Deadly Firebrands Are No Joke

Yesterday was the Iron Bowl here in Alabama. It's the football rivalry game between Auburn and Alabama held just after Thanksgiving. It's a fiercely competitive game between the two universities and likewise between the fans. Shouts of War Eagle and Roll Tide are heard year round, but in abundance the day of the Iron Bowl. And sometimes barbs are exchanged between loyal fans, frequently with veiled hostility. I say veiled, because they say the nasty comments, but it's supposedly all in good fun and in support of their team. However, from an outsider's view, it can look pretty mean. And interestingly, oftentimes fans of the losing team will skip church for a few weeks until they get their courage back to face the winning team's fans. Those fans have 365 days of bragging rights ... a long painful year for the losers. In this state, it's good to be Switzerland.

Personally I don't like the nasty comments. Even if said out of loyalty to their own team, or addendum-ed with a "just kidding," nasty is nasty, plain and simple. How about instead of trash talk, fans just support their own team? Of course, based on our record during voting years, apparently trash talk is commonplace.

But there is no place for it in a marriage. None. No cut downs or criticisms for the sake of being mean, neither in private nor in public. Words once spoke are out there dangling. Psalm 34:13 says: "Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit." Proverbs 12:18 says "Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." And Proverbs 26:18-19 says, "Like a maniac who shoots deadly firebrands and arrows, so is one who deceives a neighbor and says, 'I am only joking!'”

I am not sure why people resort to mudslinging and hurtful quips when angry or confronted. It may be insecurity, low-self esteem or a desire to intimidate, but there truly is no place for insults in any situation let alone marriage. Be wise enough to express what you disagree with without punctuating your comments with name-calling or verbal slams. James 1:26 says: "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless." If we consider ourselves Christians and God-fearers, then to be legit, we need to make sure our words reflect that. Christ says in Matthew 12:36: "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” And Proverbs 15:28 says "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things." Be sure your words justify you as faithful, wise and righteous. You will have far more integrity and respect by believers, non-believers and spouses alike.

Hawk Nelson sang of the importance of good speech in their 2013 hit, "Words." The chorus says this:

"Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out
Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You"

May all your words point the world to our all-loving Creator. 

Discussion: Have you found during arguments that either of you will slip into cut downs? How do you intend to combat such verbal slip ups?

Prayer: Lord, we want to show the love we have for you through our speech to others. Father, forgive us for those times when we speak before we think or intentionally say things to hurt another. Let us instead speak truth in love, build one another up and glorify You. In Jesus, Amen.

Spiritual Measurement

About this time every year, I write our family Christmas newsletter. I have been writing one since the mid-90s to tell our family and friends far from us what the Zs have been up to all year. Job changes, relocations, successes, challenges, milestones ... it's all in there. It is almost obsolete for most, since folks on Facebook can keep up with us all year, but it's still a fun microcosm of our year as a family. As we look back on old ones, we can see where we've been and how far we've come.

There is another sort of year end evaluation I like to do, too. It's a Spiritual Measurement. Every year, I had my Sunday School kids fill one out and would mail their last years answers to them in the New Year. The questions include:

• Do I spend time reading God’s Word and talking with Him daily?
• Do I look forward to fellowshipping with the Lord?
• What fruit of the Spirit is apparent in my life?
• Do I talk about Jesus with people who don’t know Him?
• How am I using my spiritual gift or gifts?
• Do I have a generous and giving spirit?
• How much better do I know God today than I did a year ago?

I found these questions in an Our Daily Bread deovtional written by Cindy Hess Kasper in 2006. It is interesting to see the answers from year to year to see, again, where we've been and how far we've come.

This may be an exercise the two of you will want to do either together or separately at the end of each year. Sure the newsletter if you want to, but the Spiritual Measurement for sure. And if you see that you are not making progress spiritually in an area, then perhaps focus on that in the new year. 

Discussion: As each other the questions above? What do you need improvement on? Do you plan on writing a newsletter at Christmas?

Prayer: Father, our journey to you includes so much growth and we pray that we can examine that growth yearly to know where are weaknesses that we may continue to improve and become more like Christ and where are strengths are that we may use them to your glory. In Jesus name, Amen.

Marana Tha

While the rest of the world wakes up at 4 a.m. (or even earlier) to take advantage of Black Friday sales, our family chose to make this day our Christmas Decorating Day. Now I say, our family, but it was pretty much my idea. All the boxes are brought down from the attic and systematically opened. Fragile things covered in newspaper are unwrapped and set in their traditional location. The artificial tree is put together and froofed. Then the lights and disco tree topper are put on, then the garlands and beads, the gold glitter swirly sticks and fake candy garland, then the ornaments. It's the prettiest tree in the world. Your brother changes out the plain ginormous pine cones for white "snow" covered ones (his favorite job). The manger is put together. Pictures are hung on the wall. Music is played. The Christmas movies are placed next to the TV. Felt ornaments are stuck into the pockets of the Advent calendar. Greens, lights and bows are hung outside. Bells are put on the door knobs. Christmas potholders and towels are put in the drawers. The Christmas village is carefully unwrapped and set in place S-A-N-T-A letters are put on the window sill (waiting for someone to switch them around so they jokingly say S-A-T-A-N). The stockings are hung by the fireplace and mistletoe is hung at the threshold in the kitchen where I steal a kiss. Honestly, the first thing Daddy and Anton looked for this year was the mistletoe. We might put on Elf or Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas while the decorating is done. It's an exhausting process, but fun also. I can't help but smile as I unwrap memory after memory.

But all this is preparation for celebrating the greatest gift of all. With Advent starting Sunday, we begin to focus our minds, not on Santa and reindeer, but on Christ as a newborn babe. Each week is given a meaning leading up to Christmas: hope, peace, joy and love. Taking time over these next four weeks to center on the Christ of Christmas is necessarily in this culture that tries to steer us away from Him and on the commercialism. Make plans this season, and every Advent of your marriage, to find ways to keep your eyes on Christ. An advent devotional, wreath or calendar can be a daily/weekly reminder of what is most important over this season. Advent means a dawn, birth or arrival. We see all three in the Word made flesh. The birth of a Savior, the arrival of a King, the dawn of a world about to be freed from sin.

This is Black Friday (businesses in the black making profits verses working in red or loss). But there is a black Friday ahead we call Good Friday that is the true reason for the season: a Tiny King born to die for us all. Praise our Father for this Redeemer. We sing with the angels, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." Luke 2:14

Have fun decorating this and every Advent! Marana tha (Lord, come).

Discussion: How do you feel about decorating? What is your favorite part of decorating? What do you like to do during Advent to prepare to celebrate Christ's birth?

Prayer: Lord, how grateful we are for the birth of Christ and the four weeks of hope, peace, joy and love during Advent to prepare our hearts for that celebration. We give you all glory and honor, Lord, and hope for your soon returning. In Jesus' name, Amen.

A Day of Thanksgiving & Praise

Thanksgiving 1991

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Football game. Roasted turkey, Daddy's Stove Top sausage stuffing, green beans, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, cranberries and pumpkin pie. Tryptophans. Afternoon nap on the couch. Toss the football. Watch another football game. Put the Thanksgiving decorations away. Pull the Christmas boxes out of the attic.

That has been Thanksgiving at the Zimanek house since the first day of our marriage. Oh, the location or circumstances may change ... A few Turkey Trot runs; Brad's coworkers the year the turkey didn't cook; Thanksgiving at the boss's house eating the best southern food you ever tasted where sweet potato casserole was introduced; the Comfort Food Thanksgiving at the Zimaneks with Poptarts and mac 'n cheese; with the extended family and in-laws in WI; a house filled with Lauritzens and Amorosos another. But typically the schedule is always the same. All the parts work together to make this a fun, friends-family-and-football feast.

Turkey Trot 1993

This is your first Thanksgiving together. You are celebrating with Erica and anyone who wants to join you. I heard about your meal plans - a precious combination of Erica's family Thanksgivings and your own: pre-thanksgiving appetizers and a dinner with all the fixins. You will be mixing your traditions from Thanksgivings past with new ideas from this day forward. While our family will miss you terribly this Thanksgiving, we are so very excited for this adventure ahead for you. We know that our chances of celebrating Thanksgiving with you will be pretty slim as the years go on between our schedule and your own, so we cherish any moments we can have together, but that will never diminish our thanking God for you both.

President Lincoln signed this proclamation on Oct. 3, 1863 about Thanksgiving. It said: "I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens." Psalm 100:4 says: "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."

Have fun making and creating new memories, remembering to be in thanksgiving and praise of our Lord. We love and miss you.

Discussion: Do you have any plans for future Thanksgiving traditions? What is your favorite part about Thanksgiving?

Prayer: Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, for everything. Thank you for this day set aside in praise of you. Thank you for our family and friends. Thank you for the food we eat. We ask for your blessings on the year ahead knowing next year at this time, Mr. and Mrs. Goggin will be feasting together for the first time as husband and wife. Glory to you, O, Lord. Amen.

Legacy

Roman & Hattie Jarmolowicz

Today is Great-Grandma Hattie Jarmolowicz's 100th birthday. It's a birthday she never got a chance to celebrate with us since she passed away on Ayla's birthday this year. She lived a good long life and equally left an incredible legacy: a legacy of 10 children, 24 grandchildren, 33 great-grandchildren and 4 great-great grandchildren. But she left an even greater legacy in caring for everyone before herself. The woman hardly had two nickles to rub against each other, yet she made sure everyone had a pair of booties before they left her house. Or an afghan. Or a scarf or hat. She made sure everyone was fed. She made sure newborns at the local hospital had tiny knitted caps to keep them warm. She was a sweet, fun soul and certainly one to emulate in the hospitality department.

There was another legacy she left behind: a long marriage. Hattie and her husband Roman were married for over 60 years until his death in 2003, and while Hattie would never describe the marriage as entirely happy, Busha said she never heard a cross word spoken between them and knew the marriage was one of mutual respect. Likewise, Brad's paternal grandparents were married and deeply in love for more than 60 years. Brad's parents have been happily married now for 53 years. When these folks married, they did so for life. They took the "till death do us part" part of the vows seriously. There was no out.

Anton & Veronica Zimanek

I am grateful my husband comes from those genes and more importantly an environment where no matter what circumstances they faced, these folks stayed together, remaining true to the vows they made before God. If you talked to all of these couples, they would definitely tell you it was not always a fairytale. There were hard times, arguments, relocations, illnesses and tragedies. But they loved each other and made it work.

Satan hates marriage. Since a marriage is an example of the love Christ has for the church, Satan does whatever he can to derail couples and get them to revoke the vows they've made. And there are true tests of that longevity. Will you work through circumstances together? Will you remain faithful to one another? Satan is counting on your failure in that department, rubbing his hands together in glee, snidely waiting to laugh as couple after couple terminate their marriages. There are countless examples of it where people gave up instead of fighting for what they promised before God. And God says in Malachi 2:16, "For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless."

Barbara & Tony Zimanek

Marriage is work. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. It's remembering what is important to your spouse. It's remembering to love them unconditionally. It's remembering to forgive, share, take care and have fun. And most importantly, its remembering to Whom you belong and vowed to on that wedding day.

But let us tell you, it's so worth it. There is no doubt we love each other more than we did on the day we married, and that is hard to fathom since we loved each other wildly, robustly and passionately on that day. Through our peaks and valleys, we have been married 27 years and we pray we reach the 50, 60 or even 70 year mark of marriage. There is no magic formula to make it easy. It requires commitment, effort and love. But we're in it for the long haul. We believe it's a legacy worth living and dying for.

Discussion: Tell of examples of successful long marriages you know about? Tell about marriages you know that have failed? What caused the failure? Do you think there is an out in marriage?

Prayer: Father, when we make vows on our wedding day to love till death us do part, we pray to be obedient to it. Lord, we know challenges will face us. We pray, Father, you will help us get through them together. Help our marriage be an example of what marriage can be in glorifying you. In Jesus, Amen.

Yes, Dear

When asked for marital advice, I once heard a guy say, "A man should always have the last word in a relationship. And those words should be, 'Yes, dear.'"

Then the other night at dinner with friends, one shared a story about a guy that would snuggle with his wife as they woke up in the morning and say softly in her ear, "I'm sorry. For whatever I will do wrong today, I'm sorry." The guys got a good laugh out of it.

Both of those stories back up the common quip"; "Happy wife, happy life." This is assuming that every woman believes she is always right, the husband is always wrong, and that he should do whatever she says.

Of course it's malarkey. Women are not always right and men are not always wrong. You will be equally right and wrong in situations you find yourself in, but this is key, so lean in so you truly grasp it: if and when you do something wrong, admit it, genuinely apologize for it and don't do it again. That goes for both of you. Then, for the one who was right, do not, under any circumstances, bring up said offense again. Ever. If you've forgiven the other, it's over and done with. Move on in love.

Now this is all easily said, but it's just as easily forgotten. So when you catch yourself in the middle of this type of situation, take a step back and intentionally ask for forgiveness and likewise grant it. And to the one in the right, do not gloat in your superior situation, because trust us, you will be in the wrong soon enough.

These are common sense bits of advice here, but people have a tendency to slip into these behaviors, so work on combating these errors as early as possibly in your relationship. Respect and love for one another will help deter resorting to petty responses and one-upmanship.

For the record, though, I truly am the one who's typically right. Question is ... which one of us do you think wrote this?

Discussion: How do you both respond to situation where you disagree? Do one or the other of you feel you are usually the one to back down in situations? Do you apologize when you are wrong? Are you good in reconciling?

Prayer: Lord, help us to remember that being right is not the most important thing, but rather loving and respecting. and help us to be quick to apologize when we're in the wrong. For You and for Your glory, in Jesus, Amen.

Where Two or Three Are Gathered

 Every single week, Brad and I meet with our accountability groups. Called Reunion Groups, we meet to share the highs and lows of our week, when we've discipled, our closest moment to Christ, what we've studied, if we've worshiped, when we failed in our faith and what our plans are for the next week. We do this so that our friends who love us in the name of Christ hold us accountable for our faith. Are we being the Christians God called us to be?

Our small groups have truly evolved over the years. We were in small groups in TN and WI and then in Emmaus Reunion Groups in GA, WI and now AL, some couples and some by gender. We even had names from Koinonia, to Peacemakers, to Branches, to His Nails & Emails, to Fairway to Heaven, to Frozen Feathers among others. As one got too big, we split into smaller groups. As we moved, we had to join completely different groups. In some we fellowshipped. In others, we did Bible study. And in others, we did an accountability card we got on our Walk to Emmaus. All basically followed what the early disciples did in Acts 2:42 which says, "They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers."

But the point is, we've always needed it. While worship is necessary corporately, small groups are necessary for edification, correction and teaching. Our dearest friendships were born in these groups.

I know you both have been part of a small group and realize the value in it. And I know you've experienced change in that group. When they evolve, it can certainly leave one feeling a bit discombobulated. But every time we've had a small group change, it has opened doors to new relationships that were necessary to our spiritual growth. And we have been blessed beyond measure for it.

We recommend you are always involved in small groups, whether by gender or couples, as they are so beneficial to your faith. When you aren't in one, seek one out. If you can't find one, create one. When you are in one, participate regularly. Since you live away from family, this will become your church family, your brothers and sisters in Christ, and they will love you as such.

Hebrews 10:24-25 says "And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Praying you'll not only do this for one another, but that you'll always have a small group that can also do this for you.Christ told us in Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” That's pretty good company to keep.

Discussion: What does a small group mean to you? What does it do for your spiritual journey? Share a special memory of your small groups.

Prayer: You have told us, Father, in Proverbs 27:17, as "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Father, I pray we do not neglect in meeting with others in small groups so that we man benefit from sharpening one another to live as Christ shows us. It's in His name we pray, Amen.

Leave and Cleave

I was watching a Christmas show the other day on the Hallmark Channel (they always show them early) where a mom made this rhythmic comment, "A son leaves when he takes a wife; a daughter you will have for life." She was commenting that men, once they've found their bride, focus pretty much on their wife and may not visit home as much as a married daughter. It got me thinking about the future and how often we would be blessed to see our future married children. We know our children could live anywhere in the world and that we will always be close to them, but the reality is, your jobs take you sometimes far from home and that sure is a tough one for mamas to accept.

But the above comment is actually Biblical, at least the first part. Genesis 2:24 (KJV) says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Leave and cleave. In other words, men can't cleave to mom and dad and their wife. You have to pick a side and it better be your spouse. While the same wording isn't used for wives, the wisdom is the same. When the two of you marry, you will each be your first priority (after God, of course).

Sometimes that break from parents can be difficult. If you've been close to your parents, not sharing everything that you previously did with them is a change and may take some getting used to. When Brad and I first married, anytime we had even the tiniest argument, the first person I wanted to call was my mom to complain, and for some people running off to mom or dad is a natural instinct. Thankfully we lived nearly 600 miles away and long-distance phone calls were way too expensive, so neither of us had anyone to run to. We had to fix it ourselves. We remember one argument we had on a snowy day in Murfreesboro, TN. We were walking and went in different directions. But realizing we had no one else to talk to or run to, we were right back with each other communicating and fixing the problem (following a pretty comical snowball fight).

While your parents will always be there for you for any advice, we also know to butt out. In the words of one of my friends, "They'll figure it out." This will be your relationship, your marriage, your problems, your challenges, your successes. And for the most part, you will find your way. Just remember to cleave to each other, because even the worst problems are solved together.

Discussion: Do you think it will be difficult to be on your own dealing with challenges or with each other? Do either of you have trouble not going to a parent or even a friend to ask for wisdom with your relationship? What might be a good strategy for you?

Prayer: We are so blessed that when we have issues, we can go to you, Lord! You know the best way we should handle all circumstances, and your Word is filled with wisdom for us. Thank you for guiding us. May we never let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). In Jesus, Amen.

Poured Out

Did you know that Jesus' first miracle was at a wedding? Recorded by John in the second chapter of the gospel, he tells of his first-hand observance where Jesus turns water into wine at a wedding reception. Everyone is having a grand time drinking wine at the wedding feast, and it runs out. His mom, Mary, sees that there's no more wine and goes to her son, whom she knows is God, to tell Him about it. And Christ's response is classic. He says in verse 4, "What concern is that to you and me? My hour has not yet come." It's like He's saying, "Seriously, you are asking Me to do a miracle for this? I am just starting this ministry, just now gathering disciples and you want Me to get more wine or even make it? That is not why I'm here. It's not my job. It's not my time." (Makes you wonder what she observed Him do prior to this event.) But here's the beautiful part. This story is bathed in symbolism, literally. First, the jars Christ asks the servants to fill with water are stone jars used in ritual washing for the Jews. This ceremonial washing was to cleanse and purify the Jews prior to meals and worship. And these jars were big, holding upwards of 30 gallons of

water. Christ asks for six of these to be filled. Then He just asks the servant to draw some out and take it to the chief steward. Imagine the bravery of the servant carrying a cup of what was originally water to his boss for a taste. Then imagine his surprise that is was the best wine ever. Think about the number of people that day who learned what happened there. You can hear the whispers: "Psst, I heard Mary's son, the carpenter, magically transformed this water into wine. Not even kidding." Christ, in this one act, was announcing to all the people at that wedding (many who were probably drunk with wine at this point), "Hey, look what I can do" with a more poignant "See Who I Am." The fact that He used jars for ritual cleansing and changed it into wine, you can see the symbolism and preview of His saying at the Last Supper (recorded in Luke 22:20), "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for many." They would not need stone jars for ritual cleansing anymore. Christ had it covered.

We know you both love wine (and have the cork collection to prove it). As cuisiniers, you know what wines enhance other foods to make them taste even better. And obviously Christ loved it, too, enough to make it an example and symbol of His great sacrifice for all time. We love that Christ chose (even if his mom nudged Him to do it) a wedding, a sacred event and union symbolic of His marriage to the church, to introduce Himself as Savior. And it was this first miracle that convinced the men who recently decided to follow him (John, Andrew, Peter, Nathaniel and Phillip in John 1) that they were following the right Rabbi. John 2:11 says, "Jesus did this, the first of His signs, in Cana of Galilee, and revealed His glory; and His disciples believed in Him."

Christ has revealed His glory, and we believe. Pouring His life out for ours and rising from the dead, glory to Him.

Now don't count on Christ changing any water into wine at your wedding reception. But you can count on this: no matter what you do in this life, no matter what mistakes you make in your relationship together, He has it covered.

Discussion: What impresses you most about this first miracle at the wedding in Cana? Just for fun, what kind of wine do you think Christ turned it into? How important is the symbolism of wine to Christ's blood to you? Is communion a possibility at your wedding? What kinds of wine will you have at your reception?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for your Son, for His sacrifice for us and most importantly that He conquered death that we can be brought to you pure and holy. Thank you for Him and the beautiful symbol of the wine at the wedding in Cana. In name of the True Vine (John 15:5), Amen.

Snuggle Chair

Around last Thanksgiving, Daddy's recliner in the man cave died. It's wouldn't recline. And in the words of your Daddy, "What's the point of having a recliner if you don't recline?" So when Grandpa Lauritzen and GranDonna asked what we wanted for Christmas, I told them money towards a new recliner for your Daddy. However, when we went out shopping for one, we discovered the chair-and-a-half. Not quite as wide as a loveseat, this chair forces its occupants to sit hip-to-hip. And the icing on the cake ... it reclines! So we talked about it and decided to move our other squishy chair and ottoman into the man cave and put the chair-and-a-half in the living room where we could watch TV together.

Let me tell you this is one of the best purchases we have ever made (and gifts we've received). We sit in it nearly every single night next to each other whether watching a movie or TV, scrolling through electronics or just sitting and reading and talking. It is comfortable and snuggly, thus we've dubbed it the Snuggle Chair.

Your Daddy says every couple should have a Snuggle Chair. Prior to having the Snuggle Chair, I was on the squishy chair and he was on the couch. Same room, but very different dynamic when you are sitting apart. But this Snuggle Chair, you are right there, side-by-side, feeling the warmth of each other. Ecclesiastes 4:11 says: "If two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?" It's therapeutic. I mean, how can you be angry with someone you're sitting right next to? Your Daddy will watch my shows just to be next to me, and like wise, I will sit there and watch sporting events just to be next to him.

So this is our advice: GET ONE. It should be your first living room purchase. Park that chair-and-a-half wherever it works for you and snuggle. It will be one of the best purchases you ever make. You'll thank us for this later.

Discussion: Where do you both typically sit when you are together? Why do you think the Snuggle Chair is therapeutic?

Prayer: Lord, we know how important touch is in a relationship: hugs and hand-holding show us how much we care. And Father, we thank you anything that forces us to spend time together. We love you, Lord. In Jesus, Amen.

Third in a Three-Man Race

I once asked your Daddy years ago if he wrote an autobiography, what the title would be. He answered "Third in a Three-Man Race." He didn't give me any details why that would be his title, so I assumed it was because he was third born and frequently lost out to his brothers - and sometimes in life situations - to different successes.

However, we were doing a devotion together two days ago called "Third" that told a story about a pilot who was part of the aerial demonstration squadron called the Minute Men, showing what jets where capable of doing synchronized in air. At one of these demonstrations, one pilot's jet spinned out of control. Headed for an inevitable crash in the middle of a city, he could have ejected to save his life. Instead, he directed the plane to an empty field, saving the lives of many. The pilot, John Ferrier, died instantly. In his billfold found in the wreckage was a card that said, "I Am Third," explaining how he lived his life. First God, then others, then himself.

After reading this devotion your father told me about Chicago Bears running back Gale Sayers, who wrote an autobiography in 1970 titled "I Am Third." This book was the inspiration for a movie called "Brian's Song," which shared the story of the friendship between Gale and running back Brian Piccolo, his roommate, who died of cancer at the age of 27. In the story, Gale explained that Brian's life was an inspiration to him because he put others before himself. It made an impression on your Daddy as an 11-year-old. It was athletes like Gale, and Roberto Clemente and Walter Payton, who exemplified this humble attitude of caring for others that made such an impact on your Dad.

This was the meaning behind his autobiography title. He wanted to live a life just like these men - God first, others second and then himself. This is not to say that it is easy or even second nature, but an admirable and attainable goal, one we need to strive for every single day.

Mark 10:44-45 says: "Whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” 1 John 3:17-18 says: "If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." And, of course we know Christ said the second greatest commandment was "love your neighbor as yourself." Lev. 19:18.

In our marriages, we are asked to put our spouse before ourselves, and that is an excellent way we can put the above commands into practice. In addition, we are called to love God's children and to be a servant to them, loving them as Christ loved us. There is no doubt in my mind, that your father is third in a three-man race. I see it regularly. How precious that the autobiographical title he selected was more prophetic in nature to what he has certainly become. It is worth emulating.

Discussion: Tell of a time when you put others before yourself? Do you put each other before yourself? Is it hard for you to put someone else before you? 

Prayer: Help us, Lord God, to remember that You have asked us to love Your children. It requires sacrifice, Father, but none as great as the one Your Son gave for us. Let us not forget that when serving others. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Pumpkin Squash

The other day I made pumpkin muffins for your Dad. I got the recipe from a friend on facebook - box of yellow cake batter, can of pumpkin and cinnamon chips (yeah, we never heard of them before either). Mix the cake batter as directed with ingredients necessary, add the rest and bake according to box directions. I sprinkled some pecans on top before baking. They were amazing. I ate three as they came out of the oven. A perfect fall treat.

Now your Daddy has been calling me "Pumpkin" for forever. So of course as soon as these came out of the oven he said, "Thank you Pumpkin Muffin," to which I responded, "Your welcome, Squash." It's been kind of a running joke for us. See when he first started calling me Pumpkin, I was not having it. I mean, pumpkins are big, round and orange. So as soon as Pumpkin came out, I thought I could play that game too and called him Squash. Weird little nicknames, but not the only ones.

When I first met your Daddy, I called him Mooper. Have no idea why. And no idea when it stopped. I got Love Muffin once and awhile and I'd Sweet Muffin him right back. Sometimes I'll call him Zippy since he loves the song "Zippity Doo Dah." Darlin' and Babe are often monikers. And of course Ayla and Anton have had nicknames since they were little. They were Nellie and Reggie for awhile, but more recently for Ayla, it's La, Lolly or Princess and for Anton, Tone, Kirby, Toners and Little Face (though he's growing out of the last one). Having only known Rob for little more than a year, Robster is the best we got since Ayla says Rob is her lobster based on a "Friends" episode.

Nicknames are cute as long as everyone appreciates them. They are endearing and personal. And Jesus gave out a few to his BFFs. He called Simon, Peter or The Rock. He called John and James the Sons of Thunder. Both sobriquets were descriptive in nature. Thus, Pumpkin, I'm hoping isn't an appearance inspired nickname.

I don't know if you both have nicknames for each other or not. And they are not necessary for a healthy, loving marriage ... but they sure can be fun. Kinda like calling the future grandchildren ... Goglets.

Discussion: Did you have nicknames as children? What terms of endearment or pet names do you like to call each other?

Prayer: Father you have called us Your Children, a Royal Priesthood, Sheep, Chosen People and a Holy Nation. We thank you for names that accurately describe us or show how much you or we care. We love you, Lord. In Jesus, the King of Kings, Savior, Emmanuel, Prince of Peace, Messiah, Righteous Branch, Son of Man, Amen.

The Chief End of Man

Daddy preached Sunday on the parable of the talents found in Matthew 25:14-30. It tells the story of a man entrusting his servants with his money and property while he is away. The talents referred to in this story are the largest denomination of money listed in Scripture. A talent could be worth anywhere from $30,000 to 20 years worth of wages. So we're talking about multimillionaire standards. To one servant he gives five talents, to another servant two and to the last, one. The first two servants double the man's money. They are rewarded with increased job responsibilities and the man's favor. The last hid the money out of fear and returned the one talent to him. He is called wicked and lazy and is thrown into the outer darkness.

Your Daddy stressed the importance of using each of our gifts and talents to glorify God and further the kingdom. As the congregation was leaving the church, one member asked, "Do you mean that I am supposed to glorify God with everything I do throughout the day?" Your Daddy answered, "Yes."

When Ayla and Anton were little they took a summer class at church in Athens, Georgia on the Westminster Shorter Catechism. Written in the 1600's, it was designed to teach faith to children. It asks this question: "What is the chief end of man?" The answer is: "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever." Colossians 1:16 says we were created "through Him and for Him." Ephesians 1:12 tells us that having hope in Christ, "we live for His praise and glory." 1 Peter 2:9 says we are to "proclaim the mighty acts of Him." When Christ spoke of why He came He responded, "that they may have life and have it abundantly."

So basically we're to praise Him, glorify Him, live for Him, proclaim His acts and have an abundant life. If our chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, then the answer to the the congregant who asked your Daddy about glorifying God in everything we do throughout the day is a resounding, full-bodied, wholehearted, "YES!"

That means whatever we do throughout the day, we are doing it for God's glory. Working, cooking, laundry, playing golf, cleaning the toilet, singing, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, playing football ... we do it to God's glory. 1 Peter 4:11 says: "Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; whoever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ. To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen."

Your father brought up the example of Tim Tebow playing college football and putting a Bible verse on his eye black, and how when he changed the verse from Phil 4:13 to John 3:16 during the national championship game, the latter verse was googled by 94 million people during the four hours of the game. He was glorifying God in the game.

I think as we go about our daily business, we forget that we were created for that purpose. We forget that our jobs, friendships, entertainment, homes, families and mundane activities are still all to be for God's glory. Were we to remember that, we would probably approach each moment of our day with a far different attitude. And if we remember throughout the day that the God we serve is holy, sacred and just, our behavior towards everything we do and everyone we meet would have a different focus and goal.

Yesterday when your father and I went to see a movie, we ran into a young friend. We were late for the movie we wanted to see, but when we asked this young man how he was doing, he clearly needed to talk and share something he was dealing with. Every bit of me was anxious to get in to see the movie, but the Jesus-loving, God-fearing, Spirit-guided soul in me knew what I was created for - God's glory. And loving and listening to this boy did that. 

We were created for His glory. And our Father believes that the two of you can do that better together. He hand picked you for each other and knew before you were even born who would be the best helpmate for you and how your talents would compliment one another. Knowing that we prayed for Ayla and Anton's spouses since they were toddlers, gives us great confidence in God's selection for both of them. We pray that each day of your betrothal will be a time of glory for God and each day of your marriage likewise. And those amazing talents our Father has gifted you with, that you will double the return for His favor. He is so worth it, and you are so capable.

Discussion: What talents has God gifted you with? How are you using them to glorify God? How do you enjoy God? Do you proclaim is mighty deeds? Are you living life for Him abundantly?

Prayer: Lord, we thank You for gifting us with the talents we have and we pray that we use them to Your glory. Help us to identify what our talents are. And help us remember in each day, in each circumstance, in each task, that we remember Whom we're doing it all for. We love you. In Jesus, Amen.

The One

As you well know, I love to watch wedding dress shows. I watch "Say Yes to the Dress," "Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta," "Something Borrowed/Something New" and "I Found the Gown." I just love watching when these girls find the dress of their dreams. And I'm getting pretty good at predicting results now. The ones who are celebrities or models will often times get simple lace dresses since they've been all blinged out previously. Spoiled princesses will get the most outlandish and expensive dress there is, even if she doesn't necessarily look the best in it. Girls who want to look sexy, will get the see-through corset gowns. And girls on the fence about a gown, will be sold once that veil is on their head. But one thing that is common for all of them is that unbelievably satisfied look they have on their faces when they've found the perfect one. Giddy, joyful and oftentimes, there are tears flowing by not just the bride but also the entourage shopping with her.

I've told your Daddy one of the reasons I love to watch these shows is because it's the day girls want to look their most beautiful for the person they love most of all. I like to think of it as presenting yourself to Christ in your most perfect way, righteous and holy.

The dress I bought, I believe, was one of the first three I tried on. I knew immediately it was the one. Puffy sleeves, poofy skirt, I was sold. Princess Jill was ready for her Prince Charming (aka Brad). I will never forget the face of my Aunt Carol on my wedding day when she saw me for the first time. She snuck in the back room to get a peek before I walked down the aisle and immediately started to cry, saying, "You look beautiful." And I felt that way. To see her reaction confirmed, what I was feeling inside. I was ready to walk down that aisle to my beloved Brad.

We wondered what the process would be like with Ayla dress hunting. I think everyone had an idea of what Ayla would want or what we wanted to see her in. Ayla knew generally what she was looking for. She tried on dress after dress, dissatisfied with one thing or another: price, fit, color, style. The place where we found her dress was an afterthought, honestly. We didn't expect to find anything there because of a time crunch. But when she put on that dress, it was as if the clouds parted, the sun's rays shined right down on her and angels sang. I could see it in her face. She was done. This was the one. And she said with sweet joy, "I'm going to marry Rob Goggin in this dress." You could tell she felt beautiful, elegant, herself.

It's bought and paid for now as of Saturday. All that's left is alterations as you get closer to the date next fall. I was interested in your reaction after seeing your ordered dress when it arrived. Your text: "It is stunning. I am so excited." That was all the confirmation I needed to hear.

My baby girl is getting married in 333 days. And she's wearing a beautiful dress on that day, a dress paid for in part thanks to your extended Pittsburgh family via financial gifts from your recent party. How sweet to know that you will be wrapped in the love of your family as you walk down that aisle to your beloved. It is as if we are presenting you, gifting you, to Rob. You are going to feel and look amazing. Remember when I said the brides on the wedding dress reality shows have that look of unbelievable satisfaction on their face when they've found "the one?" Ayla had it when she found her dress, and we pretty much expect the same look Oct. 16, 2015 when she marries "the one" before The One. Giddy, joyful and tears flowing.

Discussion: When did you both realize your fiance was "the one." What do you feel when you are in the bridal gown you've selected? Is it important to you that the groom not see the dress until the wedding day?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for "the one" you've selected just for us. We pray you will be glorified in the day. May we be as excited to present ourselves righteous and holy to you with as much joy as brides present themselves to the groom. In Jesus, Amen.

Is it Sunday?

This summer a friend and I were talking about the importance of going to church on Sunday. She said when her kids would get up on Sunday morning they would ask, "Are we going to church today?" to which their dad would respond, "Is it Sunday?" In other words, it is Sunday morning and this is what we do every Sunday morning, so yeah, we're going.

We feel the exact same way. It is a priority. It's not something we do if we feel like it, or if it fits the schedule, or if we're not tired or if it's Easter or Christmas. We go every single Sunday, typically even when we're on vacation. Not out of obligation or guilt. We go out of necessity. We go because we want to worship our Lord. We want to be connected with other Christians who love the Lord. We want to hear the Word preached, praise Him in song and learn whatever we can about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit on this journey. It's a recharge to face the rest of the week. It's not a club to visit or stay in, but rather a empowerment of sorts.

We were talking about this recently in a Bible class. We commented that the reason people like cellphones is they can take them with them everywhere they go. However, they have to be charged. So you plug them in. Once they're good and juiced up, you are back on your way, good to go. It's the same with church. You take Christ with you wherever you go, but you've got to be recharged.

We've heard the story many times about the pastor who visited a man who lived in the church's neighborhood but never came to church. The man said he could worship at home just fine. The pastor walked over to a fire in the hearth and removed a coal from it, setting it aside. The coal went out. He then returned the coal to the fire and it lit bright again. The pastor left, and the man went to church the following Sunday and thereafter. We need to be spiritually fed and worship the Lord surrounded by other Christians to have that fire lit in our souls and keep it lit. For those who say they don't want to go to church because it's full of hypocrites, we say, "There is always room for one more." The church is full of repenting sinners trying daily to do better. Can you become a better hunter if you never go into the woods? For you two, a better analogy: can you become a better cook if you're never in the kitchen?

Today is the first Sunday you two have been able to worship together in a long time. We know you love your church, hear a great message each week, worship fully and love the Lord. And we know you both notice on the weeks you don't go, what a void there is in the week.

We pray worship will always be a priority for you. The psalmist tells us "Better is one day in your courts, than a thousand elsewhere" (Psalm 84:10). Is it Sunday? Then it's time for church.

Discussion: Do you think weekly worship is important? What is it you like about church? What do you miss when you don't go?

Prayer: Lord, to lift our voices in song and Your name in praise is such an honor and joy. Lord we pray we are always inspired to want to come to Your house to learn, grow and love. We love you. In Jesus name, Amen.

With This Ring

I'll never forget when our photographer was taking a picture of our rings against my bouquet on our wedding day and he ironically said, "Smile." I think of that every time I see that picture. We did smile, and giggle at that.

Rings are an important part of the wedding ceremony. Some say the tradition dates back to the Egyptians thousands of years ago. Putting a ring on the finger to the right of the pinkie on the left hand is a tradition for Christians, some say, that dates back to the 9th century A.D. (and then only the wives ... men didn't start wearing them until the 1900's). That "ring finger" was selected because people believed a vein or artery ran straight from it to the heart. The ring's circular shape symbolized eternity. In some countries, married couples wear the ring on the right hand. And in Jewish weddings, the ring is on the index finger. From a biblical standpoint, the only engagement jewelry mentioned is the nose ring given to Rebekah when Isaac was to marry her. Praise God that isn't the wedding tradition we follow.

A wedding ring is a symbol of a covenant, something you see God using over and over again in the Bible: a rainbow for a promise, a star for new born King, bread and wine for redemption. How appropriate that weddings have a symbol as well.

Since it is a piece of jewelry you wear forever, it is fun to pick out a special one. We know that Rob got a wedding ring with Ayla's engagement ring, and that Ayla is currently searching for that perfect wedding ring for Rob. My wedding band is a ring of tiny diamonds. Brad always wanted rubies in his ring because he admired a ruby ring his Great Uncle Louie Zimanek wore. Inside Brad's ring, our wedding date and the sign language symbol for "I love you" is engraved. Brad can't get his ring off his finger after all these years, but I once got close and looked under to see if the engraving had wore off. It is still there.

On our 15th anniversary when Brad surprised me with a vow renewal ceremony, he had a ring given to me by my Grandma Elizabeth Swain repaired to use for the vows. It's a gold wedding band with diamonds and sapphires worn by my Great-Great Grandmother Matilda Cornwall. The band was hollow and cracked, so your Daddy had it filled and repaired. That ring will some day go to your first daughter. For our vow renewal, Daddy used Great Uncle Louie's ring that Great Aunt Sophie gave him after Louie passed away. That ring is the one your brother plans to use when he gets married. We put those rings on our right hands at our vow renewal ceremony and mine has been there ever since, sitting next to the white gold wedding band my father gave my mother back in 1963. So lots of tradition on these fingers.

There is one other wedding band I have. It's a size 6 very thin gold band. I bought it when I got pregnant with Ayla. My size 4½ rings were too small when I was pregnant, but I didn't want to go without a ring, so I wore the larger ring for both pregnancies. Daddy recited vows when putting it on me, it was that important.

Rings are material and symbolic. While their value is based on the metal they are made of and gems embedded, their spiritual value stems from the meaning we give them. A token of unending love, a sign of commitment, a promise for a lifetime. "With this ring, I thee wed,' the vows state. It serves as a symbol that the marriage is permanent. The exact words we used were, "This ring I give you, in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love." May your rings be a forever reminder of a forever love.

Discussion: Are there particular vows you would like to say when exchanging rings? What does a wedding ring mean to you?

Prayer: Father, we know that You used many symbols in sealing promises and we thank You for Your example. We pray we can look on our symbols as you do ... everlasting. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Just A Little Something

I will never forget the day years ago your Daddy told me before I left to get groceries, "You have $100." Money was tight - it typically was, but this pay period it was particularly tight. I remember wondering how I was ever going to feed a family of four on just $100 for two weeks. I was pretty panicked honestly, to the point of getting nauseated. How would I make this work?

I started going around the grocery store, putting items in the cart, and truly getting sicker and sicker as the buggy got full. Finally, I just stopped where I was and prayed. I don't remember my exact words, but I do remember asking Him to please help me get what I needed for our family and stay within the limit. Then I heard my Father speak directly to my heart. He said, "Get only what you need." I opened my eyes and looked into my cart. Cheese puffs, pop tarts and bags of cookies were in the cart. I started slowly removing items that were more wants than needs and made my way up to the register to check out. Continuous beep after beep as the items were scanned, I could feel myself getting more nauseated. Then the total from the cashier: "One hundred sixty two."

"One hundred and sixty two dollars?!" I said feeling my stomach drop. "No," she said, "$100.62." I started weeping right there at the check out. I could handle 62 cents. My Father had me covered.

Our whole marriage, we have lived pretty much paycheck to paycheck. We foolishly didn't follow a budget in our early years and each had credit cards. While never having credit card debt, we always spent more than we had each month. After taking Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey - a wonderful class on budgeting and money management we highly recommend - we cut up those credit cards. Those first three months were the toughest as we played catch up. We ate a lot of canned ravioli and stayed home a lot. But we have since built up an emergency fund savings account and hope to be better at allocating what our Father has blessed us with. But living as we have, we are well aware of Who takes care of us. Repeatedly we have seen the Lord take care of us financially. One particularly tight month when I didn't think we'd have supper on the table, a friend's freezer died. She had pounds of beef, chicken, pork and fish she couldn't keep and asked if I would want some. I don't know if she realized it, but that saved our family that month.

Brad loves to tell this story. Just after he and I married and he was diagnosed as diabetic, after insurance, the hospital bill came to $518. Brad wondered how we could possibly pay this bill with no money to our name. I told him we just needed to pray about it. Over a series of a few days we received $500 in the mail from family members who said they felt "we could use it." $300 came via my mother, who received a check from a woman in her neighborhood, who told her, "God said you might need this," to which my mother replied, "I don't, but my daughter does." I brought Brad's attention to this precious God of ours who provided for the bill. Brad's snarky comment back: "If it was God, where's the other $18?" That day, Grandpa Zimanek sent us a letter with a check for $20 which said, "Had a good night at poker." There. Bill provided for.

One time when Ayla was about 8 or 9 and we were struggling that month financially, she caught me weeping and praying about it in my basement office. She came downstairs and handed me a sweet card that on the front said, "Just a little something!" Inside she had cleaned out her piggy bank and given me a few dollars sticking out of a slit inside the card. It said, "From someone who loves you. Hope it will help." Even just those few dollars certainly did. I have that card to this day. I never forgot her sweet, sacrificial spirit giving as her Father in Heaven would. It was a lesson for all of us.

God has been precious that way for us every time. He cares for our needs. And we are reminded by the author of Hebrews in 13:5, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.'" And in Phil. 4:11-13, Paul wrote from prison, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Know that when you hit hard times financially, God will take care of you. Go to Him in prayer about every need. Notice that I said "need," but the Lord will listen to your wants also. He is a kind, loving and generous God and may choose to grant those also. 

I am currently reading a book called "Answers to Prayer" by George Mueller. Mueller opened an orphanage in 1835 with the intent on taking care of these children through prayer and faith. He recorded miracle after miracle of God's provision for those children for over 60 years. And you've read of our examples above.

Be fiscally wise. Budget. Do not spend more than you have. Pay off debt. Give 10 percent to the Father. But first and foremost, make God Lord of your finances. Be grateful to him in plenty and generous with His children. Go to Him in prayer when you are in want. And then watch what He'll do!

Discussion: Do you trust that God will take care of you? Do you have stories where God took care of you. What are some changes you need to make in your budgeting? What are some particular financial needs or wants you should go in prayer for.

Prayer: Thank you, Father, for providing for us. Help us to be good stewards of all you have blessed us with. Father we thank you that you give us our daily bread. We pray we can be a blessing to others in Your name and for Your sake. In Jesus, Amen.

In God's Image

When your Daddy helped write a book on former Packers Coach Mike Holmgren titled "Heir To A Legacy," he was given an opportunity to have a book signing in Green Bay. People would purchase the book then bring it to him to autograph. Your Daddy wanted to follow in the footsteps of the late defensive end, Hall of Famer Reggie White, and autograph with a Bible verse. I was pretty sure he would put his favorite, which at the time was Psalm 118:24: "This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." But instead he did something pretty sneaky. He did Proverbs 5:19. His comment was, "I would just love to see people's faces when they read it."

The verse says: "A loving doe, a graceful dear, delight in your wife's breasts always; may you ever be intoxicated with her love." Brad said he wanted the men who got this football book signed by him to be reminded to love their wives. We chuckle at his signing, but I think if he had the opportunity to do it again, he would sign books the same way.

On a recent episode of Project Runway All Stars, a contestant was commenting on another designer's unconventional dress made of yellow construction caution tape, saying that she hoped it wouldn't fall apart on the runway.  "A naked woman is never a good look," she said, to which your Daddy promptly responded, "That last comment is wrong" and then he giggled and added, "You always look good that way."

I have never had any doubt about how your father felt about me. He has made sure to adhere to Proverbs 5:19 thoroughly and always makes me feel like I'm beautiful. This morning when I commented that I didn't think I would be running into any humans during the day and could probably go without make up, he said, "A No Make-Up Thursday! Do it! You were made in God's image." He is precious like that.

Now some women might take offense at your Daddy's overt comments on my physical appearance, but honestly, it makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. And in a culture that does all it can to get you to compare yourself to the airbrushed, size 0 supermodels of the world, those comments are encouraging and edifying. And if he thinks I'm beautiful, that's enough for me.

When I was a little girl, my Dad told me all the time that I was beautiful. When I looked in the mirror, I saw an awkward, nerdy adolescent (and I've seen the pictures, so there's proof I truly was). But thankfully, I had a Daddy who made sure I knew what he saw was beautiful. And my precious husband has done likewise. I have been blessed to have had the two most important men in my life repeatedly tell me something that the Father feels about each and every one of us. We are beautiful. He delights in us.

You both are fortunate in that the Lord has made you physically gorgeous, so complimenting each other on that should flow pretty naturally and often, we would imagine. But what is more precious, is that you are both just as beautiful inside. I'm not talking about your bones or organs, but the beauty my father saw in me. Sweetness, love, caring, joy, a passion for Christ ... those are beautiful attributes. You have a glow that we hope never fades. And we pray you continually will compliment and edify one another throughout your relationship.

As for Proverbs 5:19 and the rest ... save it for the honeymoon. :)

Discussion: What are beautiful attributes to you? Tell what you find beautiful in each other. Do you make sure that your betrothed feels beautiful, even when they may not feel it?

Prayer: Lord you have made us in your image. And You are so amazing, that we can only hope to live up to that comparison, so that people see You in us. Father, help us to remember to compliment, encourage, uplift and edify one another. In Jesus name, Amen.

Bloom and Grow

On our 20 anniversary, when we lived in Appleton, Wisconsin, Brad and I planted a red bud tree in our front yard. We chose a red bud because it blooms bright pink, tiny flowers in the spring and sports heart-shaped leaves in the summer. We figured it was a perfect tree to symbolize the love we shared for 20 years. So when we moved, I wondered if that twig of a tree would grow long after we'd gone.

When we went back to Wisconsin in August for Grandma Jar's funeral, I made sure we drove by our old home. I wanted to see how the 20th anniversary tree was doing. It was gorgeous! In the seven years since we'd planted it, it was flourishing and lush. I can only imagine it is breathtaking in the spring. Though the new owners have no idea the significance of that tree, I am sure when it blooms it brings them happiness too.

We like to think of marriage that way, too. While it's a joining of the two of you in love and happiness, it should be a beacon of you both to those who observe you. And trust me, people will be watching, especially your children. They will watch how you are together. People may specifically watch for you to fail, having a sarcastic view of any marriage's success. Others may watch to see how a Christian marriage works. Are you caring? Do you talk about one another in a loving, edifying way? Do you show outward affection when together? Do you work as a team in serving the Lord? Do you encourage one another? Do you beautifully bloom, lushly grow and reflect God's glory ... just like the red bud?

We have an area at our Alabama house in the front corner flower bed where I have attempted to plant several trees. Twice I planted palm trees in that spot, and twice they succumbed to winter temperatures below 20-degrees. Then I planted a dogwood. Again, it died, shriveling branch by branch. This past spring, I found a red bud on clearance at a local hardware store. A sprout of a tree, I brought it home to plant in my unsuccessful location. We'll see how it fairs this winter. Remembering the significance of the red bud to us, I sure wish we'd have tried it first. I can't help but smile when I see its leaves, now yellowing in autumn. We look forward to its full bloom next spring! And like our marriage, hope that tree grows and grows year after year, beautiful and full, just as we pray yours will.

Discussion: Where have you observed successful marriages? What do you think makes a successful, loving marriage?

Prayer: Lord God, You have made creation such a beautiful reminder of how much You love us. How awesome You are, Father, to have made such a lovely tree with heart-shaped leaves! Lord, help our marriages be a reflection of that love in every way. In Jesus, Amen.

11:11 on 11/11

1111 is one of those numbers Zimaneks and Lauritzens seem to see all the time. On the alarm clock next to the bed, addresses, grocery store receipts. It just seems to pop up a lot. My Dad was the first to draw my attention to it. It was his address when he was a little boy. I remember countless times when he would point to whatever featured the number and say, "Eleven eleven." So, of course, when I met your Daddy, I would point it out to him as well.

Then we started this tradition: every year on Veterans Day, we would make sure we would kiss at 11:11.11 (in 2011, this was especially cool). Now it may seem silly, but it was just a little thing we did every year. And that can be complicated if either of us were working. We would call each other and blow kisses over the phone if we had to. Or make sure to get a kiss in the p.m. eleven o'clock hour (although to a veteran, they'd say that doesn't count since it's 23:00. :) Just a silly thing, but we've done it since we first met. It's become as much of a tradition for us as kissing at midnight on New Year's Day. It's just what we do. But it's special to us.

But it's not the only goofy little thing we do. Daddy loves Twinkies, and for some reason really liked Twinkie the Kid - which we lovingly refer to as the Twinkie Man. Daddy has been drawing the Twinkie Man for me since we first met. On little notes, letters, dry erase boards, even my hand. And he always has Twinkie Man signing "I love you." That is another sweet thing we do. Again, started by my father, we have been using the sign language symbol for "I love you" for a lifetime. I sign it to Daddy every single day as he leaves for work. And then, of course, he asks me to marry him several times each day.

Little things like this between the two of you are sweet ways to show how much you love each other. They are yours, personal, sweet and special. You may already have these sweet moments and traditions already. And some may come as the years go on. Are they proven ways to strengthen a marriage or make it last longer. Um, no.

But they sure are fun.

Discussion: What are some quirky things that are just yours together as a couple? Is there a tradition you've seen done by other couples you'd like to incorporate or tweak for yourselves?

Prayer: Lord, we know how important tradition is for you. And we thank you for sweet moments we can recreate and delight in daily and yearly. We love you, Father. And we thank you for our Veterans this day. In Jesus name, Amen.