Joy Jar

I got our family a Joy Jar two days ago at Target. I have always wanted to get one after hearing about Ayla's years ago, but just never got around to it. So I finally found us a jar in the Christmas discount bin, slapped a label on it and now we're ready for 2015.

Not sure if the Joy Jar was Ayla's idea or if she found it somewhere, but she started it right after she moved to Rhode Island. She faced many challenges in that first year there, and used the Joy Jar as a way of being more positive about her circumstances. She would write about things that made her happy, successes and sweet memories with the date the event took place and put that piece of paper in the Joy Jar. Then at the end of the year on New Year's Eve, read through all the pieces of paper to reminisce about the joy. Some folks do a Thankfulness Jar and put things they are thankful for and then read them at Thanksgiving. Either way it's a precious reminder of the good things in 365 days.

When we went to visit her at graduation in 2013, I sat and read the items in her Joy Jar. We giggled because between my aging vision and Ayla's handwriting on some of the slips, I misread many of her joys. Apparently when packing her for her move to Bar Harbor, the jar didn't fit in a storage box, so we took out the slips of paper and tossed the jar. Ayla said she hasn't found a jar like it since, so therefore hasn't utilized her Joy Jar.

Brad and I are going to do the Joy Jar in 2015. And we anticipate much joy in the new year ... including a wedding in October. Perhaps it's time for Ayla to find another jar to fill. I think it better be a big one. Wishing you both a blessed, joy-filled 2015. Happy New Year!

Discussion: Would you both like to utilize a Joy Jar in the new year? What are some joys you've experienced in 2014?

Prayer: Glorious Father, we thank you for 2014. So much joy this year! Beach trips, an engagement, Brad became a pastor, he got a hole in one, I moved to the Going Home Show on The River, Ayla got a new job and new apartment. Such blessings and we thank you for them. We thank you for all the joys in Rob and Ayla's life and pray that 2015 is filled with even more joy. We love you, Lord. May we glorify you in all we do next year. In Jesus, Amen.

Muskrat Love

Anton's girlfriend, Kayla, took a Facebook survey today to see which Disney Princess wedding gown would be right for her. She got Ellie from the movie Up. The description went on to explain why that dress was right for her. As she began to explain it to Anton, he interrupted her and said, "Ellie was the adventurer, right? So that makes you an adventurer!" She tried to finish what she was saying but he interrupted her again and didn't let her finish. She couldn't get to the point she wanted to share which was, "You’re not into frills or anything over the top, which is why Ellie’s dress is perfect for you. There’s a beauty in its simplicity, and you know the most important thing on your wedding day is not what you wear, but who you will be spending your adventure through life with." Since he kept talking and wouldn't let her share it, she shouted, "Muskrat!"

Now that may sound like a strange thing to mutter in the middle of this moment, but it got Tone to instantly be quiet, let it go and let her speak. Apparently Kayla had shared a story with Anton recently about her grandmother, Nana, and her step-grandfather, Mr. Harold, who have this code word for when to drop what is being discussed or argued about and truly listen to one another. That word is "Muskrat." We have another friend that uses the same method in her marriage when discussions get slightly off kilter. They have a code word as well to kind of center themselves.

Your Daddy and I do not have a code word, but when hearing this story from Kayla we thought it might be something good to not only try but to share with you both. That would indicate in a loving way to each other that you need to be better listeners, back off a bit and try again in love. The word, of course, doesn't have to be "Muskrat." You can pick any word you want. We giggled when we heard the word muskrat because I reminded us of the Captain and Tennille song "Muskrat Love" from 1976 about two muskrats that get engaged after doing the Jitterbug. (Yeah, you'll have to google it.) We are still picking our word.

It may just be a wonderful way for the two of you to center your communication. Give it a whirl. Secret code words between couples are pretty precious anyways.

Discussion: Do you think a code word would help you both in arguments or discussion that take a wrong turn? What would be a good code word for you both?

Prayer: Lord God, sometimes in communicating the subject at hand gets lost in the discussion. We pray first and foremost that we are good listeners and are patient with one another. We love you, Father. In Jesus, Amen.

No Place Like Home

We traveled 9 hours and over 500 miles to make it back to Prattville, AL, from Bradenton, FL, yesterday. It was a long drive (four hours of which were in thick fog and another hour in rain) but we made it home by 1:30 p.m. CT after an early departure. It broke our hearts to say goodbye to you, Ayla, and Rob, Erica and Fiona. We had such a wonderful time and enjoyed the fun, food, crowd, gifts, adventures, discoveries and celebration of the newborn Christ. How hard it is to part with sweet family. And what joy when reunited. But we were also glad to get home, in our routine, our own beds, not living out of a suitcase. Sweet home Alabama. If you would have told me 6 years ago that I would have said "Sweet Home Alabama," I would have probably scoffed at you. After all, I didn't want to move to Alabama. Of course, I didn't want to move to Tennessee, Wisconsin and Georgia either. Daddy dragged me to each new place. It wasn't that I didn't like to see new places or meet new people. It was leaving what home we had to do it. But God has been gracious to made each new place our home sweet home. And Alabama is no exception.

I remember when Ayla first moved to Rhode Island. What a nightmare. But within a year, just as I told her, she was in love with the northeast. I believe those feelings have transferred to Bradenton, also, in the last year you've lived there, even after several months of feeling displaced and living out of your car for awhile. But now you have a precious apartment. Rob has taken his furniture out of storage and let you put it in you and Erica's apartment. He has even stained some pieces darker so the bedroom set looks good together. I see your gorgeous bedroom decor, beautiful Christmas tree, precious purple frame around your peephole in homage to Friends, nautical bathroom and other items to make your apartment your home. You took great pleasure not only in sharing it with us during our visit, but also in spending three hours cleaning it after we left. My Sunshine living in the Sunshine State. Perfect.

You will probably have many homes. I kinda hope you don't have to move as often as Daddy and I, but should you, it will be certainly a blessing. Your home is what you make it. There is adventure in the exploration of new locations.There are sweet souls the Father wants us to come into contact with. There are new lessons to learn. We have no doubt you will embrace each place with wonder, even it at first it seems daunting. Proverbs 24:3-4 says, "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." A home is more than the decor, location and size. It's the sweet love and memories made in it. We pray your first home together will be a hearth, residence, sanctuary, crash pad and dwelling you will find rest, peace and happiness in. We already cannot wait to visit you there ... and return safely home.

Discussion: What makes a home to you? Where would you like to live? How do you envision your future home?

Prayer: Glory to you, oh Lord, for Your direction and guidance in our lives. Thank You for gifting us with our homes. We pray we fill it with grace and laughter, blessing each and every room for Your glory. In Jesus, Amen.

By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Home#sthash.lGZ71QiN.dpuf

By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Home#sthash.lGZ71QiN.dpuf

By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Home#sthash.lGZ71QiN.dpuf

By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Home#sthash.lGZ71QiN.dpuf

By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Home#sthash.lGZ71QiN.dpuf

By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Home#sthash.lGZ71QiN.dpuf

En Theos Iasm

The day after Christmas, Anton, Kayla and I got to tour Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse with Ayla. It was nice to be able to see where you worked, learn about what you do there and see your enthusiasm for the job and the challenges it provides you. I know as soon as I was typing the word "enthusiasm" that Ayla was thinking about the root meaning of the word, "en theos" which means "in God." Ayla learned this in a sermon from last Sunday at her church and subsequently shared that with me. To have enthusiasm for something you have great interest in it. Our Father created us with our different talents and interests. I believe when we follow through with those talents and work at them with our whole heart, we are glorifying the Lord.

You both have great talent, interestingly both in the food industry. You are not just good at what you do, you are excellent. The Father has gifted you with those talents. We pray you will continue to utilize them, not just as your meal ticket, but as a method to be a blessing to others ... whether through the gifting of your time and talent or through reaching others in Christ through love at your personal mission field right where you work. And understand that the Lord may take you both in different directions with those talents, or may show you talents you didn't even know you have. Or pull you out of your comfort zone completely to a place where His amazingness shines through you.

We pray your enthusiasm for anything is evident to all. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for me." The Father gifted me with the ability to write. And I do it to His glory, and I do it enthusiastically. I have also been a worship leader and photographer, neither of which I feel I was overly talented for, but did all I could to glorify the Father through. Whatever the two of you do, do it with enthusiasm and do it for His glory. We will be cheering you both on, excited to see where our Father leads you.

Discussion: How is the Lord using your talents for His glory? Can you share a time where you found you had a talent you didn't know about and where you went with it?

Prayer: Thank you, Lord for the talents you have given us. May be a blessing to others with what you have gifted us with. Help us to do all enthusiastically in, through and to you. In Jesus, Amen.

Nuts Job

Christmas day was a true test of couples communication. Daddy and I, Kayla and Anton and Ayla and Rob played in teams in the card game of Nuts (I have heard it described as Solitaire on steroids). It was hilarious watching each couple determine who should do what part in strategy. One would handle the 10-card Nuts deck or one would operate the leftover Solitaire deck and both would work the center Aces. It was fascinating to see how couples communicated with one another about who would get those jobs, how the jobs were being handled and how folks thought the play the game was going. For your Daddy and I, we played well together, but we had different strategies, and I could see Daddy getting frustrated with mine, saying that it "handcuffed us." I watched as Rob and Ayla's success led to a little peck of a kiss after each hand and a whisper of "good job." How Kayla and Anton had not established a job for each person at the beginning, which led to confusion during the play of the game as each tried to do both. As soon as that was determined, everything went well.

You could see during the play of the game who the decision makers were, who got frustrated easier, who was the encourager and who was more competitive. It was a fascinating study on each couple's chemistry, love for one another and roles each played. Initially all three couples struggled with both role accepting, communication and control of the game, but each slipped into what worked for them pretty quickly. It was not always successful in the play of the game, but the dynamics were fine.

Scripture says for wives to be submissive to their husbands for the husband is the head of the wife. And for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. It's all in Ephesians 5:25-33 as written by Paul. It's a beautiful symbiotic relationship which when out of kilter, doesn't promote growth. A lot of women will balk at the above instruction by Paul, including myself sometimes, but it truly works beautifully. If the husband gives completely of himself for his wife, what wife wouldn't submit to her husband's guidance?

Now that is nice and simple, but wives and husbands have different talents, thus each will take the lead in various circumstances that need taken care of. Just as Ayla was about to hang her new key hook on the wall she commented, "I don't think I have the technical skills for this. I'll wait for Rob to get back and do this." And to watch you both in the kitchen determine who makes better this or that, is a hoot. But you will find your rhythm. If anything needs fixed in our house, I'm going to be the one to do it. If anything needs planned or packed, it's going to be your Daddy that handles it. You will be a team and it's important that you work well together. From what I saw Christmas day, all looks well.

Now if I could just figure out Daddy's strategy in Nuts ...

Discussion: What are each of your strong traits in life? What do you think of the Scripture in Ephesians 5?

Prayer: Lord you have brought two folks with two completely different personalities together. You have designed marriage to be a lovely flow of strengths to compliment each other. Help us to find what works for us and to be encouragers of each other. In Jesus name. Amen.

How Will You Handle It

The other day, Daddy and Anton went golfing. Golfing is not Anton's favorite sport, but he wanted to be with Daddy, so the two of them headed to the Robert Trent Jones Senator course to take advantage of the $22 green fees on the 22nd of the month (celebrating the 22nd anniversary of the course. Your daddy loves all those 22s). Anton was having one of the best rounds of his life. He was actually within four strokes of your Daddy. Daddy said he was playing beautifully. Then it happened ... it began to rain. The grips were wet. His hands were cold. And Anton's score began to go up. It brought thoughts of the bishop on Caddyshack lifting his club in a torrential downpour and saying, "The Good Lord would never disrupt the best game of my life." Your Daddy saw this as a great teachable moment for your brother. He said to him, "Everything could be going along just great in your life and suddenly something unexpected happens to change everything. So how are you going to handle it?"

If you have an unexpected situation that happens in life, you may need to change your approach. A job loss, financial strains, illness ... the plan changes. How you handle that change could effect the end result of that path. It is not all about attitude, but it certainly makes a difference. We are not saying you have to be Pollyanna and handle everything with joy. But we do recommend an attitude of hope. We do recommend patience. We recommend stepping back, reaccessing and pressing through in grace. A friend with a deadly cancer looking for opportunities to testify about God's blessings in the journey. Another friend whose mother died unexpectedly proclaiming that everything is in God's perfect timing. My son frustrated at not getting an NFL internship he wanted, realizing God may have needed him somewhere else, then ending up working with youth at the Y for the summer and becoming a mentor for a boy who had lost his father just months before. Job, who at the loss of his children, job and health, replied to a wife that told him to "Curse God and die," instead replying, "The gives and The Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of The Lord."

You are going to have curve balls thrown at you in life. Trying to look at them from God's perspective - or at least stepping back to let Him have control - is a wise approach. We pray as these circumstances affect your life, that you will be an example of grace and integrity, leaving behind you a testimony of glory to God.

Discussion: Tell of an unexpected circumstance that happened in your life and how you handled it. Could you have handled it better? Was God glorified it it?

Prayer: Father, we pray you will help us when we face difficult circumstances in our lives. Give us clarity and help us press on in grace. We love you, Father. In Jesus, Amen.

Celebrate The Day

Jesus is the reason for the season, indeed. And we have wrapped all kinds of celebrations around it from gift giving, devouring turkeys and hams to visiting family. This holiday celebrating the greatest gift of all comes with all the Christmas trimmings in green and red, with garland, ornaments and strings of lights around the tree, Christmas cards hanging on the wall, mistletoe dripping from the threshold and a manger scene depicting visits by shepherds and wise men to an Infant Messiah. Twinkling lights in every neighborhood herald this celebration each year. Christmas is truly magical.

But its the simple things about this holiday that bring the sweetest smiles to our faces. Remembering children reading a note from Santa sitting next to half eaten cookies by the fireplace. Blinding lights from movie cameras of the '60s and '70s as we walked down stairs squinting to see our gifts under the tree. It's tennis between a daughter's love and her Daddy and brother. It's graham cracker houses slathered with icing and candy. It's visits with family, laughter, bountiful feasts and piles of sparkly wrapping paper. It's the best birthday party ever, and rightfully so should be celebrated big and remembered in the little things.

This is truly a time for rejoicing! A time to "Go Tell It On The Mountain." Jesus Christ is born! And because of that, we are reborn! Glory to the newborn King.

Have a Merry Christmas. Enjoy the 24 hours of this day's celebration, but don't forget to stay on the mountain top for the other 364 days of the year. Today is about Jesus. But honestly, so is everything else. Praying your holiday is a happy one We are excited that next year on this date, you will be celebrating your first Christmas as Mr. and Mrs. Robert Goggin. God bless!

Discussion: What are the magical moments of Christmas for you?

Prayer: Happy Birthday to Jesus! We love You, Lord! We celebrate and glorify You! We pray, Father, for the hurting and healing this day and ask that you give them joy, strength and comfort. We sing with the angels "Glory to God in the Highest, and on earth, peace, good will to men." In the name of God with us, Amen.

Mind If I Move In Closer

Growing up, my family had fondue on Christmas Eve, went to church and typically opened one gift on Christmas Eve. Daddy's family opened all their presents on Christmas Eve then went to Midnight Mass. Our immediate family has all kinds of Christmas Eve traditions. We have cheese fondue and Polish sausage supper. We go to church for candlelight worship. We watch a Christmas movie. And we open Christmas Eve pajamas. But there is one other Christmas Eve tradition that your Daddy and I have had since that first year of marriage, one that will make some folks blush. We bought each other some sexy lingerie and, well, let it lead the way to a sweet night under the Christmas tree lights. Christmas Eve is a holy night, and we believe this was something special, pure, loving and holy between just the two of us given by our Father who created it. We did this every single year, even after you kids came along. We'd get all those presents wrapped and under the tree and then have our own Merry Christmas. Sometimes while visiting family out of town or having family visit us, we had to get a little more creative in carving out this time, but we made it work every year.

The reason we are sharing that with you is because amidst the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, it is easy to lose those sweet romantic moments. We decided early on that we would save that Silent Night as a time just for us. We don't want to delve too deeply into this, nor would we suggest you both have a similar tradition after you are married (unless of course you want to). It's just something we did, loved, looked forward to and have cherished the memories of all these years later.

You will create your own Christmas Eve traditions. They will be sweet and unique to you and your family. We pray you make beautiful memories together as you celebrate the birth of Savior, Emmanuel.

Discussion: Tell about your favorite Christmas Eve traditions. What is something you both might like to try as traditions for your family next year?

Prayer: Father, oh that we could have visited that manger 2,000+ years ago to worship the newborn King. We thank you for sending Him to us. May everyone fall on their knees this Holy Night to give you thanks and glory. In Jesus name, Amen.

Find A Balance

Right after Daddy and I married, I moved into what was his apartment in Murfreesboro, TN, which was now to become "ours." He had sweetly prepared this new home for us, even getting a few pieces of furniture. Having just graduated from college and living in the dorms all four years, neither of us had any furniture, kitchen supplies, beds or tools. So everything was new. So when I first walked in the door, what should greet me but three giant inflatable sports balls hanging from the ceiling. Not even kidding. A giant football, baseball and basketball. Pennants, baseball helmets and sports posters on the walls. Oh, and a Moosehead beer light by the bed. So the first thing I do when I move in ... take it down. This was our apartment living room after all, not our college dorm room. Thus the take over began.

Just like it's often comically portrayed on some television series of women taking over the home, getting rid of some of the husband's scarier items and doing the interior decorating, we were following that pattern. Somethings just had to go. First off, he was making room for a new wife. Secondly, that new wife was putting together her first home and thirdly, we had different ideas of what that home would look like, from the arrangement of furniture to what went the walls. And honestly, those discussions came up every move we have made in our marriage. It got to a point where your Daddy felt like he got the garage walls for his things while everything else in the house was mine or my idea (more often than not for good reason). However, he was right in that he needed his space, too.

Thus someone coined the phrase "man cave." The place where he could take over in the decorating, arrange the furniture the way he wanted and unwind after work or on weekends. Your Daddy wanted me to make sure I told you to be sure to allow Rob his place and space. Likewise, to be conscious that to a woman, her home (and her husband's appearance for that matter) are an extension of her. Thus, if it doesn't look they way she wants to come across, it can weigh pretty heavy on the way she thinks people view her.

So, find a balance. If you are both good at decorating and designing, compromise should be easy. If there is something your new spouse will have that one or the other of you just do not find appealing, explain why and see if there is a place for the item.

In our case, I do not believe the Moosehead light ever saw the light of day again. And the inflatables ... well let's just say, they make great beach balls.

Discussion: Who will be the decorator in your new home? Will there be a space for each of you? Is there anything either one of you have they will not work in your home together?

Prayer: Father, we thank you that we are two different personalities with different likes joining together. Give us grace to see what our loved one sees in their personal things. Helps us to created a beautiful home together. In Jesus, Amen.

One Decision

Yesterday we mentioned about the importance of going with your gut, but Daddy and I were talking about how it's just as important to remember the value of one choice you make. Remember when I said yesterday that during the game of Survivor, just one decision effected the final outcome of the game? It's important to remember that you are responsible for every decision you make.

When you and your brother would leave for school when you were younger, I very often would shout to you a quote said by the mom played by actress Jamie Lee Curtis in the movie Freaky Friday: "Make good choices." I wanted you to think about every decision you made. I knew that one wrong choice could not only affect the rest of your day, but could possibly affect the rest of your life. How you communicate, when and how you handle any situation, where you go, who you talk to ... every decision you make during the day affects every other part of your day. And once you've made your choice, that moment is more often then not gone and cannot be changed.

Patience is a wonderful virtue to have in decision making. Taking the time to truly think through the consequences of any decision can save you much heartache, backtracking and time. Proverbs 19:2 says, "Also it is not good for a person to be without knowledge, and he who makes haste with his feet errs." Ask yourself the cliche but still important question: "What would Jesus do?" Ask yourself before you speak, "Is it kind? Is it truthful? Is it helpful? Will it bring someone to Christ?" The best way, of course, to discern wisdom in decision making, is to go to the Father, as we mentioned yesterday, seeking His guidance. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your path." Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."

You will make thousands of decisions each day. And it is likely that you will make some wrong ones. So going to the Father prior to decision making is wise counsel indeed. Both Brad and I have made many poor decisions, and those decisions have affected even more decisions. The little white lie, that leads to another. The unnecessary angry outburst. But it doesn't have to be bad decisions.

Like Daddy running down the hall after he first met me to say goodnight. I wasn't entirely interested in him until that moment. Then I was intrigued. You wouldn't be here, Ayla, if your Daddy hadn't decided to take the time to do that. Anton choosing to take a math course he already had credit for in Wisconsin at Prattville High School verses going with more challenging classes out of fear he wouldn't have the correct number of credits to graduate. It was in that math class that he met Kayla. Ayla deciding to go to Rhode Island where she ended up meeting Rob. Or Rob deciding after meeting Ayla that he would never meet someone any better than her and that he'd be a fool to let her get away. Those decisions didn't affect just that time period. They have affected history for all time.

Seek the Father's counsel. Take responsibility for your choices, good and bad. Be discerning. Be patient. Understand that henceforth your decisions are more often then not "we" decisions, that affect you both. Seek each other's opinion. And if at all possible, make good choices.

Discussion: Tell about a time when one decision you made affected something major in your life. Tell about a bad choice you made.

Prayer: Lord we have countless opportunities to fail or succeed each day with the choices we make. We pray Lord will we remember to Whom we are responsible and likewise will make good decisions throughout the day, decisions that in the end bring You glory. In Jesus, Amen.

Go With Your Gut

Daddy and I watched the finale of Survivor Wednesday. We are always fascinated by how one decision can effect the final outcome of the game. Misplaced anger, poor choices and paranoia mixed with starvation and exhaustion put the game through expected twists and turns. The mixture of personalities and the circumstances they find themselves in is a brilliant character study every single time. If there is one thing I've noticed every time I watch it, it's go with your gut feeling. If you have a sense of something, follow through. It's typically correct every time.

But to me, the gut is the Holy Spirit. And the guidance I like to call nudgings. When you ask the Father for guidance on matters, He will direct you. A whisper to your soul. Like the verse I quoted the other day in Isaiah 31:21 " Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

It was my gut feeling that pushed your Daddy to move us to Alabama. We didn't want to leave Wisconsin. We prayed so very much about it. We had people telling us God had told them we would stay in Wisconsin. Some told us it was a no brainer and that we should stay. Others said it was a no brainer and that we should go. So basically we knew had no brain one way or the other. Daddy had a job opportunity that would have allowed us to stay and he asked me to go to dinner with the fellow who was offering him the job. When I left that dinner something didn't feel right. And it wasn't the schnitzel we ate. The next day your Daddy turned the fellow down and set about moving us to Alabama. Even though my gut feeling told me the job opportunity wasn't right, I still didn't want to leave Wisconsin. And I was frustrated that it didn't seem like God was giving us clear direction. It was after a good six months of silence from the Father, when I flat out asked Him why He didn't tell us straight out whether we should move or not, that I heard Him speak to my heart, "I did tell you. Remember how you felt after the dinner." My gut feeling was the Lord warning us not to stay for that job. Daddy commented at dinner last night, "If we'd have stayed it would have been disastrous." And he is right. Think about all the things that would not have happened had we stayed in Wisconsin: Daddy working Kairos; me working as a worship leader; Anton meeting Kayla; Daddy becoming a Stephen minister; me starting a Ladies Beach Retreat; Anton going to Troy; Daddy becoming a pastor. It is amazing what has happened since we moved to Alabama. God was in it all along. One uneasy feeling after a dinner made all the difference ... after countless hours of prayer.

Listen to your gut. When you have prayed about specifics in your life, if you feel in your soul that something isn't right, do not pursue it. That very well could be the Holy Spirit putting on the brakes. Our Lord sees into our souls, knows our path and cares about every step we take. If we ask him for direction, He will provide clarity. But we must be in tune with the Holy Spirit. And the way you stay in tune is with Scripture reading and prayer. God can help you read other people, know when to check in with someone, make major decisions, encourage you to pray for someone or something specific, warn you when something isn't right or conversely nudge you forward to something new. Be open to Him.

And He may only nudge one of you, so be listening to one another as well. Your Daddy trusted my gut more than I did, and praise God made the next step towards a new adventure as a result. Psalm  119:99 says, "I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes." Ephesian 1:17 says, "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better." Those verses provide clear direction ... go to the Word and go to the Lord. That will give you all the intuition you need. 

Discussion: Tell about a time when your followed your gut? Is there a time when you didn't feel like you got direction from God? What do you think could have hindered an answer? Tell of a time when you are certain God whispered to your heart.

Prayer: Lord, we pray we always stay immersed in Your Word and perpetually in prayer that we will have your Holy Spirit to guide us. Help us to stay connected to You, Father, and listen to Your direction. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Happily Ever After

Ferdinand, Philip, Eric, Adam, Henry and Charming ... all of these are the names of Disney princes, my childhood view of what true love looked like. A dashing, wealthy animated prince who sees me from across the room, falls instantly in love, saves me from some terrible villain and we live happily ever after in the castle. Ahhhh. A perfect ... fairy tale.

And that's just it, they are indeed fairy tale princes. After childhood, I dug deep into romance novels. Now the hero was buff, worldly, sometimes misunderstood, commanding and again deeply, passionately in love with the heroine. A perfect ... fiction.

Fiction and fairy tales do not a perfect example of a husband make. Husbands are not flawless swashbucklers with an unending bank account just like wives are not floating songbirds with a Barbie-like figure and an ability to speak to the squeaky animals of the forest. We are flawed humans.

We talked yesterday about making comparisons to parents, but honestly we have to be careful not to make comparisons to Fitzwilliam Darcy, Edward Cullen, Jack Dawson and Rhett Butler or, as Daddy said while "thinking like a man," supermodels. We have loved ones that don't walk out of the midst to save us in dire moments or ladies who vacuum while wearing black lace bras and garters. We love real people with real problems.

So while it may have been fun to daydream of the man who rides up on a white stallion or the woman whose hair is constantly blowing in the breeze while wearing chiffon, it's plain and simple fantasy and should be left in the books and movies that created them.

My Prince Charming is named Brad Zimanek. He is debonair, romantic, sexy, hard-working, God-fearing, and right now snoring behind me on the pink fluffy bed in my office. That is my knight in shining armor. He fulfills Song of Solomon 1:16 for me "How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming!" And Brad's supermodel is a little over 5'3, squashy and hates to cook. But I am his princess; his Song of Solomon 1:15 "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!" He makes me feel that way all the time.

We have our fairy tale, and it's filled with wishes, dreams, songs, villains, miracles, sparkles and more often not, happy endings. And I fully intend to ride off into the sunset with him. Of course, we'll probably fall off the horse a few times first, because that's life. But I wouldn't want to fall off with anyone else but him. Now if we could just find that castle...

Discussion: Tell what you thought a husband or wife would be like when you were a child? How did that change when you were an adolescent? Did you have a romantic hero or heroine you imaged your spouse would be like?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the love story you chose for us and the hero/heroine you have brought into our lives. We pray, Lord, that we delight in each other as you intended. May our life tale be one that brings us ever closer to our one true love - You. In Christ, Amen.

Great Expectations

Do little girls looks for a husband who is like their Daddy? Do little boys look for women like their Mom? I would say in some of the relationships I've seen that may be the case, but not in all. Some search for exactly the opposite of their parent's personality. Some find a future spouse with many similar attributes. I think it's hit or miss there. But my friend, Pastor Matt Mobley, said he got some great advice when he and his bride of 18 months, Molly, were in marriage counseling. I will let him explain:

"In our last counseling session before marriage, the pastor who was conducting our pre-marriage counseling pointed his long finger at me and said, "She is not your mother!" Then he pointed his finger at Molly and said, "He is not your father!" This was strange advice, I thought. A year into marriage, however, I see that this was wise advice indeed.

As a single person for 30+ years, the most important female in my life was my mother. I learned how to relate to people of the opposite sex by first relating to her. My expectations of married life were based almost entirely on what I observed in my own parents . I don't think I realized how much this influenced my relationship with Molly until well into our first year of marriage.

Molly is like my mother in some ways. She is also unlike my mother in some ways. I am like her father in some ways. I am also unlike her father in some ways. I learned pretty quick that the preacher's advice was true, Molly was not my mother. And even if she was just like my mother, my way of relating to her would be entirely different than the way I related to my mom. I have learned (and am still learning!) to love Molly for who she is, not whom I expect her to be.

I think this is a key to happiness in a lot of marriages, really. So much of it is based on expectations. Sometimes we put expectations on our marriage partner that they simply cannot meet. They cannot be your mother/father. They can't fulfill your every wish and dream. Only God can do that - and sometimes even He doesn't meet our expectations! Love that person for who they are. Love them for the gift they are to you. Love them through all of their flaws and failures. Love them the way God loves us!"

Grandpa Lauritzen was the first love of my life. It was easy for me to imagine what Jesus was like because I figured if he was better than my Dad, then he was pretty awesome. Then comes along the new love of my life in your Daddy, hand selected for me by the Father in Heaven. For those first years, there is no doubt I compared him to Grandpa. I had my Dad pretty high up on a pedestal. There was no way your Daddy could live up to what I expected from him based on my perception of my Dad. But circumstances gave me a new vision into your Daddy. I saw him for who he was all on his own, just as Matt explained above. And praise God your Daddy didn't compare me to his Mom, or I'd have failed miserably.

I don't know that either of you make any comparisons to parents, but what that preacher said to Matt and Molly is true not just of parents, but of any mentor in your life. Your future spouse is uniquely designed in God's image ...and that is the only standard you truly want to emulate and encourage.

Discussion: How is your future spouse like your parent? How are they unlike? Do you struggle with comparisons? What unique attributes do you love about your fiance?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the parents you have given us. Lord you created our inmost being and knit us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). We thank you for those individual personalities and pray we can glorify you with them together as one. In Jesus, Amen.

Be It Unto Me

Last Sunday after worship I asked a gal who is graduating from college this month what she was planning to do next. She said she had several options and added: "Just like your husband preached about today, I'm giving it to God and waiting to see where He leads."

How wonderful to have the confidence in God that He is in control. I heard it in Ayla's voice yesterday when she commented that her car was making strange noises. She said, "Please pray my car holds on. After this wisdom teeth surgery I have little money to my name right now. Just taking it day by day and hoping the car makes it. God has this." She knew God was in control.

This Christmas season we can look at Joseph and Mary and see their confidence that God had everything firmly in His hands, as my friend Rhona reminded me yesterday. Mary saying, "Be it unto me according to Your word, O Lord" (Luke 1:38) when the angel told her she will give birth to the Son of the Most High. Joseph taking a pregnant woman as his wife after a visit from the angel of the Lord in his dream. Both fleeing to Egypt after a warning in another dream. God had it in control, and they were obedient to Him.

That is our advice to you this day: that you remember who is in control and walk in obedience to His direction. The Father knows what will happen today and what will happen in the future. He knows the path you need to take to grow ever closer like and to Him. He knows what challenges are ahead. He knows your joys. He's got it all. Job 12:10 says: "In His hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind." In Proverbs 16:9 it says, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Ephesians 1:11 says, "In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will." Isaiah 14:24 says, "The Lord of hosts has sworn: “As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand." 

Twila Paris sings in one of my favorite songs "God Is In Control:"

This is no time for fear
This is the time for faith and determination
Don't lose the vision here carried away by the motion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together
God is in control

Knowing that God has it all in His control as part of His plan is comforting, so going to Him in prayer to ask for guidance and then acting in obedience to it is essential and, frankly, wise.

Every major decision we've had to make as a couple we went to God about. Every job change, every move, tragic circumstances, major purchases ... we wanted to make sure we were acting in obedience and following His plan for our lives. He hasn't failed us yet and promises us He will not.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse commonly found on graduation cards. It says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope," but it's Jeremiah 29:12-13 that completes the statement: "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Want to know what God has planned? Ask Him. He will show the way. Scripture tells us in Isaiah 30:21 "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'” So don't forget to ask, listen ... and obey. Then be amazed and give Him the glory. As it says in Exodus 9:16, "But for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth." 

Discussion: Share a time when you heard an answer to prayer about what you should do next in your life. Are there questions you have now for your future? How has God amazed you in guiding your life?

Prayer: Father, we are so thankful You have our lives in Your hands. Help us, Father, listen closely to Your direction and follow Your will. We pray we wiill glorify Your name in this journey of life. In Jesus, Amen.

St. Busha

My mother-in-law would never write a blog like this. Never in a million years. She is way too private a person, so to bare her soul on any subject matter let alone marriage would be way outside her comfort zone. She would never provide advice, unless you asked for it, and when she did it would probably end with a sweet quiet giggle and an "I don't know." But let me tell you something, I learned so much about marriage from this woman - who today celebrates her 74th birthday - that she never needed to use any words to share it.

If your Jadoosh is reading this, he will probably cry. He'll nod his head in agreement and mention how blessed he is to have Busha in his life. He knows it. We all know it. Barbara is a Proverbs 31 woman. All that you read about a wife of great value in that passage, she is. She works hard for her family, loves them deeply, loves the Lord, is a beautiful helpmate to her husband Tony, cooks like a dream, helps the less fortunate in countless ways, puts everyone ahead of herself, had the greatest toy collection of any grandmother in the world, keeps the neatest house ever (pretty sure she vacuums every day, but like an elf, you never see her do it), she remembers what you love and tries to get it for you. The woman is a saint and we all know it.

And I know you watched her, Ayla, and have learned from her. That is the best kind of learning, isn't it? To observe a person going well in their practice of life. And she is one we all can emulate. I am blessed by the Father to have had her these last 31 years to watch. I know a day does not go by that Anthony Walter Zimanek isn't thanking God in heaven that Barbara Jarmolowicz thought he was practical because he wore rain boots. That she was willing to move into the upstairs apartment of her in-laws to live while her husband went off to school in Madison. That she raised three boys. That she adores her grandchildren and great-grandson with such a sweet passion ... and that they adore her right back.

Ayla has said one of her favorite smells in the world is her grandparents' Zimanek house in Davenport, IA. It's because that house invokes memories for her of a place where she was loved, had fun, was spoiled (but darlingly so), and felt safe. It was a place where you could swim in a two foot pool with your cousins for hours. Where you could paint the whole driveway with buckets of water. Where birds are fed everyday in the backyard. Where jars were filled with Fruit Roll ups, cookies, Gushers and Rice Krispies bars that you could help yourself to. Where mini cheesecakes were always in the refrigerator. And where precious stuffed characters like Curious George and the Berenstain Bears greeted you every morning (yes, we all found the garage sale clown creepy, but Busha said he needed a home).

I honor this woman because I've had years to see that she's is the real deal. She is who God set up as an example of a person of faith. Did you know that when I first met your Daddy, I wrote on a tiny chalkboard in her kitchen "Jill loves Brad" and that she left it there for years? Then apologized to me when one of the grandchildren erased it. Good heavens, I was surprised it survived the day, let alone years! But she cherishes these things. And because of that, I cherish her.

Ayla, you have got quite a legacy to uphold in your grandmother. I see much of her in you, and that brings me joy. We pray that you will remember all you've seen in observation of this sweet soul as you walk through life and enter into marriage. You can have no better role model.

Discussion: Share a memory you have of your Busha. What sticks out to you about her relationship with Jadoosh? What has she taught you about living as a Godly woman?

Prayer: Lord, we thank you for the souls you have given us to learn from. We thank you for the birth of Barbara Ann and all the many lives she's touched in her 74 years. Father, we pray for continued blessings on her, as she is one who so blesses others. Thank you for her humble heart. In Jesus, Amen.

Take Care

When Ayla was little she was not the biggest snuggler. She would sit to hear a story, but then she was up and running again, things to do. But when she was sick, then she wanted to snuggle. And because she was sick, she wouldn't jump up and take off running again. She just let us hold her. While I never liked seeing my kids sick, and honestly it was quite rare that they were, I did enjoy the snuggle time when they weren't feeling well. Gave me more time to hold them.

With Ayla's wisdom teeth out on Monday, it reminded me of those times. It's hard for a mama to hear her daughter moan in pain on the phone, not be able to talk cause her mouth is full of gauze and then sound loopy on top of that. I told your Daddy, it's like someone strips the cover off your heart. You are aching because you are not there to care for your child. Yes, my child is a 24-year-old adult, but still my child nonetheless. I had two bits of solace: 1) the phone call from Ayla in her yet drug-induced slurred speech asking me to pray for her and 2) knowing that Rob was taking care of her.

We both commented that we were interested in seeing how Rob would do in that capacity. Would he care for our daughter the way we would if she was sick and here at home? Sounds like he did: called us and put us on speaker phone so we could hear how she was; got her prescriptions; helped her up the three flights of stairs to her apartment; was quiet while she slept; made her smoothies. We both breathed a sigh of relief. She was in good hands.

That is what your Daddy and I want for you both: to care for each other. To comfort each other in sickness and pain; to meet the needs that you may not be able to meet on your own; to go out of your way to do for each other in unexpected, precious ways. Caring is the the outward active way to show how much you love someone. Providing that safe haven and place of comfort will give you both security and peace.

However, we also recommend snuggling even when you're not sick.

Discussion: When you are sick, what brings you comfort? What ways have you shown each other you care?

Prayer: Lord, being sick or in a time of recovery isn't easy, so Father we pray we do everything in our power to help out our loved one during a time like that. But we pray we show our caring for one another other times as well. Helps us to find sweet ways to show we care each and every day. In Jesus, Amen.

No Missed Opportunities

Yesterday after worship we were taking with my friend Danny on our way home. He lost his wife years ago to cancer. We asked him how long they had been together when she went to be with Jesus, and he said, two months shy of 20 years. They were college sweethearts. "She was my everything, and when she died, she didn't even know it. And that kills me," he said.

To know that his wife didn't know how much she meant to Danny makes me sad. It just means we sometimes miss opportunities to let the one we love the most know how much we love and count on them.

Your Daddy asks me to marry him just about every day. Not exactly sure when he started doing that, but the day he stops will break my heart. We have a choice in how we are going to love someone and to know that he still would want to marry me today just as he did when he proposed more than 27 years ago is reassuring and thrilling. I keep a Twinkie man note he wrote me years ago always in my purse as a reminder of that love. Writing each other little notes, flowers for no reason, a bag of chocolates, a cup of coffee, a back rub and repeatedly saying "I love you," are all ways to make sure your loved one knows their value to your life. This is something you should never ever stop doing. It's that important. Don't ever automatically assume just cause you're taking care of things at home or bringing home the bacon, that your loved will will just know how you feel about him/her. Tell them.

You don't ever what to say you missed your chance.

Discussion: What are ways you show your love to one another? Tell of some times when hearing you were loved brought you peace and joy.

Prayer: Father, we know how much You love us. You showed that through Your Son. You show it through the blessings we receive daily from You. Help us to take that cue and likewise show how much we love each other through our words and actions. In Christ we pray, Amen.

The Inlaws

I asked Daddy yesterday, "What do we blog about for tomorrow?" and he said, "We going to have to write one about the in-laws." And we both giggled. See in-laws can get a bad rap. You have two folks coming from two different environments where they were part of one family and now are bringing those two families together so to speak. And while one is blood related, the other isn't related at all. And when you marry your loved one, interestingly, you're kinda marrying the whole family and every crazy personality involved in it. That can be a blessing and a challenge.

But here's the thing: bringing this a little closer to home ... a) we love our daughter, b) Rob loves our daughter; c) and while Ayla stands on her own personality-wise, what Rob loves about Ayla, we've had a bit of a hand in developing over the years. Just as Tony and Barb helped mold Brad, and Tom and Thelma helped mold Jill, so it follows from a formulatic standpoint that Rob should love us. And you can work that the other way for Ayla with Rob's family. Nice and simple right? Perfect happy extended family. Well, not always. There are conflicts of personality, but it does help to remember from a loving Christian standpoint that your loved one wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the parents who reared him/her.

Ayla is very close to her parents. We love her very much. Her well being is of utmost importance to us. We raised her to be an independent, wise, God-fearing, loving, young lady. We were strict parents and we expected much from our children. We laid the foundation based on what God taught us in His Word. What she does with what was taught her is all her. We have a very open line of communication, making sure that she knew she could come talk to us about anything, good or bad. We were certainly not perfect parents by any means, but we did the best we could and thankfully each had parents that set the bar high for us to emulate. We, too, are very close to our respective parents. We were both blessed in that each set of in-laws loved us as one of their own. Jill felt instantly welcomed and loved by Tony and Barb, and Brad likewise was loved and welcomed by Jill's parents. (Brad was so welcomed by Jill's extended family, that her Aunt Nicki felt quite comfortable laying a doozy of a fart on him when she first met him. You gotta hear that story.) Did we have conflicts, yes, but none that couldn't be learned from, and none that were relationship breakers. We just knew we were loved and loved everyone right back.

Respect your in-laws. Love them, honor them, understand the role they played in your loved one's life. You don't have to always agree with them. You don't even have to pretend to understand what they do, but know their intentions are most likely lovingly motivated.

From our perspective, because Rob loves our daughter, we love him. You are already a special, precious part of our family. That may be weird to you, but it's completely true. We feel the same way about Anton's girlfriend, Kayla. Matter of fact, we have loved all our children's friends as if they were our own children, so imagine how we feel about someone they love most of all.

Here's what we can tell you about us. Once you are married, we will not be all up in your business unless you invite us in. We might be a little in your business prior, but only cause you aren't married yet, so technically, she's still ours. :) And we say little, only because she's an independent young lady who can take care of herself. But if she makes a decision we don't necessarily agree with, we won't hesitate to express our concern in the matter. She's still free to do as she pleases. Our parents have set a beautiful example of this for us over the years. Again, if you ever want our advice, option or help in the future, we will gladly provide it, but probably not unless you ask for it. Unless it's unsafe, in which case, we'll probably step up and say something. Whether or not you agree with us, we will still love you.

Thus to make this all nice and easy for you - Rob, please know that we would love for you to call us Dad and Mom if and when you are comfortable with it. We love you very much and are so excited to welcome you as our son, with or without the "in law" attached. With love from your crazy about-to-be In-laws.

Discussion: Share your feelings with each other about your in-laws. Is there awkwardness? Do you feel welcomed? Do you see future conflicts? What traits of your in-laws do you see in your loved one?

Prayer: Lord we are blessed in that you love us so very much. We are your children and you loved us enough to die for us. We thank you for the beauty in blending to families in a marriage and pray that blending will be peaceful, respectful and loving. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Moments and Memories

Last night we had our Christmas Caroling Campfire. It was a lot of fun. We had 40 people show up. Of those who RSVPed, 20 did not come (those who called and cancelled did so mostly for illness). We, of course, planned for the number that RSVPed, so we had quite a bit of leftover food. Much time, work and money went into our campfire party as it does every year from raking the yard free of acorns, cutting firewood and kindling, stirring gallons of cocoa, hanging lights, purchasing food and paper products, setting up tables, making caroling cards and signage and cleaning the house before and after. But what it comes down to is the comradery. The fellowship with everyone is the best part. The singing, visiting, sharing food and hand prints on the wall. Those are the bits folks will remember. Not the tinsel-and-ornament-covered fig tree or 70 hot dogs, but just having fun.

We want you both to remember that when you are wedding planning. We know you are already on a tight budget, but remember what the event is all about. You are getting married, convenantly joining before the Father and then celebrating with friends. So do what you need to do to make that happen, but don't knock yourself out with excess or worry about the small stuff. It is going to be a blessed celebration no matter what you do and no matter who comes. There will be worship. There will be sweetness. There will be laughter. There will be great memories.

So pray for God's guidance in preparation for everything. Do you need this or that? What will make this day special for you? What will just be unnecessary excess? Remember what the event is all about and just enjoy the process of getting it there. Then there will be true joy before, during and after the wedding. And God will be glorified.

Discussion: Make a list of the needs and wants for your wedding. What are some of the wants that may not be feasible? What kinds of memories do you want to have from your special day? What memories do you want people to leave the wedding with?

Prayer: Lord, getting caught up it wedding preparation and saving financially can be stressful and even take our focus off the true reason for this ceremony, which is to make a promise before you and family and friends. Father, we pray that you will guide us all as we work to meet the needs and perhaps even some wants for this special day. May you be glorified in it all. We love you. In the sweet name of Jesus, Amen.

Ask And You Shall Receive

Two Wednesdays ago at choir practice for a local church's Christmas program, the choir director told the choir he was offered an organ for the church at $14,000. This is an incredible price as most organs are upwards of $75,000. This was a sample organ or display piece. Perfect condition. As the church really needs an organ, the director was excited about the lower price, but was told he could not ask for money for it. The church is about to begin a building campaign and the focus is on getting money for that. So as a choir they decided to pray for $14,000. Two days ago, the choir director said an anonymous donor gave the choir $11,000 for the organ. Combined with several other donations he received, the total was just $1,200 short. But then sitting there at choir, one of the members said, "I'll give you the rest." She gave it in memory of her husband who loved the choir. In less than a week, the director had all $14,000 necessary for the organ. A Christmas miracle? Perhaps, but it was certainly a miraculous answer to prayer. They prayed for $14,000. He got every penny.

Could he have received the $14,000 without prayer? Perhaps. It seemed honestly quite futile to even try to raise that much money for the organ with the building campaign looming. But with God nothing is impossible. With prayer, anything is possible. Matthew 21:22 says, "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Matthew 7:7 says: "Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." In John 13:13-14, Jesus says, "Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."

We want to make sure you both know that God can and will miraculously answer prayer. It is His choice as to how and when He does so, but when He does, what glory He receives! For every time the story is shared about getting the church organ in the future, people will say, "Let me tell you how we got the money ... it started with a prayer."

Now sometimes our Father chooses to answer no to these types of prayers. And if He does, He has a very good reason and likely an even better answer for the prayer than the one asked for. The point is to pray.

Brad and I watched a Christmas movie last night called "The Christmas Candle" based on a book by Max Lucado. It tells the story of a pastor and his church who learn about the power of prayer, and features miraculous answer after miraculous answer to it. James tells us in 4:2-3 "You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." We need to remember first off to pray for the desires of our hearts, but also to do so with the right motives and intentions. "Lord, help me win the lottery" is probably not the right prayer. But "Lord help me be a blessing with what you've blessed me," has better motives.

So go boldly to the throne. Go humbly. Go righteously. Go together. You have the opportunity to bow before the throne of the Creator of the World and ask Him anything you want. He will decided how He wants to answer those prayers. The point is to go.

Discussion: Share about a miraculous answer to prayer. What miraculous answer to prayer do you need right now? Do you think your motives for it are in line with what God would want? 

Prayer: Creator God, you hold the world and the future in your hands. How comforting to know you have everything in control and are working it for our good. Lord, we have request for healing, job changes, finances, successes, peace and so much more. We pray, Father, our prayers are in accord with your will. We love you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Unbottling the Bottled Up

You are going to have bad days. You are going to have several bad days in a row. You may have several bad months in a row. It may be stress at work, coupled with things breaking in the house and even health concerns. I guarantee at some point this will happen (you've already experienced this a bit). But this is the point: Do not under any circumstances take it out on your spouse.

Now in your doey-eyed, lovesick engagement, this may not make sense. Why would you ever take something unrelated to your spouse out on them? Well, you will and there are several reasons that play into that. 1) You know your true love will be with you no matter what. 2) You don't have to be on your best behavior or put on airs, as they will accept you as you are. And 3) it could be that you can't vent frustrations at work towards a boss or coworkers or even at home at inanimate objects, so the venting ends up on the one who loves you unconditionally. The problem is, sometimes when you are in the thick of the "bad" you may not recognize that you are lashing out, venting, miscommunicating, passing blame or transferring feelings from one area to another. So what do you do to prevent or combat this?

First off, if you recognize stress or frustration from work, LEAVE IT THERE. Do not bring it home. You are welcome to share your thoughts with your spouse, just don't transfer it. Give yourself a chance to calm down, center and shake off the day. Folks with a commute, often use this time for that. I recommend praying during this time. Think about all that happened and give it to God to process. He can take it. This goes for frustration with something not working at home or health issues as well. Pray, pray, pray. For that matter, pray together. Discussion is fine. Getting feedback or advice if requested, is fine. It's dumping and yelling at your loved one that's unnecessary and even mean. Most folks don't notice they've done this until after and have to go back and apologize for their behavior. It's better to cut it off before it happens. Familiarize yourself with what you are feeling physically and mentally during these times, so that when it starts to happen you can pull back from it and put life in context.

Here's the thing, venting is good and necessary. It's important to get that out. You can talk it out, exercise it out, write it out, whatever works for you. Just get it out before what's bottled up comes out on the one you love in a completely unrelated context. Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to anger, but the wise quietly holds it back."

You will be blessed to have each other there to get you through things are that are oftentimes difficult to go through alone, just be careful not to take advantage of each other. Remember to treat each other in love always, and these issues will be rare and minimal. The good news is, if your spouse is truly there for you in the good and bad, they will love you enough to forgive you, too.

Discussion: Have you ever taken out the frustrations of the day on each other? What do you do to deal with stresses in life? What do you notice happens to you mentally or physically when stressed? How can you include your loved one without taking it out on them?

Prayer: Lord, our lives are filled with busyness and sometimes that is coupled with things that go wrong. We ask for grace to deal with these circumstances and when having to let it out, that we choose appropriate ways to do so. Help us to be loving and kind to one another. In Jesus name, Amen.

How Do You Know?

Monday Joe Reeves was at our house with his chainsaw cutting long, thick branches into logs for our Christmas Caroling Campfire scheduled for Friday night. Out of the blue he shared a story about a man who was dating a girl and asked him, "Joe, how do you know when she's the one?" I thought Joe's response was precious. He said, "When she is the first person you think of in the morning and the last thing you think about at night. When doing for her becomes more important than doing for yourself. Then you'll know." This man married the girl he was dating.

I nearly melted when I heard him say this. Joe is married to a good friend of mine, Martina, and to know that is how he feels about her means the world to me. And knowing what a good man Joe is, I know Martina is in good hands.

That last part of his advice, "when doing for her becomes more important than doing for yourself," is key. Recently a friend posted on Facebook about how her husband gave up tickets for the SEC championship game Saturday night to help his wife out for an event at church. This fellow is a diehard Alabama fan and to know that he had tickets for this game and subsequently gave them up for his wife, speaks volumes about his priorities, his love for her, his family and God. Now, I'm not saying he didn't give up those tickets begrudgingly. I'm sure he ached a bit not being at the game, but he did it nonetheless. That's true love. And it works both ways, not just husband to wife, but wife to husband. Recently your Daddy switched a departure time on me for a trip we were taking, cutting my time by nearly 3 hours ... hours I had packed with things I wanted to get done. I flat out told him the earlier time wouldn't work because I had to get these things finished. But then I thought about it some and realized I could rearrange a bit, and if it was that important to him that we leave early, I would make it work. I did that because I love him.

We've talked before about how the best advice I could ever give you is the same advice given to me which is "Marriage is not about give and take, but about give and give and give again" and this advice from Joe enhances that. Phil 2:3 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves." This advice is not just for married couples but for every human being. This is not easy when you have Satan whispering in your ear, "It's all about you," over and over again. But it's important to remember, especially with your spouse. See, since this person is always with you and always there for you, you may get to a point where take advantage of them or even be neglectful. Be sure you remember to put your spouse before yourself.

What makes Joe's advice even more special ... he was living the Word at that very moment. He was taking time out of his day to help me. 

Discussion: Share a time when you sacrificed something you wanted to do for the other person. Share about a time when you were touched when something you wanted to do took presidence. How difficult is it to put each other's needs before your own?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the example you set in Christ Jesus about putting others before ourselves. Father help us to always remember to copy that behavior, especially with our spouse. And that we never stop. In Jesus name, Amen.