First Comes Love. Then Comes Marriage. Then Comes ...

One of these days after your marriage you will have children. At least that is what I am hoping for. Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" Seeing many of my girlfriends delighting in grandbabies, I am excited for my turn to spoil children of my children. I know we're looking at years in the future, but we wanted to say a little something about children in a marriage, especially since we have no intentions of writing a nine-month pregnancy/raising children blog when that time comes.

1) We want to remind you, when you have children, those children do NOT come before your spouse. We know so many people who place their children ahead of their mate. That is not how God intended it. God, spouse, family in that order. Don't forget this. This is important when remembering to carve out time for yourselves as a couple (date nights, anniversary celebration).

2) You are not your children's friends. You are their parents. At least until they become adults. So many parents don't want to discipline their children because they want their children to like them as a friend. Do them a favor and just be their parent. They will have plenty of friends but only two parents. Plus, if you are loving them as a parent, it will make that transition to friend far easier when they are adults.

3) Discipline your children. Do not hesitate to say "no." And when you do, don't be wishy washy and give in. When you do, you've just shown your child that foundations and limits are not solid. They need the reassurance and confidence limits bring. Plus they will respect you more for it. Proverbs 29:17 says, "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

4) Be a team. Be sure you agree on your discipline methods. Do not undermine one another. Children learn to play one parent off the other. This feeds into the above comment about setting a solid foundation.

5) Listen to them. They have much to tell you from that first coo through the rest of their lives. Really sit down and listen to what they are excited to share. Sometimes they are not as forthcoming with information (teens, especially) so ask questions that dig deeper. Once they open up, lots more comes out in conversation.

6) Respect them as small adults. It always drives us crazy to see parents treat their children like babies well into youth. Children are sucking up all the information they can to become responsible adults. If you baby them, do everything for them, without giving them a chance to explore, make mistakes and be responsible, you are harming them in ways that could take years to reverse ... and typically it happens later in adulthood at the hands of their boss.

7) Edify them. Make sure you build them up and encourage them. That doesn't mean give every kid on the team a medal or ribbon for participation. Their are winners and losers and they will need to learn that. However, they will need encouragement to reach goals and achieve dreams.

8) Tell them about Jesus. This is your responsibility. Read the Bible together. Set a time every day to do so if possible. Deuteronomy 6:7 says about teaching your children to fear the Lord and learn His commands, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Sing Christian songs together. Go to church. Get involved in Sunday School, youth programs and retreats. Surround your children with Christian fellowship. This will be their second family, especially if you live far from extended family. And pray for them every single day.

9) Spend quality time together. You only have those children through their senior year of high school, so spend time together teaching them, making memories, going on adventures and playing games. You will never ever say, "Wish I wouldn't have spent so much time with my kids."

10)  Love them, love them, love them. This should be pretty easy and a no brainer. They are God's precious gift, the perfect combination of you and your spouse, a physical manifestation of the two becoming one flesh, and it's breathtaking to behold. It is your job and privilege to love them unconditionally as Christ loves you.

That is just a few tiny bits, but key ones in raising children. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." One of the best decisions I ever made was taking a step back from my career (just a step - I did plenty of freelancing) to raise our children. They were some of the best years of my life. I don't have any regrets about that decision. Brad and I were a good team, loving our babies with our whole hearts. And they turned out pretty amazing, thank you, Lord Jesus. It's a job we highly recommend. And we look forward to the day when we can love, love, love and spoil, spoil, spoil your future children.

Discussion: Do you agree with the above bits of advice? Do you have a family plan? How do you feel about parenting?

Prayer: Lord, you blessed Brad and I with children that we love so dearly. We pray, Father, they will be obedient to You always. And we pray they will one day get the opportunity to be parents themselves. We love you, Father, and thank You for the example you provide for as as a Parent. In Christ, Amen.