All Hallow's Eve

Today is Halloween! Such a fun holiday that our family truly enjoyed celebrating, from dressing up to trick-or-treating. A day of pretend and candy! What is not to love?

Each October, I trek into the attic to bring down the box of orange and black decorations, from my pumpkin lights, to my painted pumpkin acorns, to my cackling Janglin' Bones skeleton head. I also pull out the Halloween books, favorites like "The Ghost's Dinner" and "The Halloween Performance." But one book I didn't get until after my kids were grown and off to college. It's called "Room on the Broom."

I stood in the store and read this book by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler from beginning to end. It's a sing-songy rhythmic rhyme of a book telling the story of a witch and her cat who continue to allow woodland creatures to have room on her broom as she flies about. Each animal - a dog, bird and frog - has helped her find something she's lost. When the frog leaps for joy while on the broom, it snaps in two and falls to the ground. It's then that a dragon finds the witch and decides he's going to eat her. Just as he's about to devour her, a muddy, sticky, feathered and furry beast comes out of the woods telling the dragon to "Buzz off! That's my witch!" The dragon flies off in fear, and the grateful witch thanks the animals who had piled on top of one another to look like a large scary beast to save her. She drops items donated by the animals into a cauldron and out pops a huge, stronger broom with accommodations for all.

I love this book. In the midst of a holiday filled with scary costumes, comes this precious book about being selfless, helping each other and working together.

Brad and I had a friend after we first married, named Dan, who waved to everyone. I mean, everyone. We asked him about it once and he said, "You never know when you might need their help someday." I used to wonder if Dan was ever on the side of the road with a flat tire and one of these folks stopped by and said, "Hey you're that fellow who always waves to me. Can I help you change your tire?" Regardless, he was always friendly.

I think it's that attitude of reaching out to every soul that touched my heart. I see that in both of you. You are always looking for ways to show people around you how much you love them, whether through food you cook or birthday crowns you make. And those tiny, sweet gestures touch the heart and are lasting and of value to the recipient.

We want to make sure you do the same for each other. Take time to do something every single day to show how much you love each other, without them asking or expecting it. It's something when you are first dating that people often do for each other, but as you are together for years, can slip into the past. Sweet things like Brad sitting through one of my goofy television shows just to sit near me. Or me cooking Brad a hearty meatloaf using his Dad's recipe because I know he loves it. Or Brad carrying the laundry basket into the bedroom cause it knows it is too heavy for me. Or me washing his car inside and out while he's gone so he has a clean car. Those little things can mean so much.

Halloween means All Hallow's Eve or All Holy Night. It's the night before All Saints Day commemorating the departed faithful. Its a good time to remember that part of being faithful, a saint if you will, is fulfilling something John Wesley once said:

"Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” 

And do it for each other. Happy Halloween!

Discussion: For fun, share about some of your favorite childhood Halloween memories. Tell about a time when someone did something thoughtful and unexpected for you. When you did something for someone else.

Prayer: Lord, Paul tells us in Acts 20:35 that your Son said "It is more blessed to give than receive." Help us to be true givers of time, talent and sweet gestures and gifts to your children and to each other. Thank you that you are the greatest giver of all. In Jesus, Amen.

Give and Give

Brad and I spent five months apart before our wedding. Brad had already moved to Tennessee for his first job. I was living with my mom in Pittsburgh (the same house Ayla is staying in right now - in the same room I slept in, actually) in the months leading up to our wedding. We were getting married at Memorial Park Church in Allison Park, PA, near where my mom lived. I took a few part time jobs to hold me over till the wedding. I worked as a freelance writer for the local paper and worked as a cashier/manager for a hardware store called Busy Beaver (yeah, that was it's name, sigh).

When ringing up people's orders as they were checking out, often people would notice my marquise engagement ring and ask all kinds of wedding questions.

"How did he propose?

"Have you got a dress yet?"

When are you getting married?"

"What are the colors for your wedding?"

"Where are you getting married?"

"Where will you honeymoon?"

And inevitably after the wedding questions came the unsolicited marriage advice. I got a bunch of: "Don't do it." I got a few: "Just elope." "And I got a lot of: "Marriage is give and take." But the best advice I ever got was this sweet, short statement from an elderly woman. She said, "Whoever tells you marriage is give and take is wrong. Marriage is not give and take. Marriage is give and give and give again."

I will never forget those words. They really hit home. Because I think I really thought marriage was give and take. A compromise. But it's not. It can't be. Paul wrote that "husbands should love their wives the way Christ loved the church" (Ephesians 5:25) giving Himself up for her. And that is certainly not a give and take relationship. God gives and gives and gives again.

On those days in the future when you attempt to compromise ("Sure you can get that, if I can get this"), remember that marriage isn't about that. It is about how you can out-love your spouse. What can you do to make their day better, easier, more joyful? If everyone remembered to do that, can you imagine how beautiful marriages would be?

Discussion: What advice have people given you both about marriage? What does the advice above about giving mean to you?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ, who loves us so very much. Thank you for the example He set. Help us, Lord God, to be selfless in our relationship, giving out of the love we have. We love you, Father. In Jesus name, Amen.

Oneness

I am taking a Bible study Sunday evenings called Foundations of Apologetics. It's a fascinating study, pretty deep, teaching you how to successfully defend your faith and what you believe. I learn something every single Sunday and this past Sunday was no exception.

The lesson was on the Trinity with the lecture by L.T. Jeyachandran. He was speaking about the earliest mention in the Bible of this three-persons-in-one God. In Gen.1:26 God says, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Notice He uses the pronoun "our." God was referring to the beautiful perfect relationship between Himself, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Jeyachandran went on to explain that one verse Jews use to claim God is one and not three persons is one that can actually be used to defend our three-in-one God. The verse is from the Shema, Deut. 6:4: "Here O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one." The Hebrew word used for "one" in this instance is the word "echad." It means a composite oneness, a joining, like two rivers joining to become one river. If God through Moses in the book of Deuteronomy wanted to refer to His absolute solitary oneness, the Hebrew word used would have been "yachid." And this word is never used to describe God's oneness in the Old Testament. It's is always echad. A composite oneness.

Where else is the word echad used? In Genesis 2:24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." The Hebrew used for one here is echad. The same word used to describe the composite oneness of the Trinity is used to describe the marriage relationship. That is one heck of a comparison. God is the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ is God. The Holy Spirit is Jesus. All three are the same, yet have different forms and jobs. God is the Father. Jesus is the fully human/fully divine Son. The Holy Spirit is the indwelling Counselor. How magnificent our God is!

So one must deduce, then, the oneness of marriage is pretty strong. We talked a week ago about the strength in the three-strand bond and being one flesh. It just amazed me that God chose in His words to compare that beautiful oneness of the Trinity to a marriage bond. Brad and I are one flesh, according to the Father, a united team for Christ. You've heard the romantic comment from Jerry Maguire in the movie of the same name, "You complete me." Newsong and Natalie Grant sang about this unity in their song, "When God Made You." The opening lyrics say:

 "It's always been a mystery to me
How two hearts can come together
And love can last forever
But now that I have found you, I believe
That a miracle has come
When God sends the perfect one"

Then the chorus rationalizes that,

 "I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true 

When God made you, He must've been thinking about me." 

So do we believe that when God was forming Brad that He was thinking also about me and what we would do together as husband and wife? Yes, definitely. So do we think that when God was forming Ayla that he was thinking about Rob and what you both would do as husband and wife together. Yes, definitely. 

Brad just came in the room to say goodbye to me as he headed out the door to work. I sang the last line of the song to him. He kissed me and said, "That's God's sense of humor." He knew what we would need to compliment, challenge, grow and complete us. And we think it's a work of art. 

Discussion: What does the statement that "two will become one flesh" mean to the both of you? What pieces of your personality do you think compliment each other? Challenge? Complete you?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for your Son who taught us how to live and died for us. We thank you for the Holy Spirit that gently reminds us to Whom we belong and whispers to us the right path to take. You are glorious! Father in less than one year, you will join Rob and Ayla as one. We pray, Father, for their union to be blessed and beautiful and glorify you. In Christ's name, Amen.

Deactivating Days In The Past

Saturday when I was adding new songs to the Scott System at The River, as I opened the Selector software, this message popped up: "Deactivating days in the past." Basically it's cleaning the software to remove past scheduled broadcast days and getting ready to make room for the days ahead.

I love that statement. It's something we all need to do in our lives. Deactivate days in the past. Too often we hold onto baggage of the past, carrying it everywhere we go like Christian in John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress. And as we travel, that burden gets heavier and heavier, to the point where it's sometimes hard to go on.

You will find throughout your relationship that you will have arguments. Some will be over silly, petty things and just slip into oblivion. Others will be heated to the point where you may say things you shouldn't have. And still others may be tiny things that become bigger problems as you let the issue fester. The point is to not let those things become an unforgiving burden to carry. In the words of the hugely popular song from the Disney musical Frozen, "Let It Go."

When your Daddy and I look back on the past, I will often ask "Would you have done anything different?" to which he responds, "Nope, because it's brought me to where I am today." And he's right. It's done with, it's in the past and nothing can change it. It's brought you to this place you are at today, so let it go. Deactivate the days in the past. Don't let anything steal your joy. That is so much easier to advise to another in this than to accept yourself when you are in the thick of something that hurts, but the wisdom is there for the taking nonetheless.

Resolve, forgive and move on. Don't bring up past mistakes each other has made. Don't bring up things each other may have said that hurt. Let it go. The Christian is called to forgive. Not just each other, but ourselves as well. God doesn't want us to carry that or relive it. 1 Peter 5:7 says to "Cast your burdens on Jesus, because He cares for you." (Ayla can probably start singing the Donut Man song here. :) Psalm 68:19 says: "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." That's where that baggage should be: on the shoulders of the Savior, the one who has the capability to carry it all for us, freeing us to move forward.

Leave the past right where it is.Start each day with the same window Selector pops up with each time it opens, deactivating the days of the past. Move forward today in strength, courage and grace.

Discussion: Are there former things in your relationship or life that have a tendency to resurface? What do you need to resolve or forgive from your past?

Prayer: Lord, the evil one has a tendency to remind us regularly of our failings and those who've hurt us. Help us to leave those hurts in the past and move forward with peace and love this day. In the name of the sweet Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Say What You Mean/Mean What You Say

After Daddy and I had a Chinese dinner out recently, I looked across the parking lot to a craft store as I asked him this question: "Do you want to go to Michael's with me for just a minute to get some more glitter for the wedding?" (Yes, Rob, more glitter - think we've capped it at 24 ounces. You're good to go. :) To which Brad responded, "Do I want to? No."

We giggle about these interchanges all the time. I ask him if he wants to, he responds that he doesn't, conversation over. But honestly, I know Brad doesn't do craft stores. He doesn't do much shopping of any kind. So to ask him if he wants to is just asking for a "no." It is important from a communication standpoint that I ask him correctly. Something more like, "Would you please go with me to Michael's? I need to pick something up, and I would love for you to go with me." Very different question. And harder to say no to.

Brad and I have learned throughout the years it is important to be precise in communication to one another. And we are great communicators, so for us to not get the point across correctly, is pretty rare. But it is just how different brains are wired. For example, when a woman says to a friend while visiting her house, "I love that chair! It's gorgeous," the husband hears, "She's wants the chair. How much is the chair? Where do I find a chair like that?" Whereas the woman may truly just be commenting about how pretty the chair is. If a friend asks if you want to go to a movie and you respond that you can't because money is tight right now, the husband hears "She doesn't think I can provide for her." I know it sounds strange to seem to leap from one thought to that, but men are designed to be completers and solution finders, so instantly their mind goes there.

Likewise, when ladies ask their husbands, "Do these pants make me look fat?" believe it or not, they really want to know. "Huge," is not the wise response, though. Something more along the lines of "Those are not the best pants," might be a better response. Then it's the pant's fault and not your wife.

So is mind-reading the solution? No, it's important to understand how the other person's mind works, but equally so to say what you mean and mean what you say. If I comment on something a person has, I always turn to your Daddy and say, "That doesn't mean I want one." Then his mind is at ease. And I try very carefully to not say something that he could misinterpret as a criticism of him as a husband. It requires some forethought, but good gracious, no one gets in trouble for thinking before they speak.

By the way, Michael's did not have what we needed, so I asked my sweet husband, "Would you mind if we went to Hobby Lobby to check there?" To which he responded, "Yes, I would mind, but if you really want to go then I'll take you." And he did.

Discussion: Are there examples of when you each said something which was misinterpreted by the other? Are you conscious of how the other person's mind works in communication?

Prayer: We thank you, Father, that we are wired differently from each other. You have gifted each of us with different skills, and we praise Your name for that. Help us to be understanding of one another, to clearly state what we mean when speaking to one another and to equally be patient in responding to make sure we've comprehended what was asked or said. We love you and glorify your name always. In Jesus, Amen.

Rest and Recharge

We have a chime clock in our living room that plays the same 16-note song every single hour of the day, all day, every day. Because of that, we can pretty much tune it out. It's rare that I actually hear it. Unless, of course, the battery is dying. Then it becomes pretty hilarious. The chimes then sound like a sad, dying seal. Each note slides on the musical scale and drags on. The last time the chime battery got low was more than five years ago. We had friends staying with us at the time. We purposely didn't change the battery because it made us laugh hysterically the worse it got. Just recently the chimes started slowing slightly, and again I don't plan on changing it until I absolutely have to. It just brings me too much joy in it's sluggish heralding of the hour.

But the chimes most definitely need a re-charging. They need a fresh battery to keep the song crisp, alert and sounding the way the Rev. Dr. Joseph Jowett intended when he - along with two others - wrote the song based on a movement of Handel's Messiah 1792 at Cambridge University. The song played for a new clock in St. Mary the Great Church on the campus of the university, and was copied by the folks who made Big Ben in London. Thus the song goes by several names, Westminister Quarters, Cambridge Chimes and Jowett's Jig ... all three the same 16-note song (you can listen to it here). Without a recharging, without a new battery, it's just a weepy, whine of a tune.

The reason I bring up the story of our sad, slowing, chime tune is because of the necessity of rest. You come from a long line of folks who burn the midnight oil making the most of every second of the day then collapsing at the end of it. Sometimes we even neglect the 7-8 hours of sleep experts suggest we need to perform at optimum levels. God created our bodies to require rest so the body could recoup during the night. The brain, heart and our tissues are all repairing, replacing and strengthening during sleep. Without it we are lethargic, cranky, make poor choices and, with prolonged sleep deprivation, lower our immune systems to where we can get ill. We must have rest. And for that matter, must adequately fuel our bodies during the day to work right. A recharging and a new battery.

The Lord knew the necessity of rest. He created it. While designing our adult bodies to require about a third of the day at rest, he also insisted we take one day off a week to rest. Twenty-four hours to rest and recharge. It was so important to the Lord that he made it one of the Ten Commandments, calling that seventh day a Sabbath and making it holy (Exodus 20:12). The sabbath was Saturday and a day of rest and worship for the Jews. Early Christians can be thanked for the invention of the weekend, making Sunday, the first day of the week, a day of worship and rest also since Jesus rose from the dead on a Sunday morning. But whether you rest on a weekend or week day, your body must rest.

We know you both love to work and love your work, and we are thankful to God for your hard work ethics. We pray you will love to rest equally so, so that you can be the best of yourselves during those work times. Make sure you take time to rest - sleep each day and rest from work at least once weekly. Your workaholic Grandpa Lauritzen commented to me recently how he hated to sleep when he was younger, thinking it was a waste of time. He got maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. Now that he's retired, he said he realizes how hard he worked his body to the point where he wasn't working as efficiently as he could. Get your rest.

You know there are lyrics to Jowett's Jig? The words are:

All through this hour

Lord be my guide

And by Thy love

No foot shall slide.

Rest in the Father. Rest peacefully at night. Rest weekly in recreation. Rest in each other. Rest in God's love. It will keep your foot from slipping in more ways than one.

Discussion: Do you make sure you get enough sleep each night? What do you both do to make sure you are getting a weekly day of rest? How can you hold each other accountable in a gentle way to remember to rest?

Prayer: Father, we want to make the most of the time you've given us, so much so, that sometimes we forget to take a break. Lord, we pray we always remember the necessity of rest, just as You did after the creation of the world. Help us to take care of ourselves and each other. We can do far more, more effectively for Your Kingdom when we're recharged and rested. Glory to you, O Lord. In Jesus name, Amen.

Celebrating Year-After-Year

27th anniversary

This morning your Daddy and I will be returning from our anniversary trip. Yes, our anniversary was last week, but with Daddy's work schedule of late, this was the earliest the two of us could get away for a couple of days. And we needed it.

You know very well that your father and I make sure we disappear for even just a couple of days every year on our anniversary (which is tricky since it falls in the middle of football season each year). But that is how important celebrating our wedding date is to us. We want to be focused on just each other, the same way it was 27 years ago.

1st anniversary

See, we hear about married couples all the time who just acknowledge their wedding anniversary. No celebration. No gift. No meal. No flowers. No card even. Just sad. But your Dad and I wanted to make sure we remembered that it was that wedding date that we solemnly promised our Father we would be together throughout this lifetime. And we wanted to make sure we celebrated it big. Sometimes we would even get each other a special gift, but not always, because our trip away was our gift to each other.

When you kids were little, we might only be able to get out for a fancy meal, show or one night away. But any chance we got, we would get a sitter and disappear to be together. As you got older we tried to get away for a couple of days. And we made memories in Door County, the Smoky Mountains, the Caribbean, state parks, gardens, Mackinac Island and most recently various gulf coast beaches. We wanted you and Anton to know that after God, we came first to each other.

18th anniversary

Something else we have always done when we went on these trips was search for a church. We would renew our wedding vows before God in these hallowed places to reaffirm what we promised that wedding day. And you know we've had vow renewal ceremonies twice at both our 15th and 25th anniversaries.

Next year, your Daddy and I are taking an anniversary trip to Anna Maria Island in Florida where we plan on watching you both exchange vows. We pray this date becomes as special and beautiful for you both as it has been for us and that you will take time, make time, to make it important, holy and honored every single year. That means taking off work, prioritizing and, in the future, leaving the kids at home.

By the way, when you both head off on your honeymoon next year, don't be surprised if we also sneak off afterwards to be alone. It's our anniversary after all.

13th anniversary

Discussion: What are some ways you can keep your wedding date special in future years? How would you like to celebrate?

Prayer: Father, we know that special dates and celebrations are holy to you, as you have set specific feasts and celebrations throughout Scripture (Lev. 23:44). Thank you that we can remember this holy day as well, a time when you joined us as one. We love you so much and thank you for each other. We pray Rob and Ayla will remember to honor their wedding date, vows and each other every single year in some special way. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Wedding Witnesses

Last week when your bestfriend Cristina visited you from California, you presented her with a ring pop and asked "Will you be my maid-of-honor." It was a sweet, unique and personal way to ask your "media naranja" (for the non-Spanish-speaking folk reading this: "the other half of your orange") to step forward in this special position in your wedding. She said yes as I expected even commenting that her future fiance would have to work hard to top that proposal. And I so enjoyed seeing the cards you made for the young ladies you have selected to be your bridesmaids. While each girl received a card with the same background on the front, you made each card unique to each girl, from the title on front, to the note inside, to the salutation at the end. Inside jokes abounded as you preciously asked each one to serve. You wanted each young lady to have her own personal invite, taking you much time as you created each one.

Choosing bridesmaids or groomsmen is mostly a selection of close friends these days. The bridesmaids plan showers and bachelorette parties, help the bride with decisions prior to the wedding and assist her during the wedding. The groomsmen are supposed to similarly assist the groom.

But years and years ago, being a bridesmaid or groomsman was a scary prospect. Roman law required 10 witnesses to a wedding, five looking like the bride and five like the groom. This was done for two reasons: One was so that evil spirits would be confused as to which was the bride and groom to prevent cursing them; Another was so that kidnappers wanting to hold brides for ransom for their dowries wouldn't know which woman was the actual bride. The groomsmen were to help the groom fend off attackers and protect the bride. Tough job! Cursed or kidnapped?! Brave young women said yes to the bridesmaid request centuries ago. It's far safer now. The toughest part these days is coming up with the funds for the dress, tux or shoes!

When you and I were talking about who would be in your wedding party, I said, "Select friends who value that this is a bond before God and will hold you accountable in your marriage." Ephesians 4:1-6 says "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." That witness before God to us is the most important part of their jobs. I think you have certainly done well in selecting folks to do that for you. And I believe as you have served in several weddings, you have done the same. How fun it is to face the love of your life and say your vows as your dearest friends stand with you to back you up and rejoice with you. How blessed you both are to have such wonderful friends to count on!

Now the next tough part ... what will they wear?

Discussion: Tell each other why each person was selected to be part of the bridal party. How have these individuals inspired your spiritual journeys?

Prayer: We thank you, Father, for the sweet souls you have brought across the paths of Rob and Ayla, who have uplifted them in this journey of life. And we thank you in advance for those who will serve on the wedding party. We ask for blessings for all of them as each will have quite a journey to make next fall to get to the wedding. We love you so much. In Jesus, Amen.

Toxic Talk

Last Saturday your Daddy received a call from the sports information director at a college where one of the newspaper's photographers was shooting the football game. The director told your Daddy his photographer was shooting inappropriate photos of cheerleaders at the game and would be thrown out if he didn't change his behavior. Your father immediately called the photographer to find out what was going on. The photographer was surprised by your Dad's call. He took a picture of a girl on the dance team wearing a sequined neck brace, showing her still doing her job inspiring the fans with this obvious injury. Your Dad straightened it out with the the SI director, but in the meantime, rumors were flying between the dance team girl (who obviously didn't want her photo taken) the police officer she spoke to, the sports information team and others on the field and in the press box. One person's misinformation was putting a photographer and the newspaper's reputation in a shady position. Had the police officer spoke directly to the photographer and asked to see his photo, he would have seen there was no cause for alarm or the harmful accusations. The SI director apologized to the photographer and all was fine.

I bring this up for several reasons. First of all to show you how gossip takes a life of its own, spreading like a cancer. Secondly, to make sure if you ever hear information about anyone, that you check it out at the source. Thirdly, absolutely never share the information with anyone else. And lastly, be careful who you share private information with.

When you're young, it's pretty common to share with your friends how you feel about someone you're interested in or dating. But once you've committed to that person, those conversations are off the table. Unless your betrothed or spouse is abusing you  - in which case that need immediate attention - what happens between you both is between you both. You do not share arguments or private conversations with anyone else. Ever. It is no one's business and puts your loved one in an awkward position if others are partial to that kind of information. If you are dealing with something that requires counseling, then by all means, get some, and share it with that Christian counselor alone. Otherwise, keep the private, private.

Proverbs 26:20 says, "Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down." We have been in many situations in our lives where we were in a place where gossip began. You can feel in the pit of your stomach when something is a gossip situation. It's the Holy Spirit's way of filtering what is necessary and needless. The bitter can take root, feeding off others and can be toxic to those sharing the information. James warns in his letter in chapter 3 verse 8, the tongue can be "a restless evil, full of deadly poison." If in that situation, simply remove yourself from the conversation for the sake of grace. You can even say something gently to that effect. It will stop the conversation cold and hold the gossiper accountable. "He who gossips to you, will gossip of you," the Spanish proverb says. And Benjamin Franklin once wrote, "Three can keep a secret if two are dead." So be careful in your speech. When in doubt, hold your tongue.

1 Peter 4:11 says, "If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God." Communication is designed to bring people together, to edify and encourage. See to it yours does.

Discussion: Have either of you been in a situation where you know someone was gossiping to you? Have you been tempted to share private information about the two of you with others?

Prayer: Lord God, you have taught us that a gossip can separate close friends (Proverbs 16:28). Help us to be mindful to recognize when we should and shouldn't listen to information and likewise should and shouldn't speak. Let your Holy Spirit guide us in wisdom. Help us to remember to keep our confidences out of love for each other and speak with grace. In the sweet name of Jesus, Amen.

Dog-on Love

Fiona had to be taken to the emergency room the other day. It's rare someone asks me to pray for a dog, but I was certainly praying for her. Praying until I fell asleep. Thankfully, she is okay. Fiona is a special dog. And while I am a dog person, I don't typically go bonkers over someone else's dog. But your roommate's boxador - Fiona - I love. There is just something about her that I fell in love with when I visited in August. Maybe it's because it seemed like she fell in love with me, too. With the kisses, and sitting right on or next to me or wanting to play. Even whining when I left the room. Who wouldn't love that?

I have commented to you before that we should love our spouses the same way dogs love their owners. Unconditionally, they love, just as God intended for us all to love one another. Christ says in Matthew 22:39 (quoting from the Old Testament's Lev. 19:18) "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." The original Greek for that verse uses the word agape for unconditional love verses phileo for brotherly love. And Fiona does just that. We talked about how when you come in the front door, she is so excited that her whole body wags back and forth, not just her tail.

Imagine that kind of love from your spouse. Greeted at the door immediately with a kiss and full body wiggle! Sitting on or right next to your spouse all the time, periodically kissing their face. Soft whines when they leave. How would you ever doubt you were loved?

While we giggle at how silly it sounds, there is some truth to it. I don't think the Lord expects us to be dog-on when it comes to showing emotion, but He does expect us to love continuously. And think about how a dog loves everyone, for that matter. They don't discriminate based on looks, size, intelligence or even returned love. They just love you no matter what.

That is my advice to you. Love like Fiona. Love all the time, with all the energy you have. Do not neglect to show love to each other every moment you can. 1 Peter 4:8 says to "love each other deeply" and Col. 3:14 tells us to "put on love" like you would put on clothes each morning. Proverbs 17:17 tells us that a "friends loves at all times." Do it deliberately, show it intentionally, feel it completely.

Discuss: What do you do to show how much you love each other? What are ways you like to receive love?

Prayer: Thank you, Father God, for examples of unconditional love, whether from a pet, or more importantly, from the sacrifice of a Savior. Help us to love as you love with our whole hearts and to show it in truth and action (1 John 3:18). In Jesus name, Amen.

Three Strands

On our anniversary several nights ago you both asked Daddy if he would officiate your wedding. He is truly so excited about this opportunity. I think originally he just wanted to be the Father of the Bride and walk his baby girl down the aisle. But I spoke to him one night about it, telling him that his relationship with both of you would give him such a precious personal connection when you are united in Christ in this three-strand marriage.

I think that is something many couples forget when they get married. They think they are being united together in a contract with just each other. But that is only 2/3rds true. A marriage is a contract between the two of you and God.

You are vowing before God to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part. And when you make a vow to God, it's solid and unbreakable. Christ's exact words in both Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9 were "What God has joined together, let no man separate." God will do the joining. Your Daddy may officiate, but God will do the bonding, so much so that Christ prior to the above statement says this "They will become one flesh so that they are no longer two, but one flesh." That's one heck of a bond.

So we say three-strands, like a braid: the two of you and God. And God takes those vows seriously. Think about every promise God has made in Scripture. He promised Noah via a rainbow that He would never destroy the world again by flood. He promised Abraham that He would make him a great nation. He promised Moses the Israelites would be freed from Egypt. He promised Joshua he would go with him wherever he went as he led the Hebrews into the Promised Land. And he promised us a Redeemer to save us from our sins. And God never, ever went back on His promises, praise His name. Knowing that, He holds His children to the same standards. He says in Numbers 30:2 "If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." And in Ecclesiastes 5:4: "When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it."  It is comforting to know, as it says in Ecclesiates 4:12: " A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." There is strength there, knowing our Father is woven in that cord.

Interestingly, you both were betrothed on the Grand Strand in South Carolina. What perfect symbolism, as our Father is certainly the Grand Strand in what will be this marriage of not just two, but three. And you will have those invited to the marriage to witness it, those standing with you as groomsmen and bridesmaids to hold you accountable, your Daddy to bless it all ... and your Father in Heaven holding the contract. Praying for your everlasting, ever-loving marriage ahead.

Discussion: How much weight do you put on your marriage vows? What are things you can do to make sure you both stick to these vows you will make to each other before God.

Prayer: Praise you, Lord God, for keeping the promises You have made to us. Let that be our example as to how we are to regard promises we make. Thank you, Lord, in advance for the witnesses who will watch this union. We pray they will do their part in praying for and uplifting this marriage. And we thank you for the strength of three strands. In Jesus name, Amen.

The Lord Watch Between Me and Thee

Today is a bittersweet day for the two of you. Ayla is heading to Pittsburgh for four weeks of job training and Rob is off to Boston for a few days to visit family, so it means a month away from each other. That's the bitter. The sweet, is that you both get to visit family. How grateful we are that my mom and sister extended an invitation for Ayla to spend this time with them. Having never lived near our parents during our entire marriage, Ayla and Anton never got to spend quantity time with their grandparents. They were blessed to have one or two visits a year with them. So to be able to have four weeks to glean all kinds of wisdom and make memories will be such a blessing.

But I think that's the lesson of time together. It's the memories you make. Brad and I have always strived to make every place we live and every moment we can an adventure and sweet memory. Let's face it, you have only one life, so it's important to make the most of every opportunity. And as we age, we realize some of the things we did with such ease and expediency are not so much any more. So really enjoy these young years you have. Make the most of every moment and just breathe in all the Lord has for you that day. And be aware of the souls He has placed in your path every moment.

As for the time apart, well, you both have had several of those moments from the very beginning of your relationship with Ayla in Bar Harbor and Rob in Martha's Vineyard, to Ayla in Sarasota before Rob joined you there last fall, and then Ayla's most recent six weeks in Cleveland. You both know how to handle time apart. I don't know about you both, but for Brad and I it's like our heart is stretched out between two places. We do not like to be apart. And in our engagement we were apart for five months prior to our wedding with only love letters and the occasional very expensive long-distance phone call that lasted just a few minutes for communication. Technology has came a long way since then! In those extended absences for you both, find time to pray together and communicate as often as you can. Both Daddy and I have a stack of love notes we've saved from over the years. It never gets old. Heck, I even keep a message from your Daddy singing "You Are My Sunshine" on my phone perpetually so I can hear his voice anytime I want to hear him.

Save the deep discussions for face-to-face conversations, so you can see each other's body language. Phone conversations eliminate body language, and texts and emails further limit communication taking out intonation and emphasis. It's far too easy to misinterpret communication when it isn't face-to-face. That goes not just for when you are apart for significant periods of time, but for the rest of your lives together. Save important discussions for when you can see each other face-to-face. That way you have each other's complete attention. But you can shoot an "I love you" any time of day in every kind of way. Those three words are probably the most effective and perfectly concise way to communicate without fail and warms the heart every time.

We pray you both enjoy your visits with family, making wonderful memories there. You will certainly have much to share with each other after these adventures! We love you!

Discuss: What ways of communication over long distances do each of you prefer (texts, phone calls, love letters)? Share the high and low of your day.

Prayer: Our Father, thank you for the myriads of ways we can communicate today quickly and more efficiently. We know how important it is to communicate to keep a relationship connected - just as it is important for us to communicate with You on a regular basis. We love you, Father God. Please keep your angel armies around Ayla and Rob and keep them safe while they are apart, one from the other. (Gen. 31:49) In Jesus name, Amen.

His Way/Her Way

Your Daddy loads the dishwasher wrong. Well, let me correct that. He loads it differently than me. He also never makes the bed, leaves all the lights on in the house, leaves clothes sitting right next to the hamper verses in it, squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and never puts the cap back on, is always hot when I am cold, never folds his pants on the crease when putting them on the hanger and likes his spaghetti sauce on the noodles not mixed in with them. And that is just a few. Notice that not all of those things are wrong, but they are certainly his way and not my way. And that can drive you just about crazy if you let it.

But let's face it, we are two completely different people coming from two vastly different backgrounds, locations and families. Some things we were taught differently, some things we just learned to do on our own in our own way. But put those two people together and make them live together forever ... look out! There could be some battles.

There are several ways you can handle it. You can try to change the way he does things (women and men everywhere are laughing at this one right now). You can change the way you do things (a few chuckles here as well) Or you can accept it for what it is and just deal with it. Depending on the circumstances, we have done all three.

For example, my family growing up was always late. Always. I was the last person who showed up to any event and the last person picked up after any activity. I didn't like it very much, but that's the pace our family moved. Your Daddy's family was always early. Matter of fact, they lived by the mantra, "If your early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, your left." When we first married, this was a trying time for Brad and I, because I was always running behind (with his long legs on a 6'1 frame and my short ones on a 5'4 frame, I was behind even when I was holding his hand and walking). I know it drove him crazy, so I did everything in my power to change that and be on time for him. It doesn't always work, but I do try.

Then there's this one ... when we first met he told me, "You are 95/5." "What does that mean?" I asked him. "You talk 95 percent of the time and listen 5 percent." Again, knowing that was a flaw in my communication skills, I worked very hard to be a better listener. So there are two examples when his way was actually the better way, and I made an effort to change.

But there are other things where we both stood our ground and just weren't about to change. And nagging isn't a wise choice. In Proverbs 21:19 says, "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." I'm sure that goes for husband, too. While Daddy hates change, it's honestly been a blessing, cause at least he hasn't wanted to change wives. :)

I saw a video once from a funeral where a woman was giving the eulogy for her husband. She went on and on - as people giggled - describing one thing after the other that her husband did that annoyed her. Then she stopped and through tears said, "I would live through any one of those things again, just to have him here."

You have to ask yourself, "Is it worth it?" If it's a change that will make you a better couple, save money, help you both be more efficient, then work on it together. If it's just a little nuance, like the toothpaste, then let it go. Or do like Daddy and I do, and each have your own tube. :)

But there is one other effective way for change ... one time when Daddy was driving in the rain, he did not use the windshield wipers. It was driving me crazy trying to see through that raindrop-covered windshield. Instead of nagging him to use the wipers, I started to pray. I kid you not, seconds later he turned the wipers on and left them on. Thank you, Jesus.

Yep, prayer. Best way of all. It made the greatest change in your Daddy's life. Because one of the greatest differences in our relationship right from the start was the difference in our spiritual lives. So I prayed and prayed, for 19 years, for Daddy to have a personal relationship with Jesus and become the spiritual head of our household as is required by God. And you know very well what happened on that Walk to Emmaus weekend where his life changed forever, and Jesus became #1 for him. And now he's a pastor! Be careful what change you pray for!

God has selected you to be together for a reason. He believes you will be a better team for Him in His Kingdom, serve more and do greater things together, than if you were apart. What a journey lies ahead as you learn about each other on every intimate level to work side-by-side for Him.

Frank Sinatra sang a song in 1969 called "My Way." The gist of the song was that inspite of the few regrets, he lived life well and on his terms. The last verse says this:

"For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way."

It climaxes at this point as the singer pats himself on the back for doing it his way. But notice the third line from the end: "To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels." While it's meant to imply the man didn't yield or be subservient, I would suggest, that the one who kneels ...  did it His way. And you'll find that's the best way of all.

Discussion: What things have you both discovered already that you do differently? What are things that need work on? What are things you can live with as is?

Prayer: Lord God, you are so amazing in your creation of us, each different yet each in your image. Help us to appreciate those difference, compromise where necessary, make permanent changed where needed and always mold ourselves to Your way. In Jesus name, Amen.

Like Jewels In A Crown

I bought glitter for you the other day at your request. So that people could throw it on you both after your wedding. Make a wish and sprinkle! What is it you told me you wanted on it? Ah, yes, "Faith, trust and pixie dust - magical wishes for the happy couple." I love it because it combines faith and trust in the Father with your love of Disney and fairy tales ... and with sparkles, of course. I found a beautiful iridescent glitter, called opal, that I think will be perfect. And tiny little Ziplock baggies to keep it in.

For your Daddy and I, it was birdseed. I will never forget after the wedding getting undressed and having birdseed fall all over the hotel room floor. Guessing for you folks it will be glitter all over that floor. I saw a wedding recently where they threw tiny beach balls at the couple. Yes, beach balls. They kept whacking the bride in the head!

But why throw anything at the newlyweds? Where did this tradition come from? Romans threw wheat or grain at brides and grooms to symbolize fertility and prosperity. That morphed into rice in more modern times. But apparently birds were eating the rice and getting sick, thus the switch to birdseed. Now folks more or less believe throwing things at the bride and groom is more for wishing good luck. I've seen weddings where folks throw tiny puff balls, paper airplanes, candy sprinkles, helicopter seeds and even blow bubbles.

You know your Mom is partial to the glitter because I like anything that sparkles. Matter of fact, I remember you once saying you're drawn to anything that glitters like a bug to a zapper. I am the same way. I love sparkly things for two reasons: 1) Heaven and the New Earth are described as sparkly with precious jewels and gold and 2) because I think it's a wonderful description of how we are to "shine like stars in this generation" (Phil 2:15), reflecting Jesus Christ in all His glory.

I don't know that people will be thinking of Jesus necessarily when they throw this glitter on you both, but I hope along with magical wishes, they will uplift a prayer for you - whether for fertility, prosperity ... or just a loving full marriage. I know I will be.

Discussion: What do you hope people will pray for you both as they sprinkle you with fairy dust?

Prayer: How beautiful you are, Lord God, in all your glory. You have made your people to "sparkle like jewels in a crown" (Zachariah 9:16). I pray, Father, we will always sparkle with all the love that is You. Thank you for gifting us with the ability to glow in your glory. Help us to stand out among those near us so that they want to know why we sparkle. In Jesus the King, Amen.

Seek Ye First

364 more days to go! Sounds like forever doesn't it? But honestly, it will go by so quickly, so truly enjoy each day of preparation. And for that matter enjoy each day for what it is.

Recently a friend said to me, "If you're depressed, you're worried about the past. If you're anxious, you're worried about the future. Be comfortable and live in the present. You only have today." She's absolutely right, and we need reminded of it often. You will experience many times in in your relationship where you will be worried about something: time, money, health, an argument. But our Father tells us not to worry. His exact words through Jesus during the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 6 starting in verse 25: 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

My darlings, you cannot change the past, so don't worry about it. Learn from it. You have no clue what the future holds, so just leave it in the perfectly capable hands of the Father. But you are responsible for today and every decision you make. As I said to your brother recently: "Be faithful, be obedient, and you will be fine." 

If something comes up that instantly starts to worry you, we have two pieces of advice. Firstly, whisper the name of Jesus repeatedly. It will center you immediately and you'll feel a peace almost instantly. Secondly, give it to God. Go in prayer and ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit. Knowing you have given it to Him, rest assured you are covered.

"Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present," so delight in it. Make a memory. Learn something new. Meet a person's need. And glorify God through it all.

Discussion: What are some worries you both have that you can take to God in prayer this day?

Prayer: Almighty Creator, how at rest we can be knowing you have time in your hands. We relinquish this day to you and ask for your Holy Spirit nudgings to know where you need us to be and what you want us to do. Father, we uplift our concerns for the future to you, asking for your help and guidance and knowing in faith, you've got this. We love you, Lord. In the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Preversary

My dearest daughter and future son-in-law,

Your Daddy and I are celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary today ... and 31 years together after meeting in 1983 on the campus of the University of Iowa when we fell in love at just 18 years of age. To be still in love and together after all these years is not just lucky, it's not just a fairytale, it is not just happily ever after, and it's not just expected. It is hard work. But mostly it is faithfulness. It's is being obedient to the One True God and knowing we are together by His grace and for His glory.

We have learned quite a bit about marriage in our 27 years together. We've learned through prayer, experience, countless failures, breathtaking successes and much study. Yes, study. See, our marriage is so important to us, that we strive to always make it better, so that means reading, research and retreats ... all with God and the Bible at the center.

In just 365 days, you will become husband and wife and we are honored you selected this date to do so. On this - your "preversary" as you call it - we would like to gift this blog to you. We want to teach you everything we possibly can about the intricacies of marriage that we've learned in this next year so that we can, with all confidence, say that we've adequately prepared you for this adventure ahead. Not that we can possibly prepare you for everything you will face, but perhaps we can make somethings easier. And maybe, just maybe, you'll skip some of the failures we had and go straight to those breathtaking successes.

In this year we will look at everything from wedding elements to wisdom to family. If you have questions, ask them. If you need more information, dig for it. If you need prayer in a specific area, we'd like to join you in it. We hope that you, together, can read this each day as a devotion, discussion, prayer and worship time. You may not have the chance everyday to read it, but it is our goal to create one as such for you each day to do so. It's that important to us. And more importantly, you are.

We have titled the blog, Betrothed in Faithfulness after a verse in Hosea 2:19-20 which says: "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." We belief that you are together not just because of the "in love" feelings you have for each other, but because God ordained it as such. And we hope you keep focused on Him. We love you very much. We congratulate you on your engagement - this preparation time for your wedding and marriage. Delight every moment! And in 365 days we look forward to witnessing before our Father as you exchange vows to love, honor and cherish each other till death do you part. God bless you both.

Discussion Question: What are your personal hopes for this day in 2015 and how do you intend to keep God at the center of it?

Prayer: Lord God, we uplift Rob and Ayla this day, one complete orbit of the earth around the sun from the date they have set to wed. May they have open ears to hear all that you have for them to learn in these days leading up to that day of union. And we thank you, Father, for being the center of our marriage. Glory to you, O Lord. In Jesus name. Amen.