Premarital Counseling

For Daddy it was with our friend David Woods, a pastor in Tennessee. For me it was with Jerry Landry, a pastor in Pennsylvania. We're talking about premarital counseling. We would have done it together if we could have, but your Daddy was already living in Tennessee working at his new job and I was still in Pittsburgh in the months leading up to the wedding. But the minister marrying us insisted we go to premarital counseling prior to the wedding date. This was in the days before Skype or Facetime and in the days of high charges for long-distance calling, so we couldn't even communicate digitally for our counseling. Your Daddy says he remembers many conversations about sports (seems you meet with a sports writer and that's what happens). I remember discussing wedding details and marriage issues.

Daddy and I have treated this blog as a year-long premarital counseling journey for our children. We are sharing our experiences with you about various subject matters in marriage itself and different aspects of the wedding and reception. We are hoping we leave no stone unturned in this 365-day blog. At the same time, both of you couples will be having premarital counseling with a pastor leading up to your wedding date. And we highly recommend it, even after we've shared all this information these last 10 months. The Journal of Family Psychology published a survey which showed that couples who had premarital counseling were more satisfied in their marriage and had a 30 percent less likelihood of divorce over five years. We want you to ask the hard questions. We want you to glean wisdom from God through His servants about what marriage requires and what you can do to strengthen it. It's good to have an objective Christian moderator to hear you both out on issues like money, sex, raising a family, problem solving, health, faith, habits, careers, responsibilities, etc. We want you to be as prepared as you can for life's bumps in the road and different issues as experienced by wise folks who have been there and navigated through them. You can always learn more.

So look forward to your premarital counseling ahead. If you have concerns you want to dig into, write them down to bring up at counseling. If you have questions where you want to learn more, write that down, too. Don't hesitate to ask. This is a prime location to get that discussed and get godly advice.

Discussion: What are some subjects you want to talk about with your premarital counselor? What is important to you about counseling?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for all the souls who have gone before us in marriage that can give us advice on what makes a good, strong marriage. We pray the premarital counseling these couples go through is beneficial and a blessing to their happiness in marriage. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Questionnaire

The other day, a youth friend of mine posted a questionnaire on Facebook that women were supposed to ask their boyfriend/spouse and then write down their answers exactly as they were said. It was a questionnaire about the woman from the man's perspective, a very different approach. At dinner Monday, I asked Brad the questions as a conversation starter. I started giggling as he answered some of the questions. His insight into me was pretty amazing and I had never heard him say some of the things he said in his answers. It was a lot of fun. Later in the night before we were going to bed, I asked Brad to ask the same questions to me about him and again we enjoyed the responses. It was a fun batch to ask.

You will get to know each other so well over the years that aside from talking about the events of the day, you may not get into these kinds of feelings in conversations. So to have an opportunity to dig a little deeper is fun. So we thought you both might enjoy asking each other the same questions to hear what their perspective is of you. Here they are:

1. What is something your beloved always says to you?
2. What makes your beloved happy?
3. What makes your beloved sad?
4. How does your beloved make you laugh?
5. What was your beloved like as a child?
6. How old is your beloved?
7. How tall is your beloved?
8. What is your beloved's thing to do?
9. What does your beloved do when you're not around?
10. If your beloved becomes famous, what will it be for?
11. What is your beloved really good at?
12. What is your beloved not very good at?
13. What does your beloved do for a job?
14.What is your beloved's favorite food?
15.What makes you proud of your beloved?
16. If your beloved were a character, who would your beloved be?
17. What do you and your beloved do together?
18. How are you and your beloved the same?
19. How are you and your beloved different?
20. How do you know your beloved loves you?
21. What does your beloved like most about you?
22. Where is your beloved's favorite place to go?

 We did a little digging and found some other questions you may want to share the answers to. Perhaps you can do one or two a night to learn a little bit more about each other.

23. What is your beloved's idea of a romantic evening?
24. What is your beloved's dream profession?
25. What was your beloved's first impression of you?
26. What fruit or vegetable does your beloved resemble and why?
27. What does your beloved say is your greatest physical atttribute?
28. What romantic movie scene represents your love story?
29. What is your beloved afraid of?
30. What is your beloved's favorite flavor of ice cream?
31. What song reminds you of your beloved?
32. What is something your beloved collects?
33. What would be a good book title for your relationship?
34. What is some adventure your beloved would want to go on with you in the future?
35. What is your beloved's favorite Bible verse?   
36. What is your favorite memory of your beloved?
37. What is something that would surprise people about your beloved?
38. What website does your beloved spend the most time on?
39. How would your beloved spend lottery winnings?
40. If your beloved could play any board game right now, what would it be?
41. What condiment can your beloved not live without?
42. What movie does your beloved want to watch over and over again?
43. What chore does your beloved hate to do?
44. What does your beloved love to smell?
45. What does your beloved hate to smell?
46. Name a famous person your beloved has met.
47. What is another language your beloved can speak?
48. What does your beloved like in a salad?
49. What is your beloved's favorite Olympic sport?
50. What is your beloved's favorite color?
51. How much sleep does your beloved need?
52. What is one interesting habit your beloved has?
53. What is something your beloved has to do every single day?
54. What annoys your beloved most?
55. What is your beloved's favorite donut?
56. What is your beloved's ideal car?
57. Who in history would your beloved want to meet someday?
58. If your beloved could start their own charitable organization, who or what would it help?
59. How do you know when your beloved is angry?
60. What kind of pet would your beloved like?
61. If your spouse could live in any time period in history, when would they live?
62. What is one talent your beloved wished they had?
63. What is your beloved's idea of the perfect house design?
64. What animal reminds you of your beloved?
65. What superpower would you like your beloved to have?
66. What is something your beloved has zero self-control over?
67. What is one material thing your beloved would protect in a storm?
68. Who would your beloved said has made the greatest impression on their life?
69. What does your beloved like to drink?
70. How does your beloved make you better?

Alright, there you go ... lots to discuss! Have fun!

Discussion: Do you ever have trouble having a conversation? When asked some of the questions above, did you learn something new about each other?

Prayer: Lord Jesus, you know our hearts and personalities better than anyone. And we thank you for this soul you've give us on this journey of life. We pray we enjoy the journey and all we learn about our beloved through out the years. In Christ we pray, Amen.