjoying His love

GOD IS LOVE

Most of the above comes from 1 Corinthians 13, otherwise known as The Love Chapter of the Bible. Rob and Ayla have selected 1 Corinthians 13 as one of their Scripture readings at their wedding. What is interesting about that is Ayla vowed she would never have the Love Chapter as part of the wedding because it was so over used. However, at a recent worship service, the pastor focused on this passage and Ayla was sold. How precious to note that it was highlighted in my Mom's card to us.

Love is the key, the center, of every marriage. And it's a tall order, as you read above. And it's not just a marriage Scripture but rather the way God intends for us to treat everyone. You will fail in many aspects of that as you go through life, but we pray you never cease to aim for it and forever try to emulate it... I know my mother has. Wishing her a birthday filled with as much joy as she exudes. Happy Birthday, Mom!

Discussion: Share a Gaga/Thelma story. Which aspect of 1 Corinthians 13 is the hardest for you?

Prayer: Father, we glorify your name and praise you forever! Thank you for the life of Thelma Jo Haas Lauritzen. We ask for your healing hand to be on her to keep her healthy and for you to bless her day and year. And may we all strive to love as you love us. In Christ's name, Amen.

For The Long Haul

Today is Jadoosh and Busha's 54th anniversary. And I think if you asked them, they would say these have been the most blissful, beautiful, perfect, carefree, fun, romantic, loving, financially-easy, fairy-tale 54 years. And if you believe that, we have a great deal for you on a bridge we're selling. If they are reading this right now, they are giggling, knowing those 54 years have not all been rosy. There have been challenges as they have certainly seen both sides of "good times and bad," "in sickness and in health" and "for richer or for poorer." But I can also guarantee you they will say, regardless of the circumstances in their marriage, there has always been love.

They are a precious couple. Dad Z's the more boisterous of the two: fun, energetic, adventurous and hard working. Mom is quieter: precious, patient, sweet, generous, caring and also hard working. They come from backgrounds where they know what it takes to make things work and appreciate what they have. They both care for their church, neighbors and family. They reach out to the hurting. They know how to have fun and know when to let each other go off and have it. They enjoy road trips together. They adore their grandchildren (just ask them to pick a favorite, I dare you). They compliment each other beautifully, knowing each other's quirks and habits. You may hear a "No, Honneeey," coming from Dad and a "To-ny," coming from Mom, but they've been together long enough to know what both of those really mean, and neither comment is demeaning or a deal breaker for either of them.

They are in love. They have loved each other for more than 54 years. And they have loved others in the process. God brought them together as a team to do great and glorious things for Him. And they will continue to.

If there is one thing I am proud to say your Daddy comes from, it's a long line of successful marriages. His grandparents, great aunt and uncle, his parents, his aunt and uncle on his paternal side and several aunts and an uncle on the maternal side ... all have had successful, long marriages. These folks married for the long haul and have been devoted to their spouses through successes and failures. It gives me peace knowing these are the examples my beloved has had in his life. And he is setting the same for our children.

We celebrate the marriage of Anthony and Barbara today. We rejoice with them and praise God for them. This is how it's done, and done well. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad Z. We love you.

Discussion: What have you observed about people who have been in long marriages?  Share a story about Jadoosh and Busha.

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you for those who have placed their trust and confidence in you and have been true to their vows. We thank you for Tony and Barb and ask for your blessings on their marriage and the years to come. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Perception is Not Reality

Daddy and I had the most interesting argument the other day. Interesting in that it was pretty pathetic, but yet wild as to how we had both got to our point of view. Daddy had asked me to make him Sherry Spaghetti (one of our favorite homemade sauces). It's a recipe that needs to go in the slow cooker early to simmer all day, so I knew I couldn't make it for supper that night. Plus he was going to prison ministry, so I figured he wouldn't be home for supper that night anyways, so I told him I would make it the next day. On his way home from prison ministry, he asked what I made for supper. I didn't make anything since I didn't think he would be home, so I went ahead and ate leftovers. When he got home, he was already upset that there wasn't any dinner made, so he proceeded to make - you guessed it - spaghetti. Not the homemade spaghetti, but jarred spaghetti. Regardless, when I saw him making it, I was a little upset. Especially when he asked me to make the Sherry Spaghetti, and I promised to make it for the next day. I was actually looking forward to eating it. I figured now he wouldn't want spaghetti the following day for supper. So we were irritated with each other. Now you see why I said it was interesting ... and pathetic. We each had an idea in our head of how things were going to be, and we each had expectations of what we anticipated from each other. Our problem was our own preconceived ideas. Daddy expected there to be something for dinner. I expected he would be home too late for dinner. It was a weird ridiculous argument and frankly a waste of time.

We have often heard this quoted, "Perception is reality." Your Daddy and I laugh at that statement because that's a bunch of hooey. Just because you perceive something a certain way doesn't make it reality. Reality is reality, regardless of the way you perceive it. So you need to be careful how you discern something ... and don't assume others perceive it the same way as you. Our situation above is a simple example of two people presuming something completely different, and believing the other should have had the same perception. That can be dangerous shaky ground. You are expecting your special someone to read your mind and make decisions based on that super power. Only Jesus has been able to do that. Proverbs 17:27 says, "Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding."

You are naturally going to go a certain direction based on the information and circumstances you are involved in, but don't be surprised when your spouse isn't going the same direction you are. You want to be on the same page? S-P-E-L-L  I-T  O-U-T for each other. Love each other enough that you take the time to give each other all the information. And truly listen to one another. It will save you a lot of time in fixing misunderstandings later which could go so far as to be an argument. And be sensitive to one another in looking at the situation from their perspective as it may help you understand how they interpreted something. Patience, love, selflessness ... it all helps and is all Biblical.

By the way - oh yeah, I made Sherry Spaghetti the next day. Candlelight dinner, cheesy garlic bread, salad ... it was worth it. And he loved it.

Discussion: Tell about a time when you misinterpreted a situation? What are things you can do to prevent each other from misunderstanding.

Prayer: Lord God, we pray we will be patient with one another when there are misunderstandings. Help us to remember to be loving and selfless when it comes to our beloved and to truly listen to each other. In Christ's name we pray, Amen.

The Key To A Successful Marriage

About a week ago, Daddy asked the wife of a couple who had been married for 63 years what the key was to their successful marriage. She responded, "We let each other do what we want."

Now when I first heard that, I was all, "Say what? What exactly did they do that they wanted?" My mind was thinking all kinds of crazy, wild stuff, not marriage-honoring stuff. But Brad clarified, adding the wife said, "I went shopping and got all the clothes and shoes I wanted, and he went hunting and hung out with friends." So basically she was saying that they appreciated each other's interests and let each other pursue them. So not just willy nilly doing whatever they wanted.

We do think it is important for you to foster your talents and interests and be supportive of one another in those pursuits. It's what makes you what you are. Brad loves sports, all sports, so that means the TV is regularly on some football, basketball, baseball or golf event (and with Anton home, soccer now, too). He loves to golf, hit balls at the driving range or putt around on the practice putting green. Those things are not my favorite. Quite the opposite actually. I like to shop, see movies, travel, do craftsy things ... and travel is about the only one of those Daddy wants to participate in. We do enjoy doing different things together, but we certainly have things we enjoy doing the other is not as much or even a little into. We have to be careful to let each other delight in the gifts and interests God instilled in us, while keeping our focus on one another.

When you get married, you are not supposed to cease being who you are or stop doing what you love. You may have to re-prioritize when and how you do what you love because you have another priority now, but that doesn't mean you lose what you love. While you may want to spend lots of time together, don't hesitate to allow each other to go off to do things each other enjoys. If you suppress what your beloved enjoys, that can cause resentment and bitterness. When we use the word "allow," understand we mean that from the perspective of keeping you spouses concerns, feeling and needs into consideration when you make those decisions. Don't just go off on your own and not connect with your beloved about it. It is important that you are on the same page. You need to be conscious of the time you put into your personal interests so that your spouse is not competing for your time. Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Once you are married, you are still you, only better, because now you have someone to share your adventures, loves, interests and stories with. If they are interests that take away from your marriage or put strain on it, you may need to rethink that pursuit. Just remember what is important - love selflessly-  and you should be okay. That's the true key to a successful marriage.

Discussion: What are some interests you each have that your beloved is not really interested in? How do you feel about your beloved continuing to pursue those things after your marriage? What can you do as a couple to make sure your interests do not compete with your spouse?

Prayer: You have made us to be unique individuals. It's those traits that drew us to one another. We pray, Father, that we can enjoy what we like, but not at the expense of our spouse. Help us to prioritize to Your glory. In Christ pray. Amen.

True Unity

Some couples light a unity candle. Some pour two different kinds of sand together. Some make a painting by squirting on two different kinds of paint on a canvas. Others pour two kinds of wine into one glass. Some press their hands into hardening cement. We've seen chefs combine two different colors of salt, spices or dried beans. Others create an alchemy experiment combining two chemicals to create a third. Some plant a tree together. There are many different ways to have a Unity Ceremony as part of your wedding.

For Brad and I it was the candle. Each of our mother's walked down the aisle and lit a candle on the church altar. After saying our vows, Brad and I walked over and grabbed our mother's candles and lit one candle. It was a sweet way of joining two families together.

Typically this part of the ceremony follows the exchanging of rings and precedes the kiss. It's designed to show the blending of families and lives into one. It is not a necessity for a wedding ceremony, as the unity is typically solidified with the exchanging of rings. So the option is there to drop it or make it your very own, unique to your personalities should you decide to incorporate it.

Rob and Ayla have discussed "tying the knot" which will incorporate their beach/marine theme. And Anton and Kayla are thinking of a unity cross, similar to one her brother and sister-in-law used.

Ephesians 4:3 says, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." How does one do this? Back up a verse to 2 and it says, "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love." So whether you use sand, salt, paint or beans, the true unity of Spirit comes with humility, gentleness, patience and love. We pray when you look at whatever you decide to incorporate as part of your ceremony for a Unity Ceremony, those spiritual characteristics will come to mind. For true unity is in Christ and for God's glory. May it be so for you.

Discussion: What does the Unity Ceremony mean to you? When you think of unity, do you like of humility, gentleness, patience and love?

Prayer: Father, we thank You that in marriage we are united not just to each other, but to you. May we, Father, always remember that being one with each other requires much humility, gentleness, patience and love. In Jesus, Amen.

Love Each Other Deeply

Last week, I was shopping for a wedding gift, hunting for my favorite marriage book ("Love Life for Every Married Couple" by Dr. Ed Wheat). When I couldn't find it and was on my way to leave Blessings Christian bookstore, I looked to my right and saw the most precious picture. It was a photograph of two pears nestled next to each other with the first half of the Bible verse from 1 Peter 4:8, which in it's entirety says: "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Brad loves pears and when I saw it, I melted. I felt like the smaller pear leaning in. Of course I snatched it right up as my gift, but honestly wondered if I would be able to give it away since I thought it was so precious. As I was checking out, Lori, the owner of the store, told me a little about the couple who sells these. A Christian couple, one does the photography and the other finds a Bible verse to go with it. How beautiful that one look at this pear picture and the spouse thought about this 1 Peter verse.

And how directly on point this verse is! Now understand that when Peter wrote this letter he was not specifically writing to married couples. He was writing to all Christians and giving them advice on how to behave as such. In this verse, he was asking them to love each other deeply. See, we as Christians are petty enough to find faults in everyone around us. We pick each other apart because of each other's sins, forgetting often to look in the mirror at ourselves. So the second part of the verse is key: for love covers a multitude of sins. Think about the love Christ had for us so deeply. It covered our sins in the greatest possible way.

You will have many, many opportunities to pick each other apart in your marriage. You will know your spouse better than anyone else, so you will see everything: the good and the bad. Because of this, you will feel entitled to bring those things which you find bad to the attention of your beloved. Sometimes you will do it for their betterment. And other times you will do it to demean them. Take care to avoid both, but especially the latter at all cost. You have many faults, too, and you certainly do not want your spouse to spit them in your face. It's the old Matthew 7:3 log-in-your-own-eye syndrome. "Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?" So be careful when you are nitpicking under the guise of "but I'm just trying to help you out," or "I only want to help you become the best you you can be." Uh huh, yeah. There are ways of doing that kindly. First, imagine how you would want someone to say something like that to you. And second, pray before you speak. God may do the fixing all on His own.

So what's your job? Love each other deeply. We know you already do. We just want to you remember it always.

Discussion: Do you every nitpick at each other? What method of correcting you is the most effective method?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank You that You love us so deeply that You sent Christ to cover our multitude of sins. Help us, Father, to be careful to look at ourselves before we criticize and to gently correct when necessary. We love you, Lord. In Jesus, Amen.

I Love You

We wanted to write this one for you for Valentine's Day, but this is one of those marriage subjects that is good any day. Those three key words that we hope you will say often to one another ... "I love you." You may have heard before that our American English only has one word for love. We love chocolate, warm weather, a back rub ... and our beloved. But surely the way you love those first three is nothing like the love you have for your betrothed. Yet the word is the same. Greeks have a few different words for love: agape (unconditional), phileo (brotherly) and eros (erotic) among others. I read somewhere that ancient Sanskrit and Persian had 96 and 80 words each for love. That's a lot of distinction. And with 6,500+ languages in the world, there are at least that many ways to say, "I love you." While saying it in English is enough, it would sure be sweet to stretch your mind a little bit and learn how to say it every way possible to your beloved. So we thought we'd help you out a bit a give a few ways ... including some creative ways.

For example in Ubbi Dubbi, the language game I learned from the PBS show Zoom in the 70s where you add "ub" before vowels," I love you" becomes, "Ub-eye lubove yuboo." In Pig Latin - another language game - it becomes "I-ay ove-lay oo-yay." In Elvish from Lord of the Rings, it's "Melin le." In Shyriiwook, the language of Wookies in Star Wars, it's "ah anoohowo rooohu." Numerically, "143". In sign language, the signed letters I, L and Y together.

Other languages are below. So learn a few, maybe pick a secret one for just between the two of you, and whisper those three sweet words over and over to each other.

French - Je t'aime
Polish - Kocham Cie
Danish - Jeg elsker dig
Romanian - Te iubesc
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Filipino - Mahal kita
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Japanese - Aishiteru
German - Ich liebe dich
Chinese - Wo ai ni
Hawaiian - Aloha au ia 'oe
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
Aramaic - Rikhmith-eykh (to female); Rikhmith-akh (to male)
Spanish - Te amo
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Saxon - Ik hou van di
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Greek - S'agapo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Czech - Miluji te
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu

Discussion: Do you have a special way of saying "I love you" to one another? Which of the above do you like?

Prayer: Father, we know You love us, for you showed us in the most amazing way ... by dying for us. Thank You, for Your beautiful Son, Jesus. May we repeat how much we love each other as often as possible. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Team Work

So Daddy and I were helping Anton get ready to fine tune his cover letter for a recent job opening when Kayla said to him, "Do you want me to go on home?" to which Anton strongly replied, "No, please stay here." Tone knew his father and I are pretty thorough editors (and sometimes come across too strongly) and knew he might be in for a "picking apart." He didn't want to face that battle alone. So sweet Kayla came into the tiniest room in our home with Brad, Tone and I, sat on the floor and provided moral support to our son as his letter and resume got a good combing through. There is no doubt Anton drew strength from his fiance sitting on the carpet listening. She provided him with wisdom, too, in Anton's frustration with the late hour. Anton told us she later said, "You know your parents love you and are trying to help you."

That was one of the most precious moments I have seen of this betrothed couple ... and I have seen many of them. To see her want to support him, encourage him, calm him, uplift him and love him, brought me so much peace and joy. To know that my baby boy (yes, he will always be that to me) was being loved so completely by another soul is comforting and reassuring to parents. While we never relinquish our love, that hovering protective instinct has to move out of the way as our son becomes head of his own household. So to know he's going to have an amazing partner in this life journey is truly a blessing for not just him, but us as well. When we hear about Rob having an amazing dinner waiting for our sweet girl after a long shift, it warms out heart. Our children are being loved.

Daddy and I are quite a team when we work together. We are stronger. When he is struggling, I remind him of who our Comforter and Counselor is, and when I am struggling, he is right there doing the same. I love him in the greatest possible way. I want to protect him, uplift him, encourage him, calm him and care for him. And I hate to be apart from him. I know Anton is dreading time he will be spending away from Kayla when she finishes her education next school year.

Recently I asked a friend about a relationship he is in. I asked, "Do you think you will marry her?" to which he responded, "I'm not ready for marriage. I like being single." This is a guy who obviously - at least at this point - is not ready for any "team" work as a couple. We know both of you couples see your betrothed as that perfect teammate in the adventure ahead. We encourage you to nurture and cherish it.

You will be each other's greatest cheerleaders, but understand you likewise will have the power to be each other's greatest antagonist as well, since you will know everything about one another intimately. So be careful not to abuse the connection you have.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing," and Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." So be that for one another. And know that we will always be right here - as long as the Lord give us breath in this life - to do the same for you. We love you.

Discussion: What qualities do you see in your fiance that give you strength? Share a time with one another when your fiance was a support to you.

Prayer: Father you tell us two are better than one as we can pick each other up when we fall (Ecclesiastes 4:10). We pray we will remember to be a source of strength, support and encouragement to one another. In Jesus name, Amen.

One And Only

A hug the night before our wedding.

Right before Jadoosh left to head back to Iowa he asked me this, "Jill, am I your favorite father-in-law?" To which I responded as I always do, "Of course you are, you're my only father-in-law." We giggle. But this time I added one more bit, "You'll be the only father-in-law I will ever have." To use a hunting metaphor with reference to Brad, "I've bagged my limit." To use a fishing metaphor, "I'm not throwing this catch back."

Daddy is my one-and-only. My beloved. He was my true love when I was 18 and he's my true love 32 years later. Neither of us have any desire to trade in for a newer model. The love we had all those years ago has intensified. It is greater, deeper, richer and much more powerful. Is it easy? Nope (or we wouldn't be writing this blog). It's work. We are constantly looking for ways to be better for each other. But it's worth it. You know when I notice most how neatly and spiritually we fit? When we hug. It's like the world melts away and we melt into each other. It's peace and comfort squished together. I sigh just thinking about those hugs.

God has given you your one-and-only. And this is something you must remember throughout your marriage. You need to cherish and work at it. It is our prayer that we will be the only mother-in-law and father-in-law Rob and Kayla ever have ... and your favorite.

Discussion: What do you think it takes for love to be greater, deeper, richer and more powerful? What feelings do you have when you hug?

Prayer: Lord, we thank you for finding us our one-and-only. Give us the determination to be faithful, encouraging and loving to one another throughout our lifetime together. We love you and thank you for your example in Jesus. In His name we pray, Amen.

Greater Love Has No Man Than This

I will never forget the day. It was Good Friday and we lived in Appleton, WI. The kids were off school. I told them I really wanted them to understand the significance of this day, so told them we were going to read the four Gospel accounts of what happened on Good Friday. I remember Anton rolled his eyes. He wanted to be outside playing rather than sit and read the Word, but I made the kids have a seat so we could begin reading. We started in Matthew and got to the later verses of chapter 26, when Anton started to cry. I looked at him and said, "Do you really hate sitting here reading this?" To which he then replied, "No, Mommy, I just don't understand why they would do this to Jesus." He got it. My hopes in having the children understand what happened this day worked.

Good Friday is such a strange name for a day remembered as a day where the worst possible kind of death sentence is given to the King of Kings. Heralded as the Savior just a few days before, now He hung on a tree ... a humiliating, excruciating (where the word "crucifixion" comes from) death. And it wasn't just his death, but all that led up to it. Matt. 26:67-68 says, "Then they spat in his face and struck him; and some slapped him, saying, 'Prophesy to us, you Messiah! Who is it that struck you?'" Matthew 27:28-30 says, "They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and after twisting some thorns into a crown, they put it on his head. They put a reed in his right hand and knelt before him and mocked him, saying, 'Hail, King of the Jews!' They spat on him, and took the reed and struck him on the head." Then he was flogged and crucified ... this innocent man.

When a physician in the book "The Case For Christ" was questioned by then journalist Lee Strobel about what motive a man would have to willing go through this kind of torture and death, he replied, "Well ... I suppose the answer can be summed up in one word  - and that would be love." Even Jesus admitted that was the reason when He told the disciples the night before His death in John 15:13 "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." And yet He wasn't doing this just for His friends. He died for all.

There is no greater gift that we can give you young couples than the understanding of what Jesus Christ did for you. And we're pretty sure you all grasp that. We want to be sure you understand the gravity of it so that you can pass that onto our grandchildren, to pass onto their grandchildren and so on with hopes they will share it with the world. There is no greater gift you can give a soul than the knowledge they are forgiven for their sins and can spend an eternity with the Father.

What makes this day so "good?" The Christ who died for us. The forgiveness promised us. The the eternity waiting for us. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16. Amen. Amen.

Discussion: What does this day mean to you? Read together at least one account of Good Friday as found in Matthew 26-27, Mark 14-15, Luke 22-23 or John 18-19 and discuss it.

Prayer: Father, we thank You for Jesus. We thank You for loving us. We glorify Your name and ask You to forgive our sins. Lord, we bear responsibility for His death, yet He paid the price. May we share this story with all who need to hear it. In the name of the Savior, Messiah, Redeemer and King, Jesus Christ, Amen.

No Question

I have a Christian fish on my car. And a Bible verse (Deut. 6:5). And a cross hanging from my rearview mirror. And a bumper sticker of The River, Christian radio station. And a decal that says He>i. When you see my car, you should have no question the driver is a Christian.

There is a cross hanging outside our home. There are crosses all over the inside and Bibles in just about every room. There are Bible verses hanging on the walls and oftentimes Christian music playing in the stereo. When you come into our home, you should have no question Christians live here.

This should be the same case when you meet us ... you should have no question when watching us and speaking to us that we are Christians. We want it to be obvious. If someone accuses us of being Christian, we hope there will be plenty of evidence. And not just "Oh, she wears a cross necklace" or "They go to church every Sunday" or "I've caught him reading her Bible." We would prefer people catch us in the act of being a Christian. Loving someone, serving others, letting our speech reflect our faith.

We are living in a culture perpetually pulling us away from what God has called us to be ... reflecting those Fruits of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control as found in Galatians 5:22-23. Are you loving? Are you peaceful? Are you generous? Are you kind? Are you joyful? Are you patient? Are you faithful? Do you have self-control? Are you gentle? There may be one or more of those that you will say "no" to ... well, then, work on it.

We will have countless opportunities within our marriages and in our daily life to blow it. To not be godly. To not reflect Christ. We need to reach beyond our human failings and strive to be what God expects of us. We need to catch our minds when they traverse into spiritually unhealthy areas. We need to stop ourselves before we respond in unrighteous anger. We need to "take every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). Stop inappropriate responses and words from leaving your lips. Quash feelings of jealousy. Forgive over and over again. Love our enemies and pray for them. Care for the poor and sick. Visit the lonely. Love, love, love, love, love.

It doesn't matter what you stick on your car, hang in your house or wear on your body. What matters is what people see in you. The old hymn says, And they'll know are Christians by our love, by our love. Yes, they'll know we are Christians by our love." Let there be no question.

Discussion: What evidence can people give to prove you are a Christian? Which of the Fruits of the Spirit do you need a little work on?

Prayer: Father, let not just our outward appearance, but also our inward heart be an advertisement of Your great love. Father, every day is a challenge. Help us remember to take our thoughts captive to You, praise and glorify You. In Jesus, Amen.

First Comes Love. Then Comes Marriage. Then Comes ...

One of these days after your marriage you will have children. At least that is what I am hoping for. Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" Seeing many of my girlfriends delighting in grandbabies, I am excited for my turn to spoil children of my children. I know we're looking at years in the future, but we wanted to say a little something about children in a marriage, especially since we have no intentions of writing a nine-month pregnancy/raising children blog when that time comes.

1) We want to remind you, when you have children, those children do NOT come before your spouse. We know so many people who place their children ahead of their mate. That is not how God intended it. God, spouse, family in that order. Don't forget this. This is important when remembering to carve out time for yourselves as a couple (date nights, anniversary celebration).

2) You are not your children's friends. You are their parents. At least until they become adults. So many parents don't want to discipline their children because they want their children to like them as a friend. Do them a favor and just be their parent. They will have plenty of friends but only two parents. Plus, if you are loving them as a parent, it will make that transition to friend far easier when they are adults.

3) Discipline your children. Do not hesitate to say "no." And when you do, don't be wishy washy and give in. When you do, you've just shown your child that foundations and limits are not solid. They need the reassurance and confidence limits bring. Plus they will respect you more for it. Proverbs 29:17 says, "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

4) Be a team. Be sure you agree on your discipline methods. Do not undermine one another. Children learn to play one parent off the other. This feeds into the above comment about setting a solid foundation.

5) Listen to them. They have much to tell you from that first coo through the rest of their lives. Really sit down and listen to what they are excited to share. Sometimes they are not as forthcoming with information (teens, especially) so ask questions that dig deeper. Once they open up, lots more comes out in conversation.

6) Respect them as small adults. It always drives us crazy to see parents treat their children like babies well into youth. Children are sucking up all the information they can to become responsible adults. If you baby them, do everything for them, without giving them a chance to explore, make mistakes and be responsible, you are harming them in ways that could take years to reverse ... and typically it happens later in adulthood at the hands of their boss.

7) Edify them. Make sure you build them up and encourage them. That doesn't mean give every kid on the team a medal or ribbon for participation. Their are winners and losers and they will need to learn that. However, they will need encouragement to reach goals and achieve dreams.

8) Tell them about Jesus. This is your responsibility. Read the Bible together. Set a time every day to do so if possible. Deuteronomy 6:7 says about teaching your children to fear the Lord and learn His commands, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Sing Christian songs together. Go to church. Get involved in Sunday School, youth programs and retreats. Surround your children with Christian fellowship. This will be their second family, especially if you live far from extended family. And pray for them every single day.

9) Spend quality time together. You only have those children through their senior year of high school, so spend time together teaching them, making memories, going on adventures and playing games. You will never ever say, "Wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my kids."

10)  Love them, love them, love them. This should be pretty easy and a no brainer. They are God's precious gift, the perfect combination of you and your spouse, a physical manifestation of the two becoming one flesh, and it's breathtaking to behold. It is your job and privilege to love them unconditionally as Christ loves you.

That is just a few tiny bits, but key ones in raising children. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." One of the best decisions I ever made was taking a step back from my career (just a step - I did plenty of freelancing) to raise our children. They were some of the best years of my life. I don't have any regrets about that decision. Brad and I were a good team, loving our babies with our whole hearts. And they turned out pretty amazing, thank you, Lord Jesus. It's a job we highly recommend. And we look forward to the day when we can love, love, love and spoil, spoil, spoil your future children.

Discussion: Do you agree with the above bits of advice? Do you have a family plan? How do you feel about parenting?

Prayer: Lord, you blessed Brad and I with children that we love so dearly. We pray, Father, they will be obedient to You always. And we pray they will one day get the opportunity to be parents themselves. We love you, Father, and thank You for the example you provide for as as a Parent. In Christ, Amen.

God's Words

A week ago we saw that our friends the Bradleys made a visit to former neighbors of ours in Wisconsin, the Goudzwaards. I have sent this couple (now in their 90s) a Christmas card every year, but this year didn't hear back from them, so I was fearing the worst. To see the picture at left of them made me tear up. Ayla and Anton will remember them because Jack made them both their name in stained glass. With both our children having unusual names, to have their name in stained glass was pretty cool. Jack did this as a gift for them and pretty much every other child in the neighborhood. As the couple got older, Anton was paid to snow blow/shovel their driveway and sidewalk after winter storms. We loved and enjoyed this couple very much. I remember Jack and Elaine taking many walks around the track at the middle school across the street from us. When we lived there, I know they celebrated their 62nd wedding anniversary, so they must be close to 70 years of marriage by now. Can you imagine ... 70 years of marriage?! Donna Bradley posted the picture above that she took when she visited them. Sweet as I remember and sitting there holding hands. When I showed the picture to Daddy, he said, "That's us!" I think, like me, he hopes we will be together 40+ years into the future, still smiling, still holding hands.

One of the things I loved about our sweet neighbors was their name. I remember when Elaine first introduced herself to me, "Goudzwaard ... like God's Word." Who wouldn't want that for their last name? And they lived by it. They regularly attended our church, Emmanuel United Methodist Church in Appleton, WI.

That little elderly couple has been through a lot in their 70 years together. They have had tragedies, challenges, joys and successes. And yet there they sit still smiling and holding hands. They are an inspiration.

We live in a world where many things are disposable: contacts, diapers, razors ... and sadly, marriages. If it's not working, if it gets too hard, end it. We want to you know marriage is not disposable. It's a binding contract in the eyes of God, designed to represent Christ's relationship with the church. And it does take effort to keep it fresh, filled with love, successful and fun. But it is so worth it. Just look at Jack and Elaine. That's how we hope to be ... side-by-side with the love of our life for the duration of this earthly life.

Live by God's Word. 1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Romans 12:10 says, "Outdo one another in showing honor." Ephesians 4:26 says, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." Colossians 3:13 says, "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Philippians 2:2 says, "Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind." So don't sit back after the wedding and take your marriage - your love - for granted. Work at it every single day. We promise you, after your relationship with Christ, your marriage will be the best investment you ever make.

Discussion: Do you know of some other couples who have been together for a long time? Why do you think it takes work to have a successful marriage. What are things you can do to make your marriage fun, fresh, successful and filled with love?

Prayer: Lord we thank You that You created marriage to be binding and beautiful. We pray that we make the effort to work at having a loving, forgiving, fun, glorifying marriage. Thank You for examples like the Goudzwaards. Please bless them. In Jesus, Amen.

The Greatest of These

St. Valentine was martyred for marrying couples, did you know that? At least that's how one of the legends goes. The Romans decided to ban marriage for their soldiers during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Valentine went against the ban and married couples. Other stories say Claudius asked Valentine to renounce his faith and when he didn't, had Valentine beaten and beheaded. It was several centuries later before Feb. 14 was declared Valentine's Day and nearly a millennium before celebration of the date began with love notes.

For a fellow who had a soft spot for love and marriage, Valentine's Day is worth celebrating. Hearts, red and pink clothes, mushy words of love and romantic dates are great ways to celebrate love. When Daddy and I dated in college we always put Valentine notes in the newspaper to each other. We've gotten a card for each other every year and tried to celebrate the in some romantic way.

We are particularly happy that we celebrate a holiday dedicated to love. Since God is love (1 John 4:8) and we love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19), we wanted to take a good look at what exactly God expects from us with regards to it. So we're taking a look at 1 Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter. Hoping Ayla doesn't roll her eyes here. Her opinion is that this chapter is overused at weddings, and it is read quite often, but you cannot discount the beautiful words about love that Paul uses here. The whole chapter is wonderful. In verses 4-9 he writes:

"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

Then it concludes in verse 13: "And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love." It's poetic and weighty at the same time. It shows our Father's value on love (not to mention His insistence that we love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and our neighbor as our self - Matt.22:38-39). Love is required of us as Christians. And love between a husband and wife is a beautiful example of how Christ loved the church. True love exhibits the patience, kindness, rejoicing, truth and hope listed above. It is something we strive for. 1 John 3:11 says, "For this is the message you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another." It's the message God has tried to impart on us when the world began.

On Valentine cards, you will see pictures of tiny naked, winged baby Cupid's with little arrows taking aim at hearts on behalf of love. While Cupid (a Roman mythological god) is obviously not in Scripture and nothing like the Cherub angels in the Bible, the premise of taking aim for love is Biblical. 1 Corinthians 14:1 says, "Let love be your greatest aim." So aim directly at the heart, take it seriously and love as Christ intended ... the way He did.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Discussion: What attributes of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13 do you need to work on? Take a moment right now to tell your fiance what you love about him/her.

Prayer: Father, we rejoice with you that a holiday has been set aside to celebrate love. May we, Father, show that love to one another with depth Christ did. We love you, Lord God, and thank you for your steadfast love that endures forever. (Psalm 136).

Romance Me

Most women love romance. Love it. We want to be wooed. We want to be surprised. We want to be cherished. We want to know our spouse is making the effort to think about us enough to plan something special to celebrate us. We like sweet gifts like flowers, jewelry, balloons, love notes, cards, dinner out, a show and chocolate. And with Valentine's Day tomorrow, it is important that men are prepared.

We girls were once alone on Valentine's Day. We were the ones not receiving the sweet Valentine's gifts above. And we didn't like it. We didn't like watching other women receive those kinds of things and feel left out of the love fun. So now that we have a special someone, we want the full Valentine's experience ... even the ridiculously huge fluffy stuffed bear that takes up space and you can do nothing with. It just means we were loved and thought of that day.

But the romance should not just happen on Valentine's Day or on your anniversary. Romance should be all year round. Monday, while sitting at my desk working, my sweet husband came up behind me and laid a bouquet of bright pink tulips in front of me. It was the sweetest gesture! I was completely caught off guard and it brightened my day. I asked, "Is this my Valentine bouquet?" To which he preciously responded, "You said it was Valentine's Month." Indeed I did. I always say February is the Love Month. But not just for spouses by the way. It's for everyone. It is especially a good time to shower some love and sweetness on friends and family who may not otherwise receive it. It is a month to have fun!

Remember the other day when we said "Men need sex to have love and women need love to have sex?" That love we speak of for women has two parts to it: that selfless love where men help us out and care for us and that romance love that goes above and beyond. When couples are dating, guys will go out of their way to get flowers, write notes, get little gifts, etc, but oftentimes the guy figures once he's proposed or married, he's got the girl, so that romance stuff goes by the wayside. If a guy goes out of his way to make his lady feel special, she will certainly go out of her way to make him feel special, wink, wink. The romance should never stop. And honestly, some guys like the romance stuff, too, so girls go for it. Find out what your fiance/spouse likes and meet that need.

• Does she like flowers? What kind? What color?
• Does she like chocolate? Dark, milk or white? What brand?
• Does she like dinner out? Seafood, steak, salads, burgers?
• Does she like jewelry? Dainty or bulky? Real or costume? Blingy or thematic?
• Does she like cards? Mushy or humorous?

And on it goes. Don't just know what she likes ... know details. It shows you care. And that goes the other way around, ladies.

I will never forget the 72-Hour Valentine my husband planned for me when we lived in Wisconsin. The kids were little, and he went all out planning my every hour for several days. It was so precious and meant the world to me. Try to top that one, fellows! So keep the romance coming. Have fun! Enjoy bringing joy to each other! You will both reap the benefits of it, trust us.

Discussion: What do you particularly like to receive from a romance standpoint? Do you like to be surprised? Tell about a moment when your fiance was particularly romantic? What is your idea of a perfect Valentine's Day or weekend?

Prayer: Thank you, Father, for love. We love because You first loved us we're told in 1 John 4:19. Thank you for setting the example of pure beautiful love. May we do likewise and never forget to sweep our loved one off their feet. In Jesus, Amen.