Let The Faithful Correct Me

I was getting ready to print individual pages of a document and when typing in which numbered pages I wanted printed, I accidentally typed a letter instead of a number. A warning popped up which said, "Unacceptable character." It caught me off guard at first because I didn't know what I had done to get the warning, but then I chuckled when I thought how interesting it would be if that popped up when our personality flaws reared their ugly heads. You know, when we say that cuss word we shouldn't have. When we gossip. When we're jealous. When we selfishly put ourselves before others. When we lie. When we have a short fuse. When we're impatient. The list goes on. During those moments, we could hear a whisper in our ear: "Unacceptable character."

The things is, we know what unacceptable character is. God tells us what the acceptable character traits are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, generosity and self-control. Those are the fruits of the Spirit as explained by Paul in Galatians 5:22. But sometimes those unacceptable things slip out before we think. In Psalm 141:3 it says, "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not turn my heart to any evil." And later in that Psalm in verse 5, "Let the faithful correct me." So if you have a brother or sister in Christ offering you counsel, lean in, listen, repent and implement.

Set yourself to a higher standard. We are God's children and therefore should behave as such. It's better if we catch ourselves and change before others do the intervening. And the best way to stay on top of that is to be in the Word. Be in prayer. Examine our ways against the ways of Christ. The only way you know what Godly behavior is if you read what God says it is. 

Be especially cautious to be of good character with your betrothed. Often we take advantage of that relationship, and they don't deserve it. Don't they deserve the very best part of you? So be sure your character reflects the Lord of love.

Discussion: What are some character traits you need to work on? What would help prevent you from slipping into bad character habits?

Prayer: Lord God, you showed us through your son Jesus how we are to behave. We pray, Father, that we imitate Him and show people through our behavior that we belong to you. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Perception is Not Reality

Daddy and I had the most interesting argument the other day. Interesting in that it was pretty pathetic, but yet wild as to how we had both got to our point of view. Daddy had asked me to make him Sherry Spaghetti (one of our favorite homemade sauces). It's a recipe that needs to go in the slow cooker early to simmer all day, so I knew I couldn't make it for supper that night. Plus he was going to prison ministry, so I figured he wouldn't be home for supper that night anyways, so I told him I would make it the next day. On his way home from prison ministry, he asked what I made for supper. I didn't make anything since I didn't think he would be home, so I went ahead and ate leftovers. When he got home, he was already upset that there wasn't any dinner made, so he proceeded to make - you guessed it - spaghetti. Not the homemade spaghetti, but jarred spaghetti. Regardless, when I saw him making it, I was a little upset. Especially when he asked me to make the Sherry Spaghetti, and I promised to make it for the next day. I was actually looking forward to eating it. I figured now he wouldn't want spaghetti the following day for supper. So we were irritated with each other. Now you see why I said it was interesting ... and pathetic. We each had an idea in our head of how things were going to be, and we each had expectations of what we anticipated from each other. Our problem was our own preconceived ideas. Daddy expected there to be something for dinner. I expected he would be home too late for dinner. It was a weird ridiculous argument and frankly a waste of time.

We have often heard this quoted, "Perception is reality." Your Daddy and I laugh at that statement because that's a bunch of hooey. Just because you perceive something a certain way doesn't make it reality. Reality is reality, regardless of the way you perceive it. So you need to be careful how you discern something ... and don't assume others perceive it the same way as you. Our situation above is a simple example of two people presuming something completely different, and believing the other should have had the same perception. That can be dangerous shaky ground. You are expecting your special someone to read your mind and make decisions based on that super power. Only Jesus has been able to do that. Proverbs 17:27 says, "Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding."

You are naturally going to go a certain direction based on the information and circumstances you are involved in, but don't be surprised when your spouse isn't going the same direction you are. You want to be on the same page? S-P-E-L-L  I-T  O-U-T for each other. Love each other enough that you take the time to give each other all the information. And truly listen to one another. It will save you a lot of time in fixing misunderstandings later which could go so far as to be an argument. And be sensitive to one another in looking at the situation from their perspective as it may help you understand how they interpreted something. Patience, love, selflessness ... it all helps and is all Biblical.

By the way - oh yeah, I made Sherry Spaghetti the next day. Candlelight dinner, cheesy garlic bread, salad ... it was worth it. And he loved it.

Discussion: Tell about a time when you misinterpreted a situation? What are things you can do to prevent each other from misunderstanding.

Prayer: Lord God, we pray we will be patient with one another when there are misunderstandings. Help us to remember to be loving and selfless when it comes to our beloved and to truly listen to each other. In Christ's name we pray, Amen.

Sesame Seeds

A Chinese proverb says, "Pick up a sesame seed only to lose sight of the watermelon." The saying is about paying too much attention to things that both us about someone we love and less about how much we love them.

I am pretty sure their is a demon named Annoyance. His job is to make sure you notice all the teeny tiny little things that bother you about your beloved. Things that just don't jive with how you do things. Things you think your beloved should know better not to do. But you know that saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff?" You need to remember that constantly as a married couple and here's why. You will know your beloved better than anyone else on the planet. The good and the, well, annoying. Not that your beloved has many annoying traits (of course not!), but whatever sesame seeds you notice about your betrothed now that may bother you just a little bit, could possibly intensify as your married years go on. You'll wonder why they have not figured out that that bothers you and haven't corrected it as yet.

Let us let you in on a little secret ... you cannot change your beloved. Only God is in that department. So consistent nagging, picking, bringing forth the bits you do not like about your spouse, will only make matters worse. So what to do?

Well, you could learn to live with it. Let's face it, roommates do not have to have the perfect personality combination to be able to live together. It helps, certainly, but it's unrealistic. So that's one option. The other, and more important, is to pray. Ask God to reveal to your spouse why this bothers you and to perhaps instill a change. More often than not, you will learn the thing that annoys you is your problem, not theirs. Honestly, you may be ashamed to even waste God's time asking Him to make any changes based on that.

So be compassionate and patient with one another. Before you open you mouth to criticize, ask if it's really worth it? If it's just something that bothers you, then you deal with it. Perhaps ask God to change you instead of your spouse. God is in the changing business and will delight in requests to make you a more empathetic soul.

The Bible tells us in Ephesian 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love," and in Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Remember how much you love this person. Remember how you want to be with this person forever. Don't sweat the small stuff. Let God do a work. Delight in that beautiful watermelon. And rebuke that fellow called Annoyance. He has no business in your marriage.

Discussion: Do you already notice things about your beloved that bother you? Is it more your problem than theirs? What are some positive things you can do to reinforce and uplift your beloved instead of picking?

Prayer: My Lord God, help us to see the beauty in our relationships and have the patience to ignore the things that may annoy us. Give us the same grace and compassion you have in your patience with us. In Christ, Amen.

Help Me Understand

A husband told us recently that he just learned something new about his wife. It was a key piece of information about something she had to deal with in her past which has affected how she's responded to many situations in their marriage. It helped explain a lot of misunderstood times of communication for the couple and gave them a chance to reevaluate how they would handle future similar situations with grace, empathy and understanding. The sad part was it took years for this information to come forward, which if shared earlier would have prevented a lot of heartache and helped the couple be more understanding of each other.

We believe married couples need to have an open line of communication. Brad and I share everything with each other. We are both pretty good communicators, so sharing between us has been easy. Daddy has shared about things that have happened in his life that have shaped who he is and how he responds to specific situations, and I have done likewise. Having this information has helped us be more understanding of responses that might otherwise have seemed out of place or even quirky. So communicate, communicate, communicate. Don't keep things from each other. You may have no idea how what you have gone through in your life is affecting your behavior today. And lack of information puts your spouse at an unfair disadvantage.

Likewise, when your spouse reacts in a way that does not make sense to you, gently ask why they are responding in such a way. And be understanding of the answer you receive. As Brad would say, "walk a mile in their shoes so you understand," and as the Bible would say - go the extra mile, too. Matthew 5:41 says, "and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile," meaning, go out of your way for your beloved. They are worth it.

"I don't want to talk about it," is not a good nor helpful response. Neither is "just cause." If you love your spouse-to-be, help them understand you. Another help could be taking the Keirsey Temperment Sorter - a personality test from the book Please Understand Me that may help you figure out each other (let alone yourselves) and foster good conversation between the two of you.

Talk to each other. If you want your spouse to understand you, share your deepest thoughts, feelings and experiences. And remember that half of communication is being a good listener. Then be gracious enough to keep that information between yourselves. It will help experiences in your relationship make much more sense.

Discussion: Have you taken the Keirsey Temperment Sorter? What did you learn about each other? How is the communication between you both. Are their circumstances in your life that would help your future spouse know and understand you better?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you that you have made us uniquely who we are and we pray we have the patience to learn more about each other and understand where we are coming from. Help us to be good listeners. And may our words be uplifting and supportive in response. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

True Unity

Some couples light a unity candle. Some pour two different kinds of sand together. Some make a painting by squirting on two different kinds of paint on a canvas. Others pour two kinds of wine into one glass. Some press their hands into hardening cement. We've seen chefs combine two different colors of salt, spices or dried beans. Others create an alchemy experiment combining two chemicals to create a third. Some plant a tree together. There are many different ways to have a Unity Ceremony as part of your wedding.

For Brad and I it was the candle. Each of our mother's walked down the aisle and lit a candle on the church altar. After saying our vows, Brad and I walked over and grabbed our mother's candles and lit one candle. It was a sweet way of joining two families together.

Typically this part of the ceremony follows the exchanging of rings and precedes the kiss. It's designed to show the blending of families and lives into one. It is not a necessity for a wedding ceremony, as the unity is typically solidified with the exchanging of rings. So the option is there to drop it or make it your very own, unique to your personalities should you decide to incorporate it.

Rob and Ayla have discussed "tying the knot" which will incorporate their beach/marine theme. And Anton and Kayla are thinking of a unity cross, similar to one her brother and sister-in-law used.

Ephesians 4:3 says, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." How does one do this? Back up a verse to 2 and it says, "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love." So whether you use sand, salt, paint or beans, the true unity of Spirit comes with humility, gentleness, patience and love. We pray when you look at whatever you decide to incorporate as part of your ceremony for a Unity Ceremony, those spiritual characteristics will come to mind. For true unity is in Christ and for God's glory. May it be so for you.

Discussion: What does the Unity Ceremony mean to you? When you think of unity, do you like of humility, gentleness, patience and love?

Prayer: Father, we thank You that in marriage we are united not just to each other, but to you. May we, Father, always remember that being one with each other requires much humility, gentleness, patience and love. In Jesus, Amen.

No Question

I have a Christian fish on my car. And a Bible verse (Deut. 6:5). And a cross hanging from my rearview mirror. And a bumper sticker of The River, Christian radio station. And a decal that says He>i. When you see my car, you should have no question the driver is a Christian.

There is a cross hanging outside our home. There are crosses all over the inside and Bibles in just about every room. There are Bible verses hanging on the walls and oftentimes Christian music playing in the stereo. When you come into our home, you should have no question Christians live here.

This should be the same case when you meet us ... you should have no question when watching us and speaking to us that we are Christians. We want it to be obvious. If someone accuses us of being Christian, we hope there will be plenty of evidence. And not just "Oh, she wears a cross necklace" or "They go to church every Sunday" or "I've caught him reading her Bible." We would prefer people catch us in the act of being a Christian. Loving someone, serving others, letting our speech reflect our faith.

We are living in a culture perpetually pulling us away from what God has called us to be ... reflecting those Fruits of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control as found in Galatians 5:22-23. Are you loving? Are you peaceful? Are you generous? Are you kind? Are you joyful? Are you patient? Are you faithful? Do you have self-control? Are you gentle? There may be one or more of those that you will say "no" to ... well, then, work on it.

We will have countless opportunities within our marriages and in our daily life to blow it. To not be godly. To not reflect Christ. We need to reach beyond our human failings and strive to be what God expects of us. We need to catch our minds when they traverse into spiritually unhealthy areas. We need to stop ourselves before we respond in unrighteous anger. We need to "take every thought captive to obey Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). Stop inappropriate responses and words from leaving your lips. Quash feelings of jealousy. Forgive over and over again. Love our enemies and pray for them. Care for the poor and sick. Visit the lonely. Love, love, love, love, love.

It doesn't matter what you stick on your car, hang in your house or wear on your body. What matters is what people see in you. The old hymn says, And they'll know are Christians by our love, by our love. Yes, they'll know we are Christians by our love." Let there be no question.

Discussion: What evidence can people give to prove you are a Christian? Which of the Fruits of the Spirit do you need a little work on?

Prayer: Father, let not just our outward appearance, but also our inward heart be an advertisement of Your great love. Father, every day is a challenge. Help us remember to take our thoughts captive to You, praise and glorify You. In Jesus, Amen.

Inconveniences

Inconveniences are a pain. You know, when you hit every single traffic light. Or for that matter traffic is heavy. Or when something breaks down. Or you get injured. It can be exasperating. When you are going through it, seems nothing can make it right. Sometimes you even want to brush off the well-intentioned soul who says to you, "There must be a reason for it."

But the truth of the matter is, there probably is a reason for it. Think of the miraculous stories of people who were delayed to an event only to hear about an accident at the exact time you were to be there. Or was the delay intended by God to teach you patience? Or were you a piece in a far grander lesson for another soul in their spiritual journey. You may never, ever know why you are going through specific inconveniences, but it sure gives us a better perspective when we know Who is in control of it all.

I know Ayla had some frustrations with her Save The Date cards. They were to arrive more than a week ago, but somehow got lost in the FedEx delivery world. Online it said the package was delivered. Managers said it was still on the truck and on the way. The driver said it was left at the apartment door. So the folks in charge were confused as to whether or not the cards had been delivered at all. The end result was a do over at the expense of the delivery service, but not before many phone calls and frustrating wait times. What was the point?

Perhaps it was meant to see if kindness would be expressed in the face of irritation? Perhaps it was to call into question the responsibility of a particular delivery person. Perhaps it was the check on the integrity of the company? We may never know, but we can know without a doubt God knew it would happen long before it did. It is comforting to know our Father knows everything before it happens and can provide the way out, a solution, peace and the guidance we need in the midst of those "inconveniences" when we think to ask.

There will be many inconveniences in your lives together, simple and some major challenges as well. And no matter what the circumstance, we are called to be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and trust in the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6). Responding with grace will help also.

When you have been blessed in those circumstances to see the power of God at work, to completely understand the reason for the inconvenience and how the Lord worked through it, acknowledge Him and be sure to tell the testimony. For that may be the main reason you went through it at all ... that another may hear of the His amazing works.

Discussion: Can you think of a time when an inconvenience turned out to be a blessing? How can we uplift each other in these circumstances?

Prayer: Father, when we are in the middle of a challenge, it is sometimes hard to see the blessings in it. And sometimes, Lord, we never do. Give us grace in every situation. Help us to be righteous in the midst of it, gracious and loving. Thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ. In His name, Amen.