Premarital Counseling

For Daddy it was with our friend David Woods, a pastor in Tennessee. For me it was with Jerry Landry, a pastor in Pennsylvania. We're talking about premarital counseling. We would have done it together if we could have, but your Daddy was already living in Tennessee working at his new job and I was still in Pittsburgh in the months leading up to the wedding. But the minister marrying us insisted we go to premarital counseling prior to the wedding date. This was in the days before Skype or Facetime and in the days of high charges for long-distance calling, so we couldn't even communicate digitally for our counseling. Your Daddy says he remembers many conversations about sports (seems you meet with a sports writer and that's what happens). I remember discussing wedding details and marriage issues.

Daddy and I have treated this blog as a year-long premarital counseling journey for our children. We are sharing our experiences with you about various subject matters in marriage itself and different aspects of the wedding and reception. We are hoping we leave no stone unturned in this 365-day blog. At the same time, both of you couples will be having premarital counseling with a pastor leading up to your wedding date. And we highly recommend it, even after we've shared all this information these last 10 months. The Journal of Family Psychology published a survey which showed that couples who had premarital counseling were more satisfied in their marriage and had a 30 percent less likelihood of divorce over five years. We want you to ask the hard questions. We want you to glean wisdom from God through His servants about what marriage requires and what you can do to strengthen it. It's good to have an objective Christian moderator to hear you both out on issues like money, sex, raising a family, problem solving, health, faith, habits, careers, responsibilities, etc. We want you to be as prepared as you can for life's bumps in the road and different issues as experienced by wise folks who have been there and navigated through them. You can always learn more.

So look forward to your premarital counseling ahead. If you have concerns you want to dig into, write them down to bring up at counseling. If you have questions where you want to learn more, write that down, too. Don't hesitate to ask. This is a prime location to get that discussed and get godly advice.

Discussion: What are some subjects you want to talk about with your premarital counselor? What is important to you about counseling?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for all the souls who have gone before us in marriage that can give us advice on what makes a good, strong marriage. We pray the premarital counseling these couples go through is beneficial and a blessing to their happiness in marriage. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Do Excellently

Today is Mother's Day, and I have been blessed to have gotten to spend time with both my children this past weekend between bridal showers and graduation ceremonies. I don't know if anyone understands, except another mother, how much joy we get from being with our children. When my kids are in the house, there is laughter, joy and gobs of fun times. I so enjoy when they are here.

I have commented often that I sure wish God would have included a note with each child as they are born that says, "This is mine. Please take care of this child for the next 18 years and teach him/her how to love me and how to teach others to love me. Then let them go to serve me." That might drive home the point to mommies and daddies everywhere that our time with our children is quite limited and to enjoy every moment of their growing up years. You don't want to waste or miss a second ... and it goes by soooo quickly. You don't think it does when you are up all night with a sick child or changing countless diapers, but trust me, it whizzes by.

I am grateful for my mother. She loves our God with a passion and wanted to make sure we all did as well. It is a foundation of child-like faith has had such an impact in my spiritual journey and prayer life. I can say with all honesty that her faith has absolutely made me, my husband and my children, not to mention the many others our lives have impacted, better. No doubt. I hope the youth I have taught and the people I have shared Christ with understand that part of their faith journey can be traced back to my mother.

You never know the impact you may be making on a person's life. And as parents - and followers of Christ - that impact is profound. I am praying both Ayla and Kayla will have the opportunity to be moms some day. Until then we can celebrate Thelma, Barbara, Irene, Marie, Laurie, Donna and all the grandmas and mamas out there who have given so much for their children. Proverbs 31:28-29 says "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband too, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.'” While I pray both ladies will "surpass them all" as mamas, I pray all four of you will "do excellently." Keep the faith. Share the faith.

Discussion: Tell what kind of impact your mother had on your life. Tell about several other mentors that have shared or taught the love of Christ with you. How are you doing the same?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you for mothers. Thank you for both their successes and challenges as they raise their children. Help all mother's seek your guidance on how to raise their children in faith. And help us all to reach out in love to tell others about You. In Jesus, Amen.

Faith Fit Bit

Ayla loves her new Fit Bit. This technological device - worn like a watch - tracks physical activity, food and water consumption and sleep. When I asked what she thought of it, she said, "I love it because it holds me accountable for my health." In this day and age of many sedentary activities (in front of various video screens) it is good to have something to remind us to keep moving, eat correctly, get enough water and plenty of rest. Physical fitness is important, especially if you want to be the best temple for the Lord (1 Cor. 6:19).

This is also why Brad and I love our weekly accountability (called Reunion) groups so much. They hold us accountable for our faith. We shared  a photo of the card we follow on Nov. 24 of last year in this blog. It takes a person about 10-15 minutes to go completely through the card depending on what is happening in your life. A group meeting typically lasts about an hour (unless you are the Digressing Divas - my reunion group likes to visit, too, so we take a bit longer).

The card provides prompts to help you remember various areas of accountability in your spiritual life. You are not expected to do all the items asked about, but it's rather to get you thinking about what you could be doing. The accountability group holds you accountable for the following:

Worship:

• Are you having a devotion time?
• Praying?
• Worshiping at church?
• Taking communion?
• Journaling?
• Going on a spiritual retreat?

Study:

• Are you reading Scripture?
• Reading devotion/study guides?
• Reading religious publications, devotional newspapers or religious magazines?
• Are you taking a Bible study?
  Do you go to Sunday School?
• Have you attended a religious seminar?

Action - What have you done to show the love of Christ in your...

• Family?
• Vocation?
• Community?
• Small Group?
• Church?

After completing that part of the card, we then discuss:

• At what moment we felt Closest to Christ during the week
• Call to Discipleship, when we discipled someone sharing Christ with them
• When our faith was tested through failure, called Discipleship Denied 
• What our Plan is for the next week to improve our faith
• What Special Needs we want prayer for.
• Then we close in prayer.

You become very close to your Reunion Group members because of this accountability. It is a precious, welcome time of sharing.

Just as physical fitness is important, so likewise is spiritual fitness. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 4:7-8 "Train yourself toward godliness, for, while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” How wonderful it would be to have a technological device that tracked that as well. But since we don't have those, and it is important for Christians to hold one another accountable, the Reunion Group - or Faith Fit Bit Group if you will - is the best tracker out there. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." There is value in the accountability group. 

All it takes is just one person to have a accountability partner. Your fiance could be that person. Once a week you could ask each other the questions above. If you'd like have additional people in the group, ask others if they would be willing to meet with you specifically for that purpose. Do not use this time for Bible study - that is a different kind of group. This is strictly your weekly Faith Fit Bit tracker.

You will find it to be quite fulfilling and inspiring, cause you certainly don't want to show up to your FFB group with nothing accomplished faith-wise each week. Hold each other accountable. It is so important, like your physical health, to remember to keep your faith in check also. 1 Timothy 4:15 says, "Put these things into practice, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress." So get healthy - physically, yes; spiritually, most definitely.

Discussion: Would you be interested in trying to do an accountability group? Who would be persons who you would trust to hold you accountable to your faith?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you for Christian brothers and sisters we can trust to hold us accountable for our faith action. Lord, help us to make the time to spur one another on towards love and good deeds. May we take care of both our physical body and spiritual soul in Jesus name, Amen.

Obedience Without Reservation

I saw a quote from a Christian music artist just recently who had made some lifestyle choices that went against Scripture. In this article about her, she made this comment when saying she had reconciled her life to her faith: "God, this is what I got, so you love me with this from where we're starting today or you don't." She said she embraced her choices at this point and has moved forward. Here's the thing. Her prayer to God ... sounds like an ultimatum founded on the obvious. She asks God if He will love her as is. And here's the thing ... if she's Christian she knows God already loves her ... enough to die for her. He created her. He knows her heart. He loves her so unbelievably much. He loves everyone of us that way. But He doesn't want us to stay where we are. No matter what sin we have, He will love us. But He wants us to become more like Christ. He doesn't want us to say, "Hey - this is my sin. Love me this way or not, I'm staying here." It's like saying, "Liars, keep lying. God loves you." Or "Thieves, keep stealing. God loves you." Or "Adulterers, keep on cheating on your spouses. God loves you."

God calls us to a life of obedience to His will. In the Disciples Bible Study it says this: "Faith is not belief without proof; faith is obedience without reservation." That is backed up with Scripture which says in 1 Samuel 15:22: "And Samuel said, “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obedience to the voice of the Lord? Surely, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams." And in Romans 6:16 "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?" And then powerfully so in 1 John 5:2-4 "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For the love of God is this, that we obey his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome, for whatever is born of God conquers the world. And this is the victory that conquers the world, our faith." Christ himself said in John 14:23, "Jesus answered him, “Those who love me will keep my word, and my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them."

We are called by God to be obedient to His commands, and not just the ones we want to obey. We are to love. We are to be generous. We are to care for the least of these. We are not supposed to sin. Those are the rules. And we show we love God by being obedient to them ... not giving Him ultimatums and telling Him how we are going to live our lives. 

We want you both to understand the importance of obedience to God in all aspects of your lives. You will make mistakes, for sure, and God will love you nonetheless. That doesn't mean you continue in them. You will understand this more fully when you become a parent. You will love your children regardless of the errors they make, but you sure don't want them to continue in breaking the rules. You want them to grow, make choices based on righteousness and conform to the image of Christ. Don't ever settle for, "This is who I am, I like it, so I am staying this way." Instead strive for, "This is who Christ is, I love Him, and that's how I want to be."

The wisest man on the earth was King Solomon. He wrote a book called Ecclesiastes during the latter years of his life. This man had everything: money, power, women, brains. He had it all. But what he realized in his life was that none of that brought happiness. "'Meaningless, meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Everything is meaningless,'" he says in Ecclesiastes 12:8. But he concludes at the end of his book in 12:13-14: "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." The Israel kingdom was torn in two because King Solomon didn't obey God. And he left behind him a legacy of bad kings who disobeyed God, eventually leading to the destruction of Jerusalem. God wants obedience. He is a holy and just God who demands it. And because of His forgiveness, we see a new King was sent to earth as a baby to open the door for that forgiveness. 

Obedience without reservation ... that shows our love for Him. Be obedient.

Discussion: Are there areas of your life that you need to be obedient to God in? What are some ways you can keep yourself in check with God's commands?

Prayer: Father, please forgive us for our sins. You have told us and shown us how we are to live, and we fail You every day. Lord God, may Your Holy Spirit ever remind us of Your Word that we will be obedient to it. We love you, Father, and thank you for the King of Kings, Jesus Christ, Amen.