Magical Day

Several days have passed since your wedding. It was a blessed and beautiful event. From your snazzy outfits, beautiful wedding arch, delicious cake, Daddy's awesome sermon, fun with guests, amazing music by Stephen, perfect cloud covered ceremony and superb sunset, musical dance, yummy appetizers, sweet donut bar, bubbles, glitter, flowers with Mommy's bouquet seed pearls, hilarious Selfie Station, fun thumbprint guest book and masterful DJing by your Uncle Greg, it was a magical day. We are happy for you, Mr. and Mrs. Goggin. And now we are excited and looking forward to Anton and Kayla getting married. We wanted to share a few pictures from your happy day. We love you and praise God for all the blessings He showered on you both and all who came. Glory to Him!

Discussion: What are your favorite memories of this day? Do you have God stories about your wedding day?

Prayer: Lord, we know you were present at this wedding. We know you blessed us all with safe travel, no hiccups and a perfectly beautiful day. We love you, Father God. May you forever be glorified in this marriage! In Christ's name we pray, Amen.

Happy Wedding Day ... A Doubly Blessed Day!

This is it. This is the day! First off, "this is the day that the Lord has made, and we will rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24). But we have an even greater reason to rejoice in it, for today our daughter will become Mrs. Robert Goggin!

This celebration has been more than a year in the making, starting with an engagement on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean in Garden City Beach, South Carolina. After ring purchasing, dress hunting, date selecting, venue picking, decoration buying, shoe shopping, flower perusing, tux sizing, gift registering, invitation designing, ceremony scheduling, music choosing, vow writing and so much more, there is little left to do except enjoy! You both will have plenty going on this day, and will be surrounded by all the family and friends you love (and some family and new friends you've not met yet) to celebrate one of the greatest days of your life. So breathe in and breathe out. Relax. Take in every single - and married - moment. Remember how you feel this day. Remember the love you feel right this very minute for your beloved. Remember the expressions on each other's faces the first time you see one another. Remember the faces of those who have traveled from so many different places to witness this special event and then party with you to commemorate it. We are thrilled for you, Rob and Ayla, on this day. We know a few tears will be shed, but not tears of sadness, not even the slightest bit of sadness. For this day God the Father will take two souls and make them one! He will intertwine your lives as only He can do, bless you both and watch with pride as His precious children, designed for one another, unite before Him. And that brings the greatest tears of all ... complete and perfect joy.

We love you both so very much. And know you may not even read this until this day has passed. We have shared all we can think to share with you both about marriage and weddings. Now, it's up to you. You will have this to look back on, should you need a reminder of the words spoken here. Just pop your subject in the newly added search box and posts will pop up to help you out with that issue. This is our gift to you. We never wanted to say that we didn't tell you everything we possible could to prepare you for this special day.
 
On this date 28 years ago, we said our I do's to one another. My Dad whispered in my ear just as he was about to escort my 22-year-old self down the aisle: "How about we surprise them all and skip." Now, I wish we would have, but his suggestion made me giggle and relaxed me just before that momentous procession. And there at the end was your breathtaking Daddy. God did a beautiful thing that day bringing us together. We have had quite a journey in our marriage, and we've shared a lot of it here. While we celebrate the beginning of your marriage today, we celebrate the anniversary of ours. For us it is, and now will ever be, a doubly blessed day.

May the Lord bless your wedding day. May the Lord bless your honeymoon. May the Lord bless your marriage. May the Lord bless your adventures together. And may the Lord bless your future family. Remember that it's all about Him and you are good to go.

Now we gotta get ready. We have some celebrating to do! Happy Blessed Wedding Day!

Discussion: What are you thinking about in anticipation of this day? As the day comes to an end, what moments stand out for you? How was God glorified in this day?

Prayer: Heavening Father, creator of marriage, we praise your name. We thank you for 365 ideas for our children as they prepared for marriage. Father we ask for your presence here on this day. May your Holy Spirit fill our children from head to toe. We pray you are glorified. It is in Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Reheasing For Tomorrow

What a fun day today will be! Today is Rehearsal Day ... the day to make sure everything is scheduled and kinks are unkinked. Everything is practiced so everyone is on the same page, hopefully eliminating any surprises for tomorrow. There will be much laughter and silliness. There will be a few mistakes, but this is the day to make them. And there will be a sense of familiarity in the process so that tomorrow will be a little less hectic. It's a fun day.

Then after the details are ironed out, we'll join together with Rob's father and step-mother to bring together families from the northeastern end of the country with folks from the upper midwest and south and the dearest of friends. This is your last night as singles before the most important day of your life. Games, good food and fellowship as folks get to know one another a little bit better in a less formal environment, and perhaps let go of a little anxiety.

What typically takes place at a rehearsal dinner?

Introductions: Take some time to say who everyone is. Name tags may be helpful for this night. Be sure to go around and meet and greet everyone.
Supper: Can be whatever you want. With Rob and Ayla, food trucks are the fare for the evening.
Thank yous: These are the verbal thank yous to everyone who helped and came.
Toasts: Since typically the best man and maid-of-honor do toasts at a reception, this is a good time for parents to make toasts.
Gifts for the wedding party: A good time to give your bridesmaids and groomsmen a token of thanks.
Last Minute Reminders so everyone will know where they need to be and at what time the next day. 

For Rob and Ayla's night they have a few games planned, as they wanted to really get folks interacting together. It's going to be a lot of fun and memorable.

So get ready to practice for the big day and delight in the company of those who love you so very much! Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you'll be married!

Discussion: What things are running through your mind on this day before your wedding? What are the things you most want to practice? What are you hoping will happen at your rehearsal dinner?

Prayer: Lord God, we pray this is a special, fun, tension-less day for our couple and the families. We pray for joy in the greetings and blessings in the memories. We love you, Father. Thank you for this day. In Christ, Amen.

Thanks For The Memories

Daddy and I have been married nearly 28 years and dated four years before that.We have made a lot of good memories in that period of time. Some were grand and glorious and others were subtle and precious. We decided to take a walk down memory lane at some of our greatest marriage moments. You may find some bizarre, but when we talked about this and one of us would come up with a memory, the other was nodding and smiling in agreement. Now honestly, there are so many good memories we cannot possibly list them all here, but we wanted to share a few so you can see the joy we have in all these years together.

Our egg fight - It started off with Daddy gloating about the fact that I made too many dyed hard-boiled eggs at Easter, and had so many left over weeks after. So I threw one at him. Then another and another in rapid succession. He caught every single one, but squished a bunch in the process. We laughed hysterically. It was excellent use of extra eggs ... and we got a second giggle when we found egg shells behind our couch when we moved from that apartment.

Watching Daddy play sports - I do not like to watch sports. Bores me to tears. But I love watching your Daddy play them. He is so sexy when those muscles are stretching and flexing. And the fact that he is so good at every sport he plays made it super fun for me. I'll never forget the young boys watching Daddy's work softball league and commenting "Check out the guy in the blue t-shirt. He's the best." That guy was my shortstop husband. That's right, my man.

Good meals and bad meals - I am a horrible cook. So your Daddy has lived through hockey puck pot roast and a severely under-cooked (okay, raw) Thanksgiving turkey. But likewise he's had some amazing fig pancakes, monster cookies, crepes, homemade pizza and meatloaf (okay, that last one was his Dad's recipe, but I did cook it). We have made great memories in those meals. And especially have enjoyed our candlelight dinners.

Packer cruise to the Caribbean - A dream vacation we couldn't afford that by God's grace and Daddy's sweet opportunity to write a chapter for a book on Super Bowl-winning Packer Coach Mike Holmgren gave us some bonus funds to spurge with. We had the most fun time, saw amazing sights, met fabulous people and experienced new things like parasailing which we've not done since. It was a beautiful week of our life together.

Snowball fight - Can't even remember what the argument was about. We were living in Tennessee and it snowed. We went out for a walk to talk out the disagreement and pretty soon were whipping snowballs at each other. We ended up laughing and playing in the snow.

Sugar Smacks cereal and champagne - our first breakfast together as husband and wife on our honeymoon. We got to the Garden City Beach condo and didn't have any food except that. So that was breakfast. We relived that memory when we renewed our vows on our 15th anniversary. Which leads to ...

Our 15th Anniversary Vow Renewal - Your Daddy is the king of surprises and this was a doozy. Bringing my best buddy into town to serve as my matron-of-honor, having a friend make me a gown, others made a cake, others decorated a hotel room for the night, others fixed a ring for me to wear and then to have my daughter and son walk down the aisle as we celebrated ... sigh. It was a magical day.

Neil Diamond concert - Another of your Daddy's surprises. I'm a Neil Diamond groupie. He took care of getting a babysitter and drove me to Milwaukee. On our way he told me we were going to see Neil. Awesome concert, but even better because it was a surprise by my beloved.

Great Sex - don't cringe. We have been so blessed, truly. Not going to go all triple x on you here, but just suffice it to say we have sure had fun.

Mission trip to Mexico - one of the best experiences of our lives was helping to build that concrete home in Piedra's Negras with Constructores Para Cristo. Eye-opening, gut-wrenching and heart warming. I still wear my Mexico mission boots and have a brick piece from the work site that always brings warm fuzzies.

Tatiana - Christmas Day when your Daddy surprised me with our Compassion International Child. One of the best presents he's ever given me.

Getaways - to different beaches, to Door County, to state parks, to Mackinac Island, to even camping on Assateague Island beach covered in horse manure rolling in the waves just to see wild horses. We have so enjoyed exploring new places together.

Northeast America trip - this vacation with you kids was actually a business trip for Daddy that we parlayed into a vacation-of-a-lifetime seeing Washington D.C, Philadelphia, Gettysburg, Niagara Falls, the Baseball Hall of Fame and Cedar Point. It was a whirlwind and perfect at the same time. We will never forget it.

Penthouse at Super Bowl XXIX in Miami - We got to our hotel room and it smelled like vomit. I told your Daddy I was going to the front desk to ask for another room. Your Daddy doesn't like change, so he was upset that I was going down to complain. Next thing you know we're in the penthouse, the entire top floor surrounded in glass with a 360° view of Miami. I could see the fireworks from the Super Bowl from the hotel. It's worth asking for quality customer service.

Pregnancies of both children - we will never forget how we learned of both pregnancies, hearing their heartbeats for the first time, the deliveries of both children and holding those sweet newborns. Truly two of the greatest moments of our lives. And every subsequent memory with our children ... including their engagements!

Getting our first ...  - washer and dryer: that may sound petty, but after years of taking clothes to the laundromat, we so appreciated the convenience of our very first set. We would get done with one load and run around the apartment looking for anything dirty just to wash it; air-conditioned car: which we got when I was pregnant with Ayla. To have that in Tennessee was a jewel. Loved that little white Dodge Aries; house: we made a list of everything we wanted in our first home and found it in Antioch, TN. We lived in that home less than a year before moving to Wisconsin, but made such sweet memories in that short period of time there.

Handprints on the Z Shack - when you live far from family, having something of them permanently with you is precious. Those handprints have brought us so much joy. And this is our second handprint wall - the first was in Georgia.

Firepit parties - Getting that fire ring for our 22nd anniversary is one of the best things we've ever done. The fires alone take me back to my childhood camping days, but our Christmas Caroling Campfires have been such a hoot.

Walks together - Sunday walks to Overlook park, moonlit walks, Reid golf course, snow walks, creek walks, walks for ice cream. Each one is precious, especially when we are holding hands.

Couple other Daddy surprises - 49th birthday surprise when you kids came to Seaside beach which shocked me to tears and the 72-hour Valentine Daddy planned for me in Green Bay. He had every moment planned with flowers, dinner, etc. He is amazing at surprises. Every time I think, "He will have trouble topping this," he goes ahead and does it.

Well, we could go on and on, but you get the picture. We sure have had fun. When you make memories that touch you in a special way, you may want to find some way (scrapbook, journal) to capture those moments. Gosh, this has been a blessed 28 years. What new memories will we make next? What new memories will you make? Sure going to be fun finding out!

Discussion: What are some of your favorite memories together thus far? What are some things you would like to do together?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the opportunities we've had to make such precious memories. We are so grateful for those time. We love you so much! And we pray more lovely memories are ahead. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

In The Dog House

Saturday as Daddy and I were heading to church for Clean Up Day, we saw a double recliner (like our snuggle chair) at a garage sale. Your Daddy, who is so not a garage sale person, said, "I think that would be good for Anton and Kayla," so we stopped to haggle a bit. Within minutes the comfy couch was in the back of the homeowner's pickup truck with Daddy riding in the passenger seat to bring it home. The fellow helped us carry it into the Z Shack when he said, "If I'm ever in the dog house, do you mind if I come here to sleep for the night?" Your Daddy said it was the second such reference the man made to him. And it got us thinking ...

Do not ever use banishment to the couch as a punishment for disagreements. You may need a cooling-off period during disagreements, but kicking your spouse out of your bed solves nothing. It only perpetuates the problem. For one thing you're saying, "I don't want to be near you." For another you're saying, "No sex tonight, baby, so deal with that." Neither are loving. Neither solve the problem. When we hear about people doing this to one another we get so disappointed in that response. It is nothing at all that God would want.

We've talked before in this blog about not going to bed angry. But not going to bed together at all due to an argument should be completely off the table, too. For one thing, 1 Corinthians 7:5 says, "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." So that opens up all new issues. Step back from your argument just long enough to have clarity and go to God for wisdom, but whatever you do, do not kick one another out of the bed. Your Daddy commented when we talked about writing this blog, "This is something that's not even on their radar yet, since they haven't had to deal with this." I commented that many of the things we've discussed in this blog are that way. But you can't say we didn't warn you and provide you with sound, godly advice for how to deal with it. So in this instance, make a mental note right now ... or better yet, just make it a rule between you both: booting out of bed is not allowed. Matter of fact, in those instances just go ahead and have sex. It may solve the problem for you.

Discussion: Do you know of a spouse who kicked their beloved out of bed due to an argument? Can you resolve as a couple not to do that? How could making love be a resolution to the problem?

Prayer: Lord God, may we never use exclusion from our bed as a solution to problems. We pray Father that the marriage bed is a sacred place. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

What We've Learned

We are four short days away from this wedding and down to the wire on this blog. I was talking to Daddy about what we had left to say to your young couples and he said, "What about what you've learned through this blog?"

So here it goes. In the last 361 days, these are the things I've learned since writing this blog:

1. You can write blog every day for a year. It is absolutely possible. When we set this goal, I had some misgivings, honestly, wondering if it would be something we could complete. No worries now. There are plenty of things to talk about with regards to marriage and weddings.
2. Everyday experiences provide countless lessons. If you go back and look at many of these posts, you will see we're relating what we experienced in a day that gave us fodder for marriage lessons. Many started with "Yesterday" or "The other day." I loved how God reminded us of something within marriage through those experiences.
3. Some of our best posts were written under deadline. When we didn't remember until 11 p.m. and were scrambling to write something, and God gave us this amazing idea. Those were pretty cool.
4. That we have had such a blessed marriage. This has been a walk down memory lane for us (more about that Wednesday), and I have truly seen in writing this blog what a joy it has been, even in the trials. Plus I was able to dig up old wedding photos that I haven't looked at in years.
5. There are some funky wedding traditions around the world. I know a few of you have said the different nationalities' wedding traditions were not your favorite posts, but, wow, I learned a lot in those posts ... including how to say Happy Wedding Day in several languages.
6. Art may be hard to come by for posts, but that is when I got to be most creative. I had lots of fun searching for just the right picture or slogan to go with posts. And especially had fun creating the one with Daddy speaking to his 22-year-old self.
7. We learned gobs of new Bible verses that supported so many of these marriage posts. God is so good and His Living Word is inspiring.
8. We enjoyed getting marriage advice from our friends and family to share with you. Our friends have some great and funny ideas.
9. We cried together remembering stories, memories, people and our love for each other. What a wild ride.
10. And lastly, that marriage is a wonderful, beautiful, blessed creation of our Father God, which we need to work at every single day, but will certainly reap the benefits of. 

While this has been a formidable challenge, it sure has been rewarding. Praying, my sweet ones, that you have benefited from it as much as we have.

Discussion: Do you have a favorite blog post? What is something new you've learned in this last year?

Prayer: Father God, we just want to thank you personally for giving us so many different ideas for writing posts for this blog. We pray you have been glorified and that our children have absorbed all we wanted them to know about marriage. Father may they be blessed by the words written here. In the name of your precious Son, Jesus, Amen.

Head On

While walking yesterday I had an interesting encounter with two mockingbirds. They were, I believe, engaged in a territory battle when I came upon them. As I approached, their natural instincts kicked in and they flew off. One flew in my direction then straight behind me. The other flew ahead of me. He got to the next yard, saw me catching up, flew a little further and on it went until he finally flew to a high tree branch to watch me walk beneath him. He looked like he might take flight at any second, but you could almost see him relax as I passed under realizing I had no interest in him whatsoever. So he stayed put.

I thought about these two birds as two different ways of dealing with issues. You can deal with it head-on immediately, or you can try to stay ahead of it, dealing with bits of it as you go, hoping the issue will pass you by so you don't have to deal directly with it. Let me say, based on experience, the first method is far easier. Let's face it, the bird that flew in the straight at me - head on into the problem, didn't have to keep dealing with me walking along. The other had to deal with this stranger trailing him over and over again and expended much more energy. Had he flown in the same direction as the other, the problem would have been solved.

In your marriage you are going to have issues. There will be various things that may get under your skin about your spouse. There may be communication problems. There may be different ways of doing things that cause tiny squabbles. And there may be far grander problems you have to deal with. You can dance around those issues if you'd like, hope they go away, try to stay ahead of them or out of the way ... or you can sit down with one another, pray together and tackle those issues head on in a loving manner. The latter is faster, kinder and wiser. But notice the key parts: pray and loving. If you go at your beloved in a nasty manner, you honestly are creating a new problem. No one responds well to that kind of approach. But if you go into a situation with every intention of loving the problem away together, you will see far greater and more peaceful results. But do ask yourself what your intentions are when tackling a problem head on. Is it to resolve it or is it to be proven right? If the second, then good gracious, walk away. It's not worth it. But if resolution is the plan, move forward.

You will waste a whole lot of time and emotion avoiding resolution. Do yourselves as a couple a favor and solve problems as they happen, together, with love, in prayer, for the mutual edification of one another and for the sake of peace. Because those problems don't typically go away. They eventually catch up with you. And then you have to deal with them anyways, so might as well deal with it head on.

Discussion: Have you ever let an issue with someone continue on rather than resolve it? Tell of a time when you handled a problem swiftly and lovingly.

Prayer: Father, we pray we always remember to go to you for guidance in dealing with problems between us. Help us to always look to each other's interests before attempting to assert our own. May we always remember to love first. In Christ, Amen.

Do You Feel God's Pleasure?

I read a quote from actor Hugh Jackman from Parade magazine the other day where he was describing his faith. He talked about how he dedicated all of his performances to God. He said, "This is going to sound weird to you. In Chariots of Fire the runner Eric Liddell says, 'When I run, I feel His pleasure.' And I feel that pleasure when I act and it’s going well, particularly onstage." I thought that was a beautiful way of looking at the talents and gifts the Father has given you and getting affirmation from him. We live in a world were people are constantly seeking approval from other people. Jackman said he too struggles with people pleasing. But feeling that approval from God in utilizing what He's gifted us with, I think, is a beautiful way of looking at our uniqueness.

I have a huge desire to please. I want people to like me. When they don't, it's devastating for me. But God doesn't want us to seek the approval of man. Galatians 1:10 says: "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." This comment has to do with being in and not of the world. In other words, are we trying to be politically correct, socially acceptable or are we sticking with the what God would want? However, it's a good mantra for every day life. If we are living every moment of every day trying to please God, wouldn't our actions, attitudes, responses, etc. be more in line with His Word? And if God has gifted us with certain abilities, then most certainly wouldn't using those to the best of our ability bring pleasure to our Father? I know when my children succeed at something I am so proud of them. I am assuming our Heavenly Father feels likewise about us. 

What a different perspective that would give you about your talents. When you do what you do best, do you feel God's pleasure? How much more exciting it is to remember that our talents come straight from Him and that our success in doing them would make Him smile, point at you and say to the angels, "Did you see what my child did today!? Check that out!" just like a proud Papa.

Children, you are each so individually gifted with some amazing talents. And you have pursued educations focusing on those talents. Rob with culinary. Ayla with culinary and management. Anton with sports management. Kayla with cardiac rehab. Your futures have unfolded in a direction following those pursuits. It is God that created you with those desires and gifts, so naturally to see you bettering, tweaking, advancing, pursuing and excelling at that must make Him just beam. 

We want you to work at everything you do feeling God's pleasure. Strive for it. In your careers, service at church, hobbies ... and your marriage. Do everything seeking His approval. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." And Ephesians 6:7 says, "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people." After all, it is His opinion that matters. It's His approval that counts. And what a far different approach we might have to everything we do if we kept that in mind. So do so, with your whole heart, just as the verses say. Dedicate everything you do to God. Could there be anything better than feeling God's pleasure?

Discussion: When do you feel that God is proud of you? Do you feel when you are utilizing your talents that you are pleasing God? What are some areas in your life where you need to work harder to please God?

Prayer: Father, may we always feel your pleasure doing what you created us to do. In our work and play, we pray your  are proud of us and that we serve to your glory. Thank you for the talents you've given each of us. In Jesus, Amen.

Financial Future

The bill collectors are calling. When you are within the 10 day countdown, final payment is due on lots of things: cake, venue, photographer, flowers. People are getting paid for services about to be rendered. It can be overwhelming for the one holding the purse strings, because all of a sudden all your penny pinching, all you've scraped together, all you've saved is now flying out the window in many directions. Some big gulps are taken as you watch the savings account dwindle, then realize it's not over when you need a little here and a little there for those last minute bits. For some of us, you are left with little at the end, but hopes for a beautiful, wonderful memorable day.

Unless you have saved for years and years for this or are independently wealthy, this is the nature of the wedding beast, unfortunately. Weddings are expensive. There are many folks who go into debt to pay for them (not the best practice for starting a marriage and budgeting). But I know my kids. I know they've worked hard to make wise wedding choices and purchases and to stay within budget. And knowing it's time to ante up just means the wedding is right around the corner, and it's almost time to celebrate.

Post wedding you will have new financial things to think about:

1. Merging bank accounts and changing names on utilities and other now common responsibilities and property.
2. Creating a budget for the two of you.
3. Creating an emergency fund for when the unexpected pops up. Financial advisers recommend three or six months of your salary in savings for this.
4. Setting goals for your future. Will you start saving for a house or a car or vacations ... or children. What kind of retirement plan do you have?
5. Avoiding debt. Zero debt is the goal, but not always a possibility (especially with house purchases), but make every effort to eliminate outstanding debt and prevent new debt. 
6. Pray. Give God your finances and every decision you make with your money. Remember every penny is His to start off with. Ninety percent of it is yours to do with what you want. Those first fruits, the full tithe, is His (Malachi 3:10).
7. Be content with where the Lord has blessed you financially (Philippians 4:12) and be sure to give whenever you can. Know that the Lord has blessed you to be a blessing to His children.

Well, my darlings, we're down to the wire. We are keeping you close in our prayers, hearts and minds and look forward to finishing up plans and celebrating soon. Find joy in every moment of this last week before your wedding. On this day, in one week Rob and Ayla will join as husband and wife. And we cannot wait to glorify God with you in it.

And then start putting money away for the next wedding!

Discussion: Did you anticipate correctly how much your wedding would cost? How difficult has it been paying for parts of the wedding? Do you have a financial plan for after the wedding?

Prayer: Lord God, all we have is yours and we thank you for it. Father, we pray you are praised and glorified in the wedding. We pray your children in attendance will see you everywhere in be in awe of you. Father we ask for your direction on our future finances, that we are wise with what you have blessed us. In Christ we  pray, Amen.

Do. Not. Look.

I need to tell you a story. I share this story not to embarrass Daddy, but to teach a lesson. He has given me permission to share it. In the first year of our marriage, after Daddy returned from a business trip covering an away game, I found a porn magazine in his brief case. I was devastated. Apparently whatever I had wasn't enough that he had to look elsewhere. I felt my insides shrivel up in humiliation and embarrassment. And I was angry. I was so angry, I tore out every single picture and laid them all over the bed. When he came in the bedroom, I motioned to the bed, "Sleep with them. That's who you obviously want," and I walked away. I remember telling him later, "If you ever do that again, at least have the grace to throw it away before you get home." I never saw another one, and he tells me he never bought another one.

Pornography is one of the greatest evils in our world. It is completely destructive. And according to our Savior Jesus Christ, is adultery. After all He said in His Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5:27-28, "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." So if you're looking at pornography, you are breaking the seventh commandment. 

I read that 95 percent of the people who view pornography are men, so this is addressed mostly to our boys, but know, ladies, that it can be a problem for you as well. Pornography leads to feelings of guilt. It desensitizes males to the beauty that is sexual stimulation within a marriage. It's addictive. It can destroy a marriage relationship. Just ask Anna Duggar how she feels after her husband admitted his addiction to porn and subsequent affairs. It's a demon of the worst kind. And it's every where. According to Jerry Ropelato, more than 40% of internet users go to pornographic sites ... oh, and there are 4.2 million of them. I love this quote from C.S. Lewis: "You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act - that is, to watch a girl undress on the state. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fil a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, should you not think that in that country something had grown wrong with the appetite for food?" What does this say about our society's obsession with pornography?

So what to do? Don't look. How's that for simple? Do. Not. Look. If I get a bag of sea salt vinegar potato chips, I will go through the whole bag. And they are so bad for me. So what do I do? I don't buy them. I can't watch movies that have bloody violence, because I will have nightmares for days. I don't care if it's the best movie in the world with the greatest acting ever. I will not watch. Because of pornography's destructive, sick affect on people, do not look. Stay away. Don't even peek. Because that's a door Satan is quite successful at pushing wide open if ajar even a tiny crack. You Daddy said it's like a forest fire. All it takes is one spark. And he warns that pornography is not just a magazine with a bunch of nudie girls. Even the slightest provocative images can be a problem for men. The Hardees commercials of late? Victoria's Secret ads? Even regular television shows push the porn boundary. These are not helpful to men wanting to keep their minds on their wives. So keep that door slammed, bolted shut.

Keep your eyes focused on your beloved. In the words of Daddy, "Love your wife!" He actually yelled that. And he added, "Wives, love your husbands," commenting that keeping your sex life active helps. Find every bit of your spouse beautiful and desirable. Let me say, that your Daddy has never made me feel undesired. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful, sexiest woman in the world. When I asked him why he felt that way about me he said, "I think because I saw the way my grandfather loved my grandmother and the way my Dad loved my Mom. I knew that was important."

You are who the Lord selected for one another. So keep your eyes right where they are supposed to be ... on each other. 

Discussion: What would you consider to be pornography? How can you protect yourself from pornography? 

Prayer: Father, forgive us for taking something that is beautiful and twisting it into something harmful and ugly. Lord, fill us with your Holy Spirit and a desire for our spouse alone. May we always be sexually fulfilled in our relationship. In Jesus name, Amen.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

A friend shared the most unusual story with me the other day. She said she has a friend who loves "Rocky Mountain Oysters." If you've never heard of them, they are animal testicles, usually pig, bull or sheep. This friend of hers had a hankering for fried deer tendergroins. So her story goes that when her husband sees a dead deer on the side of the road, they always have to stop by to cut off, well you know, to take them home for this guy. This particular day they emasculated three deer on the side of the road. I am pretty sure I just stared dumb-founded at her. It's not usual small talk fare. Hard for me to think, "Mmmm, yum, gotta get me some of those."

But it does tie in with what Daddy and I wanted to talk to you about today ... emasculating your husband - in the verbal sense, of course. Our Father has made husbands the head of the household. In the age of equality, folks don't like the idea of one person in the marriage being the head of the house, but honestly, it is quite a responsibility. And they answer to God for their choices and behavior on behalf of their family.

No one knows this head of household better than the wife (other than God, of course). As a result, we ladies can be quite persuasive and manipulative. And sometimes even cruel. We know exactly the words to say to dig at the one we love. Women have to be very, very careful not to de-oyster their husbands. A wise person welcomes correction, so we're not saying women should sit idly by if her husband is making an inappropriate or incorrect decision. But there are ways to do that. Loving, gentle, non-nagging ways. "You're not doing that right. Let me do it," for example is not the way to go about building up your husband, supporting and encourage him. You've already chipped at his strength with those nine little words.

As loving wives, selected by God for these men, we need to prayerfully consider how and when to share any less than positive information with our husbands. First off, build him up. Let him know how proud you are of him. What has he done at home or at work that could use a compliment. You may be the only compliment he gets. He is your knight in shining armor, your hero, not just in your eyes, but in his. So let him be that. Make sure you make the effort to remind him how wonderful he is.

Things to avoid:

1. Don't point out his weaknesses or flaws. Chances are, he probably already knows about them). If something needs tweaking, prayerfully consider whether or not you should make a suggestion. Know that oftentimes when you pray, God will do the tweaking, and He is far better at it.
2. Don't compare him to other men - particularly your own father. Remember that he wants to be #1 in your eyes.
3. Don't ever critique him for what he earns on the job. His job and earnings are God-ordained. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own familiy, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." So when are are providing for you, be content with what the Father has provided, work with him and budget.
4. Don't parent him. He already had two of those. You don't like to be patronized, so don't do it to him.
5. Unless he is being abusive, don't complain to your friends or family about your husband. First off, bitterness loves company, so it encourages an evil. But secondly, you never ever want your family or friends to think less of your husband. I have a friend that complained often to her mother about her husband. As a result, the mother refuses to visit the couple anymore as long as he's around. I know another woman who complained frequently about her husband to her small group. When he passed away, the women had a hard time believing she was the "grieving widow" after hearing for years about how awful he treated her, and it made it difficult for them to empathize with someone they weren't sure truly missed his presence.
6. Avoid sarcasm. There is nothing respectful or edifying about it. 
7. Don't belittle him. Not in private. Not in public. It's the worst kind of disrespect and so harmful. Proverbs 12:7 says, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones."

Love him, support him, encourage him, pray for him. If you want him to be your hero, treat him that way.

Discussion: Ladies, do you ever make some of the "don'ts" above? Tell about a time when your beloved did something amazing. Men, what is the one thing you hate to hear from your beloved?

Prayer: Lord God, you have given our husbands quite a reponsibility to his wife and family. We pray Lord for your blessings on them as they fulfill their obligations. We pray we are patience, loving and respectful of these men you have brought into our lives. Thank you for their place in our lives. In Jesus, Amen.

Game Night!

Sure, you could watch a movie or a sporting event on television together. Have a candlelight home-made dinner. Share a bottle of wine. Or ... play a game. Our family has always enjoyed games. From card games to board games to video games, we've played quite a few. We've spent hours playing Scattagories, Nuts, Clue, Scene It, Outburst, Imaginiff, Pictionary, Masterpiece, Uno Attack, Golf, Life, Balderdash, Catch Phrase, Yahtzee, Apples to Apples and Mancala among others. In the younger kid years it was Sorry, Candy Land, Thin Ice, Cheerio and We wore out the box lids of our board games to the point where the corners had to be taped. We'd go through phases where we'd go weeks playing the same game, then one day it would be back on the shelf and another would take it's place. The Zimaneks (and Lauritzens) have always been fans of games. Some of us are more competitive than others - with winning being the main goal - and others of us just enjoy playing. We're the family that sings while we play games (which can drive some of our competitors a little crazy, but that's they way we do it). We've had lots of fun memories playing games.

When you couples marry, while you will have the opportunity to play games with friends, you will spend many a night just the two of  you. And there are lots of games you can play with just two players. So we thought we'd give you a few ideas.

A few were mentioned above already are great for two:

Yahtzee (even with teeny tiny, see-through colored dice from Las Vegas that I keep in a teeny tiny ziplock baggy in my purse, Mancala, Golf, Scattagories and Catch Phrase (ok, well that last one works only when you're traveling in a car and the passenger tries to get the driver to guess the phrase.

But here's a few more:

- Daddy would first say Football. Matter of fact, it was his suggestion for this blog idea after wanting to play football across the restaurant table last night when we were on a dinner date. Whether a sugar packet or pre-made leather or cardboard triangle, sliding it across the table to just hang slightly over the edge to score a touch down, then attempt a field goal, has been around since our early dating years. It's a great way to wait for your meal.

- Scrabble or Upwords: both are word games, which we love, that can be played while watching other things on TV (especially when folks take as long as we do on our turn). We have kept wins and losses for our games on the inside top box lid for years.
- Blockus: It's fun, colorful and strategic.
- Chess or Checkers: The first requires a bit more brain power and strategy, but both are classics and fun.
- Stratego, Hangman, Mastermind, Connect Four, Backgammon, Guess Who and Battleship - all are specifically two-person games and lots of fun.
- Sequence: You can play lots of rounds of this one.
- Mexican Trains: 13 rounds of domino fun.
- Kerplunk: probably one of my favorites. Who could ever get tired of pulling sticks out and watching marbles fall? The hard part was putting all the sticks in the plastic tower in the first place.
- We would be remiss not to mention Monopoly. One of the classics and most popular board games ever. 

There are plenty of others, but those are a few to get your at-home date nights going. Game nights are fun. So find the ones you love to play and have fun keeping track of wins and losses throughout your future marriage. There provide some quality together time! And don't forget to sing.

Discussion: What is your favorite board, card or video game? What is a game you've never played before listed above? What is a game you do not enjoy playing? What is something you enjoy playing as a couple?

Prayer: Lord God, games have been played for thousands of years. We so enjoy having fun together. I pray our couples enjoy playing games together and getting their future families involve in games, too, to make some memories. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Smash, Jump, Kiss

You have just been introduced as husband and wife, so what happens next in the ceremony? Depends on your culture. If you are Jewish, the groom will stomp on a wine glass. If you're African American, the couple will jump a broom. I read about a wedding between an African American and a Jewish person and they jumped over a broom and landed on a wine glass to break it. Clever way of combining the two.

Both traditions have meaning behind them. For the Jews, there are several explanations for the glass stomping. Some say it's in remembrance of the burning of the Jewish temple in 70 A.D. by the Romans. Stomping the glass reminds the newly married couple that they may encounter some sorrow in the marriage. Not the happiest of thoughts right after your nuptials. Others say it's based on a story in the Talmud where a Jewish rabbi threw a wine glass on the ground at a wedding to get the attention of some rowdy guests. This apparently calmed them down. My favorite explanation is a Jewish myth which says when we are born, the Lord smashes our soul into two pieces which need to find each other and reunite. At the wedding those two pieces are back together again. Apparently smashing the glass solidifies the relationship permanently. Knowing our luck, had we smashed the glass, it's would have gone right through your Daddy's rented white shoes and into his foot. Of course, the Jewish people wrap the glass in a white cloth to prevent any flying glass and injuries. After the glass is broken, folks shout good luck with a hearty "Mazel tov!"

As for jumping the broom, there are many stories about this as well for different cultures, but for African Americans this started in the 1800's. Slaves then were not permitted to marry because the rights of married folk outweighed those of the master's claims on his slaves, so they wouldn't let them marry (I know, horrible right? Ug). So they would have marriage ceremonies and jump a broomstick to signify they were married. The custom was all but lost until the television mini-series Roots aired in the 1970's and book author Alex Haley reintroduced and explained the custom.

The most popular end to the wedding ceremony ... the kiss! And what does that symbolize? Some say the joining of souls (similar to the Jewish explanation above) and others say it originated with the Romans as a way to seal a contract. For some folks it's the first kiss ever as a couple. Personally I like to just think of it as the very first kiss as husband and wife ... which is momentous enough.

So jump the broom, smash the glass and have a great kiss! Regardless of how you end the ceremony, the end result is the same ... you're hitched! Mazel tov!

Discussion: Have you been to a wedding where folks jumped a broom or smashed a glass? Have you been to a wedding where this was the couple's first kiss ever? What do you think of these traditions?

Prayer: Lord God, the traditions and myths listed above are interesting, especially the idea of the joining of souls. Father, we thank you for the one you've selected for us as two become one flesh. In Christ our Lord, Amen.

Part of the Family

You know how you know your children's fiances have become part of your family? When you haven't seen them in awhile and your heart fills with joy to spend time with them! Yesterday I got to spend some time with Kayla. I so enjoyed visiting with her. We had lots to catch up on and enjoyed some dinner together. Then to top off the evening, we Skyped with someone we both love and miss ... Anton. How many future daughter-in-laws spend a Saturday evening with their future mother-in-law? Not sure what those numbers are, but so grateful for the relationship I have with her. Kayla is a part of our family and we love her very much. And we feel the same about Rob. We loved Kayla and Rob before the couples got engaged. And we're so excited to officially make them our family members (just 12 days from now for Rob). We are firm believers that with these weddings we are not losing children, but rather gaining them. Our children have found the one whom their heart loves. They get strength and comfort from their beloved, support, encouragement, correction and much love. To hear how Kayla has helped Anton figure out what to get for his apartment (which will be their apartment in eight months), and hear about Rob's involvement in the details and errands necessary for their upcoming nuptials solidifies for us how much these two couples have become a team. Both couples have had to deal with separation by distance. Both have dealt with conflicts. Both have romanced each other in precious ways. Both have had adventures together. Both have prayed and worshiped together. And to think this is just the beginning!

We are so happy for our children that they have found and are engaged to the love of their life. How grateful we are to God for creating these precious individuals. How blessed we feel to have them as part of our family! And we pray we have been a blessing to them. Giving glory to God this Sunday morning for these two new blessings our lives. And praying for their days leading up to the weddings and all the days ever after. We love you!

Discussion: How has the relationship between you and your future in-laws grown? Do you see your marriage as joining a new family or creating your own? What have you learned from your future in-laws?

Prayer: Lord God, you have been so gracious to our children to bring Rob and Kayla into their lives! Thank you for the work you have done in them the days leading up to our children meeting them and the work you continue to do in them in their relationships. We pray for continued strengthening, blessings, growth and love for them both. In Jesus, Amen.

Don't Forget To Eat

One the day of your wedding there will be much excitement, lots of things to organize and a schedule to follow in your day. You may not sleep well the night before because of this momentous occasion. But there is one thing we want you to remember on that day ... don't forget to eat. That may sound like a silly thing to remind you of - especially two foodies like Rob and Ayla - but if you ask couples if they ate at their wedding, you surprisingly will find out many did not, or if they did it was a little nibble here or there.

At the wedding celebration, you will be doing lots of visiting with all your family and friends, so to actually have a moment to sit down and eat is difficult. And honestly the same is true about all that occurs earlier in the day. So be sure to have a good protein-packed breakfast. You will need the energy and thinking power for that day. Then be sure to at least have a light lunch. You do not want to be light-headed or pass out at your nuptials because you weren't nourished. Schedule those meals into your day to make sure you take time to do it. You may want to even designate a bridesmaid/groomsman to make sure you've eaten something. If you don't get the opportunity to eat during the reception (yeah, that bite of cake doesn't count), that's a long day with no sustenance ... and you'll need it for that night (I was talking about the dancing, but yeah, it's good to have energy for the "after party" too, wink wink).

So based on a bit of research, here are some good foods with great benefits to eat the day of your wedding.

1) Foods with potassium - they help absorb water and eliminate bloating. Have a banana or avocado.
2) Protein - there's your energy with staying power. Nuts, eggs, chicken, fish, peanut butter and cheese are all good choices.
3) Fruits -Mangos and Melons are sweet and great hydrators.
4) Monitor alcohol, especially if you won't be eating much.
5) Drink lots of water to stay hydrated. Add lemon or mint for de-bloating.

Avoid:

1) Coffee: It dehydrates you and is not breath-friendly for guests and that wedding kiss.
2) Sodium: Can you say "bloating."
3) Spicy foods. Could make you sweat, and that won't be photo pretty.
4) Soft drinks. Again bloating.
5) Gassy producing foods like beans, broccoli, apples, pears, cauliflower, milk products, lettuce, Brussels sprouts and cabbage.

I know to Rob and Ayla food is art and an experience - and hopefully you'll see both on your wedding day - but remember first and foremost it's fuel that runs the body. Even 1 Corinthians 6:13 says, "Food is for the stomach and the stomach for food." So eat wisely and healthily that day. But most importantly, don't forget to!

Discussion: What would be the ideal breakfast and lunch for you on your wedding day? Who is someone you can count on to make sure you are eating and eating correctly that day?

Prayer: Lord God, the wedding day will be so busy, that sometimes we neglect to take care of our bodies. I pray Lord we have someone watching out for us to make sure we are eating right to have the energy necessary for the celebrating! In Christ name, Amen.

Wedding Ceremony Programs

With just 15 days to go, it's time to do some finalizing, and one of those bits is the creation of the wedding ceremony program. Is it necessary? No, but it's certainly helpful to the guests to know what's coming next, a great memento of the occasion and gives the couple a chance to give out a thank you to all those who came to the celebration. But what exactly should be included in the program?

1) The order of the ceremony: processional, Scripture readings, hominy, vows, rings, pronouncement of marriage, kiss and recessional.
2) Details: What is the music? What are the Scriptures? What is the title of the message? If there are specific religious traditions, it might help to explain these for guests of a different denomination or faith. Same goes for cultural traditions.
3) Wedding Party: Who are the maid of honor, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents, flower girl, ring bearer, master/mistress of ceremonies, officiant and ushers.
4) Personal thank you: This gives the couple a chance to thank their family, friends and co-workers for sharing in their day.
5) New address: Where will the couple be living?
6) Hashtag: To officially tell the guests how to tag all things wedding so the couple can see photos and posts on social media after the wedding.
7) Invitation to the Reception: Sometimes directions, a map and times are here.
8) Photos and bios: Sometimes couples will have information about how they met and their engagement photo.

Sometimes memoriams of deceased family members, poems, Bible verses, song lyrics and the like are also included in the program.

There are also clever presentations for programs. Some people turn their wedding programs into a fan. I even saw one with triangular pieces attached by a grommet at the point that spread into a fan. For outdoor and potentially warm weddings this is clever and helpful. Some are rolled like a scroll, trifold, several layers, or different shapes and colors. Mix fonts and colored printing. Just like the ceremony itself, you can make the program likewise.

As for the number, you can print out one for everyone, or one per family. The second is more cost efficient, of course.

So finalize those ceremony details and get ready to put it together. Make it uniquely you!

Discussion: What do you feel is necessary for the wedding program? What is unnecessary to you?

Prayer: Lord, you have told us to do things decently in and in order and the wedding program helps keep everyone on the same page, literally. We thank you, Father, that you are a God of order. May your presence be all over these programs. In Christ, Amen.

Down To The Wire

As the days to the wedding get closer and closer, I expect the stress levels for you couples will increase. I know with wedding planning and moving there is so much to do, complete and tweak. Your time is running out and likewise your patience can, too. It can be tough if you let the stresses get the better of you to the point where these moments aren't fun anymore. So we wanted to talk for a minute about those things.

First off, choose your battles. There will be little things that go awry. Deal with what you have to, but don't let it get the better of you. There will be bigger things that may require more of your time and focus, so don't let the small things eat at you.

Be realistic. Don't expect perfection. There was only one man who had that. Understand that you're dealing with flawed humans in a sinful world, so things will go wrong. In the words of my father, "Expect the best, but prepare for the worst." This way you are optimistic without being completely caught off guard when something goes wrong. That is being realistic.

Some things that don't go according to plan aren't anyone's fault. They just happen. So doing be looking to point blame where there may be none. Just dust yourself off and handle it with grace.

Prioritize. Deal with the things that need your attention immediately or carry the greatest weight. Get to the others when you can.

Pray a lot. You know the time is getting close, so take every single moment and challenge to the Lord in prayer. He already knows the outcome and solution, so let Him bear it for you. Proverbs 16:3 says, "Commit to the Lord what you plan to do and your plans will succeed." Since this wedding ceremonies are for His glory, commit them to Him and let Him handle it.

Be sure to take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, eat right and stay hydrated. You've got a lot going on, so be sure to treat yourself well in the midst of this. One of the best ways to deal with stress is to exercise: run, walk, lift weights, do yoga, whatever will help you let off steam in a constructive way.

Make a conscious effort to love each other. You will be so wrapped up in details here at the end that you may forget the most important one ... your beloved. So make it your goal every day to do something sweet, positive, loving and kind for your fiance. There are all kinds of benefits for both of you.

We love you and are praying for you as these days inch ever closer to one of the greatest days of your life. May there be more days ahead of joy and peace than stresses and challenges.

Discussion: How stressful would you say things are right now for you? What have you found works the best for you in dealing with stress? What have you done today to tell your fiance you love them?

Prayer: Lord, we know planning an event like this requires so much work that it can exhaust us. We pray, Father, that you will help us to prioritize and organize our to do list and not let bumps in the road frustrate us. Lord, I pray we always praise your name in the midst of our concerns. In Jesus, Amen.