The Key To A Successful Marriage

About a week ago, Daddy asked the wife of a couple who had been married for 63 years what the key was to their successful marriage. She responded, "We let each other do what we want."

Now when I first heard that, I was all, "Say what? What exactly did they do that they wanted?" My mind was thinking all kinds of crazy, wild stuff, not marriage-honoring stuff. But Brad clarified, adding the wife said, "I went shopping and got all the clothes and shoes I wanted, and he went hunting and hung out with friends." So basically she was saying that they appreciated each other's interests and let each other pursue them. So not just willy nilly doing whatever they wanted.

We do think it is important for you to foster your talents and interests and be supportive of one another in those pursuits. It's what makes you what you are. Brad loves sports, all sports, so that means the TV is regularly on some football, basketball, baseball or golf event (and with Anton home, soccer now, too). He loves to golf, hit balls at the driving range or putt around on the practice putting green. Those things are not my favorite. Quite the opposite actually. I like to shop, see movies, travel, do craftsy things ... and travel is about the only one of those Daddy wants to participate in. We do enjoy doing different things together, but we certainly have things we enjoy doing the other is not as much or even a little into. We have to be careful to let each other delight in the gifts and interests God instilled in us, while keeping our focus on one another.

When you get married, you are not supposed to cease being who you are or stop doing what you love. You may have to re-prioritize when and how you do what you love because you have another priority now, but that doesn't mean you lose what you love. While you may want to spend lots of time together, don't hesitate to allow each other to go off to do things each other enjoys. If you suppress what your beloved enjoys, that can cause resentment and bitterness. When we use the word "allow," understand we mean that from the perspective of keeping you spouses concerns, feeling and needs into consideration when you make those decisions. Don't just go off on your own and not connect with your beloved about it. It is important that you are on the same page. You need to be conscious of the time you put into your personal interests so that your spouse is not competing for your time. Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Once you are married, you are still you, only better, because now you have someone to share your adventures, loves, interests and stories with. If they are interests that take away from your marriage or put strain on it, you may need to rethink that pursuit. Just remember what is important - love selflessly-  and you should be okay. That's the true key to a successful marriage.

Discussion: What are some interests you each have that your beloved is not really interested in? How do you feel about your beloved continuing to pursue those things after your marriage? What can you do as a couple to make sure your interests do not compete with your spouse?

Prayer: You have made us to be unique individuals. It's those traits that drew us to one another. We pray, Father, that we can enjoy what we like, but not at the expense of our spouse. Help us to prioritize to Your glory. In Christ pray. Amen.