So Happy Together

It was precious hearing the comments. Here I was on a Ladies Beach Retreat with some of the most fun women on the planet, having a fabulous time sunning by the sea, visiting, laughing, eating and shopping, and they couldn't help but talk about their husbands. Several times I heard wives say, "my sweet husband did" this or that. There were a few, "I wonder if my husband did [this or that] while I was gone," but most often they spoke about how much they loved their husbands. And I heard many talk about being excited to get back with their husbands after the weekend, including myself. One even went home a day early to watch football with her husband. These women ranged in age from 48-62. All but one are married and happily so. One of the husbands even commented on a picture on Facebook of his wife from the beach saying, "I miss you, princess! Have fun!" A sweet message of love. It was just so comforting to hear women speak fondly of their best friend, lover and husband - all one in the same. And each one's husband is as unique and precious as the ladies are. I was in awe of our Father in Heaven thinking how different each of us is and how God had brought to us godly, amazing men to be our helpmate in this spiritual journey to Him. And I was thankful for their long, healthy and happy marriages, praying they continue to be so.

For myself, with all the fun I was having and the great memories I made with these ladies (and look forward to making in future yearly beach trips), I could not wait to get home to my beloved. I couldn't wait to see my husband, hold and kiss him. I couldn't wait to share with him all the silliness and fascinating conversations we women had as we attempted to solve all the problems of the world. Your Daddy is my safe place. He knows me better than anyone else. My best times in life are spent with him, as are my greatest challenges and sorrows. We uplift each other, share each other's burdens, encourage each other, call into question things that might need tweaked in each other, have so much fun together and most importantly love each other so dearly. Our lives are so intertwined with each other that it's hard to pull apart from that for even a few days. It's a beautiful mystery our Father created.

Our hope for all of you is that you feel the same way about your future spouses as Daddy and I do and as each of those ladies feel. That you will be a best friend to your spouse, an encourager, lover and accountability partner. That you will care so deeply for your spouse that when apart, you long to be back together. That is a true two-become-one Biblical connection. That is true love.

Discussion: When you are apart from each other, what is it you most can't wait for when you get back together? What does your beloved do that makes you better? What are some comments you make to others about your beloved?

Prayer: Lord God, how amazing you are that you have placed this special someone in our lives, hand-selected and hand-created just for us! Father, you are an awesome God! We thank you for our beloved and pray we always remember to cherish them! In Jesus, Amen.

It So Desires

It is one of the most erotic pieces of literature in the world, this romance novel. But you won't find it on the shelf of a used paperback book store. It's in the Bible. It's called the Song of Solomon or the Song of Songs. Our boy King Solomon wrote it for one of his 700 wives (yes, 700, the crazy man). She was the daughter of a prince, a dark-skinned Shulamite who cared for vineyards. And Solomon was obviously deeply in love and lust for this woman. So much so that he wrote eight chapters of mushy love in the form of a play or dialogue between himself, his bride and friends. And boy oh boy is it sexy. Now scholars will tell you this is a symbolic representation of Christ and the church - and perhaps it is - but you cannot hide the sexually suggestive verbiage. Here's a few just to give you an example:

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth." 1:2
"My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts." 1:13
"His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me." 2:3
"How beautiful you are my darling! Oh how beautiful." 4:1
"Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let me lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits." 4:16
"My lover thrust his hand through the latch opening; my heart began to pound for him." 5:4
"His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely." 5:16
"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." 6:3
"Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, 'I will climb the palm tree; and take hold of its fruit.'" 7:8

I mean, hubba hubba. Hard to see the Christ/church representation in that. It's romantic, sexy love right there. You want to turn on your spouse, just read a few of those! Daddy likes to listen to the Bible when he's going to and from work. He says if he's listening to the Song of Solomon, it makes him want to rush home.

Now there are a few verses that I have to giggle at, simply because they aren't quite as romantic as the others, like: "Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep, just shorn," (4:1-2) That won't get you panting. But they make for good comic relief in an otherwise "better take a cold shower" poem tucked in the center of the Bible.

We bring the Song of Solomon up for a couple of reasons. First, to show you how exquisite these words of love are found right in the pages of Scripture, thus of great importance to our Father; and second, for you to remember how beautiful sex is in a marriage. This is divine guidance at its amorous best. So delight in God's words through Solomon. It's part of the Bible for a reason.

And with that, I'm going to go find my beloved. I have some Scripture to read to him.

Discussion: What do you think of the Song of Solomon? If this is a representation of Christ's relationship with the church, can you point to a few verses in the Song of Solomon that describe this?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for your beautiful creation of marriage and love making in it. May be always delight in one another ... and in your Word. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Yada, Yada, Yada

 Sex. Yep, we're going there. I didn't want to bring it up so early in this blog (with 250 days to go) for various reasons. Mostly because I know how much you love each other and didn't want speaking about sex to be a stumbling block to you. But when I talked about it with Daddy recently, he felt it was a subject that needed to be addressed sooner rather than later. There may be a few devotions on this over the next 250 days, we'll see, but we'll start with this for now.

First off, I know having parents speak to you about sex is an "Ew, are you kidding" moment. But bear with us. Brad and I have always believed we needed to be open with our children about sex so that they never hesitated to ask us questions. We didn't want them to ever feel uncomfortable around us about that subject matter where they felt they needed to go elsewhere for information. Now, that didn't mean they weren't uncomfortable with our approach either, but we preferred open discussion verses hush-hush shame about something our Father created that is so beautiful. We vowed to answer our children's questions honestly and directly (appropriate to their age) and be open about the fact that is was an important part of our marriage. We never wanted our kids to wonder if we only had sex twice.

I remember the first time Ayla asked me about sex. She was 8 and had just observed the neighbor's dogs mating. She asked, "Mommy, is that how you and Daddy do it?" Watching these dogs running around attached at the backside, I said, "Not exactly." I explained the anatomic parts were similar, but not quite this particular approach. That was enough for her. Obviously we had spoken about it before for her to ask the question as she had. She was neither embarrassed or overly interested. Just curious about what she was observing.

We told our children at a very young age that when our bedroom door was closed at night, it was a good chance we would be making love, and therefore to please allow us our privacy. Now we weren't jumping in there midday or anything, but we wanted to give them fair warning should they have a nightmare or need something in the middle of the night. We had a little ceramic lady holding a sign that said, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine" (from the Song of Solomon 6:3) that we hung on our doorknob as a deterrent. If they needed something they could knock and we'd "wrap it up," so to speak. By the way, this never needed to happen. We were pretty discreet.

So that is a little background. Daddy and I read once that men need sex to have love and women need love to have sex. Now we don't believe that it's quite that black and white, but there is some truth to the statement. When a man romances a women, why wouldn't she want to make love to her husband. And if a woman is making love to her husband, why wouldn't he want to romance her? It's a sweet circle.

Sex was created by God for married couples: for their pleasure and for reproduction. Those who say it was strictly for reproduction are dead wrong just as those who would say it was just for pleasure, and those who say just for pleasure in reproduction. The latter wouldn't make sense because the pleasure would be gone once the childbearing years are over, and that's certainly not the case.

The word used for sex in Scripture is "yada." Often it is translated as "to know." A husband knew (yada) his wife and she conceived. But it goes deeper than knowing. It means to know and respect on the deepest most intimate level. It's used many, many times in Scripture. Psalm 44:21 says, "For He knows (yada) the secrets of the heart." King David says to God in Psalm 119:125, "I am your servant; give me understanding, so that I may know (yada) your decrees." It's the best, most thorough desire to know something or someone. If people when making love were thinking about how deeply they are desiring to know and respect the one they are with, it would certainly give "hook ups" a pause for hesitation.

There is no deeper, more beautiful, more loving way to "know" your spouse than through love making as God designed. Those who would pervert that by isolating what and who it is for, don't understand the relationship God intended for a man and woman as they "become one flesh" both physically and spiritually.

Now we aren't going to go into intricacies here, but we will make some book recommendations for you. There are two in particular that we highly recommend that were recommended to us: "The Gift of Sex" by Clifford and Joyce Penner and "Intended For Pleasure" by Dr. Ed and Gaye Wheat. If you feel uneasy about purchasing them or borrowing them from the library, you are welcome to borrow ours (oh, stop the "Ewww" ing). We read both books before we got married ... and after, too. Lots of great pieces of information and advice.

We are so thankful to God that He loved us and marriage so much that He gave this beautiful gift to husbands and wives. It's fun, exhilarating, sweet, erotic, gentle, precious and, well, necessary, especially if we're going to have any grandbabies in the future. But lets keep it in the proper order shall we? "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage."

Discussion: Do you think sex is something you need to learn more about or just experience as you go along? How sacred is loving making to you? Do you have any questions for each other?

Prayer: Oh, how You love us Lord! How blessed we are to be so loved by You. Father, we pray we approach love making as You intended. May we deeply, intimately know and respect one another. In Christ's name, Amen.