Thanks For The Memories

Daddy and I have been married nearly 28 years and dated four years before that.We have made a lot of good memories in that period of time. Some were grand and glorious and others were subtle and precious. We decided to take a walk down memory lane at some of our greatest marriage moments. You may find some bizarre, but when we talked about this and one of us would come up with a memory, the other was nodding and smiling in agreement. Now honestly, there are so many good memories we cannot possibly list them all here, but we wanted to share a few so you can see the joy we have in all these years together.

Our egg fight - It started off with Daddy gloating about the fact that I made too many dyed hard-boiled eggs at Easter, and had so many left over weeks after. So I threw one at him. Then another and another in rapid succession. He caught every single one, but squished a bunch in the process. We laughed hysterically. It was excellent use of extra eggs ... and we got a second giggle when we found egg shells behind our couch when we moved from that apartment.

Watching Daddy play sports - I do not like to watch sports. Bores me to tears. But I love watching your Daddy play them. He is so sexy when those muscles are stretching and flexing. And the fact that he is so good at every sport he plays made it super fun for me. I'll never forget the young boys watching Daddy's work softball league and commenting "Check out the guy in the blue t-shirt. He's the best." That guy was my shortstop husband. That's right, my man.

Good meals and bad meals - I am a horrible cook. So your Daddy has lived through hockey puck pot roast and a severely under-cooked (okay, raw) Thanksgiving turkey. But likewise he's had some amazing fig pancakes, monster cookies, crepes, homemade pizza and meatloaf (okay, that last one was his Dad's recipe, but I did cook it). We have made great memories in those meals. And especially have enjoyed our candlelight dinners.

Packer cruise to the Caribbean - A dream vacation we couldn't afford that by God's grace and Daddy's sweet opportunity to write a chapter for a book on Super Bowl-winning Packer Coach Mike Holmgren gave us some bonus funds to spurge with. We had the most fun time, saw amazing sights, met fabulous people and experienced new things like parasailing which we've not done since. It was a beautiful week of our life together.

Snowball fight - Can't even remember what the argument was about. We were living in Tennessee and it snowed. We went out for a walk to talk out the disagreement and pretty soon were whipping snowballs at each other. We ended up laughing and playing in the snow.

Sugar Smacks cereal and champagne - our first breakfast together as husband and wife on our honeymoon. We got to the Garden City Beach condo and didn't have any food except that. So that was breakfast. We relived that memory when we renewed our vows on our 15th anniversary. Which leads to ...

Our 15th Anniversary Vow Renewal - Your Daddy is the king of surprises and this was a doozy. Bringing my best buddy into town to serve as my matron-of-honor, having a friend make me a gown, others made a cake, others decorated a hotel room for the night, others fixed a ring for me to wear and then to have my daughter and son walk down the aisle as we celebrated ... sigh. It was a magical day.

Neil Diamond concert - Another of your Daddy's surprises. I'm a Neil Diamond groupie. He took care of getting a babysitter and drove me to Milwaukee. On our way he told me we were going to see Neil. Awesome concert, but even better because it was a surprise by my beloved.

Great Sex - don't cringe. We have been so blessed, truly. Not going to go all triple x on you here, but just suffice it to say we have sure had fun.

Mission trip to Mexico - one of the best experiences of our lives was helping to build that concrete home in Piedra's Negras with Constructores Para Cristo. Eye-opening, gut-wrenching and heart warming. I still wear my Mexico mission boots and have a brick piece from the work site that always brings warm fuzzies.

Tatiana - Christmas Day when your Daddy surprised me with our Compassion International Child. One of the best presents he's ever given me.

Getaways - to different beaches, to Door County, to state parks, to Mackinac Island, to even camping on Assateague Island beach covered in horse manure rolling in the waves just to see wild horses. We have so enjoyed exploring new places together.

Northeast America trip - this vacation with you kids was actually a business trip for Daddy that we parlayed into a vacation-of-a-lifetime seeing Washington D.C, Philadelphia, Gettysburg, Niagara Falls, the Baseball Hall of Fame and Cedar Point. It was a whirlwind and perfect at the same time. We will never forget it.

Penthouse at Super Bowl XXIX in Miami - We got to our hotel room and it smelled like vomit. I told your Daddy I was going to the front desk to ask for another room. Your Daddy doesn't like change, so he was upset that I was going down to complain. Next thing you know we're in the penthouse, the entire top floor surrounded in glass with a 360° view of Miami. I could see the fireworks from the Super Bowl from the hotel. It's worth asking for quality customer service.

Pregnancies of both children - we will never forget how we learned of both pregnancies, hearing their heartbeats for the first time, the deliveries of both children and holding those sweet newborns. Truly two of the greatest moments of our lives. And every subsequent memory with our children ... including their engagements!

Getting our first ...  - washer and dryer: that may sound petty, but after years of taking clothes to the laundromat, we so appreciated the convenience of our very first set. We would get done with one load and run around the apartment looking for anything dirty just to wash it; air-conditioned car: which we got when I was pregnant with Ayla. To have that in Tennessee was a jewel. Loved that little white Dodge Aries; house: we made a list of everything we wanted in our first home and found it in Antioch, TN. We lived in that home less than a year before moving to Wisconsin, but made such sweet memories in that short period of time there.

Handprints on the Z Shack - when you live far from family, having something of them permanently with you is precious. Those handprints have brought us so much joy. And this is our second handprint wall - the first was in Georgia.

Firepit parties - Getting that fire ring for our 22nd anniversary is one of the best things we've ever done. The fires alone take me back to my childhood camping days, but our Christmas Caroling Campfires have been such a hoot.

Walks together - Sunday walks to Overlook park, moonlit walks, Reid golf course, snow walks, creek walks, walks for ice cream. Each one is precious, especially when we are holding hands.

Couple other Daddy surprises - 49th birthday surprise when you kids came to Seaside beach which shocked me to tears and the 72-hour Valentine Daddy planned for me in Green Bay. He had every moment planned with flowers, dinner, etc. He is amazing at surprises. Every time I think, "He will have trouble topping this," he goes ahead and does it.

Well, we could go on and on, but you get the picture. We sure have had fun. When you make memories that touch you in a special way, you may want to find some way (scrapbook, journal) to capture those moments. Gosh, this has been a blessed 28 years. What new memories will we make next? What new memories will you make? Sure going to be fun finding out!

Discussion: What are some of your favorite memories together thus far? What are some things you would like to do together?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the opportunities we've had to make such precious memories. We are so grateful for those time. We love you so much! And we pray more lovely memories are ahead. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Marriage Insurance

Anton asked me yesterday about renter's insurance. What amount should he get? How should he pay it? They are good questions for a young man about to rent his very first apartment. And it got me thinking. We have insurance for our cars, homes, apartments, health and even our earthly life. Some people have insurance for jewelry, boats and other high-end personal possessions. Some singers have insurance on their vocal chords. Dancers have insurance on their legs. Quarterbacks have insurance on their throwing arms. People protect what is of great value to them.

That being said ... what insurance do you have for your marriage? Now please don't ask, "Is there marriage insurance?" And for heavens sake, don't even mention a prenup. (For those who don't know, it's a prenuptial agreement between the bride and groom over possessions should the union end - it's a safety net in case of divorce.). So I'm not speaking actual marriage insurance. I'm talking about what lengths you are willing to go to protect this extraordinarily important union called marriage. How much is this marriage worth to you?

I am hoping you'll say this upcoming marriage is worth more than your house, car, apartment, boat or jewelry. It should rank right up at the top of your priority list.

A friend at church shared a story where her boss asked her to list the priorities in her life. She said, "God, husband, children, work." He told her to pack up her things, go home and reprioritize if she planned on working for him. She was devastated at the loss of her job, but stuck to her beliefs. Within days, the Lord opened an opportunity for her financially that has continued to this day and blessed her immeasurably. Her priorities were dead on. The boss on the other hand ... was fired by his boss within the year. His priorities were off.

Your God should be the most important thing in your life. Christ said in Matthew 22:37, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." So that comes first. Then your spouse should follow. Then your children. Then anything else. You know how important those things are. And they are worth protecting. So what is your insurance? You need to invest in those things. You need to invest time with God. You need to invest time in the Word. You need to invest time in prayer. You need to invest in time with your spouse and your future children. Notice that time is the connection there.

Work at your marriage. Love your spouse. Go on marriage retreats together and to conferences (like the one Rob and Ayla attended recently). Read books on marriage together. Do devotions together. Pray together. Go on dates. Have fun together. Your marriage is of great worth, so take special care of it. Invest in it.

The Bible is the best insurance for liability, collision and comprehension in your marriage. It's the best insurance for natural disasters, disease, road hazards and mishaps. That Word of God has got the best coverage ever. So dig into it. And when you sign that marriage license, know that you've got the best policy ever with the Father ... with zero deductible, because Christ already paid it.

Discussion: How are your current priorities? What are some other ways to make your marriage a priority? How can you tell what a priority is in your life?

Prayer: Father, we know when we make those vows before you, we are promising to make this marriage a priority. Help us Lord to care for one another and invest in each other. Help us to seek your Word for guidance and direction in our lives. And let it all be to your glory. In your Son's name, Amen.

Gave Himself Up For Her

Yesterday's post focused on wives, so today we're focusing on husbands. And more importantly, a God fearing one.

For a few months now, sitting on one of Daddy's dresser is an unsigned sheet of paper with the title at the top "The Resolution." It's a copy of the resolution Daddy signed after reading the book The Resolution for Men. I love this resolution, because it's what a husband should be. If husbands are the head of the household then they have a huge responsibility to our Father and to their families. It's printed at the back of the book. It speaks of being the spiritual leader in the home, loving and protecting his wife and children, being faithful to his wife, training his children in love and have mercy, forgiving, working diligently, learning from mistakes and honoring God. Men who sign this resolution, promise to follow it for the rest of their lives. When Daddy signed this form, he stood before our church with me by his side, making this promise to me, his children and to God. It was a powerful and meaningful moment. The Resolution is framed and hangs in our bedroom as a constant reminder.

This is what we want for our future son-in-law and for our son. We want you to read and complete that book, sign the form before your beloved, and adhere to it for the rest of your life. We want you to do that on behalf of our daughter and future daughter-in-law that we love so much. We feel those ladies deserve this, because it's required of their husbands according to the Word. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." If you are the man Christ calls you to be, it will be so much easier for your wife to be the woman Christ has called her to be.

Ayla commented after attending the Art of Marriage conference recently how depressing and discouraging it was to hear from couples who's marriages had been so destructive. She questioned how they could let them get that way. But never forget it's Satan's target to destroy the family in any possible way. If a marriage is representative of Christ's relationship to the church, then to destroy it is prime real estate for the evil one. So be cautious, guarded and fully committed to God. Hold your marriage to a high standard. Signing the Resolution, is a good place to start.

Discussion: Have you finished reading The Resolution For Men? Can you confidently sign the resolution? What are other ways to protect your marriage and family?

Prayer: Lord, our marriages are yours, and oftentimes we forget that. We pray, Lord, that these couples as newlyweds will be committed to you. That the men will be committed to their wives and children. Let their marriages be to your glory. In Jesus our King, Amen.

For The Long Haul

Today is Jadoosh and Busha's 54th anniversary. And I think if you asked them, they would say these have been the most blissful, beautiful, perfect, carefree, fun, romantic, loving, financially-easy, fairy-tale 54 years. And if you believe that, we have a great deal for you on a bridge we're selling. If they are reading this right now, they are giggling, knowing those 54 years have not all been rosy. There have been challenges as they have certainly seen both sides of "good times and bad," "in sickness and in health" and "for richer or for poorer." But I can also guarantee you they will say, regardless of the circumstances in their marriage, there has always been love.

They are a precious couple. Dad Z's the more boisterous of the two: fun, energetic, adventurous and hard working. Mom is quieter: precious, patient, sweet, generous, caring and also hard working. They come from backgrounds where they know what it takes to make things work and appreciate what they have. They both care for their church, neighbors and family. They reach out to the hurting. They know how to have fun and know when to let each other go off and have it. They enjoy road trips together. They adore their grandchildren (just ask them to pick a favorite, I dare you). They compliment each other beautifully, knowing each other's quirks and habits. You may hear a "No, Honneeey," coming from Dad and a "To-ny," coming from Mom, but they've been together long enough to know what both of those really mean, and neither comment is demeaning or a deal breaker for either of them.

They are in love. They have loved each other for more than 54 years. And they have loved others in the process. God brought them together as a team to do great and glorious things for Him. And they will continue to.

If there is one thing I am proud to say your Daddy comes from, it's a long line of successful marriages. His grandparents, great aunt and uncle, his parents, his aunt and uncle on his paternal side and several aunts and an uncle on the maternal side ... all have had successful, long marriages. These folks married for the long haul and have been devoted to their spouses through successes and failures. It gives me peace knowing these are the examples my beloved has had in his life. And he is setting the same for our children.

We celebrate the marriage of Anthony and Barbara today. We rejoice with them and praise God for them. This is how it's done, and done well. Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad Z. We love you.

Discussion: What have you observed about people who have been in long marriages?  Share a story about Jadoosh and Busha.

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you for those who have placed their trust and confidence in you and have been true to their vows. We thank you for Tony and Barb and ask for your blessings on their marriage and the years to come. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

There I Am

I was looking up most popular love songs recently for a game Ayla wants to play at the rehearsal dinner. After going through hundreds of songs and completing the project for Ayla, I stumbled across one more. Why it never came to me in the first place was a surprise since it was sung at our wedding. But even more surprising is that it took me so long to find it on Top 25 or Top 50 love song lists. It was on a Top 100 list. Guess the other two weren't long enough. But that surprises me, because it is one of the most beautiful love songs there is.

It's called There Is Love or The Wedding Song. It was written by Paul Stookey of the group Peter, Paul and Mary for Peter Yarrow's wedding back in 1969. The lyrics say this:

He is now to be among you at the calling of your hearts
Rest assured this troubadour is acting on his part
The union of your spirits here has caused him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in his name
There is love
There is love
Well a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home
They shall travel on to where the two shall be as one
As it was in the beginning, is now until the end
Woman draws her life from man and gives it back again
And there is love
There is love
Well then what's to be reason for becoming man and wife
Is it love that brings you here, or love that brings you life
For if loving is the answer, then who's the giving for?
Do you believe in something that you've never seen before?
Oh, there's love
Oh there's love
Oh the marriage of your spirits here has caused him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in his name
There is love
Ah there's love

What a lot of folks don't know is the first stanza's original lyrics said this:

I am now to be among you at the calling of your hearts
Rest assured this troubadour is acting on My part
The union of your spirits here has caused Me to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in My name
There am I
There is love

Peter, Paul & Mary

The story goes that Paul had recently became a Christian and was asked by Peter to bless his wedding with a song. Paul asked God how His Divine Presence could be present this wedding. He says the melody and lyrics came simultaneously to him as an answer to that prayer. This song is one of my favorites.

I almost wish the second word of that stanza was capitalized. And I wish the next to the last line read, "There I Am." I think it would have more theological and poetic punch. Sweet ones, when you marry, know that the Divine will be absolutely present. Where you will be, there will also be the Great I Am. He created marriage, physically and spiritually. It's a perfect union in its design. Designed to be the harbinger of the marriage of Christ and the church. Designed to be the nest of new human life. Designed for mutual love and edification. God is awesome, and His creation of marriage is likewise. We want you be in in awe of that. We want you to feel Him present at your vows. We want you to feel not just the love you have for each other that day, but Love itself (1 John 4:8). God will be present. May His presence bring your marriage complete fullness and overwhelming worship of the One who brought you together.

Discussion: What do you think of God being present at your marriage? Do you see your marriage ceremony as a worship service?

Prayer: Great I Am, Yahweh, Creator of the world, Almighty, Love, we honor and worship you. We offer you praise. We glorify your name and ask for your guidance and direction as we make sure the world hears your Name! Father, we ask for you to be present at these marriages and bless these unions in Christ's name, Amen.

Happily Ever After

The other day Daddy and I talking about Heaven. I remember looking at his beautiful sweet face and thinking, "I won't be married to him there." I mentioned that I was actually sad we would not be married in Heaven. Matthew 22:30 says, "For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven." I mean, I love this man, I'm spending the majority of my earthly life with him, so the thought of not being married to him in Paradise just made me a little blue. We both commented that we probably would be so overwhelmed with love for the Lord, contemplating our earthly marriage would probably not matter so much. Which led your Daddy to say, "That's why we need to enjoy it here, because it's goes so fast!"

It made me wonder, did God just create marriage for procreation here on earth if there is no marriage in heaven? While I believe that is certainly part of it, I think another reason God created marriage was so you could completely understand the love Christ has for his bride the church. This earthy life is so temporal in the grand, eternal scheme of things. While we experience marriage here, the marriage we will delight in beyond the grave is between us and our groom, Christ the Messiah. Plus marriage teaches you so much about selfless love.

We are designed to worship the Father. And it's by His grace that we've been blessed with a soul to spend this journey with. You get to worship Him on this earth together. Serve Him together. But it truly is all about Him. Don't ever forget that.

This life goes swiftly by. You probably don't think so now since you are all in your 20's, but you just wait. Delight in each other. But more importantly delight in the Father. That is what is eternal. That is what is truly "happily ever after."

Discussion: Why do you think God created marriage on earth? What do you think it will be like for souls in Heaven? How does your relationship center on Christ?

Prayer: Father God, we thank you for creating such a beautiful thing as marriage and we pray that ours glorifies you in this lifetime. We love you, Lord, and pray we remember that our purpose is worship and service to you. In Christ, Amen.

Created By God

The U.S. Supreme Court last Friday took it upon themselves to redefine the word marriage. No longer is it civilly between a man and woman, but rather between any two committed adults. I read an article after the ruling which said marriage has been evolving since the beginning of time and this was just the next step. Just makes me wonder what the next evolutionary step is after this.

See, here's the thing, marriage was created by God, something the writer of the above article failed to clarify. He designed it at the beginning of time when He said, "a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Christ affirmed this in Mark 10:7 and Matthew 19:5. Man and woman. It's man that changed marriage. Changed it where a husband would take multiple wives and concubines. Changed it where couples could divorce ... and even divorce again. Changed it where man could wed man and woman wed woman. Man changed marriage. God didn't change a thing.

Christians who believe in the Word of God walked into church disheartened Sunday, wondering "What do we do now in a world that changes God's rules." Well, we've been living in that world a long time. Man has been changing the rules since God made them. Here is what we do now ... we adhere to the Word. We remember that God is sovereign. We remember that Christians do not pick and choose which commands they should follow and decide which sins are truly sins. We are not the Creator. We don't make the rules.

My children, the world will continue to change the rules. We pray for you and your children and your children's children that they will love God so much that obedience to Him will be the most important thing in their lives. That Christ's last command in Matthew 28:19-20 - "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you." - will be our first priority, as we saw on a church parking lot sign Sunday. May you be strengthened as this world continues to evolve whatever else it wants to evolve knowing that God does not change (Malachi 3:6) and His Word will not pass away (Luke 21:33).

Discussion: What does God's unchanging nature mean to you?  What are your thoughts on the court's decision? What does God's definition of marriage mean to you?

Prayer: Father, we praise Your name that You do not change. We thank You for Your Word and pray we are obedient to it. Help us to remember we are to love one another in Your name. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Sacred Space

When we visited our house when looking to buy it, I took one look at the woods over the hill behind the Z Shack and said, "I would love to make a prayer path back here, to just walk back in these woods and pray to Jesus." We've lived in this house six years and I've yet to create it ... for a couple of reasons. One, I've mowed down the area back there countless times, but nature has the edge on me and I just can't keep up with it. Weeds, new trees (not to mention poison ivy), they grow so fast back there I just can't stay on top of it. And two, there are supposed to be rattlesnakes back there, so I don't want to stumble across one of those. As a result, there is no prayer path in the back woods. As a matter of fact, we don't really use those woods for anything except collecting brush or dead trees for our fire pit.

Now there is a corner flower bed in the front of my yard near the driveway. When we first moved in, it had a tiny deteriorating wooden fence around it, few perennials some shrubs and trees. Since we've moved in, I have torn down the fence, pruned the bushes and trees and added azaleas, rose bushes, peonies, chrysanthemums and daffodils. I've also added annuals like zinnias, pansies and gerbera daisies. I mulch it every year with fresh pine straw. I weed it every day. I've added decorative cockle seashells. And I've placed two gray Adirondack chairs there for me and Brad. I use those chairs every morning when the weather is nice to do my Bible devotion and Brad will be out there every Sunday morning practicing his sermon. It's become a sacred space of worship.

So while my plans to change the back hill into a reverent place didn't work out, the bed out front has. It took work: weeding, tidying, mulching, planting and replanting to make it into what we wanted it to be. We didn't let nature get the better of us. We worked at it.

It's the same as marriage. If you want marriage to be a sacred place, you need to work at it. Tidying, planting, replanting, pruning and most definitely keeping the weeds out. Don't let the world get the better of you in this. And believe us, it will try. It will try to steal your time, your morals, your love and your patience. Stay on top of it. Be faithful in prayer and Scripture reading. Go to our Father for guidance. Be loving and forgiving. It is absolutely worth the time and effort it takes. Just don't ever make the mistake of thinking it doesn't. Make your marriage a sacred space of worship to glorify the Lord.

Discussion: Do you have a sacred space where you have some devotional time with the Lord? Did it take any work to get it to be that sacred place of worship? What do you think of the comment that marriage takes work?

Prayer: Lord, may we always seek our time in our day to praise and worship You and to seek Your guidance. And, Father, we pray our marriage is also a sacred space of worship. Help us to stay on top of keeping it that way. In Christ Jesus, Amen.

Unchanging Constant

Anton and I rearranged the man cave two days ago. In order to give Daddy a bit of privacy office wise in Anton's bedroom, we moved Tone's TV and game console into the man cave. This require a complete in the room's dynamics. We switched around the furniture, books, tiny stadiums, pictures and the like to make the most of the space. Anton was nervous about the completed room. He was nervous because he knows his Dad hates change and he was worried about how he would react. He asked me if I would send him a picture of the changes to Dad's cell phone so that he would be prepared. My initial reaction was "no," but I decided to sent him two pictures anyways. His reaction: "Just as long as I can see the hummingbirds out the window." Not what either of us expected.

Brad does not like change. Don't change the furniture, don't change the routine, don't change his closet, move his books ... you get the idea. I proceed with caution when I make any changes, like rearranging rooms. He usually fusses for the whole first day, then realizes I've made good changes and gets in the swing of it. Just don't change it again.

While he's quirky in his desire to keep things the same, it is truly a blessing with regards to our marriage. He doesn't like change. He wants to keep me. And he brings that up any time I mention his frustration with any changes I make. But I do find comfort in his desire to stick with me in this spiritual journey called marriage, especially since so many folks give up on it. There are people all the time looking for the next best thing ... or trading in for a younger, prettier model. Thankfully, Brad likes this worn-in classic. He asks me all the time "Will you marry me?" and tells me how much he loves me all the time.

When Tone and I were driving yesterday back from the movie theater I said to him, "I love your fiance. Don't forget to tell her every single day how much you love her. Your Daddy does that for me, and it means the world to me." He said he has "Tell Kayla you love her" on a list of daily things to do. That is a beautiful thing.

So go ahead and change around the furniture. Get the latest and greatest technology. Try new things. But be uplifted in knowing you have this one unchanging, forever constant ... your marriage.

Discussion: How do you feel about change? How can you make your marriage fresh and new?

Prayer: Father we thank You that You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. That gives us a foundation we can trust. We pray the foundation of our marriages are likewise something we can trust in. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Marriage Legacy

Today my Grandma Haas would have been 100 years old. She is spending her birthday with her Savior, husband and son. My Granny was a pretty funny lady. She loved sparkles and shoes that went clickety clack. She sold Avon for years (I loved to play with her tiny lipstick samples). She was a terrible cook. She had a zillion different sayings and stories that would crack us all up. She had the cutest giggle ever. And she hummed all the time, mostly unrecognizable songs. I remember my roommate in college saying she was going to imitate me one day and she walked around the room straightening things and humming. I exclaimed, "That's my grandma!" Gram married my grandfather, Theodore George Haas on June 29, 1935. What was so amazing about this wedding is that they actually won a contest. Everything was provided for their wedding, location, gown, tux, food, flowers, even furniture and a honeymoon ... and for a couple with very little money in the Depression Era, this was a dream come true. Hundreds of people came to their wedding. They were married 26 years (and had seven children - Gaga was number three), when Grandpa died of a blood clot at the age of 50. Yes, my age. My mother was just 18. I remember Gram talking about Grandpa. He was the love of her life. She would smile from ear to ear when she talked about him. One thing I remember her saying about her husband was that he could play the Hawaiian guitar and he would sing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline to her. Grandma Haas died in 2010 at the age of 95.

There are so many marriages now lost to time that have gone before you: Elizabeth and John, Anton and Veronica, Sophie and Louie, Roman and Hattie, Ruth and Teddy. Oh that we could sit down with them all and ask them for marriage advice, hear their stories about their newlywed years and glean wisdom from their experiences. These were not fairytale marriages (even if Granny Haas's started that way). These were marriages that went through hard times: little money, war, death, frustrations, alcoholism, disease, loss of children and anger. But they also had joy and good memories. I am sure they would all tell you, "There will be tough times, but cling to each other and cling to the Father." Every one of the marriages above ended in "till death do us part."

We want you to know that history and understand the commitment these couples made to one another. These were not half or temporary promises. These couples vowed to stay together to the end ... and they did. Some ending much sooner than they hoped.

You have been bequeathed the legacy of marriages that stood the test of life and time. I don't know if it's possible at this juncture for you to comprehend the commitment and work it will take to make your marriage a success, but we pray you are dedicated to making it so. Take the time to speak to couples who have been married a long time who can give you advice on what has worked for them. We don't have our ancestors to speak to, but there are many mentoring couples to learn from. And compare their advice to what God says in the Bible. We want both of you couples to be ones that generations from now, your great-grandchildren will say, "Let me tell you about their marriages and what a beautiful example they were for me." Leave that legacy.

Discussion: Have you ever sat down with a couple who has been married for over 25 years and asked them what has worked for them in their marriage? What are some tips you've learned that you plan to apply? Tell about a marriage that is an example to you.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, we thank you for the life of Ruth Haas and the lives the great-grandparents and grandparents that have gone before us. We pray, Lord, that we will be committed to having strong, faith-based, loving marriages with our focus on You. In Jesus, Amen.

Marriage Book Club

At Bible study a couple Sundays ago, the speaker said this: "Christian authors do not write books so that people will read them and just set them on the shelf to collect dust. Christian authors write books so that people will apply what they've learned to become better Christians." He was encouraging people to continue to learn and study in their faith to become better disciples to grow the Kingdom. And for Daddy and I, since marriage is a team to grow the Kingdom, reading to better your marriage is just as important.

So we wanted to take a devotion to recommend some books for you to read - either alone to together - that we think are excellent resources for marriage.

Love Life For Every Married Couple: How To Fall In Love, Stay In Love, Rekindle Your Love by Dr. Ed Wheat & Gloria Okes Perkins. This is our favorite book on marriage and the one we give a copy to every married couple at their wedding. Our copy is pretty worn out. It is filled with highlights, underlined passages and stars to mark what we want to remember. It has chapters on subjects like "Becoming Best Friends," "A Pattern For Lovers," and "The Secret of Staying In Love (Especially For Newlyweds)." Our copy originally belonged to my mother (her address is stamped across the pages at the bottom). Every so often we pull that book out and reread it together. It is a wonderful resource for loving each other the way God intended. If you do not have a copy, you can be sure we will get you one.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. This book is designed to help you better communicate by finding out what way your spouse best receives love: through gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and/or physical touch. We need to speak our spouses love language to them, not assume they enjoy receiving love the way we do.

The Resolution For Men by Stephen Kendrick, Alex Kendrick, Randy Alcorn. This book is geared strictly for men, but we promise it will make a marriage better for both.It was birthed after the movie "Courageous." It challenges men to be the best kind of Christian man, even asking them to sign a resolution at the end based on characteristics like responsibility, faithfulness, honor, justice, forgiveness, integrity, and courage. Brad says every man needs to read this book. He's given out probably 100 of them.

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. This book teaches women how to better understand the mind of a man. His need for respect, his role as provider and thoughts on sex and appearance. It gives you a much better understanding and answers lots of questions.

There are many other books on marriage, and we shared our recommendations about books on sex on Feb. 8. We have just found the above to be thorough, Scripture focused and practical to apply. You can never stop learning how to be a better Christian in all the different aspects of it from evangelism, to health, to parenting, to forgiveness, marriage and so on. So don't ever stop looking to those God has inspired to write about them ... especially the Bible itself. As 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness." Then apply what you've learned and see what a difference it makes in you.

Discussion: Have you already read some books about marriage? Do you think it is important to continue to seek out resources for Christian growth?

Prayer: Lord, we thank You for the words Your children have written to help us better adhere to Christian principles to make us better disciples, husbands, wives, evangelists, children, parents and teachers. Father, give us a drive to want to learn more. In our Great Teacher Jesus Christ, Amen.

Acknowledge The Lord

We titled this blog "Betrothed In Faithfulness" based on a verse in Hosea, and if you know anything at all about Hosea, you know he was definitely faithful. He was faithful to his wife and more importantly he was faithful to God. God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute and on top of that, a prostitute who would be unfaithful to him. Hosea's life imitated the relationship between God and the Israelites, who for years were not faithful in their worship of Him. Like God who continued to woo and win his people, Hosea does the same with his wife, Gomer. Hosea was faithful to God through it all, just as God has been faithful to those who love Him.

Faithfulness is key in a successful marriage. Faithfulness to God and His laws and faithfulness to one another. Without either, the marriage will truly struggle and perhaps collapse.

To keep faithfulness to God, regular time in Scripture reading, time in church and in prayer are all ways to keep God at the forefront of your life. Know what He requires and adhere to it. Remember Potiphar's wife, in the book of Genesis, pursuing Joseph? She tempted him daily. His response to her was filled with faithfulness to the Father: “Look, with me here, my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my hand. He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except yourself, because you are his wife. How then could I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?" Gen. 39:8-9. Don't think for a second Joseph wasn't tempted. Joseph refused to even be it the same place with Potiphar's wife, according to verse 10. He was eluding temptation. But Joseph's greatest concern was about pleasing God.

If we made it our aim to always please God and be obedient to Him, marriages would be rock solid. Couples need to arm themselves daily with the Word to be prepared for Satan's attempt to derail us. When you marry, Satan will not give up. He will look for any opportunity to destroy it. Know that. He wants to destroy your faith, your integrity, your trust and your unity. And he will use whatever he has available and any weaknesses you show to accomplish it.

Make faithfulness your aim. When you are all googly eyed about each other, it is hard to imagine you could possibly be unfaithful to the one you love. But there are countless divorced people around the world proving Satan's success. You belong to the Lord. Be sure your behavior reflects that always. When you commit to one another in marriage, that commitment is for life. Our Father doesn't give up on us, so do not give up on one another.

The Hosea verse is this: "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." (2:19-20). The ultimate goal in this marriage is that you both acknowledge, love and obey the Lord. Be faithful to Him.

Discussion: Share examples of relationships that were not faithful. How did it change circumstances for the couple? People around them? Share examples of relationships that were faithful. What are ways you can use to support your faithfulness to one another?

Prayer: Lord God, you are so in love with us, and we thank you for that love. We pray we love you back equally so and show it through our obedience to you. Thank you for not giving up on us. Thank you for Jesus. In His name we pray. Amen.

Oneness

I am taking a Bible study Sunday evenings called Foundations of Apologetics. It's a fascinating study, pretty deep, teaching you how to successfully defend your faith and what you believe. I learn something every single Sunday and this past Sunday was no exception.

The lesson was on the Trinity with the lecture by L.T. Jeyachandran. He was speaking about the earliest mention in the Bible of this three-persons-in-one God. In Gen.1:26 God says, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Notice He uses the pronoun "our." God was referring to the beautiful perfect relationship between Himself, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Jeyachandran went on to explain that one verse Jews use to claim God is one and not three persons is one that can actually be used to defend our three-in-one God. The verse is from the Shema, Deut. 6:4: "Here O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one." The Hebrew word used for "one" in this instance is the word "echad." It means a composite oneness, a joining, like two rivers joining to become one river. If God through Moses in the book of Deuteronomy wanted to refer to His absolute solitary oneness, the Hebrew word used would have been "yachid." And this word is never used to describe God's oneness in the Old Testament. It's is always echad. A composite oneness.

Where else is the word echad used? In Genesis 2:24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." The Hebrew used for one here is echad. The same word used to describe the composite oneness of the Trinity is used to describe the marriage relationship. That is one heck of a comparison. God is the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ is God. The Holy Spirit is Jesus. All three are the same, yet have different forms and jobs. God is the Father. Jesus is the fully human/fully divine Son. The Holy Spirit is the indwelling Counselor. How magnificent our God is!

So one must deduce, then, the oneness of marriage is pretty strong. We talked a week ago about the strength in the three-strand bond and being one flesh. It just amazed me that God chose in His words to compare that beautiful oneness of the Trinity to a marriage bond. Brad and I are one flesh, according to the Father, a united team for Christ. You've heard the romantic comment from Jerry Maguire in the movie of the same name, "You complete me." Newsong and Natalie Grant sang about this unity in their song, "When God Made You." The opening lyrics say:

 "It's always been a mystery to me
How two hearts can come together
And love can last forever
But now that I have found you, I believe
That a miracle has come
When God sends the perfect one"

Then the chorus rationalizes that,

 "I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true 

When God made you, He must've been thinking about me." 

So do we believe that when God was forming Brad that He was thinking also about me and what we would do together as husband and wife? Yes, definitely. So do we think that when God was forming Ayla that he was thinking about Rob and what you both would do as husband and wife together. Yes, definitely. 

Brad just came in the room to say goodbye to me as he headed out the door to work. I sang the last line of the song to him. He kissed me and said, "That's God's sense of humor." He knew what we would need to compliment, challenge, grow and complete us. And we think it's a work of art. 

Discussion: What does the statement that "two will become one flesh" mean to the both of you? What pieces of your personality do you think compliment each other? Challenge? Complete you?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for your Son who taught us how to live and died for us. We thank you for the Holy Spirit that gently reminds us to Whom we belong and whispers to us the right path to take. You are glorious! Father in less than one year, you will join Rob and Ayla as one. We pray, Father, for their union to be blessed and beautiful and glorify you. In Christ's name, Amen.

Three Strands

On our anniversary several nights ago you both asked Daddy if he would officiate your wedding. He is truly so excited about this opportunity. I think originally he just wanted to be the Father of the Bride and walk his baby girl down the aisle. But I spoke to him one night about it, telling him that his relationship with both of you would give him such a precious personal connection when you are united in Christ in this three-strand marriage.

I think that is something many couples forget when they get married. They think they are being united together in a contract with just each other. But that is only 2/3rds true. A marriage is a contract between the two of you and God.

You are vowing before God to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part. And when you make a vow to God, it's solid and unbreakable. Christ's exact words in both Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9 were "What God has joined together, let no man separate." God will do the joining. Your Daddy may officiate, but God will do the bonding, so much so that Christ prior to the above statement says this "They will become one flesh so that they are no longer two, but one flesh." That's one heck of a bond.

So we say three-strands, like a braid: the two of you and God. And God takes those vows seriously. Think about every promise God has made in Scripture. He promised Noah via a rainbow that He would never destroy the world again by flood. He promised Abraham that He would make him a great nation. He promised Moses the Israelites would be freed from Egypt. He promised Joshua he would go with him wherever he went as he led the Hebrews into the Promised Land. And he promised us a Redeemer to save us from our sins. And God never, ever went back on His promises, praise His name. Knowing that, He holds His children to the same standards. He says in Numbers 30:2 "If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." And in Ecclesiastes 5:4: "When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it."  It is comforting to know, as it says in Ecclesiates 4:12: " A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." There is strength there, knowing our Father is woven in that cord.

Interestingly, you both were betrothed on the Grand Strand in South Carolina. What perfect symbolism, as our Father is certainly the Grand Strand in what will be this marriage of not just two, but three. And you will have those invited to the marriage to witness it, those standing with you as groomsmen and bridesmaids to hold you accountable, your Daddy to bless it all ... and your Father in Heaven holding the contract. Praying for your everlasting, ever-loving marriage ahead.

Discussion: How much weight do you put on your marriage vows? What are things you can do to make sure you both stick to these vows you will make to each other before God.

Prayer: Praise you, Lord God, for keeping the promises You have made to us. Let that be our example as to how we are to regard promises we make. Thank you, Lord, in advance for the witnesses who will watch this union. We pray they will do their part in praying for and uplifting this marriage. And we thank you for the strength of three strands. In Jesus name, Amen.

Preversary

My dearest daughter and future son-in-law,

Your Daddy and I are celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary today ... and 31 years together after meeting in 1983 on the campus of the University of Iowa when we fell in love at just 18 years of age. To be still in love and together after all these years is not just lucky, it's not just a fairytale, it is not just happily ever after, and it's not just expected. It is hard work. But mostly it is faithfulness. It's is being obedient to the One True God and knowing we are together by His grace and for His glory.

We have learned quite a bit about marriage in our 27 years together. We've learned through prayer, experience, countless failures, breathtaking successes and much study. Yes, study. See, our marriage is so important to us, that we strive to always make it better, so that means reading, research and retreats ... all with God and the Bible at the center.

In just 365 days, you will become husband and wife and we are honored you selected this date to do so. On this - your "preversary" as you call it - we would like to gift this blog to you. We want to teach you everything we possibly can about the intricacies of marriage that we've learned in this next year so that we can, with all confidence, say that we've adequately prepared you for this adventure ahead. Not that we can possibly prepare you for everything you will face, but perhaps we can make somethings easier. And maybe, just maybe, you'll skip some of the failures we had and go straight to those breathtaking successes.

In this year we will look at everything from wedding elements to wisdom to family. If you have questions, ask them. If you need more information, dig for it. If you need prayer in a specific area, we'd like to join you in it. We hope that you, together, can read this each day as a devotion, discussion, prayer and worship time. You may not have the chance everyday to read it, but it is our goal to create one as such for you each day to do so. It's that important to us. And more importantly, you are.

We have titled the blog, Betrothed in Faithfulness after a verse in Hosea 2:19-20 which says: "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." We belief that you are together not just because of the "in love" feelings you have for each other, but because God ordained it as such. And we hope you keep focused on Him. We love you very much. We congratulate you on your engagement - this preparation time for your wedding and marriage. Delight every moment! And in 365 days we look forward to witnessing before our Father as you exchange vows to love, honor and cherish each other till death do you part. God bless you both.

Discussion Question: What are your personal hopes for this day in 2015 and how do you intend to keep God at the center of it?

Prayer: Lord God, we uplift Rob and Ayla this day, one complete orbit of the earth around the sun from the date they have set to wed. May they have open ears to hear all that you have for them to learn in these days leading up to that day of union. And we thank you, Father, for being the center of our marriage. Glory to you, O Lord. In Jesus name. Amen.