Helpmate

Today is your mother’s – and future mother-in-law’s – birthday! She can no longer say she is with an older man. She’s 50 just like me as we continue this incredible journey God has laid out before us all those many years ago when we met as 18-year-olds.

I know Anton and Ayla have heard parts of this story over the years, but it is part of the journey that led both of us to pray daily for our two children’s future spouses since both Anton and Ayla were infants.

My sophomore year in high school, I began praying for my future spouse every day in front of the mirror in the bathroom before I left for school. I prayed for everything: beauty, brains, a heart for God as well as certain physical characteristics. You name it, I asked Him for it. God answered every request and then some. Jill will say He didn’t … She will say: “I’m not tall, long-legged and love sports.” But God, of course, knows better. If Jill loved sports and athletics, I would not have grown and been as well-rounded without all of the interests, skills and passions Jill brings to the table. He gave me everything I needed in her to be the perfect woman and helpmate on our spiritual journeys.

God has done the exact same for both Rob and Ayla and Anton and Kayla. Don’t ever forget that. People have prayed for who Anton and Ayla would be Christian partners with here on this earth for decades. So when issues arise in your married lives, and they will arise, remember that. And ask God why He brought your spouse into your life – in a particular instance that you might not understand at the time – to shape, mold and teach you to be more like Him in your journey.

 I cannot even begin to imagine who I would be without Jill. I was 18. I was driven. In some ways, I was mature. In some ways, I was not. I was self-centered. I had a rough few years prior to meeting her and was a little angry. It was me fighting against the world. I loved God, but didn’t really know what it meant. It was just loving God on my own terms.

 Jill was a shining light. Her relationship with Christ was evident to all who came across her. She loves passionately. She cares deeply. She’s beautiful, smart, resourceful, talented, goofy, driven, while always wanting to make a memory … taking the ordinary and making it special. Your mother used all of those characteristics to nurture and build up both of you. She’s always wanted the best for you and did everything in her power to nth degree to make that happen. After Ayla was born, Jill didn’t last long in the working mother world. At the time, I didn’t think it was the smartest decision. It was going from two similar incomes to one. We ended up doing without a lot.

Thank God your mom had the strength and drive to make it happen. I can emphatically say, Ayla and Anton, you would have not ended up as the well-rounded, caring, Christian people you have become if she had not sacrificed and stayed home to shower Christ’s love upon you. I would not have become the husband, father and man of God without her by my side to lead, love and support. She’s my best friend. She’s the love of my life. 

Happy birthday … my Pumpkin, my Cuppy Cake (inside joke) … I cannot imagine going through a day on this journey on earth without her. I hope and pray that all four of you can love your spouse as deeply and as passionately as I love your mother and future mother-in-law.

Discussion: Men, what are some characteristics you think are important for wives? What are some attributes you see in your fiance that will help grow you?

Prayer: Father, we give You all the glory and thank You for answering our prayers for the future spouses of our children. We continue to uplift all four of them in their future marriage journeys, that they will mutually benefit each other spiritually, edify and support each other. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Quinquagenarian

Daddy hugged me last week and said, "We're going to be 100!" We both had a good laugh. After all we are indeed. Today your Daddy is 50 years old. For three whole days, he will not only have a different age as me, but be in a different decade from me. Don't think I'm not going to milk that for all it's worth for the next three days.

Your 50-year-old father is the love of my life. You know it's not until I notice the gray in his hair, the reading glasses on his nose or the groans of something new that might be aching, that I would even know he's 50. To me he is the improved version of the 18-year-old youth I met 32 years ago.

I want to tell you about the things that make him a great husband, so that Anton and Rob can learn from what he does to become equally so if not even better.

1) He is the spiritual leader in our home. It was not always that way. For years, I was the one spurring us to go to church, read our Bibles and get involved in church ... for 19 years to be exact. Save yourself the time and be the spiritual head now. C.S. Lewis said, "A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her." There are countless men who were brought to a personal relationship with Christ by the woman they love. Be the man Christ intends you to be right now. Pursue Him. Love Him. Worship Him. Read the Word and be accountable to it. Be the spiritual head of your household. Brad is certainly this now, especially now that he is a pastor. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:3, "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God." So step up, felllas. Be the spiritual leader in the home.

2)  Brad is supportive. He does not subscribe to the thought that housework is the wife's responsibility and yard work and repairs are the man's responsibility. We share the duties around the house based on our talents and abilities. Likewise he is an encourager in activities or vocations I pursue.

 3) He is a provider. He has always taken on the responsibility of making sure our financial needs were met. Yes, I have been employed as well, but the majority of the responsibility has fallen squarely on his shoulders, and he has done so diligently, beautifully, enthusiastically and in the process glorifyingly so of the Lord.

4) He is romantic. Brad has never forgotten how to woo me. He is always looking for ways to bring joy and love to my heart. And likewise me to him. The 72-hour Valentine, surprises, gifts, trips, flowers, jewelry, romantic cards ... the dude's got it going on. Emulate that. Your wives will thank you.

5) He is hard working. Brad is no slacker. He gives everything he does 100 percent of himself. He is not satisfied with mediocrity. He doesn't do anything half way. Everything is done and done effectively. Oftentimes, it is done beyond what anyone expected. And he does this so humbly that he is often overlooked. But he can always be counted upon to meet commitments and exceed expectations.

6) Brad works hard to stay healthy. He was this way long before I met him, running faithfully and participating in countless sports. Diabetes put a kink in his health plans, but he has stayed on top of it making sure his blood sugars are within or as close to range as possible. He exercises just about every day and continually makes improvements in his eating habits, avoiding processed foods and junk. He still will play tennis, football, basketball and softball and regularly defeats others half his age in one-on-one competition. At 50 you see the value in staying healthy and strong.

7) He is an amazing lover. Cringe if you will, but this man is not out to please himself sexually. His goal is to please me. Thank you, Jesus, for that. Likewise, I wish to do the same for him. It's a beautiful, not to mention fun, balance. Know what it takes to sexually please your wife. This will come back to doubly bless you.

8) Brad is sensitive, sometimes more so than myself. The right mushy commercial, card or video can bring him to tears in seconds. His heart is true. He feels deeply. I love him all the more for it.

9) He has great empathy. He puts himself in your shoes. Brad has a habit of doing this almost immediately. He wants to know where you come from, how you got to where you are, why you feel about things as you do. At the same time, he is not willing to leave you in any state of self-pity or sin. While understanding where you came from, he expects you to seek Christ, better yourself and make good choices. As a result of this great empathy, he cares deeply for people around him.

10) He never looks back. Brad doesn't look back with regrets on past decisions or mistakes. They have brought him to where he is now and he appreciates the journey. He would never want to relive what's happened. He just moves forward in grace and repentance to make tomorrow better.

11) Brad listens. He wants to know your story, what you are going through. He hears you and when taking the time to process the information before responding, it is profound, well thought out and wise.

12) He apologizes. When Brad has done something wrong, he will never hesitate to say he is sorry. Makes me respect and love him all the more.

13) He takes care of me. I've mentioned the financial and spiritual parts above, but he truly watches out for me. If I've not called him, he worries about where I'm at. He is strong where I am weak. He's a cuddler. Loves to hug and pray. He meets needs you didn't even know you had. He makes me feel safe.

14) He makes me better. He puts up with me. I'm a quirky gal (he's a quirky guy, too). He supports the weird things I do, enjoys the crazy adventures I take us on and reels me in when necessary. He holds me accountable. It may be Hollywood cliche to say, but he "completes me."

15) Brad is an outstanding father. He loves his children. He enjoys listening to them, laughing with them, rejoices in their successes, supports their endeavors, corrects them when they head in the wrong direction, expects them to be responsible for themselves, prays for them daily, holds them accountable for their mistakes, encourages them to take risks and financially has met their needs.

How I love this man. He is a wonderful example of what a godly man, husband and father is. I am grateful to my heavenly Father that He was watching out for me by crossing my path with Brad's all those years ago in Iowa City, IA, of all places. Brad was praying for me long before he met me, thank you, Jesus. I glorify God for this man and will watch in wonder and anticipation for what his next 50 years will bring.

Happy Blessed Birthday, my beloved husband! I love you!

Discussion: What are somethings you as a man need to work on? What are your strengths?

Prayer: Lord,I cannot in this tiny prayer begin to completely thank you for everything you knit together so beautifully in my beloved husband. You have blessed me indeed, our family and so many others with how precious he is. Thank you, thank you. All glory and honor to you, Almighty Father, Amen.