Premarital Counseling

For Daddy it was with our friend David Woods, a pastor in Tennessee. For me it was with Jerry Landry, a pastor in Pennsylvania. We're talking about premarital counseling. We would have done it together if we could have, but your Daddy was already living in Tennessee working at his new job and I was still in Pittsburgh in the months leading up to the wedding. But the minister marrying us insisted we go to premarital counseling prior to the wedding date. This was in the days before Skype or Facetime and in the days of high charges for long-distance calling, so we couldn't even communicate digitally for our counseling. Your Daddy says he remembers many conversations about sports (seems you meet with a sports writer and that's what happens). I remember discussing wedding details and marriage issues.

Daddy and I have treated this blog as a year-long premarital counseling journey for our children. We are sharing our experiences with you about various subject matters in marriage itself and different aspects of the wedding and reception. We are hoping we leave no stone unturned in this 365-day blog. At the same time, both of you couples will be having premarital counseling with a pastor leading up to your wedding date. And we highly recommend it, even after we've shared all this information these last 10 months. The Journal of Family Psychology published a survey which showed that couples who had premarital counseling were more satisfied in their marriage and had a 30 percent less likelihood of divorce over five years. We want you to ask the hard questions. We want you to glean wisdom from God through His servants about what marriage requires and what you can do to strengthen it. It's good to have an objective Christian moderator to hear you both out on issues like money, sex, raising a family, problem solving, health, faith, habits, careers, responsibilities, etc. We want you to be as prepared as you can for life's bumps in the road and different issues as experienced by wise folks who have been there and navigated through them. You can always learn more.

So look forward to your premarital counseling ahead. If you have concerns you want to dig into, write them down to bring up at counseling. If you have questions where you want to learn more, write that down, too. Don't hesitate to ask. This is a prime location to get that discussed and get godly advice.

Discussion: What are some subjects you want to talk about with your premarital counselor? What is important to you about counseling?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for all the souls who have gone before us in marriage that can give us advice on what makes a good, strong marriage. We pray the premarital counseling these couples go through is beneficial and a blessing to their happiness in marriage. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Microcosm of Life's Journey

The RSVPs are coming in! It is so exciting to see the names of folks who are making the journey to Florida from California, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Alabama, Massachusetts, Montana, New Hampshire, Iowa, Rhode Island, North and South Carolina, Texas and other locations around the country. Ayla and Rob have friends and family all over our nation, so to bring them together for this special occasion is so fun. I have delighted in hearing from precious friends who have messaged me with "Got my tickets!" or "We coming!"  or "Looks like we'll see you in Florida!" My heart is overflowing with joy at celebrating this day with folks near and dear to our hearts. God has truly blessed our family in this life journey with friends who are loving, fun and willing to carve time out of their busy lives to witness and celebrate this marriage. Praise Jesus!

We know to come for this wedding this is quite a sacrifice for many, and we pray will bless them as much as it will bless us and Rob and Ayla. And we look forward to celebrating again with Anton and Kayla in June of next year. I think what is so amazing about these celebrations, is that the guest list is a microcosm of our children's and their fiance's lives. People they have known and loved since infancy or met as young children. Some they have met in high school. Others in college. And still others from life post-college. Some from various churches they've attended. People from the different locations they've lived in. When you couples stand in front of these guests to say your vows, you truly will have your whole lives leading up to this moment sitting right behind you, supporting you, encouraging you, loving you, mentoring you and blessing you. These folks have helped shape who you are today. Some have prayed for you your whole lives. The conversations and stories these people could share with one another about this common tie they all have in you! To go around that reception hall and just simply ask, "How do you know the bride? How do you know the groom?" What a fun time!

My dear ones, how honored you must be to know the ones who love you will be part of the beginning to great new adventure for you! And the best part is ... it's a worship service! They will gather to witness your marriage and worship the One True God together with you! Glory to Him!

We want you to take time to reflect on the names of the souls who will make this journey to be at your wedding. Pray for them. Pray for their safe travels. Pray for the quality time you'll spend with them. Pray the Lord blesses them as they will bless you. And thank God for them. Philippians 1:31 says, "I thank my God every time I remember you." Thank God for the part they've played in your life, what they've witnessed in your life and will soon witness. What a marvelous journey this life has been and will continue to be. May it always be to God's glory!

Discussion: Share with one another some unique stories about some of the guests attending your wedding. Why is it important these folks witness your marriage? Share also about friends or family you wish could attend.

Prayer: Father God, thank You for each individual who will come to our children's weddings. We thank you for having our lives intersect theirs and thank you that they are coming to celebrate with us. Lord, You are amazing and we are blessed indeed by Your children. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Bless, Uphold, Care

I once read about a couple who's wedding cards were all stolen at a reception. Just sitting out on the table, someone can collected them all and walked out the door with hundreds of dollars in gift cards and cash. This is why many couples will have some kinds of collection location for wedding cards that is secured so that guests won't be tempted and gifts are safe. I have seen some people use mail boxes, bird cages, a wrapped gift box ... even a fake wedding cake.

For our wedding, my mother made a wishing well. She covered it in white satin and lace. It was bulky and huge, so pretty difficult for anyone to try to make off with it. My sister used the same wishing well for her wedding. It was just so cute. Gaga said it's a little worse for wear over the last 20+ years and thought it was too bulky to bring to Florida for Ayla's wedding, so she created something new for Ayla.

What started off as a wooden bread box, has turned into a seaside treasure chest, covered in nautical bits like anchors and lighthouses and sea shells. She worked so hard it to make it special for her one and only granddaughter. A true labor of love. Gaga's co-workers loved it so much, they told Gaga she should make more and sell them. "Oh no," she said, "That is special for my granddaughter."

I think one of the things that makes weddings so much fun is participation of family and friends to make this day so special. Kayla has shared several things that various family members or friends are doing to play a part in her and Anton's wedding. Each one is tailored to their gifts and a fun way for each to contribute. Several of my friends have been precious to volunteer to host a bridal shower for Ayla. It is a sweet and generous thing for them to do for my daughter, and I praise Jesus for them all. How grateful we can be for people willing to do so much.

Last week we shared a blog about the order of the Christian marriage worship service, and we mentioned the part where the congregation is asked to "bless, uphold and care" for the couple. Looks like folks are already stepping forward to do that, and we haven't gotten to the wedding yet. Glory to Him!

Discussion: Share about what different people have already volunteered to do for your wedding? What do each of these people mean to you?

Prayer: Father we thank you for folks willing to help out with various aspects of the wedding and pre-wedding festivities. Please bless them, Father, as they have been a blessing. In Jesus, Amen.

Few Are Chosen

Great aunts and uncles? Coworkers? Childhood friends? Church friends? Cousins? Children? Guests' plus ones? Who makes the cut?

Making the guest list for a wedding can be daunting. You may want everyone you've ever met or loved to be there. You may want it to be more intimate. Regardless, trying to make and or tighten that list can be a tough thing to do, especially if parents or grandparents are making suggestions.

It's important to have an idea of how many folks you want there as you select your venue and make your budget, so after you've got that total number, divvying the list can be tricky. I have read some suggestions where the couple invite half and each set of parents invites a quarter. Or it's split up in thirds: couple and each side of the family. As for your Daddy and I, we're pretty chill. Any of our friends who are there, we want to be sure they are your friends also. If not, it doesn't really make much sense. I was flipping through invite returns from our wedding 27 years ago, and I didn't know half the names on the list, I kid you not. Have no clue who these people are. We do not want you both to have that issue. They should be people you love, enjoy and want to be there to witness first hand your nuptials.

Some wedding sites suggest having several lists. It's weird cause then you may be ranking those you love, but at least it helps you do some narrowing.One suggested having an A list and B list, mailing out your A list three months prior to the wedding,waiting to see who regrets and then mailing out B list invites. Another suggested having a tiered list (like a wedding cake) with an A, B, C and D list: A as family, B as close friends and extended family, C as friends, coworkers or neighbors and D as folks you'd like there but haven't seen in forever. Then work backwards and eliminate. Whatever system works for you, go for it.

As for attending, expect 20 percent not to attend of those invited. That number can jump as high as 50 percent for a destination wedding, according to what I have read.

From a biblical standpoint, there is one mention of a wedding guest list in the Bible, and that is in the wedding parable found in Matthew 22. It is a wedding banquet for the Son and his bride, the church. The invite list is an analogy to inviting first the Jews to salvation in Christ, then the Gentiles. Interestingly, many in the first group - the A list, if you will - would not come, so the Father of the Groom invites others until the hall is full. Then He finds a guest there not "clothed in Christ," so to speak, and that guest is escorted out. Christ says in verse 14: "For many are invited, but few are chosen." If you want to use that as a pattern, feel free. First the chosen, then the invited. Cool if they were all clothed in Christ. :)

There is really only one guest that is truly necessary (not counting the officiant), and that is the Father. As long as He is present in the Holy Spirit, you are good to go.

So we say, enjoy the process! Write down that list of folks that you just cannot see getting married without them being there, then work from there. We trust it will be a perfect, wonderful gathering of people who love you both so very much. And that's what counts.

Discussion: How is the guest list coming? Have you created a guest list hierarchy? Who are the folks you are wishy-washy about? Who are the chosen must-haves? Why is their attendance so important to you?

Prayer: Father God, we pray Your Holy Presence to be in attendance at Rob and Ayla's wedding next October, for that is of utmost importance. We thank you for people in their lives who mean so much to them and pray, Father, they will be able to attend this precious union. Guide their decisions. In the name of the most blessed Groom, Jesus, Amen.

We'd Like To Make A Toast

I'll never forget the toast. Yes, the party was wonderful, the company fun and gifts precious but it's the toast I'll always remember.

My mother had planned a surprise engagement party for Daddy and I at her house inviting all her family. Daddy and I were next door showing our neighbor the ring and telling her about the proposal. Somehow during that period of time, my mom got all the decorations up and my uncles, aunts, cousins and grandma all arrived.

My Aunt Dar started the toast. She said, "May you be as happy as Pelkey and I." Then my Aunt Nicki said, "And have as much sex and Beav and I." Then Uncle Jimmy said, "And has as many kids as Mary Lou and I." (They have seven.) Then Aunt Sandy said, "And may they be as beautiful as my kids." It was so precious and hilarious and completely ad-libbed. Well, at least we hit three parts of the toast.

I understand your Gaga and Aunt Jodi held an engagement party/wedding shower for you Sunday, inviting all of her siblings to visit and celebrate with you while you were there in Pittsburgh. She was very excited about having this opportunity to have her family rejoice with you. I know they would have enjoyed meeting Rob. And I bet they would toast all the same for you both as they did Daddy and I all those years ago.

At your wedding reception there will be a toast. One is typically given by the best man, although I've attended weddings where seems like just about anyone can raise a glass of bubbly to you both and wish you well.

I looked up the history of the toast. There are several variations of how it started: a) Clinking glasses together so some of each drink would slop into the other as a way of making sure neither was poisoned; and b) dropping spiced toast into the alcohol to flavor it. While the first is more myth and the second is just where the name comes from (even Shakespeare referred to it in "The Merry Wives of Windsor") the act of drinking to someone's health dates way back. Even Homer writes about it in "The Odyssey" where Ulysses says, "Health to thee, Achilles." So we're going way back in history.

We've heard endearing, hilarious and freakishly long and boring wedding toasts. There is an art to it, truly, but honestly, short, sweet and sincere and you can't go wrong.

Since mothers and fathers of the bride are not typically toast givers at the reception, we wanted to offer one to you both now:

We lift our glasses high

To claim this union blessed

A life together long

A journey rarely stressed

A love that overflows

A family legacy

Countless times to witness

Of God's grace and majesty

Health, of course, we wish you

Success in all you do

Laughter in your friendship

And strength uplifting you

We love you both completely

We thank God for this day

Here's to the newlyweds

God guide you on your way.

Cheers!

Discussion: Tell of some wedding toasts you've heard. Who will be giving the toast(s) at your reception? How would you toast each other today?

Prayer: Glorious God, you are holy, beautiful and loving. We are in awe of you. Father, we thank you for those moments when we drink the cup in remembrance and in honor of your Son. In His name we pray, Amen.