Mr. Fix It

This one is for Rob. It's for Rob because it's a guy thing. And if he is unaware of it, he will thank us later for bringing it to his attention. It will save him a ton of time, heartache and confusion. So before we get started ... you're welcome.

Here is our advice. You do not have to fix it. Now we're not talking about the Honey-Do list. Those things you most definitely have to fix. At least whatever you will be capable of fixing, anyways. We're talking about whatever issues, problems or conflicts Ayla is having in her life. You do not have to fix it. But you will want to.

See for men, that's what they do. They fix things. They are problem solvers. She has a problem; you have the answer. And you might. But here's the thing, a woman might not want you to fix it and may not think your suggestion is the best idea anyways. What she probably wants 95 percent of the time, is for you to just listen and let her vent. Now, that will be hard for you as a man to just let that happen. You'll be listening and instantly will say to yourself, "Ah - I know what she should do!" and proceed to tell her. But you can't. You just need to listen.

So here's what we suggest. First off - Ayla, begin conversations like this: "This is not something I need advice on or for you to fix. I just need you to let me speak." That will help Rob in the listening process. And Rob, your answer to everything she says is, "That must be very difficult for you" or "I am so sorry you are going through this." If, and only if, she asks "Do you have any suggestions?" should you offer any. Because you are entering shark infested waters. You are likely to get a sharp, "I really don't need you're help, just listen to me." Proverbs 18:13 says, "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame." And James 1:19 encourages us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak." Proverbs 18:2 says, "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion."

There is a hilarious video that explains this situation from a male's perspective called "It's Not About The Nail" by Jason Headley. It explains perfectly what we've described above. Watch and enjoy. Your solution to her problem may be perfect, but it's about loving enough to sit and listen. Now that will be hard, we know. but do it. You will come across as the hero, and you want that. So patiently listen. And that goes for you, too, Ayla. Because let's say he does present a solution. Even if you just want him to listen, you, too, need to pay attention because he truly may have God-inspired advice for you. Ask for his help when you need it, but don't discount it if it's offered even when you don't ask.

As we said above, you're welcome.

Discussion: Have you ever had conversations where listening was the intent and a solution presented was the result? What ways will work for you both with regards to discussions issues in your life?

Prayer: Lord we are thankful that You are capable of fixing everything! Glory to You, Oh Lord! And we thank you for creating men and women differently and for wanting to love and help one another. Help us to be listeners and love first. In Jesus, Amen.