Perception is Not Reality

Daddy and I had the most interesting argument the other day. Interesting in that it was pretty pathetic, but yet wild as to how we had both got to our point of view. Daddy had asked me to make him Sherry Spaghetti (one of our favorite homemade sauces). It's a recipe that needs to go in the slow cooker early to simmer all day, so I knew I couldn't make it for supper that night. Plus he was going to prison ministry, so I figured he wouldn't be home for supper that night anyways, so I told him I would make it the next day. On his way home from prison ministry, he asked what I made for supper. I didn't make anything since I didn't think he would be home, so I went ahead and ate leftovers. When he got home, he was already upset that there wasn't any dinner made, so he proceeded to make - you guessed it - spaghetti. Not the homemade spaghetti, but jarred spaghetti. Regardless, when I saw him making it, I was a little upset. Especially when he asked me to make the Sherry Spaghetti, and I promised to make it for the next day. I was actually looking forward to eating it. I figured now he wouldn't want spaghetti the following day for supper. So we were irritated with each other. Now you see why I said it was interesting ... and pathetic. We each had an idea in our head of how things were going to be, and we each had expectations of what we anticipated from each other. Our problem was our own preconceived ideas. Daddy expected there to be something for dinner. I expected he would be home too late for dinner. It was a weird ridiculous argument and frankly a waste of time.

We have often heard this quoted, "Perception is reality." Your Daddy and I laugh at that statement because that's a bunch of hooey. Just because you perceive something a certain way doesn't make it reality. Reality is reality, regardless of the way you perceive it. So you need to be careful how you discern something ... and don't assume others perceive it the same way as you. Our situation above is a simple example of two people presuming something completely different, and believing the other should have had the same perception. That can be dangerous shaky ground. You are expecting your special someone to read your mind and make decisions based on that super power. Only Jesus has been able to do that. Proverbs 17:27 says, "Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding."

You are naturally going to go a certain direction based on the information and circumstances you are involved in, but don't be surprised when your spouse isn't going the same direction you are. You want to be on the same page? S-P-E-L-L  I-T  O-U-T for each other. Love each other enough that you take the time to give each other all the information. And truly listen to one another. It will save you a lot of time in fixing misunderstandings later which could go so far as to be an argument. And be sensitive to one another in looking at the situation from their perspective as it may help you understand how they interpreted something. Patience, love, selflessness ... it all helps and is all Biblical.

By the way - oh yeah, I made Sherry Spaghetti the next day. Candlelight dinner, cheesy garlic bread, salad ... it was worth it. And he loved it.

Discussion: Tell about a time when you misinterpreted a situation? What are things you can do to prevent each other from misunderstanding.

Prayer: Lord God, we pray we will be patient with one another when there are misunderstandings. Help us to remember to be loving and selfless when it comes to our beloved and to truly listen to each other. In Christ's name we pray, Amen.

Cosmic Powers Of This Present Darkness

The other day Daddy and I were talking with some friends who were sharing about their communication problems in their marriage. Both where assuming things about the other. Both were perceiving comments the other had made negatively. Both made finite decisions about the other based on those perceptions and assumptions. And what was frustrating was that neither one was correct in their assumptions or perceptions and both were frustrated with their spouse. It was a sad circle of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Both needed to step back and look at the situations from two different viewpoints: from their spouse's side ... and Satan's.

That last bit may be creepy, but that doesn't make it any less true. See we are warned in Scripture that "our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12). What Paul was writing the Ephesians was that Satan and his minions are working overtime to cause havoc, misunderstanding, paranoia, anger and frustration. And one of Satan's greatest battlegrounds is marriage. What better way to disillusion people on the relationship between Christ and the church than through the dissolution of marriages? He is searching for every opportunity to get couples to nitpick at each other, demean and be selfish. When we look at it from the perspective that Satan is working on us, we can wisely ask ourselves what lies we are believing that he's pushing today.

My dear children, please understand that you are at war. When you wake up on the morning, Satan is immediately at work looking for ways to defeat you. Lifehouse's Everything Skit is a wonderful visual of this. Thankfully we know God is on our side, we have the Word as our sword and the Holy Spirit to give us discernment.

So when you get into arguments or do not understand where your future spouse is coming from, go to God and ask Him. Look at the situation from their standpoint. Ask yourself if there are forces at play to get you to forget to Whom you belong and who you love. It may be tough to remember to do this, but know that Satan is counting on you forgetting.

Remember, the battle is every day. Every. Single. Day. Learn the Word of God. Memorize it. Recite it. Pray often. Be battle ready. And know that an army of angels is ready and waiting to help. And may the victory and glory be God's.

Discussion: How does knowing there are spiritual forces at work desiring to destroy your relationship give you a different perspective on arguments? How can you prepare for and prevent these situations?

Prayer: We are grateful, Father, that you have promised us this weapon in the Word and pray we learn to wield it. Father, give us insight through your Holy Spirit to know when we are dealing with spiritual forces and not just each other. Give us grace, the power to forgive, wisdom and much love towards one another. In Jesus, Amen.