Call It Even?

Your Dad and I have done it before. Especially during the super lean years. You know the old, "Let's not get each other gifts this year. We know how we feel about each other." And there are have pluses to this suggestion and some minuses. So we want to look at this.

I had a friend say "Don't save money deciding you don't need to exchange gifts or go on vacations. [That is a] bad tradition to establish. Find the time and money to surprise each other, get away with each other and celebrate your life together." She brings up the saddest part of the not-exchanging-gifts idea and that is neglect. It's forgetting the spontaneity. Forgetting to cherish. Forgetting to edify. Forgetting to romance. Because you are always there for one another, it can be easy to say, "Let's call it even," but honestly it's not very honoring to neglect to look for something special for one another. If you pay even the slightest bit attention to your beloved, you will see their needs, catch their unspoken desires and want to fulfill them. I know Anton purposefully got a Pinterest account to see what his beloved Kayla pinned that she was interested in so that he would know without asking what she liked or wanted. It shows your beloved is a priority.

Now I said there are positives to not giving gifts as well. See for Daddy and I there were some years when we didn't know if we'd have enough money to get you children and our extended family gifts for Christmas, so we'd forego our gifts in their favor. Or we'd just get each other one small thing. And for our anniversary, we would go out to eat or away on a trip together instead of buying a present. The trip was our present to one another. For our birthdays, just three days apart, we would make it a special day for one another without having gifts. Especially in Georgia which would require car taxes to be paid on your birthday each year (seriously, who came up with that idea?). We sometimes did the coupon booklets where we promised a dinner out, massage, movie night or fun day together. Neither of us felt slighted during those times. It was what was best for our family. And we found many other ways to make each other feel celebrated.

But we understand the concern of just skipping those moments in gift giving. After all, who is the most important person to you? Why should they be skipped? So do what is best for you. So if there are lean years, perhaps a tiny token, or a joint gift. Find clever ways to celebrate each other. This way you are acknowledging the priority of your spouse without straining the budget. Besides special times and gestures will far outweigh special gifts almost every single time.

Discussion: Do you plan on getting each other gifts for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas? Do you have a plan if the budget is tight? What is the best gift your beloved gave you?

Prayer: Dear Lord God, we pray we never neglect our beloved. That we strive to surprise, delight and celebrate the one you've gifted us with. We especially thank you for the gift of your Son. Its in His name we pray. Amen.

For The Long Haul

Today is Jadoosh and Busha's 54th anniversary. And I think if you asked them, they would say these have been the most blissful, beautiful, perfect, carefree, fun, romantic, loving, financially-easy, fairy-tale 54 years. And if you believe that, we have a great deal for you on a bridge we're selling. If they are reading this right now, they are giggling, knowing those 54 years have not all been rosy. There have been challenges as they have certainly seen both sides of "good times and bad," "in sickness and in health" and "for richer or for poorer." But I can also guarantee you they will say, regardless of the circumstances in their marriage, there has always been love.

They are a precious couple. Dad Z's the more boisterous of the two: fun, energetic, adventurous and hard working. Mom is quieter: precious, patient, sweet, generous, caring and also hard working. They come from backgrounds where they know what it takes to make things work and appreciate what they have. They both care for their church, neighbors and family. They reach out to the hurting. They know how to have fun and know when to let each other go off and have it. They enjoy road trips together. They adore their grandchildren (just ask them to pick a favorite, I dare you). They compliment each other beautifully, knowing each other's quirks and habits. You may hear a "No, Honneeey," coming from Dad and a "To-ny," coming from Mom, but they've been together long enough to know what both of those really mean, and neither comment is demeaning or a deal breaker for either of them.

They are in love. They have loved each other for more than 54 years. And they have loved others in the process. God brought them together as a team to do great and glorious things for Him. And they will continue to.

If there is one thing I am proud to say your Daddy comes from, it's a long line of successful marriages. His grandparents, great aunt and uncle, his parents, his aunt and uncle on his paternal side and several aunts and an uncle on the maternal side ... all have had successful, long marriages. These folks married for the long haul and have been devoted to their spouses through successes and failures. It gives me peace knowing these are the examples my beloved has had in his life. And he is setting the same for our children.

We celebrate the marriage of Anthony and Barbara today. We rejoice with them and praise God for them. This is how it's done, and done well. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad Z. We love you.

Discussion: What have you observed about people who have been in long marriages?  Share a story about Jadoosh and Busha.

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you for those who have placed their trust and confidence in you and have been true to their vows. We thank you for Tony and Barb and ask for your blessings on their marriage and the years to come. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

The Constant

A year ago today, Rob and Ayla got engaged at sunset on the Grand Strand in Garden City Beach, S.C. This place has a special significance to our family because we have spent many vacations there. My mother's best friend, Carole Filtz, owns the condo, and we've been blessed to stay there, explore the area thoroughly and make memories to last a lifetime. For Rob to select this location to propose to our daughter and add just one more precious memory to this place - where Brad and I spent our honeymoon - is endearing to us. When Rob and Ayla were selecting a wedding date that would work around their culinary schedules and the heavy tourist seasons of Florida, October was one option. The fact that they selected our wedding anniversary for their wedding date again brought us so much joy and honor. But I remember Ayla commenting how far away October seemed. I said to her, "It will fly by, you'll see." Now we are less than four months away and it has certainly flown by. And we are saying the same thing to our son lamenting the fact that his wedding date is just under a year away.

This has been quite a year for Rob and Ayla. Both with a new job or promotion, car problems, a residence change, loss of a loved one, new adventures and discoveries, bumps in the spiritual road and growth as well, new achievements, new friends and lots and lots of planning. And they have exciting adventures ahead with their marriage, honeymoon and new residence together. It is amazing what can happen in one orbit around the sun. When I look back in old photo albums, it amazes me all the wonderful things we have seen, experienced and enjoyed. Even the challenging, scary and sad events have grown us each year. Praising God amidst all change and the passage of time, that we - like the constant of having a familiar condo vacation spot each year to return to - have one particular Constant forever in our lives, and that is Christ.

He doesn't change. He doesn't leave us. He loves, listens, forgives and guides us. Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever," and Psalm 62:7 says,"In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God." How blessed we are to know that each and every day we have our Father in heaven, our Savior Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit as a constant. Praise His name!

We congratulate Rob and Ayla on the anniversary of their engagement and get more and more excited each day as we get closer to your wedding. May you each be a precious constant to one another throughout your earthly lives! God bless you both, the days leading up to your nuptials, the wedding, reception, honeymoon and your marriage!

Discussion: Share a specific memory of this past year? How has it changed or grown you? What advice would you have for couples with long engagements? How has God shown He is a Constant in your life?

Prayer: Father God, we thank You for what you accomplish in us each year. We thank You for this time of preparation for Rob and Ayla, Anton and Kayla and all engaged couples as they prepare for a lifetime of loving each other. May they, Father, always rest assured that You are there with them. We love you so much. In Jesus, Amen.

Celebrating Year-After-Year

27th anniversary

This morning your Daddy and I will be returning from our anniversary trip. Yes, our anniversary was last week, but with Daddy's work schedule of late, this was the earliest the two of us could get away for a couple of days. And we needed it.

You know very well that your father and I make sure we disappear for even just a couple of days every year on our anniversary (which is tricky since it falls in the middle of football season each year). But that is how important celebrating our wedding date is to us. We want to be focused on just each other, the same way it was 27 years ago.

1st anniversary

See, we hear about married couples all the time who just acknowledge their wedding anniversary. No celebration. No gift. No meal. No flowers. No card even. Just sad. But your Dad and I wanted to make sure we remembered that it was that wedding date that we solemnly promised our Father we would be together throughout this lifetime. And we wanted to make sure we celebrated it big. Sometimes we would even get each other a special gift, but not always, because our trip away was our gift to each other.

When you kids were little, we might only be able to get out for a fancy meal, show or one night away. But any chance we got, we would get a sitter and disappear to be together. As you got older we tried to get away for a couple of days. And we made memories in Door County, the Smoky Mountains, the Caribbean, state parks, gardens, Mackinac Island and most recently various gulf coast beaches. We wanted you and Anton to know that after God, we came first to each other.

18th anniversary

Something else we have always done when we went on these trips was search for a church. We would renew our wedding vows before God in these hallowed places to reaffirm what we promised that wedding day. And you know we've had vow renewal ceremonies twice at both our 15th and 25th anniversaries.

Next year, your Daddy and I are taking an anniversary trip to Anna Maria Island in Florida where we plan on watching you both exchange vows. We pray this date becomes as special and beautiful for you both as it has been for us and that you will take time, make time, to make it important, holy and honored every single year. That means taking off work, prioritizing and, in the future, leaving the kids at home.

By the way, when you both head off on your honeymoon next year, don't be surprised if we also sneak off afterwards to be alone. It's our anniversary after all.

13th anniversary

Discussion: What are some ways you can keep your wedding date special in future years? How would you like to celebrate?

Prayer: Father, we know that special dates and celebrations are holy to you, as you have set specific feasts and celebrations throughout Scripture (Lev. 23:44). Thank you that we can remember this holy day as well, a time when you joined us as one. We love you so much and thank you for each other. We pray Rob and Ayla will remember to honor their wedding date, vows and each other every single year in some special way. In Jesus' name, Amen.