Her Husband's Crown

Yesterday in my devotion time, I came across a couple of gems in Proverbs 21. In verse 9: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." And in verse 19: "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." And who better to know this than the guy who married 700 of them. I can't imagine they were in good moods all the time. So I doubt there were any roof corners left for King Solomon (the writer of Proverbs) to hide in on a daily basis. That desert surrounding the Holy Lands would have been his only sanctuary from quarrelsome wives. But it's true that no one wants a nagging or quarrelsome wife. Now we could flip this and talk about husbands, but saving that for tomorrow. This is for the ladies.

See, we woman can be naggers. When we want something done a certain way ... when something hasn't been completed in a timely fashion ... when we just want something. And that nagging is described later in Proverbs 27:15 as "like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm." And we know what damage that'll do.

You're going to quarrel. But the point is to not be described as such. We're talking about someone whose personality leans that way. Constantly bickering, nagging, picking, patronizing, being sarcastic or critical ... it's negative and unfair. And slowly chips away at the man we love and respect so much.

You can't be Pollyanna (perky and optimistic) all the time - that's unrealistic - but it's equally unrealistic to be negative Nelly all the time, too. So pay attention to your moods. Leave work at work. Work out stress through exercise. Get plenty of rest. And spend a good amount of time in the Word of God. Because that same Word tells husbands this in Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." And this in Proverbs 12:4: "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown." 

Discussion: Do you catch yourself being quarrelsome or nagging? What causes it? How can you prevent it?

Prayer: Gracious Lord, we can sometimes let little things irritate us to a point were we become the irritation. I pray Father we remember to be kind and uplifting to our husbands and not a drippy, leaky roof, so that our husband won't seek a corner of it to live in. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Dripping Rain

"Why do you do it that way?
"How much did you spend on that?"
"When are you going to finish this?"
"Do you always have to do that?"
"Why am I always the one to do this?"

Can you feel the weight of the above questions? It's grating, isn't it? Like scratching away at the outer lever of who we are. Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag. Another word for it is "pestering." Sometimes it's even called "hectoring," which means to bully, intimidate, harass and browbeat. Did you know the Bible warns against it? Proverbs 27:15-16 says, "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand." We know Solomon wrote most of Proverbs, and with 700 wives, I'm guessing he dealt with quite a few quarrelsome wives, thus the verse above. But while it refers to a quarrelsome wife, that could just as easily be flopped to refer to the husband. And for that matter from parent to children. And who wants to have continual dripping?

So why the nagging? Every married couple stoops to it at one point or another. And honestly, it probably gets its start when a spouse has originally asked kindly about something to no avail and proceeds to the repetitive asking, then onto nagging. So how to avoid it?

Well, to start off, from the receiving end, try to deal with the item at hand as soon as you agree it. It shows responsibility and respect for the other spouse. But if you can't get to it right away or don't want to do what is requested, explain why and set a time period for it's completion or an alternative suggestion. This is just common sense and kindness, honestly.

From the dishing end ... just don't. How's that for simple? You don't like to be nagged, so don't nag. Back off. Think about what you're saying before it comes out of your month. If your spouse is not doing something you like or to the speed with which you'd prefer, ask yourself how you would like to be informed of such a thing. Proceed with caution and love, gentleness and respect. Let's see, how's that Bible verse go? Oh yeah, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." It's called the Golden Rule and comes straight out of the Sermon on the Mount.

You know what continual dripping does? Aside from making everything all wet, over time, it erodes. You don't want to erode your spouse. Something not to your liking? Pray about your approach. You'll save a lot of time, weariness and grief over the mundane.

Discussion: Do you nag at one another? What usually brings yourself to the point of nagging? What is something you can do to keep yourself from nagging? Is there anything you do or don't know that spurs your fiance to nag?

Prayer: Lord, You tell us to let our conversation be full of grace (Col. 4:6) and to imitate You (Eph. 5:1). May we say and do reflect as such. May we love, respect and edify one another. In Jesus name, Amen.