True Unity

Some couples light a unity candle. Some pour two different kinds of sand together. Some make a painting by squirting on two different kinds of paint on a canvas. Others pour two kinds of wine into one glass. Some press their hands into hardening cement. We've seen chefs combine two different colors of salt, spices or dried beans. Others create an alchemy experiment combining two chemicals to create a third. Some plant a tree together. There are many different ways to have a Unity Ceremony as part of your wedding.

For Brad and I it was the candle. Each of our mother's walked down the aisle and lit a candle on the church altar. After saying our vows, Brad and I walked over and grabbed our mother's candles and lit one candle. It was a sweet way of joining two families together.

Typically this part of the ceremony follows the exchanging of rings and precedes the kiss. It's designed to show the blending of families and lives into one. It is not a necessity for a wedding ceremony, as the unity is typically solidified with the exchanging of rings. So the option is there to drop it or make it your very own, unique to your personalities should you decide to incorporate it.

Rob and Ayla have discussed "tying the knot" which will incorporate their beach/marine theme. And Anton and Kayla are thinking of a unity cross, similar to one her brother and sister-in-law used.

Ephesians 4:3 says, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." How does one do this? Back up a verse to 2 and it says, "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love." So whether you use sand, salt, paint or beans, the true unity of Spirit comes with humility, gentleness, patience and love. We pray when you look at whatever you decide to incorporate as part of your ceremony for a Unity Ceremony, those spiritual characteristics will come to mind. For true unity is in Christ and for God's glory. May it be so for you.

Discussion: What does the Unity Ceremony mean to you? When you think of unity, do you like of humility, gentleness, patience and love?

Prayer: Father, we thank You that in marriage we are united not just to each other, but to you. May we, Father, always remember that being one with each other requires much humility, gentleness, patience and love. In Jesus, Amen.

How Do You Know?

Monday Joe Reeves was at our house with his chainsaw cutting long, thick branches into logs for our Christmas Caroling Campfire scheduled for Friday night. Out of the blue he shared a story about a man who was dating a girl and asked him, "Joe, how do you know when she's the one?" I thought Joe's response was precious. He said, "When she is the first person you think of in the morning and the last thing you think about at night. When doing for her becomes more important than doing for yourself. Then you'll know." This man married the girl he was dating.

I nearly melted when I heard him say this. Joe is married to a good friend of mine, Martina, and to know that is how he feels about her means the world to me. And knowing what a good man Joe is, I know Martina is in good hands.

That last part of his advice, "when doing for her becomes more important than doing for yourself," is key. Recently a friend posted on Facebook about how her husband gave up tickets for the SEC championship game Saturday night to help his wife out for an event at church. This fellow is a diehard Alabama fan and to know that he had tickets for this game and subsequently gave them up for his wife, speaks volumes about his priorities, his love for her, his family and God. Now, I'm not saying he didn't give up those tickets begrudgingly. I'm sure he ached a bit not being at the game, but he did it nonetheless. That's true love. And it works both ways, not just husband to wife, but wife to husband. Recently your Daddy switched a departure time on me for a trip we were taking, cutting my time by nearly 3 hours ... hours I had packed with things I wanted to get done. I flat out told him the earlier time wouldn't work because I had to get these things finished. But then I thought about it some and realized I could rearrange a bit, and if it was that important to him that we leave early, I would make it work. I did that because I love him.

We've talked before about how the best advice I could ever give you is the same advice given to me which is "Marriage is not about give and take, but about give and give and give again" and this advice from Joe enhances that. Phil 2:3 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves." This advice is not just for married couples but for every human being. This is not easy when you have Satan whispering in your ear, "It's all about you," over and over again. But it's important to remember, especially with your spouse. See, since this person is always with you and always there for you, you may get to a point where take advantage of them or even be neglectful. Be sure you remember to put your spouse before yourself.

What makes Joe's advice even more special ... he was living the Word at that very moment. He was taking time out of his day to help me. 

Discussion: Share a time when you sacrificed something you wanted to do for the other person. Share about a time when you were touched when something you wanted to do took presidence. How difficult is it to put each other's needs before your own?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the example you set in Christ Jesus about putting others before ourselves. Father help us to always remember to copy that behavior, especially with our spouse. And that we never stop. In Jesus name, Amen.