Unbottling the Bottled Up

You are going to have bad days. You are going to have several bad days in a row. You may have several bad months in a row. It may be stress at work, coupled with things breaking in the house and even health concerns. I guarantee at some point this will happen (you've already experienced this a bit). But this is the point: Do not under any circumstances take it out on your spouse.

Now in your doey-eyed, lovesick engagement, this may not make sense. Why would you ever take something unrelated to your spouse out on them? Well, you will and there are several reasons that play into that. 1) You know your true love will be with you no matter what. 2) You don't have to be on your best behavior or put on airs, as they will accept you as you are. And 3) it could be that you can't vent frustrations at work towards a boss or coworkers or even at home at inanimate objects, so the venting ends up on the one who loves you unconditionally. The problem is, sometimes when you are in the thick of the "bad" you may not recognize that you are lashing out, venting, miscommunicating, passing blame or transferring feelings from one area to another. So what do you do to prevent or combat this?

First off, if you recognize stress or frustration from work, LEAVE IT THERE. Do not bring it home. You are welcome to share your thoughts with your spouse, just don't transfer it. Give yourself a chance to calm down, center and shake off the day. Folks with a commute, often use this time for that. I recommend praying during this time. Think about all that happened and give it to God to process. He can take it. This goes for frustration with something not working at home or health issues as well. Pray, pray, pray. For that matter, pray together. Discussion is fine. Getting feedback or advice if requested, is fine. It's dumping and yelling at your loved one that's unnecessary and even mean. Most folks don't notice they've done this until after and have to go back and apologize for their behavior. It's better to cut it off before it happens. Familiarize yourself with what you are feeling physically and mentally during these times, so that when it starts to happen you can pull back from it and put life in context.

Here's the thing, venting is good and necessary. It's important to get that out. You can talk it out, exercise it out, write it out, whatever works for you. Just get it out before what's bottled up comes out on the one you love in a completely unrelated context. Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to anger, but the wise quietly holds it back."

You will be blessed to have each other there to get you through things are that are oftentimes difficult to go through alone, just be careful not to take advantage of each other. Remember to treat each other in love always, and these issues will be rare and minimal. The good news is, if your spouse is truly there for you in the good and bad, they will love you enough to forgive you, too.

Discussion: Have you ever taken out the frustrations of the day on each other? What do you do to deal with stresses in life? What do you notice happens to you mentally or physically when stressed? How can you include your loved one without taking it out on them?

Prayer: Lord, our lives are filled with busyness and sometimes that is coupled with things that go wrong. We ask for grace to deal with these circumstances and when having to let it out, that we choose appropriate ways to do so. Help us to be loving and kind to one another. In Jesus name, Amen.