Thanks For The Memories

Daddy and I have been married nearly 28 years and dated four years before that.We have made a lot of good memories in that period of time. Some were grand and glorious and others were subtle and precious. We decided to take a walk down memory lane at some of our greatest marriage moments. You may find some bizarre, but when we talked about this and one of us would come up with a memory, the other was nodding and smiling in agreement. Now honestly, there are so many good memories we cannot possibly list them all here, but we wanted to share a few so you can see the joy we have in all these years together.

Our egg fight - It started off with Daddy gloating about the fact that I made too many dyed hard-boiled eggs at Easter, and had so many left over weeks after. So I threw one at him. Then another and another in rapid succession. He caught every single one, but squished a bunch in the process. We laughed hysterically. It was excellent use of extra eggs ... and we got a second giggle when we found egg shells behind our couch when we moved from that apartment.

Watching Daddy play sports - I do not like to watch sports. Bores me to tears. But I love watching your Daddy play them. He is so sexy when those muscles are stretching and flexing. And the fact that he is so good at every sport he plays made it super fun for me. I'll never forget the young boys watching Daddy's work softball league and commenting "Check out the guy in the blue t-shirt. He's the best." That guy was my shortstop husband. That's right, my man.

Good meals and bad meals - I am a horrible cook. So your Daddy has lived through hockey puck pot roast and a severely under-cooked (okay, raw) Thanksgiving turkey. But likewise he's had some amazing fig pancakes, monster cookies, crepes, homemade pizza and meatloaf (okay, that last one was his Dad's recipe, but I did cook it). We have made great memories in those meals. And especially have enjoyed our candlelight dinners.

Packer cruise to the Caribbean - A dream vacation we couldn't afford that by God's grace and Daddy's sweet opportunity to write a chapter for a book on Super Bowl-winning Packer Coach Mike Holmgren gave us some bonus funds to spurge with. We had the most fun time, saw amazing sights, met fabulous people and experienced new things like parasailing which we've not done since. It was a beautiful week of our life together.

Snowball fight - Can't even remember what the argument was about. We were living in Tennessee and it snowed. We went out for a walk to talk out the disagreement and pretty soon were whipping snowballs at each other. We ended up laughing and playing in the snow.

Sugar Smacks cereal and champagne - our first breakfast together as husband and wife on our honeymoon. We got to the Garden City Beach condo and didn't have any food except that. So that was breakfast. We relived that memory when we renewed our vows on our 15th anniversary. Which leads to ...

Our 15th Anniversary Vow Renewal - Your Daddy is the king of surprises and this was a doozy. Bringing my best buddy into town to serve as my matron-of-honor, having a friend make me a gown, others made a cake, others decorated a hotel room for the night, others fixed a ring for me to wear and then to have my daughter and son walk down the aisle as we celebrated ... sigh. It was a magical day.

Neil Diamond concert - Another of your Daddy's surprises. I'm a Neil Diamond groupie. He took care of getting a babysitter and drove me to Milwaukee. On our way he told me we were going to see Neil. Awesome concert, but even better because it was a surprise by my beloved.

Great Sex - don't cringe. We have been so blessed, truly. Not going to go all triple x on you here, but just suffice it to say we have sure had fun.

Mission trip to Mexico - one of the best experiences of our lives was helping to build that concrete home in Piedra's Negras with Constructores Para Cristo. Eye-opening, gut-wrenching and heart warming. I still wear my Mexico mission boots and have a brick piece from the work site that always brings warm fuzzies.

Tatiana - Christmas Day when your Daddy surprised me with our Compassion International Child. One of the best presents he's ever given me.

Getaways - to different beaches, to Door County, to state parks, to Mackinac Island, to even camping on Assateague Island beach covered in horse manure rolling in the waves just to see wild horses. We have so enjoyed exploring new places together.

Northeast America trip - this vacation with you kids was actually a business trip for Daddy that we parlayed into a vacation-of-a-lifetime seeing Washington D.C, Philadelphia, Gettysburg, Niagara Falls, the Baseball Hall of Fame and Cedar Point. It was a whirlwind and perfect at the same time. We will never forget it.

Penthouse at Super Bowl XXIX in Miami - We got to our hotel room and it smelled like vomit. I told your Daddy I was going to the front desk to ask for another room. Your Daddy doesn't like change, so he was upset that I was going down to complain. Next thing you know we're in the penthouse, the entire top floor surrounded in glass with a 360° view of Miami. I could see the fireworks from the Super Bowl from the hotel. It's worth asking for quality customer service.

Pregnancies of both children - we will never forget how we learned of both pregnancies, hearing their heartbeats for the first time, the deliveries of both children and holding those sweet newborns. Truly two of the greatest moments of our lives. And every subsequent memory with our children ... including their engagements!

Getting our first ...  - washer and dryer: that may sound petty, but after years of taking clothes to the laundromat, we so appreciated the convenience of our very first set. We would get done with one load and run around the apartment looking for anything dirty just to wash it; air-conditioned car: which we got when I was pregnant with Ayla. To have that in Tennessee was a jewel. Loved that little white Dodge Aries; house: we made a list of everything we wanted in our first home and found it in Antioch, TN. We lived in that home less than a year before moving to Wisconsin, but made such sweet memories in that short period of time there.

Handprints on the Z Shack - when you live far from family, having something of them permanently with you is precious. Those handprints have brought us so much joy. And this is our second handprint wall - the first was in Georgia.

Firepit parties - Getting that fire ring for our 22nd anniversary is one of the best things we've ever done. The fires alone take me back to my childhood camping days, but our Christmas Caroling Campfires have been such a hoot.

Walks together - Sunday walks to Overlook park, moonlit walks, Reid golf course, snow walks, creek walks, walks for ice cream. Each one is precious, especially when we are holding hands.

Couple other Daddy surprises - 49th birthday surprise when you kids came to Seaside beach which shocked me to tears and the 72-hour Valentine Daddy planned for me in Green Bay. He had every moment planned with flowers, dinner, etc. He is amazing at surprises. Every time I think, "He will have trouble topping this," he goes ahead and does it.

Well, we could go on and on, but you get the picture. We sure have had fun. When you make memories that touch you in a special way, you may want to find some way (scrapbook, journal) to capture those moments. Gosh, this has been a blessed 28 years. What new memories will we make next? What new memories will you make? Sure going to be fun finding out!

Discussion: What are some of your favorite memories together thus far? What are some things you would like to do together?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the opportunities we've had to make such precious memories. We are so grateful for those time. We love you so much! And we pray more lovely memories are ahead. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Premarital Counseling

For Daddy it was with our friend David Woods, a pastor in Tennessee. For me it was with Jerry Landry, a pastor in Pennsylvania. We're talking about premarital counseling. We would have done it together if we could have, but your Daddy was already living in Tennessee working at his new job and I was still in Pittsburgh in the months leading up to the wedding. But the minister marrying us insisted we go to premarital counseling prior to the wedding date. This was in the days before Skype or Facetime and in the days of high charges for long-distance calling, so we couldn't even communicate digitally for our counseling. Your Daddy says he remembers many conversations about sports (seems you meet with a sports writer and that's what happens). I remember discussing wedding details and marriage issues.

Daddy and I have treated this blog as a year-long premarital counseling journey for our children. We are sharing our experiences with you about various subject matters in marriage itself and different aspects of the wedding and reception. We are hoping we leave no stone unturned in this 365-day blog. At the same time, both of you couples will be having premarital counseling with a pastor leading up to your wedding date. And we highly recommend it, even after we've shared all this information these last 10 months. The Journal of Family Psychology published a survey which showed that couples who had premarital counseling were more satisfied in their marriage and had a 30 percent less likelihood of divorce over five years. We want you to ask the hard questions. We want you to glean wisdom from God through His servants about what marriage requires and what you can do to strengthen it. It's good to have an objective Christian moderator to hear you both out on issues like money, sex, raising a family, problem solving, health, faith, habits, careers, responsibilities, etc. We want you to be as prepared as you can for life's bumps in the road and different issues as experienced by wise folks who have been there and navigated through them. You can always learn more.

So look forward to your premarital counseling ahead. If you have concerns you want to dig into, write them down to bring up at counseling. If you have questions where you want to learn more, write that down, too. Don't hesitate to ask. This is a prime location to get that discussed and get godly advice.

Discussion: What are some subjects you want to talk about with your premarital counselor? What is important to you about counseling?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for all the souls who have gone before us in marriage that can give us advice on what makes a good, strong marriage. We pray the premarital counseling these couples go through is beneficial and a blessing to their happiness in marriage. In Christ we pray, Amen.

"Marriage Ruins Everything."

The other day Kayla commented that a number of people have said to her and Anton, "Why are you getting married? Why don't you just live together? Marriage ruins everything." It broke my heart to hear that several folks have said that to them. You have to wonder, first, what kind of experiences they've had with marriage that they believe it ruins everything, and second, why they would think living together would be any better?

Brad and Anton are fans of a show called The Bachelorette. Personally, I can't stomach it because watching one woman kissing 25 different men just seems messed up. And for a few seasons now, the women have moved beyond kissing to "hooking up" (cultural slang for having sex) with several of the men. To quote the contestant this year, "I have to explore these relationships my own way." Personally, we don't think it was ever God's intention for people to explore relationships that way. He made it pretty clear that was to be saved for the marriage itself. Romans 6:16 says, "Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?" Culture has twisted social norms to where couples actually think you need to "try that out," that living together instead of marriage is okay and sadly that "marriage ruins everything."

Well, do this: ask the woman whose husband is deployed for military service if marriage ruins everything. Ask the couple who has been married for over 50 years if marriage ruins everything. Asking the husband or wife who has just lost their beloved spouse to some accident or disease if marriage ruins everything. Ask Daddy and I if marriage ruins everything. Marriage doesn't. Some people might, but the institution of marriage as designed by our Father certainly does not.

Don't be disheartened when you hear people make comments like that. Be empathetic to them, as their life circumstances may have certainly influenced their views on marriage. But know that what God has created is beautiful and leads to an abundant life in Him. As long as we are obedient to Him, we will certainly see the blessing in it. Romans 6:22 says, "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life." We pray that when you are married you will be the sweet voice of encouragement to engaged couples to say to them, "Congratulations! How blessed you will be! Just remember to Whom you belong."

Discussion: What is the worst marriage comments you have heard? What are your personal thoughts about what marriage is? What can you point to as a good example of marriage?

Prayer: Our Lord God, we thank you for creating this beautiful union called marriage. And we pray our children delight in it. We pray they will be obedient to your Word. And we pray they will be a light in the darkness showing how what you have made is so blessed and beautiful. in Jesus we pray, Amen.

Not The Sweatpants

I love it when a show can make me laugh out loud, and I did that yesterday afternoon while watching a DVR'ed episode of Duck Dynasty. Jase and Jep Robertson, brothers, were competing for something. When Jep lost, he compared losing to his brother to driving to Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday and finding it closed. Or "hoping to get lucky with Jess [his wife] ... and she puts on the sweatpants." I laughed heartily because it's something I could see Daddy saying. This could be one of those devotion posts where my kids do an "ewww," because the parents are talking about sex again, but since it's such an important part of marriage, we certainly don't want to skimp on this. But let's face it, if Brad is any indication of what the male libido is like, then men want to have sex every single day ... several times a day if possible. Now there was a study once that said men think about sex every seven seconds, but that's probably well blown out of proportion. WebMD says men think about sex at least once a day and for women once every other day. So based on that, men think about sex twice as often as women do. But to me the key part of that article is the language of intimacy. It said that women need to have a connection emotionally before they can have sex, and for men, sex is the connection.

You want your husband to be happy? Have sex. Nice and simple. And have it often. You hear the old cliche "Not tonight, honey, I have a headache," but know that when sex is denied, that emotional connection, that intimacy men crave, is lacking. So what women want in romance (date night, flowers, caring, snuggling) men want in sex. Just like a woman laments if her husband slumps in the romance department, so men lament women slumping in the sex department. Thus, when Jess Robertson dons the sweatpants, according to Jep, she's telling her hubby in a subtle way, "Not tonight, honey." Now I've never done the sweatpants thing, but you can see Brad's heart sink when he says, "You're putting on those pajamas," which must be anti-sexy. But trust me - and he can speak for this - I can even rock those slumpy jammies so they don't instantly send the anti-sex signal. Which is funny, cause then the next time I wear those jammies, Daddy's all "oooo, those jammies!"

I have many friends who have told me they rarely make love. One once told me it had been seven years. Seven! Others have told me once a week or every couple of weeks or even once a month. Say what?! Why? Barring physical issues, something is breaking down in these couples romantically and passionately. Both parts are equally valuable. So couples, get to know each other intimately. Find out what brings the other pleasure both physically and emotionally. Make it about pleasing your spouse and not yourself. It comes back in spades anyway ... a true win-win situation!

So girls, watch what message your are sending your fellows sex wise. And fellows, romance, romance, romance those girls. I promise you it will reap benefits. Have sex and have fun (we know, weird advice coming from your parents) - of course, remember, after the wedding. And maybe skip the sweatpants in the bedroom.

Discussion: Ask your fiance what they find sexy. Ask your fiance how often they think of sex? What is their idea of romance or intimacy?

Prayer: Lord God, how blessed we are they you have created love making for married couples. We thank you for this gift and pray we can delight in it often, lovingly, romantically and passionately. In Christ we pray, Amen.

The Penny Jar

Your Daddy and I heard about this long after our first year of marriage, but we wished we'd heard about it before we married. I can't even remember where we heard it, but it's said, if you put a penny in a jar every time you make love during your first year of marriage, then take two out every time you make love for the rest of your marriage, you will never run out of pennies. The story goes that you'll be making love so much during that first year, that it will be twice as much as all the other years combined. I think it's a way to make fun of married couples slacking off on love making for the rest of their marriage.

Now let me say first off, I think your Daddy and I would have run out of pennies in that second year. I guess we'll never know, but I'd like to think we've been pretty good of keeping the heat in our marriage. After all, we've explained before how important it is to marriage. If Christ said the two become one flesh, we say do it often. You remember Great-Grandpa Zimanek's advice from the blog on Feb. 22? "Have sex as often as you can, because there will come a day when you can't and you wish you could." Your Dad reminds me of that often, specially the older we get.

To even mention that love making could slack off probably seems ridiculous to you both right now, being all googly eyed with each other, but life does get in the way. Stresses, physical ailments, post-pregnancy, arguments, exhaustion ... sometimes things prevent that intimacy. But strive to avoid that. It is so important to keep that emotional connection - yes, emotional - in your marriage. Let's face it, you can't get any closer than that. Even Paul warned against abstaining from sex for a period of time. 1 Cor. 7:2-5 says: "But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Your spouse is the only person you will be having sex with for the rest of your lives. Song of Solomon 7:10 says, "I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me." So delight in that desire. Do not withhold from one another. First of all, it's selfish and mean. Second of all, why would you ever want to purposefully withhold sex from the one you love most of all? Paul even says Satan may jump all over that to do some tempting. 

So make love often. Just wait till after the wedding. 

Discussion: Will you start a penny jar? Do you think you'd run out of pennies? Is there any reason to withhold sex from one another?

Prayer: Father, you have given married couples with this beautiful gift of love making. We pray our newlyweds will delight in each other and glorify you. We pray they will not lose sight of the importance of making love with each other. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Sweeter Than Honeymoon

When doing research about Italian wedding traditions, I learned about the origin of the honeymoon. Apparently, newlyweds would eat honey every night during an entire moon phase after their wedding, thus the honeymoon. Others say is was mead the couple drank for a month after the wedding. Mead was made of fermented honey and water. Guess "meadmonth" didn't catch on for the post-wedding trip moniker.

These days the honeymoon is the much needed getaway the couple takes after their wedding. It's a time just for the couple, one of intimacy, love and fun. Of late, lazy mornings and sweet, sultry nights ... or vice versa.

Now some folks will use this as a vacation time to go see something new and do some touring. But let us make something very clear to you if you don't already know this: the honeymoon is for sex. Lots and lots of sex. If you plan on making your honeymoon a touring time, you truly have a sad view of the honeymoon. Now we're not saying you can't go see new things and take adventures. We're saying if you plan a day-to-day schedule of places to go and things to see, that is just messed up. It's supposed to be a sweet time with your honey. A time to relax and get to know each other on a personal and physical level. It is also a time to have fun after the sometimes stress of wedding planning and before you return to normalcy and the regular work day.

I know Ayla and Rob have tossed around the idea of seeing the Florida Keys. And Anton and Kayla have mentioned going to the Garden City Beach, SC condo we have frequented where Ayla and Rob were engaged and where Brad and I had our honeymoon. Both ideas are good choices because you can do pretty much whatever you want without feeling pressure to sightsee. I will share that the most recent episode of Brides magazine surveyed 136 brides to ask them if they could do the whole wedding planning over again, what they would splurge on and most brides said "an even better honeymoon." Food for thought.

Did you know the honeymoon is sorta mentioned in Scripture? In Deuteronomy 24:5 it says, "When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be charged with any related duty. He shall be free at home one year, so he can bring happiness to the wife whom he has married." A whole year! Imagine!

Notice that the honeymoon in ancient times was to last a month. These days, that's pretty hard for full-time employees to try to pull off. But we would recommend the honeymoon last not a week, or month or even a year ... but a lifetime. Not the trip, of course, but the giggly, tender, loving, passion you have during that time. Don't ever let it wane.

So make your plans for a fun, stress-free, sweeter-than-honeymoon ... the trip and the marriage.

Discussion: Where would you like to go for your honeymoon? What do you want to do on your honeymoon? Do you plan on going immediately after your wedding?

Prayer: Lord Jesus, you tell us when a couple is married that two become one flesh. The honeymoon is the place where that all begins in glory and honor to You. Thank you for what you have created for couples. In Jesus' name, Amen.

22!

 You know how much Daddy loves the number 22. Today's date is pretty much the reason for that. Feb. 22 is Great Grandpa Anton Zimanek's birthday. Today he would have been 101 years old. Daddy didn't just like 22 because it was his grandfather's birthday, although that would have been enough. He also liked it because Great-Grandpa Anton shot a .22. "It was the first gun I shot," Daddy says. From childhood on, your Daddy would always choose #22 for his jersey in baseball, basketball and football when he would play. It was a tribute to this man who your father respected more than any other man ... and deservedly so.

Grandpa was a pretty cool guy. What your Daddy said he felt from his Grandpa was unconditional love. "I felt it from him immediately. Don't get me wrong, he was strict. You worked hard when you were with him, but I loved it, cause it was fun. I would do anything with him," he said. He explains that one of the best days of his life was when he was 6 years old and had worked all day with Grandpa grinding corn, collecting eggs, feeding the cows and picking apples. Grandpa then took him to Mary Nelson's country store and gave him a dollar, where your Daddy bought the 1971 NFL preseason magazine with John Brodie, quarterback for the 49ers, on the cover. "I still have it," Daddy says. "It signifies hard work and love."

I asked your Daddy what he learned about marriage from his Grandpa. He said Grandma and Grandpa held hands all the time and kissed a lot. "They were never afraid of public displays of affection," he says. Great Grandpa always thought his wife was his beautiful bride. "This is even after 60+ years of marriage," Daddy says. "You can't make that up. You felt it when you were with him. I mean, they fought, yeah, but he would do anything for her." When they did fight, Grandpa would go take a walk saying he didn't want to say anything he'd later regret. I remember how precious they were together. Lot's of giggling between them.

Brad said a year before Grandpa died, they were sitting under a tree on a hill overlooking the Big Rock when he said to your Daddy, "Have sex as often as you can, because there will come a day when you can't and you wish you could." I personally remember him talking about Grandma's "fluffy pillows" when referring to her, ahem, chest.

Of course the first thing we always think about Grandpa is him singing "How Great Thou Art." He sang it every day with his dog Scottie as they walked a trail on his Sobieski, WI property. And I'm pretty sure both Ayla and Anton remember hearing him sing it. Your Daddy still tears up when he sings it. Great Grandpa loved the Lord. Your Daddy says he remembers seeing Grandpa get excited on Easter morning about going to worship the Risen Christ.

Your Daddy thought enough of Great Grandpa to name our son after him. It is the highest honor we could pay him and honestly a perfect namesake as one to emulate for Anton.

So Grandpa's marriage advice ... show love often, have fun, love passionately, work hard, take care of each other and love your Lord. We look forward to visiting in Heaven with him and Grandma one day to play a game of pinochle. Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

Discussion: What do you remember about Great Grandpa Anton? Of his advice, what is something you would want to apply to your marriage?

Prayer: We thank you, Lord, for the life of Anthony "Anton" Walter Zimanek, Sr. He loved you, Lord, and set an example to follow in worship of you. We thank you for all our journey's in life and the lives that intersect with ours. In Jesus, Amen.

Yada, Yada, Yada

 Sex. Yep, we're going there. I didn't want to bring it up so early in this blog (with 250 days to go) for various reasons. Mostly because I know how much you love each other and didn't want speaking about sex to be a stumbling block to you. But when I talked about it with Daddy recently, he felt it was a subject that needed to be addressed sooner rather than later. There may be a few devotions on this over the next 250 days, we'll see, but we'll start with this for now.

First off, I know having parents speak to you about sex is an "Ew, are you kidding" moment. But bear with us. Brad and I have always believed we needed to be open with our children about sex so that they never hesitated to ask us questions. We didn't want them to ever feel uncomfortable around us about that subject matter where they felt they needed to go elsewhere for information. Now, that didn't mean they weren't uncomfortable with our approach either, but we preferred open discussion verses hush-hush shame about something our Father created that is so beautiful. We vowed to answer our children's questions honestly and directly (appropriate to their age) and be open about the fact that is was an important part of our marriage. We never wanted our kids to wonder if we only had sex twice.

I remember the first time Ayla asked me about sex. She was 8 and had just observed the neighbor's dogs mating. She asked, "Mommy, is that how you and Daddy do it?" Watching these dogs running around attached at the backside, I said, "Not exactly." I explained the anatomic parts were similar, but not quite this particular approach. That was enough for her. Obviously we had spoken about it before for her to ask the question as she had. She was neither embarrassed or overly interested. Just curious about what she was observing.

We told our children at a very young age that when our bedroom door was closed at night, it was a good chance we would be making love, and therefore to please allow us our privacy. Now we weren't jumping in there midday or anything, but we wanted to give them fair warning should they have a nightmare or need something in the middle of the night. We had a little ceramic lady holding a sign that said, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine" (from the Song of Solomon 6:3) that we hung on our doorknob as a deterrent. If they needed something they could knock and we'd "wrap it up," so to speak. By the way, this never needed to happen. We were pretty discreet.

So that is a little background. Daddy and I read once that men need sex to have love and women need love to have sex. Now we don't believe that it's quite that black and white, but there is some truth to the statement. When a man romances a women, why wouldn't she want to make love to her husband. And if a woman is making love to her husband, why wouldn't he want to romance her? It's a sweet circle.

Sex was created by God for married couples: for their pleasure and for reproduction. Those who say it was strictly for reproduction are dead wrong just as those who would say it was just for pleasure, and those who say just for pleasure in reproduction. The latter wouldn't make sense because the pleasure would be gone once the childbearing years are over, and that's certainly not the case.

The word used for sex in Scripture is "yada." Often it is translated as "to know." A husband knew (yada) his wife and she conceived. But it goes deeper than knowing. It means to know and respect on the deepest most intimate level. It's used many, many times in Scripture. Psalm 44:21 says, "For He knows (yada) the secrets of the heart." King David says to God in Psalm 119:125, "I am your servant; give me understanding, so that I may know (yada) your decrees." It's the best, most thorough desire to know something or someone. If people when making love were thinking about how deeply they are desiring to know and respect the one they are with, it would certainly give "hook ups" a pause for hesitation.

There is no deeper, more beautiful, more loving way to "know" your spouse than through love making as God designed. Those who would pervert that by isolating what and who it is for, don't understand the relationship God intended for a man and woman as they "become one flesh" both physically and spiritually.

Now we aren't going to go into intricacies here, but we will make some book recommendations for you. There are two in particular that we highly recommend that were recommended to us: "The Gift of Sex" by Clifford and Joyce Penner and "Intended For Pleasure" by Dr. Ed and Gaye Wheat. If you feel uneasy about purchasing them or borrowing them from the library, you are welcome to borrow ours (oh, stop the "Ewww" ing). We read both books before we got married ... and after, too. Lots of great pieces of information and advice.

We are so thankful to God that He loved us and marriage so much that He gave this beautiful gift to husbands and wives. It's fun, exhilarating, sweet, erotic, gentle, precious and, well, necessary, especially if we're going to have any grandbabies in the future. But lets keep it in the proper order shall we? "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage."

Discussion: Do you think sex is something you need to learn more about or just experience as you go along? How sacred is loving making to you? Do you have any questions for each other?

Prayer: Oh, how You love us Lord! How blessed we are to be so loved by You. Father, we pray we approach love making as You intended. May we deeply, intimately know and respect one another. In Christ's name, Amen.

Reunited

Today I am going to be back in the arms of your Daddy after seven days apart. Let me tell you, I can hardly wait. Maybe I am weirder than other wives, but I absolutely love to be with him and delight in every moment I can be (he would argue that doesn't include baseball games, but I truly even enjoy that just to be with him). There is something about just being with him that makes my whole day brighter. And he knows it. He asked before I left for Pennsylvania, "Are you going to be okay being away from me that long?" And I answered, "nope" flat out. He doesn't mean it arrogantly, like "she just can't live without me by her," but because I have told him countless times how much I love to be with him. And we've mentioned here before about the importance of being together.

Now I am not saying that I don't enjoy time alone. I think everyone needs that. But I am so grateful to God that I still to this day get excited about being with Brad. And he makes me want to feel that way. Good gracious, he asks me all the time to marry him, why wouldn't I want to be with him? And being one flesh and all, being 16 hours away really pulls at that. Plus, with sex being such an important part of love, especially for a man, seven days without can be quite a long stretch (wink wink).

We pray you will throughout the years long to spend time together, enjoy those moments and strive to spend as little time as possible apart from each other. While they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and perhaps it makes you remember how much you love one another when you are away from one another, it's still more fun to be together. I think it is as God intended us to be. (Sigh) I can't wait to see your Daddy.

Discussion: How do you both feel when you are apart? Do you think it's necessary to spend time together for fun each day? Why do you think it's important to spend time together?

Prayer: Lord God, thank you for instilling in us a desire to want to be together. And thank you for time apart that we appreciate each other and our time together. We love you, so much, Father. In Jesus, Amen.

Conquer the World

Lately I have been fascinated with watching the Duggar family reality show called 19 Kids & Counting. I think I ignored the show when I first heard about it, thinking having that many kids was just crazy. But I stumbled across it about six months ago and was impressed by what I saw in these reruns with regards to Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's parenting skills and their dedication to their faith.

But most recently I have been captivated by their older daughters' courting, engagements and weddings. Of course, I always love weddings, but these were amazing for different reasons. These girls and their significant others have imposed strict rules on themselves during the pre-wedding process in efforts to keep themselves pure for marriage. Those rules include: side hugs only, chaperones at all times, no holding hands until you're engaged and no kissing until marriage. In today's culture these things are just unheard of! But what impressed me about their rules is not only how much these girls respected themselves enough to hold themselves to these standards, but that the men they loved did as well. You never saw those boys pressure those girls in any way. The rules were the rules, and they were worth the wait.

Now we're not saying that all couples should side hug only, not hold hands and the rest, but, those physical drives are very real, and when you open that door just a crack ... well, sometimes the door swings all the way open.

Culture today encourages, sometimes even pushes, couples to go way beyond holding hands and kissing. It is considered normal for people to have sex on first dates. And to be dating for awhile or even engaged and not be having sex, good gracious, what's wrong with you!?

I read a recent bridal magazine that suggested if you're going through a lot of stress in planning your wedding, to get in the bedroom and have sex. Then everything will be alright. Say what?! Says who?

We know the two of you had the opportunity to move in together, and we know you discussed it at length. And you know that we prayed diligently that you would be obedient to your faith. We were witness to several moments where the Father was gently reminding you to Whom you belonged and what He required. And how grateful to Him we were when we heard you had decided to wait until after your wedding. While the wait seems long, might even not make sense from the financial standpoint, we can guarantee being faithful to the Father will be such a blessing in the end in many ways.

It is our prayer that men and women will hold themselves to higher standards, those of their Father, and remember that they are worth respecting, valuing, cherishing and waiting for. Our Father says we show our love for Him in that we are obedient to Him. 1 John 5:3-4 says, "For the love of God is this, that we obey his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome, for whatever is born of God conquers the world." 

Praying the two of you conquer the world.

Discussion: How important is being obedient to God to you? Is it difficult to go against culture or even your desires to be obedient? What rules have you set for yourself to remain obedient?

Prayer: Lord, you created us with longings to be together, a bond so beautiful in its creation. Thank you, Father, for such a beautiful gift. Help us to be obedient to you, love each other, respect each other and likewise ourselves. We are worth it. We know it, because you died for those many times when we've been disobedient. We love you, Father. In Jesus, Amen.