Non-Obsessive Pursuits

"He gets to buy whatever new books he wants to read and I get regular manicures. That's the deal we made. So even if we have to cut back financially in our life, that doesn't change. I still get my manicures and he still gets to buy books."

That was something a friend told me about a few years ago. They asked each other what the other could not live without from a material standpoint and agreed that they would never ask the other to give up that interest during their marriage. This works for them. She never complains about his passion and likewise he never complains about hers. She has great nails week after week, and he has a huge collection of science fiction and thriller books.

I am not sure Daddy and I have a similar attachment to any particular hobby or beauty regimen, but Daddy could have said, "I get to golf and you can buy all the chocolate you want and neither of us can complain to other." The thing is, we do that anyways. Not willy nilly, mind you. We're not irresponsible enough to be that frivolous. If we're in a rough spot financially, those things get pushed to the side. Okay, well, the golf does, anyways. The only time there is ever a complaint on either side is if the priorities get out of whack and too much time or money is spent on something.

I think the point is to be supportive of each other's specific interests. It's easier to be supportive of your future spouse's interests before you are married because you are all lovely dovey and want to see your beloved happy. However, those same things can become an "idol" in a marriage, taking away from what is beneficial to the couple.Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 6:12 "All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are beneficial. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything." While those things shouldn't be all encompassing or detract from the couple's best interest, neither should each individual forfeit what they enjoy doing. Perhaps that is why my friend put that above in place, so that neither could protest the other's diversion. It's important to find a good balance in supporting one another without becoming obsessive or dismissive.

So be cautious not to spend too much time or money on what you love that you forget who you love. Similarly, don't strip your love of the fun and interests they enjoy. If the above rule works for you, go for it. However, being supportive and exercising restraint work equally as well.

Discussion: If you made the rule above for your marriage, what would it be? Do you think you can support one another's interests in marriage? Do either of you spend too much time or money on a particular pursuit?

Prayer: Father, you have given each of us different interests and talents. We thank you for that in our beloved. We pray those interests never take priority over each other or the family budget. And we also pray we can enjoy those pursuits with self-control. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Marriage Book Club

At Bible study a couple Sundays ago, the speaker said this: "Christian authors do not write books so that people will read them and just set them on the shelf to collect dust. Christian authors write books so that people will apply what they've learned to become better Christians." He was encouraging people to continue to learn and study in their faith to become better disciples to grow the Kingdom. And for Daddy and I, since marriage is a team to grow the Kingdom, reading to better your marriage is just as important.

So we wanted to take a devotion to recommend some books for you to read - either alone to together - that we think are excellent resources for marriage.

Love Life For Every Married Couple: How To Fall In Love, Stay In Love, Rekindle Your Love by Dr. Ed Wheat & Gloria Okes Perkins. This is our favorite book on marriage and the one we give a copy to every married couple at their wedding. Our copy is pretty worn out. It is filled with highlights, underlined passages and stars to mark what we want to remember. It has chapters on subjects like "Becoming Best Friends," "A Pattern For Lovers," and "The Secret of Staying In Love (Especially For Newlyweds)." Our copy originally belonged to my mother (her address is stamped across the pages at the bottom). Every so often we pull that book out and reread it together. It is a wonderful resource for loving each other the way God intended. If you do not have a copy, you can be sure we will get you one.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. This book is designed to help you better communicate by finding out what way your spouse best receives love: through gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and/or physical touch. We need to speak our spouses love language to them, not assume they enjoy receiving love the way we do.

The Resolution For Men by Stephen Kendrick, Alex Kendrick, Randy Alcorn. This book is geared strictly for men, but we promise it will make a marriage better for both.It was birthed after the movie "Courageous." It challenges men to be the best kind of Christian man, even asking them to sign a resolution at the end based on characteristics like responsibility, faithfulness, honor, justice, forgiveness, integrity, and courage. Brad says every man needs to read this book. He's given out probably 100 of them.

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. This book teaches women how to better understand the mind of a man. His need for respect, his role as provider and thoughts on sex and appearance. It gives you a much better understanding and answers lots of questions.

There are many other books on marriage, and we shared our recommendations about books on sex on Feb. 8. We have just found the above to be thorough, Scripture focused and practical to apply. You can never stop learning how to be a better Christian in all the different aspects of it from evangelism, to health, to parenting, to forgiveness, marriage and so on. So don't ever stop looking to those God has inspired to write about them ... especially the Bible itself. As 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness." Then apply what you've learned and see what a difference it makes in you.

Discussion: Have you already read some books about marriage? Do you think it is important to continue to seek out resources for Christian growth?

Prayer: Lord, we thank You for the words Your children have written to help us better adhere to Christian principles to make us better disciples, husbands, wives, evangelists, children, parents and teachers. Father, give us a drive to want to learn more. In our Great Teacher Jesus Christ, Amen.