Call It Even?

Your Dad and I have done it before. Especially during the super lean years. You know the old, "Let's not get each other gifts this year. We know how we feel about each other." And there are have pluses to this suggestion and some minuses. So we want to look at this.

I had a friend say "Don't save money deciding you don't need to exchange gifts or go on vacations. [That is a] bad tradition to establish. Find the time and money to surprise each other, get away with each other and celebrate your life together." She brings up the saddest part of the not-exchanging-gifts idea and that is neglect. It's forgetting the spontaneity. Forgetting to cherish. Forgetting to edify. Forgetting to romance. Because you are always there for one another, it can be easy to say, "Let's call it even," but honestly it's not very honoring to neglect to look for something special for one another. If you pay even the slightest bit attention to your beloved, you will see their needs, catch their unspoken desires and want to fulfill them. I know Anton purposefully got a Pinterest account to see what his beloved Kayla pinned that she was interested in so that he would know without asking what she liked or wanted. It shows your beloved is a priority.

Now I said there are positives to not giving gifts as well. See for Daddy and I there were some years when we didn't know if we'd have enough money to get you children and our extended family gifts for Christmas, so we'd forego our gifts in their favor. Or we'd just get each other one small thing. And for our anniversary, we would go out to eat or away on a trip together instead of buying a present. The trip was our present to one another. For our birthdays, just three days apart, we would make it a special day for one another without having gifts. Especially in Georgia which would require car taxes to be paid on your birthday each year (seriously, who came up with that idea?). We sometimes did the coupon booklets where we promised a dinner out, massage, movie night or fun day together. Neither of us felt slighted during those times. It was what was best for our family. And we found many other ways to make each other feel celebrated.

But we understand the concern of just skipping those moments in gift giving. After all, who is the most important person to you? Why should they be skipped? So do what is best for you. So if there are lean years, perhaps a tiny token, or a joint gift. Find clever ways to celebrate each other. This way you are acknowledging the priority of your spouse without straining the budget. Besides special times and gestures will far outweigh special gifts almost every single time.

Discussion: Do you plan on getting each other gifts for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas? Do you have a plan if the budget is tight? What is the best gift your beloved gave you?

Prayer: Dear Lord God, we pray we never neglect our beloved. That we strive to surprise, delight and celebrate the one you've gifted us with. We especially thank you for the gift of your Son. Its in His name we pray. Amen.

What's Mine Is Yours

The other day I heard a woman say this about her husband, "He spends his money on crazy things. That's why he has his money and I have my money." She was explaining the two of them have separate checking accounts. When I hear couples share that (the second couple I've heard say this in a month), it always makes us cringe.

See Daddy and I believe that anything we earn is our money. Everything goes into one checking account. All our bills, entertainment, medical visits, food, etc all comes from the one account. The only other account we have is our savings account. We combined accounts immediately after we were married.

Now you do what you feel as couples that works for you, but it always seemed to me that people who kept separate accounts were preparing for a future that I never want to think about ... divorce. Because that way monetary assets are already split up. Many second marriage couples I know keep separate accounts because they had "already been burned and didn't want that to happen again." But for Daddy and I, we believe that since God tells us "two become one flesh" in Genesis 2:24 (and Jesus reiterates that in Mark 10:8), that personal property is part of that. It's our house, our cars, our books, our furniture, our electronics and our money. Our intention is to never, ever divorce. We do not want to even slightly entertain the idea, so to keep separate anything to us seems like keeping that in your back pocket.

If you have issues with how your future spouse spends the money they have now, that is something you need to sit down and discuss immediately. And preparing a budget with what you have will certainly help with that. Write down what you make together. What are your bills: electric/gas, water, cellphone, mortgage/rent, cable/internet, car insurance, loans and credit card balances. What will you give to the church? What percentage will you save each month? What amount will you set aside for emergency situations? What is for entertainment or incidentals. If you can, create a budget without debt or eliminate any debt you have as soon as possible. Pay cash when you can (when you actually watch those dollar bills in transactions, you really think about where they are going). With this planning, keeping separate accounts should be unnecessary because you both will know where the money is going. It's being responsible.


Know that one of the biggest issues for arguments for couples is money. And that of all the topics Jesus talked about, money came second only to the Kingdom of God. That's how important this topic is. So give your finances to the Lord. Pray over what you spend. Discuss your budget needs.

We know perfectly happy couples who have separate accounts for whatever reason, but it is our personal opinion that "what's mine is yours." We are one, our assets are one. Plus, when you are newly married it is pretty wonderful to see a checking account with both your names at the top.

Discussion: Have you looked at each other's finances to create a budget between you? What are your thoughts on checking accounts? Do one or the other of you overspend? What are ways you can carefully monitor where your excess money will go?

Prayer: Father, we pray we will be wise with what you bless us. Help us to be responsible with our money. We pray we will always go to you for wisdom in spending. And we thank you for this mystery that is "two become one." In Jesus we pray, Amen.