Leave and Cleave

I was watching a Christmas show the other day on the Hallmark Channel (they always show them early) where a mom made this rhythmic comment, "A son leaves when he takes a wife; a daughter you will have for life." She was commenting that men, once they've found their bride, focus pretty much on their wife and may not visit home as much as a married daughter. It got me thinking about the future and how often we would be blessed to see our future married children. We know our children could live anywhere in the world and that we will always be close to them, but the reality is, your jobs take you sometimes far from home and that sure is a tough one for mamas to accept.

But the above comment is actually Biblical, at least the first part. Genesis 2:24 (KJV) says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Leave and cleave. In other words, men can't cleave to mom and dad and their wife. You have to pick a side and it better be your spouse. While the same wording isn't used for wives, the wisdom is the same. When the two of you marry, you will each be your first priority (after God, of course).

Sometimes that break from parents can be difficult. If you've been close to your parents, not sharing everything that you previously did with them is a change and may take some getting used to. When Brad and I first married, anytime we had even the tiniest argument, the first person I wanted to call was my mom to complain, and for some people running off to mom or dad is a natural instinct. Thankfully we lived nearly 600 miles away and long-distance phone calls were way too expensive, so neither of us had anyone to run to. We had to fix it ourselves. We remember one argument we had on a snowy day in Murfreesboro, TN. We were walking and went in different directions. But realizing we had no one else to talk to or run to, we were right back with each other communicating and fixing the problem (following a pretty comical snowball fight).

While your parents will always be there for you for any advice, we also know to butt out. In the words of one of my friends, "They'll figure it out." This will be your relationship, your marriage, your problems, your challenges, your successes. And for the most part, you will find your way. Just remember to cleave to each other, because even the worst problems are solved together.

Discussion: Do you think it will be difficult to be on your own dealing with challenges or with each other? Do either of you have trouble not going to a parent or even a friend to ask for wisdom with your relationship? What might be a good strategy for you?

Prayer: We are so blessed that when we have issues, we can go to you, Lord! You know the best way we should handle all circumstances, and your Word is filled with wisdom for us. Thank you for guiding us. May we never let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). In Jesus, Amen.

Oneness

I am taking a Bible study Sunday evenings called Foundations of Apologetics. It's a fascinating study, pretty deep, teaching you how to successfully defend your faith and what you believe. I learn something every single Sunday and this past Sunday was no exception.

The lesson was on the Trinity with the lecture by L.T. Jeyachandran. He was speaking about the earliest mention in the Bible of this three-persons-in-one God. In Gen.1:26 God says, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Notice He uses the pronoun "our." God was referring to the beautiful perfect relationship between Himself, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Jeyachandran went on to explain that one verse Jews use to claim God is one and not three persons is one that can actually be used to defend our three-in-one God. The verse is from the Shema, Deut. 6:4: "Here O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one." The Hebrew word used for "one" in this instance is the word "echad." It means a composite oneness, a joining, like two rivers joining to become one river. If God through Moses in the book of Deuteronomy wanted to refer to His absolute solitary oneness, the Hebrew word used would have been "yachid." And this word is never used to describe God's oneness in the Old Testament. It's is always echad. A composite oneness.

Where else is the word echad used? In Genesis 2:24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." The Hebrew used for one here is echad. The same word used to describe the composite oneness of the Trinity is used to describe the marriage relationship. That is one heck of a comparison. God is the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ is God. The Holy Spirit is Jesus. All three are the same, yet have different forms and jobs. God is the Father. Jesus is the fully human/fully divine Son. The Holy Spirit is the indwelling Counselor. How magnificent our God is!

So one must deduce, then, the oneness of marriage is pretty strong. We talked a week ago about the strength in the three-strand bond and being one flesh. It just amazed me that God chose in His words to compare that beautiful oneness of the Trinity to a marriage bond. Brad and I are one flesh, according to the Father, a united team for Christ. You've heard the romantic comment from Jerry Maguire in the movie of the same name, "You complete me." Newsong and Natalie Grant sang about this unity in their song, "When God Made You." The opening lyrics say:

 "It's always been a mystery to me
How two hearts can come together
And love can last forever
But now that I have found you, I believe
That a miracle has come
When God sends the perfect one"

Then the chorus rationalizes that,

 "I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true 

When God made you, He must've been thinking about me." 

So do we believe that when God was forming Brad that He was thinking also about me and what we would do together as husband and wife? Yes, definitely. So do we think that when God was forming Ayla that he was thinking about Rob and what you both would do as husband and wife together. Yes, definitely. 

Brad just came in the room to say goodbye to me as he headed out the door to work. I sang the last line of the song to him. He kissed me and said, "That's God's sense of humor." He knew what we would need to compliment, challenge, grow and complete us. And we think it's a work of art. 

Discussion: What does the statement that "two will become one flesh" mean to the both of you? What pieces of your personality do you think compliment each other? Challenge? Complete you?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for your Son who taught us how to live and died for us. We thank you for the Holy Spirit that gently reminds us to Whom we belong and whispers to us the right path to take. You are glorious! Father in less than one year, you will join Rob and Ayla as one. We pray, Father, for their union to be blessed and beautiful and glorify you. In Christ's name, Amen.

Three Strands

On our anniversary several nights ago you both asked Daddy if he would officiate your wedding. He is truly so excited about this opportunity. I think originally he just wanted to be the Father of the Bride and walk his baby girl down the aisle. But I spoke to him one night about it, telling him that his relationship with both of you would give him such a precious personal connection when you are united in Christ in this three-strand marriage.

I think that is something many couples forget when they get married. They think they are being united together in a contract with just each other. But that is only 2/3rds true. A marriage is a contract between the two of you and God.

You are vowing before God to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part. And when you make a vow to God, it's solid and unbreakable. Christ's exact words in both Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9 were "What God has joined together, let no man separate." God will do the joining. Your Daddy may officiate, but God will do the bonding, so much so that Christ prior to the above statement says this "They will become one flesh so that they are no longer two, but one flesh." That's one heck of a bond.

So we say three-strands, like a braid: the two of you and God. And God takes those vows seriously. Think about every promise God has made in Scripture. He promised Noah via a rainbow that He would never destroy the world again by flood. He promised Abraham that He would make him a great nation. He promised Moses the Israelites would be freed from Egypt. He promised Joshua he would go with him wherever he went as he led the Hebrews into the Promised Land. And he promised us a Redeemer to save us from our sins. And God never, ever went back on His promises, praise His name. Knowing that, He holds His children to the same standards. He says in Numbers 30:2 "If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." And in Ecclesiastes 5:4: "When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it."  It is comforting to know, as it says in Ecclesiates 4:12: " A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." There is strength there, knowing our Father is woven in that cord.

Interestingly, you both were betrothed on the Grand Strand in South Carolina. What perfect symbolism, as our Father is certainly the Grand Strand in what will be this marriage of not just two, but three. And you will have those invited to the marriage to witness it, those standing with you as groomsmen and bridesmaids to hold you accountable, your Daddy to bless it all ... and your Father in Heaven holding the contract. Praying for your everlasting, ever-loving marriage ahead.

Discussion: How much weight do you put on your marriage vows? What are things you can do to make sure you both stick to these vows you will make to each other before God.

Prayer: Praise you, Lord God, for keeping the promises You have made to us. Let that be our example as to how we are to regard promises we make. Thank you, Lord, in advance for the witnesses who will watch this union. We pray they will do their part in praying for and uplifting this marriage. And we thank you for the strength of three strands. In Jesus name, Amen.