Bird Day

Just recently a former colleague shared a sweet story of celebrating fun accomplishments in her family. This is what she shared.

"We celebrate Bird Days. Early in our marriage, someone gave me this dorky little crystal bird that held a birthday candle. Sigh. Soon after, one of the kids came home with news of a fun accomplishment that deserved to be celebrated. So I grabbed the bird and put it her place at the supper table. When we all came to the table, we lit the candle. She got to share her good news and we sang, 'Happy Bird Day," while she blew out the candle and made a wish. Bird Days became our way of celebrating promotions, good grades, good deeds, rights of passage, you name it. The kids were eager to whisper "Mom, I think that deserves a Bird Day." My daughter and son will now tell me their spouse deserves a Bird Day next time we gather for a meal. God inspires! Grab those memory making opportunities that unite you and run with them."

She added that she recently purchased her pregnant daughter a pewter bird to begin her own Bird Days. Now we're not necessarily suggested you get a bird candle holder, but her point about celebrating those accomplishments and sweet moments is certainly valid. There are so many challenges in life that people deal with, that to take time out to celebrate the special moments and precious victories is worth it and so much fun. It's similar to our Joy Jar (blog Dec. 31 of last year) talking about writing down special moments to remember and read about at the end of the year. But this is endearing in that it truly celebrates the joy in the moment. Kinda like when we got ice cream cones for every first and last day of school. With all life throws at people, we need to celebrate all we can.

It's part of edification and building up one another as in 1 Thessalonians 5:11. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." Enjoy those times and celebrate as often as you can. Those are memories worth making for the people you love.

Discussion: What are ways you have celebrated special moments or acknowledged accomplishments in your beloved? Is there something you would like to do similar to Bird Days?

Prayer: Lord, we are so blessed by you and we love to celebrate those blessings. Help us remember to pause in life to rejoice in those special events. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Help Me Understand

A husband told us recently that he just learned something new about his wife. It was a key piece of information about something she had to deal with in her past which has affected how she's responded to many situations in their marriage. It helped explain a lot of misunderstood times of communication for the couple and gave them a chance to reevaluate how they would handle future similar situations with grace, empathy and understanding. The sad part was it took years for this information to come forward, which if shared earlier would have prevented a lot of heartache and helped the couple be more understanding of each other.

We believe married couples need to have an open line of communication. Brad and I share everything with each other. We are both pretty good communicators, so sharing between us has been easy. Daddy has shared about things that have happened in his life that have shaped who he is and how he responds to specific situations, and I have done likewise. Having this information has helped us be more understanding of responses that might otherwise have seemed out of place or even quirky. So communicate, communicate, communicate. Don't keep things from each other. You may have no idea how what you have gone through in your life is affecting your behavior today. And lack of information puts your spouse at an unfair disadvantage.

Likewise, when your spouse reacts in a way that does not make sense to you, gently ask why they are responding in such a way. And be understanding of the answer you receive. As Brad would say, "walk a mile in their shoes so you understand," and as the Bible would say - go the extra mile, too. Matthew 5:41 says, "and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile," meaning, go out of your way for your beloved. They are worth it.

"I don't want to talk about it," is not a good nor helpful response. Neither is "just cause." If you love your spouse-to-be, help them understand you. Another help could be taking the Keirsey Temperment Sorter - a personality test from the book Please Understand Me that may help you figure out each other (let alone yourselves) and foster good conversation between the two of you.

Talk to each other. If you want your spouse to understand you, share your deepest thoughts, feelings and experiences. And remember that half of communication is being a good listener. Then be gracious enough to keep that information between yourselves. It will help experiences in your relationship make much more sense.

Discussion: Have you taken the Keirsey Temperment Sorter? What did you learn about each other? How is the communication between you both. Are their circumstances in your life that would help your future spouse know and understand you better?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you that you have made us uniquely who we are and we pray we have the patience to learn more about each other and understand where we are coming from. Help us to be good listeners. And may our words be uplifting and supportive in response. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Team Work

So Daddy and I were helping Anton get ready to fine tune his cover letter for a recent job opening when Kayla said to him, "Do you want me to go on home?" to which Anton strongly replied, "No, please stay here." Tone knew his father and I are pretty thorough editors (and sometimes come across too strongly) and knew he might be in for a "picking apart." He didn't want to face that battle alone. So sweet Kayla came into the tiniest room in our home with Brad, Tone and I, sat on the floor and provided moral support to our son as his letter and resume got a good combing through. There is no doubt Anton drew strength from his fiance sitting on the carpet listening. She provided him with wisdom, too, in Anton's frustration with the late hour. Anton told us she later said, "You know your parents love you and are trying to help you."

That was one of the most precious moments I have seen of this betrothed couple ... and I have seen many of them. To see her want to support him, encourage him, calm him, uplift him and love him, brought me so much peace and joy. To know that my baby boy (yes, he will always be that to me) was being loved so completely by another soul is comforting and reassuring to parents. While we never relinquish our love, that hovering protective instinct has to move out of the way as our son becomes head of his own household. So to know he's going to have an amazing partner in this life journey is truly a blessing for not just him, but us as well. When we hear about Rob having an amazing dinner waiting for our sweet girl after a long shift, it warms out heart. Our children are being loved.

Daddy and I are quite a team when we work together. We are stronger. When he is struggling, I remind him of who our Comforter and Counselor is, and when I am struggling, he is right there doing the same. I love him in the greatest possible way. I want to protect him, uplift him, encourage him, calm him and care for him. And I hate to be apart from him. I know Anton is dreading time he will be spending away from Kayla when she finishes her education next school year.

Recently I asked a friend about a relationship he is in. I asked, "Do you think you will marry her?" to which he responded, "I'm not ready for marriage. I like being single." This is a guy who obviously - at least at this point - is not ready for any "team" work as a couple. We know both of you couples see your betrothed as that perfect teammate in the adventure ahead. We encourage you to nurture and cherish it.

You will be each other's greatest cheerleaders, but understand you likewise will have the power to be each other's greatest antagonist as well, since you will know everything about one another intimately. So be careful not to abuse the connection you have.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing," and Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." So be that for one another. And know that we will always be right here - as long as the Lord give us breath in this life - to do the same for you. We love you.

Discussion: What qualities do you see in your fiance that give you strength? Share a time with one another when your fiance was a support to you.

Prayer: Father you tell us two are better than one as we can pick each other up when we fall (Ecclesiastes 4:10). We pray we will remember to be a source of strength, support and encouragement to one another. In Jesus name, Amen.

Faith Fit Bit

Ayla loves her new Fit Bit. This technological device - worn like a watch - tracks physical activity, food and water consumption and sleep. When I asked what she thought of it, she said, "I love it because it holds me accountable for my health." In this day and age of many sedentary activities (in front of various video screens) it is good to have something to remind us to keep moving, eat correctly, get enough water and plenty of rest. Physical fitness is important, especially if you want to be the best temple for the Lord (1 Cor. 6:19).

This is also why Brad and I love our weekly accountability (called Reunion) groups so much. They hold us accountable for our faith. We shared  a photo of the card we follow on Nov. 24 of last year in this blog. It takes a person about 10-15 minutes to go completely through the card depending on what is happening in your life. A group meeting typically lasts about an hour (unless you are the Digressing Divas - my reunion group likes to visit, too, so we take a bit longer).

The card provides prompts to help you remember various areas of accountability in your spiritual life. You are not expected to do all the items asked about, but it's rather to get you thinking about what you could be doing. The accountability group holds you accountable for the following:

Worship:

• Are you having a devotion time?
• Praying?
• Worshiping at church?
• Taking communion?
• Journaling?
• Going on a spiritual retreat?

Study:

• Are you reading Scripture?
• Reading devotion/study guides?
• Reading religious publications, devotional newspapers or religious magazines?
• Are you taking a Bible study?
  Do you go to Sunday School?
• Have you attended a religious seminar?

Action - What have you done to show the love of Christ in your...

• Family?
• Vocation?
• Community?
• Small Group?
• Church?

After completing that part of the card, we then discuss:

• At what moment we felt Closest to Christ during the week
• Call to Discipleship, when we discipled someone sharing Christ with them
• When our faith was tested through failure, called Discipleship Denied 
• What our Plan is for the next week to improve our faith
• What Special Needs we want prayer for.
• Then we close in prayer.

You become very close to your Reunion Group members because of this accountability. It is a precious, welcome time of sharing.

Just as physical fitness is important, so likewise is spiritual fitness. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 4:7-8 "Train yourself toward godliness, for, while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” How wonderful it would be to have a technological device that tracked that as well. But since we don't have those, and it is important for Christians to hold one another accountable, the Reunion Group - or Faith Fit Bit Group if you will - is the best tracker out there. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." There is value in the accountability group. 

All it takes is just one person to have a accountability partner. Your fiance could be that person. Once a week you could ask each other the questions above. If you'd like have additional people in the group, ask others if they would be willing to meet with you specifically for that purpose. Do not use this time for Bible study - that is a different kind of group. This is strictly your weekly Faith Fit Bit tracker.

You will find it to be quite fulfilling and inspiring, cause you certainly don't want to show up to your FFB group with nothing accomplished faith-wise each week. Hold each other accountable. It is so important, like your physical health, to remember to keep your faith in check also. 1 Timothy 4:15 says, "Put these things into practice, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress." So get healthy - physically, yes; spiritually, most definitely.

Discussion: Would you be interested in trying to do an accountability group? Who would be persons who you would trust to hold you accountable to your faith?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you for Christian brothers and sisters we can trust to hold us accountable for our faith action. Lord, help us to make the time to spur one another on towards love and good deeds. May we take care of both our physical body and spiritual soul in Jesus name, Amen.

No Missed Opportunities

Yesterday after worship we were taking with my friend Danny on our way home. He lost his wife years ago to cancer. We asked him how long they had been together when she went to be with Jesus, and he said, two months shy of 20 years. They were college sweethearts. "She was my everything, and when she died, she didn't even know it. And that kills me," he said.

To know that his wife didn't know how much she meant to Danny makes me sad. It just means we sometimes miss opportunities to let the one we love the most know how much we love and count on them.

Your Daddy asks me to marry him just about every day. Not exactly sure when he started doing that, but the day he stops will break my heart. We have a choice in how we are going to love someone and to know that he still would want to marry me today just as he did when he proposed more than 27 years ago is reassuring and thrilling. I keep a Twinkie man note he wrote me years ago always in my purse as a reminder of that love. Writing each other little notes, flowers for no reason, a bag of chocolates, a cup of coffee, a back rub and repeatedly saying "I love you," are all ways to make sure your loved one knows their value to your life. This is something you should never ever stop doing. It's that important. Don't ever automatically assume just cause you're taking care of things at home or bringing home the bacon, that your loved will will just know how you feel about him/her. Tell them.

You don't ever what to say you missed your chance.

Discussion: What are ways you show your love to one another? Tell of some times when hearing you were loved brought you peace and joy.

Prayer: Father, we know how much You love us. You showed that through Your Son. You show it through the blessings we receive daily from You. Help us to take that cue and likewise show how much we love each other through our words and actions. In Christ we pray, Amen.