Whose Side Are You On?

Bride on the left. Groom on the right. That is where you stand traditionally during the wedding. According to www.theknot.com, this was so that the groom could keep his right hand near his sword should anyone come to take his bride (bummer for the left-handed grooms, I guess). By the way, this is for Christian weddings,- Jewish weddings are opposite.

Thus, tradition tells us that when you attend a wedding, the friends and family of the bride sit on the left side of the sanctuary and the groom's friends and family sit on the right side. Not quite sure what couples who are friends of both the bride and groom do in those situations. And it's awkward when you attend a wedding where there may be more people on one or the other side of the church.

So many couples came up with a solution. At the end of the aisle as people come in to sit down, a sign may be posted which says, "Today, two families become one. We ask that you choose a seat not a side." It is a sweet way of bringing everyone all together to celebrate. However, the immediate family members typically stay on the same side as the one they are related to.

It is our hope that you will always be on each other's side supporting your spouse. No matter what you each face in your marriage, it is our hope that you will defend your spouse.

Daddy and I are both in accountability groups. In those groups we share the highs and lows of our week. One thing that is taboo for me to speak about at those meetings, is if we have had a squabble. The last thing I ever want my friends to do is to pick a side between my husband and I. From our standpoint, we are one, and we want to have a united front with others. We don't ever want to give anyone a reason to think ill of our beloved. That is between us. I am my husband's number one fan and likewise he is mine. We want to support and encourage each other. Proverbs 17:9 says, "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends." We have seen other spouses speak none too kindly about their husbands or wives and it always leaves us sour. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." We want our friends to have only grace and love for our beloved.

So be sure to be the team Christ intends you to be. Don't be in the tearing down business. Be in the building up business. Defend and support your beloved. Be the helpmate God hopes you will be for one another. Regardless of whether or not you have folks pick a side at the wedding ceremony, you don't want it to happen during the marriage.

Discussion: Have you ever heard a person in a couple talk poorly about their spouse? How did it make you feel? Why do you think it's important not to share negative information about your spouse?

Prayer: Lord God, help us to keep a united front, support each other, encourage each other and not speak disparagingly about one another. In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen.

Team Work

So Daddy and I were helping Anton get ready to fine tune his cover letter for a recent job opening when Kayla said to him, "Do you want me to go on home?" to which Anton strongly replied, "No, please stay here." Tone knew his father and I are pretty thorough editors (and sometimes come across too strongly) and knew he might be in for a "picking apart." He didn't want to face that battle alone. So sweet Kayla came into the tiniest room in our home with Brad, Tone and I, sat on the floor and provided moral support to our son as his letter and resume got a good combing through. There is no doubt Anton drew strength from his fiance sitting on the carpet listening. She provided him with wisdom, too, in Anton's frustration with the late hour. Anton told us she later said, "You know your parents love you and are trying to help you."

That was one of the most precious moments I have seen of this betrothed couple ... and I have seen many of them. To see her want to support him, encourage him, calm him, uplift him and love him, brought me so much peace and joy. To know that my baby boy (yes, he will always be that to me) was being loved so completely by another soul is comforting and reassuring to parents. While we never relinquish our love, that hovering protective instinct has to move out of the way as our son becomes head of his own household. So to know he's going to have an amazing partner in this life journey is truly a blessing for not just him, but us as well. When we hear about Rob having an amazing dinner waiting for our sweet girl after a long shift, it warms out heart. Our children are being loved.

Daddy and I are quite a team when we work together. We are stronger. When he is struggling, I remind him of who our Comforter and Counselor is, and when I am struggling, he is right there doing the same. I love him in the greatest possible way. I want to protect him, uplift him, encourage him, calm him and care for him. And I hate to be apart from him. I know Anton is dreading time he will be spending away from Kayla when she finishes her education next school year.

Recently I asked a friend about a relationship he is in. I asked, "Do you think you will marry her?" to which he responded, "I'm not ready for marriage. I like being single." This is a guy who obviously - at least at this point - is not ready for any "team" work as a couple. We know both of you couples see your betrothed as that perfect teammate in the adventure ahead. We encourage you to nurture and cherish it.

You will be each other's greatest cheerleaders, but understand you likewise will have the power to be each other's greatest antagonist as well, since you will know everything about one another intimately. So be careful not to abuse the connection you have.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing," and Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." So be that for one another. And know that we will always be right here - as long as the Lord give us breath in this life - to do the same for you. We love you.

Discussion: What qualities do you see in your fiance that give you strength? Share a time with one another when your fiance was a support to you.

Prayer: Father you tell us two are better than one as we can pick each other up when we fall (Ecclesiastes 4:10). We pray we will remember to be a source of strength, support and encouragement to one another. In Jesus name, Amen.

Helpmate

Today is your mother’s – and future mother-in-law’s – birthday! She can no longer say she is with an older man. She’s 50 just like me as we continue this incredible journey God has laid out before us all those many years ago when we met as 18-year-olds.

I know Anton and Ayla have heard parts of this story over the years, but it is part of the journey that led both of us to pray daily for our two children’s future spouses since both Anton and Ayla were infants.

My sophomore year in high school, I began praying for my future spouse every day in front of the mirror in the bathroom before I left for school. I prayed for everything: beauty, brains, a heart for God as well as certain physical characteristics. You name it, I asked Him for it. God answered every request and then some. Jill will say He didn’t … She will say: “I’m not tall, long-legged and love sports.” But God, of course, knows better. If Jill loved sports and athletics, I would not have grown and been as well-rounded without all of the interests, skills and passions Jill brings to the table. He gave me everything I needed in her to be the perfect woman and helpmate on our spiritual journeys.

God has done the exact same for both Rob and Ayla and Anton and Kayla. Don’t ever forget that. People have prayed for who Anton and Ayla would be Christian partners with here on this earth for decades. So when issues arise in your married lives, and they will arise, remember that. And ask God why He brought your spouse into your life – in a particular instance that you might not understand at the time – to shape, mold and teach you to be more like Him in your journey.

 I cannot even begin to imagine who I would be without Jill. I was 18. I was driven. In some ways, I was mature. In some ways, I was not. I was self-centered. I had a rough few years prior to meeting her and was a little angry. It was me fighting against the world. I loved God, but didn’t really know what it meant. It was just loving God on my own terms.

 Jill was a shining light. Her relationship with Christ was evident to all who came across her. She loves passionately. She cares deeply. She’s beautiful, smart, resourceful, talented, goofy, driven, while always wanting to make a memory … taking the ordinary and making it special. Your mother used all of those characteristics to nurture and build up both of you. She’s always wanted the best for you and did everything in her power to nth degree to make that happen. After Ayla was born, Jill didn’t last long in the working mother world. At the time, I didn’t think it was the smartest decision. It was going from two similar incomes to one. We ended up doing without a lot.

Thank God your mom had the strength and drive to make it happen. I can emphatically say, Ayla and Anton, you would have not ended up as the well-rounded, caring, Christian people you have become if she had not sacrificed and stayed home to shower Christ’s love upon you. I would not have become the husband, father and man of God without her by my side to lead, love and support. She’s my best friend. She’s the love of my life. 

Happy birthday … my Pumpkin, my Cuppy Cake (inside joke) … I cannot imagine going through a day on this journey on earth without her. I hope and pray that all four of you can love your spouse as deeply and as passionately as I love your mother and future mother-in-law.

Discussion: Men, what are some characteristics you think are important for wives? What are some attributes you see in your fiance that will help grow you?

Prayer: Father, we give You all the glory and thank You for answering our prayers for the future spouses of our children. We continue to uplift all four of them in their future marriage journeys, that they will mutually benefit each other spiritually, edify and support each other. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Inconveniences

Inconveniences are a pain. You know, when you hit every single traffic light. Or for that matter traffic is heavy. Or when something breaks down. Or you get injured. It can be exasperating. When you are going through it, seems nothing can make it right. Sometimes you even want to brush off the well-intentioned soul who says to you, "There must be a reason for it."

But the truth of the matter is, there probably is a reason for it. Think of the miraculous stories of people who were delayed to an event only to hear about an accident at the exact time you were to be there. Or was the delay intended by God to teach you patience? Or were you a piece in a far grander lesson for another soul in their spiritual journey. You may never, ever know why you are going through specific inconveniences, but it sure gives us a better perspective when we know Who is in control of it all.

I know Ayla had some frustrations with her Save The Date cards. They were to arrive more than a week ago, but somehow got lost in the FedEx delivery world. Online it said the package was delivered. Managers said it was still on the truck and on the way. The driver said it was left at the apartment door. So the folks in charge were confused as to whether or not the cards had been delivered at all. The end result was a do over at the expense of the delivery service, but not before many phone calls and frustrating wait times. What was the point?

Perhaps it was meant to see if kindness would be expressed in the face of irritation? Perhaps it was to call into question the responsibility of a particular delivery person. Perhaps it was the check on the integrity of the company? We may never know, but we can know without a doubt God knew it would happen long before it did. It is comforting to know our Father knows everything before it happens and can provide the way out, a solution, peace and the guidance we need in the midst of those "inconveniences" when we think to ask.

There will be many inconveniences in your lives together, simple and some major challenges as well. And no matter what the circumstance, we are called to be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and trust in the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6). Responding with grace will help also.

When you have been blessed in those circumstances to see the power of God at work, to completely understand the reason for the inconvenience and how the Lord worked through it, acknowledge Him and be sure to tell the testimony. For that may be the main reason you went through it at all ... that another may hear of the His amazing works.

Discussion: Can you think of a time when an inconvenience turned out to be a blessing? How can we uplift each other in these circumstances?

Prayer: Father, when we are in the middle of a challenge, it is sometimes hard to see the blessings in it. And sometimes, Lord, we never do. Give us grace in every situation. Help us to be righteous in the midst of it, gracious and loving. Thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ. In His name, Amen.

Good And Not Harm

Ladies, this is addressed to you, so, fellows, sit back for just a bit. You will have your chance during the discussion time to agree or disagree with this particular devotion. But for now this is for the girls and we want your undivided attention.

Do not, under any circumstances emasculate your future husband. If you are unfamiliar with the word, it means to "deprive a man of his male role." (In ancient days, it meant to castrate them, but we are using the word metaphorically).

What we mean is do not make fun of them. Do not nag at them. Do not humiliate them in public. Do not demean their occupations or hobbies. Do not cut down their physical appearance. Do not take away their man-ness. Now that may sound silly, but it is crucial you adhere to this. Men were given the job of being the head of their household by the Creator Himself. Ephesians 5:23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior." This doesn't mean he is "the boss of you." What it means it God has given him the responsibility to care for you the same way Christ cared for the church ... and we know the extent Christ went to. God created men with certain personality traits designed for leadership in the home. If they are demeaned in anyway, particularly by their wives, it's like chipping at the core of who they are ... or as archaically described above, like castrating them.
 

Proverbs 31:12 says of a capable wife, "She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." This is important for you to remember this. If God holds the husbands accountable for their families and households, should you not do all you can to edify him, encourage him, support him and love him? Trust us, as God is watching how your husband is treating you, He, too, is watching how you fulfill your job as "helpmate" in support of your spouse.

So there you go, ladies. Very important piece of advice ... let your husband be the man God intended Him to be as you are the woman he intended for you.

Discussion: Guy, agree or disagree with the above devotion? Any additions or suggestions? Do you have any examples of emasculation or of supporting one another?

Prayer: We thank you, Lord God, for creating men and women as you did. Help us, Father, to respect and support one another in our relationship, to do good and not harm all the days of our lives. In Christ, Amen.