Conflict Resolution

"All she has to do is smile at me, and I can't stay mad at her." That was what a dear friend told your Daddy and I last night. He and his beautiful wife are celebrating their 27th anniversary. "It's not always been easy," he said shaking his head, "but it's worth it." He shared how they've had rough patches in their marriage or a nasty argument where he would have to drive off for a little while to think. But when he got back home and saw her face, he said he couldn't even remember what the argument was about.

People handle conflict in different ways. Some folks dislike conflict so much that they'll do whatever it takes to appease someone. Others would rather walk away then deal with conflict. Some folks get into passionate, heated disagreements. And there are others who take those disagreements too far to the point of verbal or even physical abuse. Well, let's just say straight out that that last one is off the table. That is not an option. So that leaves you with heated argument or purposeful avoidance. Neither one of those is truly beneficial either in a disagreement.

So what is the best way to deal with a difference of opinion?

1. Well, first off, listen to each other. Hear what the other person has to say and put yourself in their shoes. Know where they are coming from and why. James 1:19-20 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."
2. Do not raise your voice. It is patronizing and tells the other person that what you have to say is more important enough to drown them out. That's neither listening or loving.
3. Do not cut each other down. Remember what your disagreement is about and do not make it personal.
4. Avoid sarcasm. It's demeaning.
5. Repeat back to one another what you think is their opinion or what they are trying to say. That way you both know you are completely understanding one another. 
6. If anger is escalating, take a few minutes to cool off ... and pray. Pray together if you can. Proverbs 29:11 says, "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end."
7. When you're wrong, admit it. And say you're are sorry. Even better, ask for forgiveness.
8.  Embrace. Hugs heal so much.

Arguments will happen, but if you remember how much you love one another, then perhaps you too will forget what the argument was about in the first place. Remember Satan will always be trying to drive a wedge between you, so don't stand so far apart that there is room for one. Oh and don't forget that whole argue naked thing. That works too.

Discussion: What do you love about one another? Is that something you can remember when you get into disagreements? Do you have a plan for conflict resolution?

Prayer: Lord God we know that we can get carried away with our position on a subject that we can be insensitive to each other. Lord, we pray we can remember how much we love each other and truly listen to each other, so that arguments don't escalate. May we always pray for guidance from you in these situations. In Jesus we pray, Amen.