Sesame Seeds

A Chinese proverb says, "Pick up a sesame seed only to lose sight of the watermelon." The saying is about paying too much attention to things that both us about someone we love and less about how much we love them.

I am pretty sure their is a demon named Annoyance. His job is to make sure you notice all the teeny tiny little things that bother you about your beloved. Things that just don't jive with how you do things. Things you think your beloved should know better not to do. But you know that saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff?" You need to remember that constantly as a married couple and here's why. You will know your beloved better than anyone else on the planet. The good and the, well, annoying. Not that your beloved has many annoying traits (of course not!), but whatever sesame seeds you notice about your betrothed now that may bother you just a little bit, could possibly intensify as your married years go on. You'll wonder why they have not figured out that that bothers you and haven't corrected it as yet.

Let us let you in on a little secret ... you cannot change your beloved. Only God is in that department. So consistent nagging, picking, bringing forth the bits you do not like about your spouse, will only make matters worse. So what to do?

Well, you could learn to live with it. Let's face it, roommates do not have to have the perfect personality combination to be able to live together. It helps, certainly, but it's unrealistic. So that's one option. The other, and more important, is to pray. Ask God to reveal to your spouse why this bothers you and to perhaps instill a change. More often than not, you will learn the thing that annoys you is your problem, not theirs. Honestly, you may be ashamed to even waste God's time asking Him to make any changes based on that.

So be compassionate and patient with one another. Before you open you mouth to criticize, ask if it's really worth it? If it's just something that bothers you, then you deal with it. Perhaps ask God to change you instead of your spouse. God is in the changing business and will delight in requests to make you a more empathetic soul.

The Bible tells us in Ephesian 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love," and in Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Remember how much you love this person. Remember how you want to be with this person forever. Don't sweat the small stuff. Let God do a work. Delight in that beautiful watermelon. And rebuke that fellow called Annoyance. He has no business in your marriage.

Discussion: Do you already notice things about your beloved that bother you? Is it more your problem than theirs? What are some positive things you can do to reinforce and uplift your beloved instead of picking?

Prayer: My Lord God, help us to see the beauty in our relationships and have the patience to ignore the things that may annoy us. Give us the same grace and compassion you have in your patience with us. In Christ, Amen.

Cosmic Powers Of This Present Darkness

The other day Daddy and I were talking with some friends who were sharing about their communication problems in their marriage. Both where assuming things about the other. Both were perceiving comments the other had made negatively. Both made finite decisions about the other based on those perceptions and assumptions. And what was frustrating was that neither one was correct in their assumptions or perceptions and both were frustrated with their spouse. It was a sad circle of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Both needed to step back and look at the situations from two different viewpoints: from their spouse's side ... and Satan's.

That last bit may be creepy, but that doesn't make it any less true. See we are warned in Scripture that "our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12). What Paul was writing the Ephesians was that Satan and his minions are working overtime to cause havoc, misunderstanding, paranoia, anger and frustration. And one of Satan's greatest battlegrounds is marriage. What better way to disillusion people on the relationship between Christ and the church than through the dissolution of marriages? He is searching for every opportunity to get couples to nitpick at each other, demean and be selfish. When we look at it from the perspective that Satan is working on us, we can wisely ask ourselves what lies we are believing that he's pushing today.

My dear children, please understand that you are at war. When you wake up on the morning, Satan is immediately at work looking for ways to defeat you. Lifehouse's Everything Skit is a wonderful visual of this. Thankfully we know God is on our side, we have the Word as our sword and the Holy Spirit to give us discernment.

So when you get into arguments or do not understand where your future spouse is coming from, go to God and ask Him. Look at the situation from their standpoint. Ask yourself if there are forces at play to get you to forget to Whom you belong and who you love. It may be tough to remember to do this, but know that Satan is counting on you forgetting.

Remember, the battle is every day. Every. Single. Day. Learn the Word of God. Memorize it. Recite it. Pray often. Be battle ready. And know that an army of angels is ready and waiting to help. And may the victory and glory be God's.

Discussion: How does knowing there are spiritual forces at work desiring to destroy your relationship give you a different perspective on arguments? How can you prepare for and prevent these situations?

Prayer: We are grateful, Father, that you have promised us this weapon in the Word and pray we learn to wield it. Father, give us insight through your Holy Spirit to know when we are dealing with spiritual forces and not just each other. Give us grace, the power to forgive, wisdom and much love towards one another. In Jesus, Amen.