Non-Obsessive Pursuits

"He gets to buy whatever new books he wants to read and I get regular manicures. That's the deal we made. So even if we have to cut back financially in our life, that doesn't change. I still get my manicures and he still gets to buy books."

That was something a friend told me about a few years ago. They asked each other what the other could not live without from a material standpoint and agreed that they would never ask the other to give up that interest during their marriage. This works for them. She never complains about his passion and likewise he never complains about hers. She has great nails week after week, and he has a huge collection of science fiction and thriller books.

I am not sure Daddy and I have a similar attachment to any particular hobby or beauty regimen, but Daddy could have said, "I get to golf and you can buy all the chocolate you want and neither of us can complain to other." The thing is, we do that anyways. Not willy nilly, mind you. We're not irresponsible enough to be that frivolous. If we're in a rough spot financially, those things get pushed to the side. Okay, well, the golf does, anyways. The only time there is ever a complaint on either side is if the priorities get out of whack and too much time or money is spent on something.

I think the point is to be supportive of each other's specific interests. It's easier to be supportive of your future spouse's interests before you are married because you are all lovely dovey and want to see your beloved happy. However, those same things can become an "idol" in a marriage, taking away from what is beneficial to the couple.Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 6:12 "All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are beneficial. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything." While those things shouldn't be all encompassing or detract from the couple's best interest, neither should each individual forfeit what they enjoy doing. Perhaps that is why my friend put that above in place, so that neither could protest the other's diversion. It's important to find a good balance in supporting one another without becoming obsessive or dismissive.

So be cautious not to spend too much time or money on what you love that you forget who you love. Similarly, don't strip your love of the fun and interests they enjoy. If the above rule works for you, go for it. However, being supportive and exercising restraint work equally as well.

Discussion: If you made the rule above for your marriage, what would it be? Do you think you can support one another's interests in marriage? Do either of you spend too much time or money on a particular pursuit?

Prayer: Father, you have given each of us different interests and talents. We thank you for that in our beloved. We pray those interests never take priority over each other or the family budget. And we also pray we can enjoy those pursuits with self-control. In Jesus' name, Amen.