Call It Even?

Your Dad and I have done it before. Especially during the super lean years. You know the old, "Let's not get each other gifts this year. We know how we feel about each other." And there are have pluses to this suggestion and some minuses. So we want to look at this.

I had a friend say "Don't save money deciding you don't need to exchange gifts or go on vacations. [That is a] bad tradition to establish. Find the time and money to surprise each other, get away with each other and celebrate your life together." She brings up the saddest part of the not-exchanging-gifts idea and that is neglect. It's forgetting the spontaneity. Forgetting to cherish. Forgetting to edify. Forgetting to romance. Because you are always there for one another, it can be easy to say, "Let's call it even," but honestly it's not very honoring to neglect to look for something special for one another. If you pay even the slightest bit attention to your beloved, you will see their needs, catch their unspoken desires and want to fulfill them. I know Anton purposefully got a Pinterest account to see what his beloved Kayla pinned that she was interested in so that he would know without asking what she liked or wanted. It shows your beloved is a priority.

Now I said there are positives to not giving gifts as well. See for Daddy and I there were some years when we didn't know if we'd have enough money to get you children and our extended family gifts for Christmas, so we'd forego our gifts in their favor. Or we'd just get each other one small thing. And for our anniversary, we would go out to eat or away on a trip together instead of buying a present. The trip was our present to one another. For our birthdays, just three days apart, we would make it a special day for one another without having gifts. Especially in Georgia which would require car taxes to be paid on your birthday each year (seriously, who came up with that idea?). We sometimes did the coupon booklets where we promised a dinner out, massage, movie night or fun day together. Neither of us felt slighted during those times. It was what was best for our family. And we found many other ways to make each other feel celebrated.

But we understand the concern of just skipping those moments in gift giving. After all, who is the most important person to you? Why should they be skipped? So do what is best for you. So if there are lean years, perhaps a tiny token, or a joint gift. Find clever ways to celebrate each other. This way you are acknowledging the priority of your spouse without straining the budget. Besides special times and gestures will far outweigh special gifts almost every single time.

Discussion: Do you plan on getting each other gifts for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas? Do you have a plan if the budget is tight? What is the best gift your beloved gave you?

Prayer: Dear Lord God, we pray we never neglect our beloved. That we strive to surprise, delight and celebrate the one you've gifted us with. We especially thank you for the gift of your Son. Its in His name we pray. Amen.

Token of Thanks and Appreciation

They hold bachelor and bachelorette parties for you and showers. They buy matching gowns and tuxes which they will most likely never wear again. They sometimes travel long distances to be witnesses. They buy you a gift. They help you decorate and ready yourself for the ceremony. These are the bridesmaids and groomsmen. So for all they do for you, what do you do for them?

Typically brides and grooms will give gifts to their bridal party. More often than not they will be matching gifts, like jewelry for the bridesmaids and beer steins and pocket knives for groomsmen. Some couples give each member of the bridal party a frame to put in a picture of them together from the wedding. For bridesmaids we've seen perfume, robes, slippers, candles, compacts, monogrammed bags, cups, cosmetic bags, nail polish and shoes. For groomsmen we've seen watches, money clips, belt buckles, ties, whiskey, flashlights, bottle openers, cigars, sweatshirts, suspenders, bobble head dolls, mugs and cufflinks. Anything goes, even gift cards.

Brad and I gave all the bridesmaids matching sapphire jewelry but then at our rehearsal dinner had individual gifts for each person in the bridal party representing our relationship to them. My sister got a Precious Moments statue (which she collected) of a maid of honor. My junior bridesmaid, Lizzy, got a doll (which she says her daughter plays with to this day). My brother, a groomsman, got a Walter Payton Bears jersey. My penpal got a plaque about how letters give wings to the heart. One of Daddy's friends got an 8x10 photo of himself on the California coast shot on a trip he went on with him. Each gift was unique and special from us to them. We wanted each person to know how much they meant to us and recognized them individually.

I know Ayla and Rob have both made progress on their bridal party gifts (and they are really nice). To be surrounded by your besties at this most important day of your life together is a pretty wonderful memory to have. So to leave them with a token of appreciation and an extra memory is so important. Philippians 1:3 says, "I thank my God every time I remember you." This is a precious way to do so.

Discussion: What have you thought about bridal party gifts? Have you ever received a bridal party gift? What do these gifts mean to the receiver?

Prayer: Lord God, thank you for the precious friends and family who will participating in these weddings. We thank you every time we remember their value to us. We ask for blessings on them all and protection as wedding dates approach. And pray we find them just the right thank you gift. In Christ, Amen.