Give and Give

Brad and I spent five months apart before our wedding. Brad had already moved to Tennessee for his first job. I was living with my mom in Pittsburgh (the same house Ayla is staying in right now - in the same room I slept in, actually) in the months leading up to our wedding. We were getting married at Memorial Park Church in Allison Park, PA, near where my mom lived. I took a few part time jobs to hold me over till the wedding. I worked as a freelance writer for the local paper and worked as a cashier/manager for a hardware store called Busy Beaver (yeah, that was it's name, sigh).

When ringing up people's orders as they were checking out, often people would notice my marquise engagement ring and ask all kinds of wedding questions.

"How did he propose?

"Have you got a dress yet?"

When are you getting married?"

"What are the colors for your wedding?"

"Where are you getting married?"

"Where will you honeymoon?"

And inevitably after the wedding questions came the unsolicited marriage advice. I got a bunch of: "Don't do it." I got a few: "Just elope." "And I got a lot of: "Marriage is give and take." But the best advice I ever got was this sweet, short statement from an elderly woman. She said, "Whoever tells you marriage is give and take is wrong. Marriage is not give and take. Marriage is give and give and give again."

I will never forget those words. They really hit home. Because I think I really thought marriage was give and take. A compromise. But it's not. It can't be. Paul wrote that "husbands should love their wives the way Christ loved the church" (Ephesians 5:25) giving Himself up for her. And that is certainly not a give and take relationship. God gives and gives and gives again.

On those days in the future when you attempt to compromise ("Sure you can get that, if I can get this"), remember that marriage isn't about that. It is about how you can out-love your spouse. What can you do to make their day better, easier, more joyful? If everyone remembered to do that, can you imagine how beautiful marriages would be?

Discussion: What advice have people given you both about marriage? What does the advice above about giving mean to you?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ, who loves us so very much. Thank you for the example He set. Help us, Lord God, to be selfless in our relationship, giving out of the love we have. We love you, Father. In Jesus name, Amen.