Compatibility Quiz

When we were out to lunch yesterday, celebrating Father's Day with Kayla's family, we started talking about marriage counseling. Kayla's brother, Tommy, started sharing how he and his wife, Caroline, took a 300-question compatibility test during their counseling. My eyes bugged out. "Did you pass?" I asked. "Well, we're married." So I guess they passed. Tommy explained questions asked them about issues like finances, children and household chores. It was to get you thinking about what your expectations were entering marriage. Caroline explained there is even a test for couple's who've been married for years.

So, of course, as soon as I got home, I decided to look online for one of these tests and take it. It asked questions about politics, interests, religion, sex, money, children, travel, arguments, friends, change, celebrations (like holidays and birthdays) and morality. I was the only one to take the test, so I was representing us both in my one-sided view. The result? "You have a predominately sound and healthy relationship." It said we might need to discuss complicated issues in depth before letting them escalate to arguments. Good advice and pretty accurate on our marriage from my point of view.

But the test brings up an interesting point. Coming from different cultures, backgrounds, discipline experiences, religion, education, locations and the like can influence personality and opinions. And when you are dating, engaged or even married, you may not consider your beloved's political points, way they want to raise children, how they celebrate holidays or how to handle arguments. This is something that is good to speak about the sooner the better. You don't want to get deeper into your relationship and discover you have a major incompatibility issue that needs working on. Now obviously, because you couples are engaged, you've pretty closely examined many of the above issues and know much about each other. But others, you may not have as detailed of an understanding.

So rather than reinvent the wheel, we did a little digging to find some Christian compatibility tests for you both to take. You can check out all the links or one. As believers in more wisdom can only help, it couldn't hurt to check out a few, see if they get some conversations going and prayerfully consider each issue. Be honest when you take the tests. Don't answer what you think your future spouse would want to hear. Little issues can sometimes turn to big issues, so it's better to consider these things early on. Links are below. Have fun!

• Christian Marriage Today -Various tests on Biblical marriage, sex and preparations for marriage.
• Marriage Helper - To guide couples in deepening their love.
• Family Education - Are you a match made in heaven?
• Soul Mates By God - External qualities for compatibility.
• Quiz Rocket - How compatible are you?

Discussion: Have you ever taken a compatibility quiz before? Do you think you are compatible? What should you do with results of such a test?

Prayer: Father God, we thank you for the differences in our lives. Bringing two people together, we may have differing views on many things, some which could shape various aspects of our lives together. We pray we discuss these issues thoroughly and go to you for guidance. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Compatibility

The other day I was asked by a member at our church to burn a CD of some music for an event. I told her I didn't know if I would be able to since my CD burner had been acting up. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I searched online for hours for driver updates, new software and firmware and suggested fixes. No matter what I did, nothing worked. So I prayed. Suddenly I stumbled across a suggestion to check the compatibility of the Microsoft windows computer system to Apple's Itunes. Sure enough, it was set to the wrong system under properties. A recent update to Itunes may have changed the compatibility. Once I changed it, the problem was solved, and CDs were burned.

It made me think about couples. You know when people are dating they are examining that very thing: are we compatible? Usually that is something that can be discovered pretty early, but for some folks it takes a little more time. And the sooner that is discovered the better should those relationships need to come to an end.

But when you get to this point - engagement - compatibility has been pretty well sorted, right? Perhaps not. Recently I read about a couple who'd been married for 22 years who got a divorce. The reason? Irreconcilable differences. Say what? After 22 years, now they have irreconcilable differences? Let's face it, those differences have always been there. They have just chosen to let them get in the way of the love and vows they made to one another. They aren't incompatible like two different software systems. They have chosen to not make it work.

Every couple is made up of two different people. Different backgrounds, likes and talents. Some of those things may change over the years, but for the most part what you see is what you get. You are not going to mold one another into something that you desire or deem perfect. So understand that right now. What you love about one another, cherish. What you find different in one another, cherish. Those differences will grow each of you.

If you are compatible now, work hard to keep it that way. You may need updates, new software and firmware or even some fixes throughout the years ahead, but compatibility should already be solved. Embrace what makes you different and how that uniqueness makes you even more precious together.

Discussion: What differences do you love about each other? Are there areas where you need to get on the same page? How important is compatibility to you?

Prayer: Father you have made us all different. We thank you for putting us together with our beloved. Help us to always cherish the differences in each other and work together on our relationship each and every day. In Jesus name, Amen.