A Good Long Time

John & Ann Betar in 1932 and 2013

Each year the Worldwide Marriage Encounter takes nominations from all over the country to find out who the longest married couple is. They receive hundreds of nominations. In 2013, the winners were John and Ann Betar, then married 81 years. This year the winners were Dale and Alice Rockey, both 99, married 81 years. Can you imagine? Some people don't even live to be octogenarians and these couples have been married that long.

Dale & Alice Rockey, 2015

There were video interviews of these couples. They were asked what the secret was to their lasting marriages. The Betars said, "contentment." and the Rockeys said doing things together, patience and compromising. Alice added, "I always let him have my way," then they both giggled. Both couples held hands periodically during their interviews. Both couples mentioned they were still very much in love. "But it's not been lovey-dovey for 80 years," Ann Betar said. Both mentioned trials from financial difficulties (especially since they both lived during the Depression). The Betars said family members told them "it wouldn't last." And the Rockeys said "It's been a wonderful ride."

To see couples like this married for so long is so encouraging. To see them happy in each other's company, even more so. If you go to the Worldwide Marriage Encounter website, you can see the list of longest marriages in nearly every state in the country. Even former President George H.W and Barbara Bush were listed as a winners with 70 years of marriage. Numbers range from the high 60s into the 80s. The WWME organization holds weekend marriage retreats all over the country to help couples reconnect. One of their slogans is, "Great marriages don't just happen. Couples make them." And that is indeed true. Ann Betar is right in that every moment of your marriage will not be "lovey-dovey." That's not realistic. But it's certainly worth striving for.

Great, long marriages are possible. They require work and all the qualities the couples mentioned above. You want a good long marriage? Work for it. Never stop. Go on retreats, read books and get advice from mentors who have been married a long time. As Alice said to her husband, "It's been a long time, hasn't it?" to which he replied, "A good long time."

Discussion: What kinds of things can you do together to make sure your marriage will be long lasting? Tell of a couple you know that has been married a long time? What have you observed about this couple's successful marriage?

Prayer: Father God, oh that we would be blessed to have long, loving marriages. We pray with you as the center, we can together endure many, many years together with as much lovey-dovey as possible. In the sweet name of Jesus, Amen.

The Greatest Romance In History

So I'm putting on my overalls and tank top to go outside and do some yard work right before your Daddy was heading off to work, and he walks in the bedroom to get a kiss good-bye, "Oh, you look sexy!" he says. That could be, right there, one of the greatest love quotes of all time. Here I am in my scuzzy clothes - the non-figure defining fashion faux pas #57 - and my beloved husband thinks I am sexy. It sure put a little skip in my step as I went out to wash windows and water the flowers.

Two days ago at lunch, I was watching the movie City of Angels. A fictitious story about an angel named Seth (played by Nicolas Cage) who falls in love with a doctor named Maggie (Meg Ryan). He falls from grace to become a human to be with her. Just days later she dies in an accident. Visited by an angel after she dies, Seth is asked if he had known what was going to happen to Maggie, would he still have fallen. He responds, "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One." That is a great love quote. Another great one from that movie, is when Maggie is dying. "I'm not afraid. When they ask me what I liked the best, I'll tell them, it was you." Cue the waterworks.

Both quotes speak of the depth of their love. Quotes like "You complete me," from Jerry Maguire. and "You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on" from Pride and Prejudice. You don't question that kind of love. It's deep, and profound, and real. When you are deeply in love with someone that is what you feel. You see them in the grungy clothes, and think they are sexy. Good heavens, I think your Daddy is sexy when I spontaneously throw a ball of fresh mozzarella cheese to him at the grocery store and he catches it. I think he is sexy when he's on his knees in prayer. I think he's sexy when does the dishes. Let's face it, I am hopelessly, deliriously, excitedly, wholeheartedly in love with this man.

That is the kind of love we want for our children. We want you to feel that completeness. We want you to have the greatest romance in history. To be able to tell your children one day, "I love your Daddy/Mommy 3,000 times more than I did on our wedding day." To see your beloved at their worst and yet only see the best. To know that their heartbeat is one of your favorite sounds. That when you cuddle close, their smell is one of the most captivating you've ever breathed in. How do you feel about your beloved right now? We want that for you for your lifetime, compounded and multiplied. So love and be loved. Don't ever take it for granted. Cherish it and nurture it. It is absolutely worth it.

Discussion: Write down a statement that describes how you feel about your beloved. Do you have a favorite love quote?

Prayer: Father God, we thank you for this love of our life. We pray, Father, we never forget to show how much we love our spouse. Lord we thank you that you showed us first and foremost what love is. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Help Me Understand

A husband told us recently that he just learned something new about his wife. It was a key piece of information about something she had to deal with in her past which has affected how she's responded to many situations in their marriage. It helped explain a lot of misunderstood times of communication for the couple and gave them a chance to reevaluate how they would handle future similar situations with grace, empathy and understanding. The sad part was it took years for this information to come forward, which if shared earlier would have prevented a lot of heartache and helped the couple be more understanding of each other.

We believe married couples need to have an open line of communication. Brad and I share everything with each other. We are both pretty good communicators, so sharing between us has been easy. Daddy has shared about things that have happened in his life that have shaped who he is and how he responds to specific situations, and I have done likewise. Having this information has helped us be more understanding of responses that might otherwise have seemed out of place or even quirky. So communicate, communicate, communicate. Don't keep things from each other. You may have no idea how what you have gone through in your life is affecting your behavior today. And lack of information puts your spouse at an unfair disadvantage.

Likewise, when your spouse reacts in a way that does not make sense to you, gently ask why they are responding in such a way. And be understanding of the answer you receive. As Brad would say, "walk a mile in their shoes so you understand," and as the Bible would say - go the extra mile, too. Matthew 5:41 says, "and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile," meaning, go out of your way for your beloved. They are worth it.

"I don't want to talk about it," is not a good nor helpful response. Neither is "just cause." If you love your spouse-to-be, help them understand you. Another help could be taking the Keirsey Temperment Sorter - a personality test from the book Please Understand Me that may help you figure out each other (let alone yourselves) and foster good conversation between the two of you.

Talk to each other. If you want your spouse to understand you, share your deepest thoughts, feelings and experiences. And remember that half of communication is being a good listener. Then be gracious enough to keep that information between yourselves. It will help experiences in your relationship make much more sense.

Discussion: Have you taken the Keirsey Temperment Sorter? What did you learn about each other? How is the communication between you both. Are their circumstances in your life that would help your future spouse know and understand you better?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you that you have made us uniquely who we are and we pray we have the patience to learn more about each other and understand where we are coming from. Help us to be good listeners. And may our words be uplifting and supportive in response. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Happily Ever After

The other day Daddy and I talking about Heaven. I remember looking at his beautiful sweet face and thinking, "I won't be married to him there." I mentioned that I was actually sad we would not be married in Heaven. Matthew 22:30 says, "For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven." I mean, I love this man, I'm spending the majority of my earthly life with him, so the thought of not being married to him in Paradise just made me a little blue. We both commented that we probably would be so overwhelmed with love for the Lord, contemplating our earthly marriage would probably not matter so much. Which led your Daddy to say, "That's why we need to enjoy it here, because it's goes so fast!"

It made me wonder, did God just create marriage for procreation here on earth if there is no marriage in heaven? While I believe that is certainly part of it, I think another reason God created marriage was so you could completely understand the love Christ has for his bride the church. This earthy life is so temporal in the grand, eternal scheme of things. While we experience marriage here, the marriage we will delight in beyond the grave is between us and our groom, Christ the Messiah. Plus marriage teaches you so much about selfless love.

We are designed to worship the Father. And it's by His grace that we've been blessed with a soul to spend this journey with. You get to worship Him on this earth together. Serve Him together. But it truly is all about Him. Don't ever forget that.

This life goes swiftly by. You probably don't think so now since you are all in your 20's, but you just wait. Delight in each other. But more importantly delight in the Father. That is what is eternal. That is what is truly "happily ever after."

Discussion: Why do you think God created marriage on earth? What do you think it will be like for souls in Heaven? How does your relationship center on Christ?

Prayer: Father God, we thank you for creating such a beautiful thing as marriage and we pray that ours glorifies you in this lifetime. We love you, Lord, and pray we remember that our purpose is worship and service to you. In Christ, Amen.

What's Your Preference?

Saturday night at dinner with Kayla and her parents, we started talking about certain things we liked as couples ... kind of toothpaste, brand of ketchup or mayonnaise, how you put on your toilet paper roll (paper over or under), and things like that. It was fun hearing how we married couples handled that and listening to Anton and Kayla respond to what they would do after marriage.

So for fun, we decided to create a little quiz for you to ask your spouse-to-be to see what their preference is and how you might handle different things once you are married. Have fun!

1. Who makes the bed?
2. What side of the bed do you want to sleep on?
3. Night light on or pitch black?
4. How often do you wash sheets?  
5. What kind of pillow do you like to sleep on?
6. How many times do you use the same towel after the shower?
7. How do you fold your towels?
8. What kind of soap in shower? Shampoo? Conditioner?
9. Toilet paper over or under?
10. What brand of toilet paper will you use? Tissues? Paper towels?
11. Brand of toothpaste to share (or do each get your own tube)?
12. Type of ketchup you'll have in the fridge? Mayonnaise? Mustard?
13. Who balances the bank account?
14. Who pays the bills?
15. Who cooks supper?
16. Who does laundry? Who irons when necessary?
17. What kind of coffee do you drink?
18. Who gets to control the TV remote?
19. Who buys groceries?
20. What kinds of cereal will you have?
21. What type of church service will you attend? Denomination?
22. Who gets the mail?
23. What kind of laundry detergent will you use? Fabric softener?
24. Who will dust? Vacuum? Who does dishes?
25. Who decides where furniture goes? Decorations on the walls?
26. Fluorescent or incandescent bulbs?
27. How do you divvy up closet space?
28. Who does yard work?
29. Who sews on buttons? Hems pants? Mends holes?
30. Who prays?

Discussion: Did you learn something about each other? Were there any stalemates? What were your solutions?

Prayer: Father, we are grateful that we are different and bring our own experiences, desires and preferences into our marriages. Help us be understanding and patient with one another as we combine lives? In Jesus, Amen.

Don't Go To Bed Angry

One piece of advice that you will get over and over again when you speak to married couples is "Never go to bed angry." They never tell you why you shouldn't, they just say you shouldn't. And I wonder how many of them know they are actually quoting Scripture when they say that. Ephesians 4:26 says,"Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." It's verse 27 that gives us the why, "And do not make room for the devil." 
  
When Daddy and I have gone to bed angry it is not a pretty thing. Neither of us can sleep. We toss and turn all night, which makes us crankier in the morning. There's still no resolution to whatever we were angry about the night before, so we're still pretty much angry. It's a lose-lose situation all the way around, giving the devil a whole lot of room to work with. You can resolve to "Never go to bed angry," but you will need a plan to avoid doing so, because we guarantee you, at some point you will get angry before bedtime.

The solution ... take it to the Lord in prayer. If more couples stopped mid-argument to pray and ask God for wisdom and direction, there would be a lot less anger. Of course, when you are in the throws of that, it's hard to pull yourself out of the emotional part and think clearly or wisely enough to think to pray. But try to be proactive about that.

Another simple help is to have this hanging above your bed.

It's kinda hard to kiss someone and stay angry with them. So do what you can to avoid putting head-to-pillow while frustrated with your spouse. Pray about it. Talk it out. And remember to always kiss each other goodnight.

Discussion: Have you ever ended a night angry with each other? How did you resolve the situation? How could you have done it better?

Prayer: Father God, we ask that when we are betting carried away with our anger,
your Holy Spirit would remind us to go to you for direction. And we pray that well we love and cherish one another deeply and remember to kiss each other goodnight every single evening of our marriage. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Besties

Probably one of the easiest decisions I ever had to make was selecting my maid-of-honor. My sister and I were always very close, so there was no discussion over who would have that place of honor in our wedding. We had so much fun together through high school that people wondered if we were real sisters (as opposed to say, step-sisters). At one party when we were asked that, we pinched each other and said, "Feels real to me" then burst into a fit of giggles. We knew how to have fun together. As with the many things that are different about our personalities, there are equally many the same. She is the one I wanted right by my side as I married my best friend and the love of my life.

The maid-of-honor and best man, while certainly fulfilling a job at the wedding, are usually the best buddies of the bride and groom. They provide support, plan bachelor/bachelorette parties, meet the bride's and groom's needs prior to, during and after the ceremony and oftentimes give speeches or a toast at the reception.

Ayla has selected her media naranja (orange half), Cristina Montoya, as maid-of-honor. Cristina and Ayla have been friends since Ayla went to school in Rhode Island. This spunky duo has checked off items on a summer bucket list, gone on adventures and have regular video visits even though they are 2,600+ miles away from each other, with Cristina in California and Ayla in Florida. Cristina is Ayla's Proverbs 17:17 friend: "A friend loves at all times." 

Anton's best man is Carter Albrecht. Carter and Anton have been "brothers from another mother" since seventh grade. They enjoy playing sports, video games, attending sporting events and can share pretty much everything with one another via deep conversations. Carter is Anton's Proverbs 18:24 friend - "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Being-A-Friend#sthash.sbfMY3TD.dpuf

Ayla and Anton know the folks they have selected to stand by their side at this wedding will not only be there for them physically, but also emotionally. And both are friends that hold them accountable, as expressed in Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." A best friend is a pretty amazing gift to have in this lifetime. And interestingly, my children are marrying their very best friend. So to have another friend they can count on through thick and thin makes them doubly blessed. Everyone should be so fortunate to have such a relationship. Praying the Lord crosses your path with sweet souls your whole life through no matter where you go.

Discussion: Tell about friends you have had throughout your life. What makes your best friend your best friend?

Prayer: Father, we thank you for the souls you have brought into our lives that have meant so much to us. We pray for blessings on their lives as they have blessed us so. In Jesus, Amen.

Making It Legal

To make this whole thing called marriage legal you have to have a marriage license. It is what gives you the authorization to marry. And every state in the U.S. requires you get one. However, each state (sometimes each county) has its own requirements for what documents you need to bring to get your license (driver's license, birth certificate, passport), how much it costs, how much time you have after you get your license to marry or if physicals or premarital counseling in required. Both bride and groom must be present when applying for a marriage license.

Ayla and Rob are getting married in Florida. There the need to bring their birth certificate. license and social security card or passport. The cost is $93.50. If you take a state sanctioned marriage prep class, you get a discount of $32.50. The class basically a bit of counseling and information on what would happen financially should you divorce. If you do not take the prep class, you must wait three days to marriage. If you have take the class, there is no wait. The license is valid for 60 days.

Anton and Kayla are getting married in Alabama. Documents to bring include your birth certificate or driver's license and Social Security card. There is no waiting period after applying and the license is valid for 30 days. Cost is $43.35 for the marriage license.

Now this doesn't mean that after the license is signed that the ladies names have changed. You need to do that online at www.marriagenamechange.com. You can begin this process prior to the wedding to save time.

So there you go. All you need to make it legal. Just so you know, when you say "I do" you are officially married. The license is proof to the state (and country) that you are married for legal reasons. So don't forget to get one ... and for that matter, don't forget to sign it (and your witnesses)! It's not legal till it's signed. Then it needs sent to the country or state agency that records the marriage certificates. This is done typically by the officiant (and check each state's requirements for who can officiate at the wedding). And understand that requirements for states change all the time, so check your state's requirements close to the date of your weddings to be sure.

By the way, I got a watch for Daddy for our wedding. Engraved on the underside of the watch ... was our marriage license number. 

Discussion: Have you talked about when you will go to get your marriage license? Do you have all the documents you need to apply for your marriage?

Prayer: Lord God, we thank you that you will be present for the marriages of our children. We ask for your blessing when they apply for their licenses, that all will go smoothly, and for blessings on their wedding and marriage. In Jesus, Amen.

What's Mine Is Yours

The other day I heard a woman say this about her husband, "He spends his money on crazy things. That's why he has his money and I have my money." She was explaining the two of them have separate checking accounts. When I hear couples share that (the second couple I've heard say this in a month), it always makes us cringe.

See Daddy and I believe that anything we earn is our money. Everything goes into one checking account. All our bills, entertainment, medical visits, food, etc all comes from the one account. The only other account we have is our savings account. We combined accounts immediately after we were married.

Now you do what you feel as couples that works for you, but it always seemed to me that people who kept separate accounts were preparing for a future that I never want to think about ... divorce. Because that way monetary assets are already split up. Many second marriage couples I know keep separate accounts because they had "already been burned and didn't want that to happen again." But for Daddy and I, we believe that since God tells us "two become one flesh" in Genesis 2:24 (and Jesus reiterates that in Mark 10:8), that personal property is part of that. It's our house, our cars, our books, our furniture, our electronics and our money. Our intention is to never, ever divorce. We do not want to even slightly entertain the idea, so to keep separate anything to us seems like keeping that in your back pocket.

If you have issues with how your future spouse spends the money they have now, that is something you need to sit down and discuss immediately. And preparing a budget with what you have will certainly help with that. Write down what you make together. What are your bills: electric/gas, water, cellphone, mortgage/rent, cable/internet, car insurance, loans and credit card balances. What will you give to the church? What percentage will you save each month? What amount will you set aside for emergency situations? What is for entertainment or incidentals. If you can, create a budget without debt or eliminate any debt you have as soon as possible. Pay cash when you can (when you actually watch those dollar bills in transactions, you really think about where they are going). With this planning, keeping separate accounts should be unnecessary because you both will know where the money is going. It's being responsible.


Know that one of the biggest issues for arguments for couples is money. And that of all the topics Jesus talked about, money came second only to the Kingdom of God. That's how important this topic is. So give your finances to the Lord. Pray over what you spend. Discuss your budget needs.

We know perfectly happy couples who have separate accounts for whatever reason, but it is our personal opinion that "what's mine is yours." We are one, our assets are one. Plus, when you are newly married it is pretty wonderful to see a checking account with both your names at the top.

Discussion: Have you looked at each other's finances to create a budget between you? What are your thoughts on checking accounts? Do one or the other of you overspend? What are ways you can carefully monitor where your excess money will go?

Prayer: Father, we pray we will be wise with what you bless us. Help us to be responsible with our money. We pray we will always go to you for wisdom in spending. And we thank you for this mystery that is "two become one." In Jesus we pray, Amen.

Waiting Till The Last Minute

For the last three nights in a row, I have written the posts for this blog pretty late in the evening. Matter of fact, on both Sunday and Monday, I finished the blog at about 11:59 p.m, one minute before I usually set them to auto post. One night just as I was about to climb into bed, I said to you Daddy, "Oh no, I haven't written a blog for the kids!" His response was, "They won't notice right away. Do it in the morning." But I had made a promise to do one a day and like to have it ready by midnight. I believe I missed my deadline only once. So instead of going to bed, at 11:30 that night, I began to write. And got it done in the nick of time. That, my children, is procrastinating.

When Anton was facetiming with Kayla last night he asked us to pray for her, saying she was under a lot of stress. "She has a test, a five page paper and some article summaries to do tonight." "Tonight?!" we exclaimed, noticing it was after 9 p.m. When I asked her what she thought I should blog about this evening she said, "Procrastination."

I am the queen of procrastination. I tend to push most things off to the last minute. Usually it's because I have other things going that take priority, but the truth of the matter is, I tend to do better under pressure. Of course, the entire time I am under pressure I am cursing under my breath that I wish I had started this or that earlier.

Wikipedia's definition of procrastination is "the practice of carrying out less urgent tasks in preference to more urgent ones, or doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time, sometimes to the "last minute" before a deadline." If that was a correct definition of procrastination, than I am not the queen after all, because I tend to prioritize when accomplishing tasks, even it if does push other tasks off. At Dictionary.com, it says procrastination is "the act or habit of putting off or delaying, especially something requiring immediate attention." Both of these definitions state something needs immediate attention and is being put off. And oftentimes, those things pushed back tend to be late and done with less attention to detail, producing a substandard product. So there is little wisdom in delaying. To quote Benjamin Franklin: "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." The Bible calls a procrastinator a "sluggard," implying laziness.The Bible is very clear about planning, preparing, not delaying, being ready and doing what you promise immediately. We are even told "Do not boast about tomorrow, for your do not know what a day may bring forth." (Proverbs 27:1). 

So my children, those things you promise to do for one another (like the shorts Brad asked me to sew about a week ago), don't just leave it there. Complete it. Don't leave the dirty clothes on the floor. You know they need to either be in the hamper or in the laundry room, so do it now. Don't wait till you have a basket of laundry overflowing with folded clothes to put away. Put them away now. Don't leave the dishes piling up in the sink. Wash them now. Don't let weeks of dust and dirt accumulate on the shelves and in the carpet. Take care of it now. But even more important ... don't put off quiet time with the Lord. This especially you need to do early and often. So prioritize and set about accomplishing what needs to get done. You will get far more accomplished with greater efficiency, thoroughness and planning ... and probably be far less stressed.

Discussion: Do you procrastinate? If so, what are things that could help you plan and prioritize. Tell about a time when procrastination cost you. Tell about a time when getting a job done early and quickly benefited you.

Prayer: Father, we do not want to bury our talent in the sand, but rather be proactive, diligent, timely and successful. Lord, we pray we do all things as if serving you for your glory. Help us to keep our commitments and get things done selflessly with respect to other's needs. In Jesus, Amen.

st about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Procrastination#sthash.TDx5GJHV.dpuf

Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Procrastination#sthash.TDx5GJHV.dpuf

The Sure Foundation

 Ayla and Rob have a home. Rob's former boss and roommate will be moving out of the house he owns sometime this fall and he has offered the Sarasota home to Ayla and Rob to rent as their first home together. It's a load off for both of them, since they knew they would need to find a home together sometime within the next 87 days. Turns out this home that Rob has been living in since he moved to Sarasota is just 8 minutes from the beach and 15 minutes from where they both work. It's in a nice neighborhood, has plenty of room for them, two bedrooms, a good-sized yard, storage facility and precious patio. It will be a wonderful first home for this couple. Daddy and I are excited that they will soon be able to put their own stamp on the home, figure out exactly what pieces of furniture they need and start making this house a home.

Just last Sunday I was teaching my Sunday School folks about God's call in Genesis 12:1 to Abraham (then Abram) to “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you." Later standing next to an oak tree in Shechem, the Lord tells Abram to look around, because all that he saw would belong to his descendents forever. What is significant about this location, is that hundreds of years later, Moses' successor, Joshua, who led the Israelities into that Promised Land, asks them to make a very important decision in that very same place. He says to them, "Choose this day whom you will serve ... as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15). In this place where God told Abram he was home, Joshua asks the Hebrews to solidify what the foundation of that home was. 

No matter what Rob and Ayla's home is built of, what colors are painted inside, what furniture fills the room or decorations are on the wall, none of that will compare to what foundation it's built on. If the foundation is remotely shaky, the whole structure is at risk.

It's the same with our spiritual lives.Our foundation is Jesus. 1 Corinthians 3:11 says, "For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ." Jesus tells us He is "the Way, the Truth and the Life" in John 14:6 and that "No one comes to the Father except by Me." He wants us all to know that the door to the Almighty goes through Him. He is one that makes it possible. If we have Christ as the cornerstone of our lives (Ephesians 20) we are set to come face to face with our Creator. We build on that by our actions and love, building a temple to our God, with the Holy Spirit dwelling within.

My sweet ones, you will have a home, but we pray your home's true foundation will be in Christ. That each room will be blessed unto Him. That what happens in that home will be to His glory. That in it you be will loving towards one another and that guests will feel warmly welcomed. Psalm 119:54 says, "Your statutes have been my songs wherever I make my home." Praying that God's Word will always be a sweet song in your home. Choose this day whom you will serve.

Discussion: What makes a house a home to you? How can you make sure Christ is the foundation of your life? Will people be able to tell by looking at you and looking at your home, that you belong to the Lord?

Prayer: Father God, we pray that every home that Rob and Ayla and Anton and Kayla occupy that it will stand a s a sanctuary of worship to you. That Your presence will be felt, Your grace displayed and love shown. In Jesus, Amen.

The Key To A Successful Marriage

About a week ago, Daddy asked the wife of a couple who had been married for 63 years what the key was to their successful marriage. She responded, "We let each other do what we want."

Now when I first heard that, I was all, "Say what? What exactly did they do that they wanted?" My mind was thinking all kinds of crazy, wild stuff, not marriage-honoring stuff. But Brad clarified, adding the wife said, "I went shopping and got all the clothes and shoes I wanted, and he went hunting and hung out with friends." So basically she was saying that they appreciated each other's interests and let each other pursue them. So not just willy nilly doing whatever they wanted.

We do think it is important for you to foster your talents and interests and be supportive of one another in those pursuits. It's what makes you what you are. Brad loves sports, all sports, so that means the TV is regularly on some football, basketball, baseball or golf event (and with Anton home, soccer now, too). He loves to golf, hit balls at the driving range or putt around on the practice putting green. Those things are not my favorite. Quite the opposite actually. I like to shop, see movies, travel, do craftsy things ... and travel is about the only one of those Daddy wants to participate in. We do enjoy doing different things together, but we certainly have things we enjoy doing the other is not as much or even a little into. We have to be careful to let each other delight in the gifts and interests God instilled in us, while keeping our focus on one another.

When you get married, you are not supposed to cease being who you are or stop doing what you love. You may have to re-prioritize when and how you do what you love because you have another priority now, but that doesn't mean you lose what you love. While you may want to spend lots of time together, don't hesitate to allow each other to go off to do things each other enjoys. If you suppress what your beloved enjoys, that can cause resentment and bitterness. When we use the word "allow," understand we mean that from the perspective of keeping you spouses concerns, feeling and needs into consideration when you make those decisions. Don't just go off on your own and not connect with your beloved about it. It is important that you are on the same page. You need to be conscious of the time you put into your personal interests so that your spouse is not competing for your time. Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Once you are married, you are still you, only better, because now you have someone to share your adventures, loves, interests and stories with. If they are interests that take away from your marriage or put strain on it, you may need to rethink that pursuit. Just remember what is important - love selflessly-  and you should be okay. That's the true key to a successful marriage.

Discussion: What are some interests you each have that your beloved is not really interested in? How do you feel about your beloved continuing to pursue those things after your marriage? What can you do as a couple to make sure your interests do not compete with your spouse?

Prayer: You have made us to be unique individuals. It's those traits that drew us to one another. We pray, Father, that we can enjoy what we like, but not at the expense of our spouse. Help us to prioritize to Your glory. In Christ pray. Amen.

Holiday Celebrations

Growing up, our family did holidays big. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Halloween ... we had fun. The relatives got together and we would giggle with our cousins till the dreaded "Kids it's time to go," would be shouted by the parents. The memories I have of those celebrations are wonderful. Birthday cakes decorated by my mother. Bountiful feasts for the holidays. Decorations everywhere. They were happy times. When I met Brad, his family celebrated holidays a little differently. Since his immediate family lived away from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, the celebrations weren't nearly as big, unless they made the trip to Wisconsin to be with them.

Consequently when Brad and I married, we were joining two very different ways of celebrating together. Like Brad's family, we lived far from our extended families, so unless we traveled to Iowa or Pennsylvania (or they traveled here), our holidays became personal affairs, oftentimes including church families in celebrations. We celebrated many Thanksgivings and Easters at parties described as "for families without families." Our Christmas Caroling Campfire has included anyone and everyone (neighbors, church friends, co-workers, co-volunteers) who wanted to celebrate the newborn Christ. We never took our costumed kids to trick-or-treat at their grandparents on Halloween because they didn't live near by. July 4th was always with friends usually swimming in someone's pool then off to the fireworks. Brad and I never forgot to celebrate our anniversary and Valentine's Day in a special and romantic way. And birthdays are a big deal ... all about the person celebrating. With our kids we had birthday parties every single year as they were growing up (lake parties, quinceanera, sweet sixteen, scavenger hunts, water slides, pinatas, princess parties, sports themes). I wanted our family celebrations to be as big and wonderful as I remembered mine as a child. And I think, with our church families and friends, we accomplished that.

I am a big proponent of making memories ... every day if possible (Brad says I need it on a T-shirt: "Make A Memory"). So getting together with family and friends to celebrate is a big part of that. Each holiday only comes around once each year, so I believe in really enjoying each one. Brad wasn't as crazy about big celebrations except on Thanksgiving (let's face it - feast and football, what's not to love?), but, bless him, he not only put up with my big shebangs, but even planned a few (15th Anniversary Surprise Wedding Vow Renewal, anyone? Or 49th birthday Beach Surprise with the kids?).

You couples are coming from different background and traditions with how you celebrate. You may have different foods you eat, ways you open gifts, ways of decorating, specific things you participate in, special days of doing things and meshing those together can sometimes be tricky. But they can be unique to you and so much fun. We encourage you to do two things:

1. Remember it is about you both and your family first. What works for you as a couple and for your future children is what you need to focus on.
2. Respect one another's memories. Find ways to combine things you both love about your family memories. For example, Daddy's family opened Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve. My family did Christmas morning. The compromise ... Christmas Eve our children opened one gift (typically Christmas jammies) and the rest on Christmas morn.

Have fun on the holidays you have ahead. Celebrate with joy. Truly understand the meaning behind the faith holidays in celebrating. You will have days ahead filled with jobs, challenges, responsibilities and the like, so making sure to find ways to observe yearly festivities will give you things to look forward to and memories to last your lifetime.

Discussion: Share how your family celebrated each holiday and birthdays? What are similar about your celebrations? What are different? What would you like to incorporate from each way of celebrating?

Prayer: Father, we thank You that we have so many opportunities to celebrate! And we're especially thankful for the holidays that celebrate You! Lord we pray we can create new ways of celebrating with one another while keeping many of our traditions from our individual families. In Jesus we pray, Amen.

A Keeper

I remember the exact moment I met him. It was at Ayla's graduation from Johnson & Wales for her Master's degree. He showed up with a bouquet of flowers. Ayla had mentioned this fellow a couples times. She mentioned he was a "good friend." Um, good friends, do not show up at graduation ceremonies with a bouquet of flowers. Brad and I could tell instantly - he was smitten. Of course, knowing our daughter, we could see why. There is much to love about her. Brad said the moment he saw Robert Goggin, that this was the man he'd prayed for for his daughter. And you can't knock Brad's first impressions, because he said it was love at first sight with me. For me, I was intrigued to see where this relationship would go, especially when my daughter was days away from moving to Bar Harbor, Maine, while Rob was set to head to Martha's Vineyard. I think Ayla's thought was, "Why pursue a relationship when we're going to be so far apart?" But Rob asked Brad before we left Rhode Island, "Do you think I have a chance with her?" To which Brad responded, "You're still here. If she didn't want you around, you'd know it."

So pursue they both did. Texts, letters, phone calls, Skyping, Facetime and a couple "I'll meet you half way" dates. It wasn't long and they were a couple. And then Ayla's company transferred her to Florida. Rob actually accompanied her on part of her 25-hour journey and then flew home. I think I knew then he was a keeper.

Ayla was in love. For her the key was for him to have a relationship with Christ. "If you can't be the head of the household spiritually, then you can't be with me," I believe was what she said to me once. And Rob was certainly pursuing that. Rob closed the gap between the two of them moving - sans job - down to Florida to be near her. It was risky and bold. And he's been quite successful career-wise landing a job as an executive chef in a popular restaurant there. In the Spring of last year, we received a letter from this man asking for our daughter's hand in marriage. We responded by calling and giving our wholehearted approval. And in June at sunset on the beach in Garden City, they were engaged. Like Ayla, we love this young man. We see parallels in our relationship to theirs. Rob is tall, athletic, hardworking, competitive and a deep thinker ... all Brad traits. And Ayla is quite a bit like her mama. Ayla is a precious force to be reckoned with ... she is strong, loyal, tough, brilliant, creative, passionate and adventurous. And Rob knows just how to love her. Their relationship is authentic. Both hold their own and yet uplift the other. We are grateful to our Father that Ayla crossed paths with this man in Rhode Island of all places.

Today is Rob's 23rd birthday. We thank God for him. We pray for him regularly. We delight in the thought of adding him as a son-in-love to our family. And we thank God that our daughter's life will be joined to his in this spiritual journey to Jesus. Happy Birthday, Rob! We pray you have a wonderful day and blessed year. We love you!

Discussion: Share with one another the very first moment you knew you were in love? What are some traits you love about each other?

Prayer: Father God, we are grateful for Rob. Thank you for knitting him together so beautifully. We thank you for the experiences he has had in his life to bring him to a place where he could find our daughter. And we thank you for what he means to her. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Not The Sweatpants

I love it when a show can make me laugh out loud, and I did that yesterday afternoon while watching a DVR'ed episode of Duck Dynasty. Jase and Jep Robertson, brothers, were competing for something. When Jep lost, he compared losing to his brother to driving to Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday and finding it closed. Or "hoping to get lucky with Jess [his wife] ... and she puts on the sweatpants." I laughed heartily because it's something I could see Daddy saying. This could be one of those devotion posts where my kids do an "ewww," because the parents are talking about sex again, but since it's such an important part of marriage, we certainly don't want to skimp on this. But let's face it, if Brad is any indication of what the male libido is like, then men want to have sex every single day ... several times a day if possible. Now there was a study once that said men think about sex every seven seconds, but that's probably well blown out of proportion. WebMD says men think about sex at least once a day and for women once every other day. So based on that, men think about sex twice as often as women do. But to me the key part of that article is the language of intimacy. It said that women need to have a connection emotionally before they can have sex, and for men, sex is the connection.

You want your husband to be happy? Have sex. Nice and simple. And have it often. You hear the old cliche "Not tonight, honey, I have a headache," but know that when sex is denied, that emotional connection, that intimacy men crave, is lacking. So what women want in romance (date night, flowers, caring, snuggling) men want in sex. Just like a woman laments if her husband slumps in the romance department, so men lament women slumping in the sex department. Thus, when Jess Robertson dons the sweatpants, according to Jep, she's telling her hubby in a subtle way, "Not tonight, honey." Now I've never done the sweatpants thing, but you can see Brad's heart sink when he says, "You're putting on those pajamas," which must be anti-sexy. But trust me - and he can speak for this - I can even rock those slumpy jammies so they don't instantly send the anti-sex signal. Which is funny, cause then the next time I wear those jammies, Daddy's all "oooo, those jammies!"

I have many friends who have told me they rarely make love. One once told me it had been seven years. Seven! Others have told me once a week or every couple of weeks or even once a month. Say what?! Why? Barring physical issues, something is breaking down in these couples romantically and passionately. Both parts are equally valuable. So couples, get to know each other intimately. Find out what brings the other pleasure both physically and emotionally. Make it about pleasing your spouse and not yourself. It comes back in spades anyway ... a true win-win situation!

So girls, watch what message your are sending your fellows sex wise. And fellows, romance, romance, romance those girls. I promise you it will reap benefits. Have sex and have fun (we know, weird advice coming from your parents) - of course, remember, after the wedding. And maybe skip the sweatpants in the bedroom.

Discussion: Ask your fiance what they find sexy. Ask your fiance how often they think of sex? What is their idea of romance or intimacy?

Prayer: Lord God, how blessed we are they you have created love making for married couples. We thank you for this gift and pray we can delight in it often, lovingly, romantically and passionately. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Imperishable Beauty

A lady I ran into while mother-of-the-bride dress shopping was sharing her dress hunt for a makeup conference she was going to. When she heard about our upcoming weddings, she said, "Do you want me to do makeovers for you? I'm a makeup consultant." When people say that to you, you instantly wonder, "Okay, so what are they seeing in me that they think I need a makeover?" But her offer was sweet in that on a wedding day, brides do want to have perfect makeup. And so do their moms.

So I did a little research to see what are good wedding day palates with regards to makeup. Everything in me says, "Be natural!" Don't experiment with crazy colors or a new foundations or blush the day of the wedding. If you are planning to try something new, do that in advance to see what it's like and if it's comfortable and has longevity. Your wedding day is not the day for experimentation.

Not being a makeup expert, I did research instead to see what is recommended, although I threw my two cents in as well ... of course, that's about what it's worth.

1. Healthy skin - eat right leading up to your wedding so your skin looks healthy and glows. And drink lots of water.
2. Fake tan - If you want to have more of a glow try bronzer, lotion or wipes. Be careful not to go Oompa Loompa orange.
3. Primer - on your face and eyes, it will help smooth out your makeup and help it last longer.
4. Waterproof - eye shadow and eye liner, especially if you think you are going to cry or sweat. You can even find products you can apply to your eyes that will seal your makeup for hours.
5. Brighter - remember that lots of photos will be taken this day, so you want to wear enough makeup for your features to stand out, but not clowny. You know how you over do the makeup for a theater production? Yeah, not like that. But you want to make sure your eyes pop and lips stand out for those smiles. So perhaps fake eyelashes and lipstick a shade or two brighter. It's all what you are comfortable with.
6. Oil free products - outside wedding, outdoor photos and lots of dancing all equals oil production, so be sure to use oil-free products, except for around your eyes.
7.  Browse different wedding day makeup color combinations. See what you're drawn to. Do a little practice on yourself or find a makeup artist to try different combinations on you.
8. The day of the wedding be sure to have blotter papers on hand, your lipstick, eyeliner and concealer for touch ups ... just in case.

There are lots more tips to be found by the professionals. This is just a start. Personally, I think our girls are breathtakingly gorgeous regardless of whether they wear makeup or how they wear it that day. 1 Peter 3:4 says, "Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." And you girls are certainly beautiful on the inside, too.

By the way ... three months to go for Ayla and Rob!

Discussion: Have you looked into makeup styles for the wedding day? How does your fiance like you to look? What makes you feel beautiful on the outside? Inside?

Prayer: Thank you, Father, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Lord, we want to be our best self on our wedding day, so we pray we look and feel beautiful and healthy. And through it, pray you see our imperishable beauty. In Christ, Amen.

Take Care Of You

Daddy and I were lamenting our physiques recently. We looked at a picture of us together on our 18th anniversary, remembering those young, slender bodies. I commented aloud, "I wish when I was that age I knew how beautiful physically I really was," I said comparing my current body to the girl in the photograph. Daddy instantly responded, "You still are that beautiful." Aw, shucks, yeah, I know, cue the cupids with their harps. Mushy, rehearsed, the perfect response to a self-degrading spouse. But here's the thing ... he means it. If I would have just written here, "I'm pretty sure he means it," he would have gotten on me later for it. For Daddy always makes me feel like I am that Song of Solomon girl on the receiving end of "You are beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you."  (4:7)

Truth is, we know we need some work. It's a perpetual, lifelong focus for both of us. Eating right, exercising ... they are a regular part of our lives. We tend to overeat or have little self-control when it comes to certain food items (insert "chocolate" here for me), so we need to be careful when deciding exactly what to fill our pantry and refrigerator with. With Anton home, there are far more snack items in this house than are normally here, and that is a nasty temptation for Daddy and I. And with the heat indexes in Alabama over the 105 degree mark, wanting to be outside exercising is put on the back burner or done reluctantly. But we are responsible for ourselves and need to stay on top of our health for the sake of the Kingdom. That may sound odd to say, but our health effects how enthusiastic we can be in doing all God expects of us.

Ayla has just signed up for the Disney Princess Half Marathon scheduled for February 2016. She's got a goal to not only maintain her health, but improve it. We excited for her in that. Anton on the flip side has had a nasty cold this week after a weekend of little sleep when camping with the youth at the YMCA, thus putting his body in a vulnerable position. So he's been dragging this week, coughing, sniffling, sneezing, as he daily regains his energy level.

Children, you are young and beautiful. You have bodies that don't have a new dysfunction every day. It seems every morning, Daddy and I have some new ache or limitation. And we hear it only gets worse as we age. So our first bit of advice is to look in the mirror and praise the Father in heaven that you are healthy and beautiful. Our second bit it to be sure to take care of yourself. If you are in a habit of doing so now, it will be far easier in the future. And thirdly, that you always see each other as beautiful. While I may not be satisfied with what I am seeing in the mirror right now, my beloved is, and that is very uplifting and reassuring. So be that for one another always, even on the no make-up, unshaven, bed head, acne, sluggish days.

Discussion: What do you find beautiful about each other? How do you take care of yourself? What do you need to work on? How does your health affect your daily life and efforts to grow God's kingdom?

Prayer: May we, Father, remember to take care of ourselves that we may serve you diligently. And we pray we always remember to compliment one another each day and an encouragement. We love you, Father. In Your Son's name we pray, Amen.

Microcosm of Life's Journey

The RSVPs are coming in! It is so exciting to see the names of folks who are making the journey to Florida from California, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Alabama, Massachusetts, Montana, New Hampshire, Iowa, Rhode Island, North and South Carolina, Texas and other locations around the country. Ayla and Rob have friends and family all over our nation, so to bring them together for this special occasion is so fun. I have delighted in hearing from precious friends who have messaged me with "Got my tickets!" or "We coming!"  or "Looks like we'll see you in Florida!" My heart is overflowing with joy at celebrating this day with folks near and dear to our hearts. God has truly blessed our family in this life journey with friends who are loving, fun and willing to carve time out of their busy lives to witness and celebrate this marriage. Praise Jesus!

We know to come for this wedding this is quite a sacrifice for many, and we pray will bless them as much as it will bless us and Rob and Ayla. And we look forward to celebrating again with Anton and Kayla in June of next year. I think what is so amazing about these celebrations, is that the guest list is a microcosm of our children's and their fiance's lives. People they have known and loved since infancy or met as young children. Some they have met in high school. Others in college. And still others from life post-college. Some from various churches they've attended. People from the different locations they've lived in. When you couples stand in front of these guests to say your vows, you truly will have your whole lives leading up to this moment sitting right behind you, supporting you, encouraging you, loving you, mentoring you and blessing you. These folks have helped shape who you are today. Some have prayed for you your whole lives. The conversations and stories these people could share with one another about this common tie they all have in you! To go around that reception hall and just simply ask, "How do you know the bride? How do you know the groom?" What a fun time!

My dear ones, how honored you must be to know the ones who love you will be part of the beginning to great new adventure for you! And the best part is ... it's a worship service! They will gather to witness your marriage and worship the One True God together with you! Glory to Him!

We want you to take time to reflect on the names of the souls who will make this journey to be at your wedding. Pray for them. Pray for their safe travels. Pray for the quality time you'll spend with them. Pray the Lord blesses them as they will bless you. And thank God for them. Philippians 1:31 says, "I thank my God every time I remember you." Thank God for the part they've played in your life, what they've witnessed in your life and will soon witness. What a marvelous journey this life has been and will continue to be. May it always be to God's glory!

Discussion: Share with one another some unique stories about some of the guests attending your wedding. Why is it important these folks witness your marriage? Share also about friends or family you wish could attend.

Prayer: Father God, thank You for each individual who will come to our children's weddings. We thank you for having our lives intersect theirs and thank you that they are coming to celebrate with us. Lord, You are amazing and we are blessed indeed by Your children. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Infectious Character

Recently Daddy and I spent some time with a couple who were not getting along. The bitterness, snippiness and arguing was getting wearisome. While it exhausted the two of us, that wasn't the worst thing to come out of the encounter. After visiting with them, Daddy and I started snipping at each other. In the middle of this, I commented to your Daddy, "Whatever demon was egging them on, was infectious and is taking a turn at us. We need to stop this right now." We took a step back from the ridiculous conversation we were having and realized the attitude of our friends was rubbing off on us. It was a lesson for us on many levels.

First, to be choosy about who you hang out with. Be sure to spend time with friends who are encouraging, uplifting and make wise choices. Who you spend time with will certainly affect your behavior. If you hang around people who are negative, argumentative, gossipy, bossy or unsupportive, it can be influential in your own relationships. Yes, you can be the shining light for them, but you want to be careful they aren't bringing you down instead. And second, that there truly was a lying demon at work doing some whispering and persuading to try to get Daddy and I pick at one another. We know this because the arguments were ridiculous, unfounded and such a waste of time. It was the only explanation that made sense. When you look at situations from a spiritual perspective, you can see it from a more holy and wise place. Like our post on July 6 about our battles against the "spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12), we knew this situation was of that ilk. It just had an evil feel about it.

So first examine yourself. What is your demeanor? Are you joyful? Are you encouraging? Are you empathetic? Are you kind? If you can answer those questions positively, then take a look at the people you are spending the majority of your time with. Ask those same questions of them. If you get negatives about any of those, perhaps you needn't spend as much time with them. You can, of course, start praying for them that their attitude change. The Bible has many verses about selecting companionship carefully. Proverbs 12:26 says, "The righteous gives good advice to friends, but the way of the wicked leads astray." Proverbs 13:20 says, "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 22:24-25 say, "Make no friends with those given to anger, and do not associate with hotheads,or you may learn their ways and entangle yourself in a snare." 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good character.'”

The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Choosing-Friends#sthash.NvfWhpNU.dpuf

The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Choosing-Friends#sthash.NvfWhpNU.dpuf

The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Choosing-Friends#sthash.NvfWhpNU.dpuf

The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Choosing-Friends#sthash.NvfWhpNU.dpuf

The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Choosing-Friends#sthash.NvfWhpNU.dpuf

Surround yourself with high caliber people. And even better, people who love Jesus Christ and are obedient to His Word. People who are happily married and with good communications skills. People who speak well of their spouse or significant other. People who love first. Because just as the ugly is infectious, so is the beautiful. And that makes our relationships so much more blessed.

Discussion: Share a time when the attitude of someone you were spending time -whether good or bad - with rubbed off on you. Are there any friends you spend time with who are not beneficial to your emotional well being?

Prayer: Lord we thank You for the sweet friendships in our lives. Those who love us and whose attitudes are examples of goodness. We pray we will be picky about who we spend too much time with that they will be encouraging to us as we are to them. In Christ we pray, Amen.

Happy Wedding Day! (read with a British accent)

The Holmes family, from my father's mother's side, came from England. At first I wasn't even going to check out English wedding customs because I thought, seriously, how much more different can they be from American? However, interestingly enough, there are some unique differences.

For example, the reading the banns. This is a legal requirement in England. It's where the intention to marry is announced in your church at least three times in the weeks prior to the wedding. The word "banns" means "so summon." It was originally done for the purpose of discovering if there was any legal reason why the couple shouldn't wed, but it's also a time of announcing the wedding to everyone so they can attend. The reading of the banns needs to take place in both the bride's and groom's church (if they attend different churches).

Interestingly, RSVP cards are not included with invitations. Guests buy and send their own. Prior to the wedding the bride and groom have stag and hen parties verses bachelor and bachelorette events.

For the wedding to be legal, the time is also important. You must marry between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. The most common time is a noon. Bells ring as the couple enters the church, but a different bell tune plays as they leave for good luck.

The bride wears a horseshoe hanging from her wrist for good luck. In the processional, the bridesmaids follow the bride in to carry her train. By the way, the bride pays for all the bridesmaid dresses in the wedding, which may lead to smaller wedding parties ... and younger wedding parties, which is why you often seen children as bridesmaids in British weddings. The groom usually wears a business suit. He most often does not watch his bride walk down the aisle, but rather faces forward.

Female guests typically wear hats at a British wedding ... like being at the Kentucky Derby.

After the wedding a "care cloth" or bridal canopy is held over the newly married couple, like a huppah. It keeps away evil spirits but also conceals the bride's blushing (kind of like the blusher veil). In some areas of England, as couples leave the church they walk over something that symbolizes their husband's occupation. For example, we would have walked over newspapers. I guess Rob and Ayla would walk over food crumbs and Tone and Kayla over NFL ticket stubs.

Tin cans are often tied to the bumper of the couple's car as a prank.

The post-wedding dinner is sometimes only for close family and close friends. A reception is held later for everyone else to include the dancing.

The tiered wedding cake is usually fruit cake. While that means it could probably last without being frozen for that first anniversary, Brits save that top tier for their first baby's christening instead.

So there you go. Happy Wedding Day!

Discussion: Are any of these wedding traditions of interest to you? Are their any that are particularly odd to you?

Prayer: Father, we are always amazed at the different traditions for weddings around the world. Thank you for all the different things we've learned and the unique stories behind them. In Jesus, Amen.

Receiving Guests

Right after our wedding, we had a receiving line. This is where the newlywed couple stands at the back of the church with their parents and sometimes members of the bridal party and family members to greet everyone who attends. It gives the couple a chance to have a few minutes with everyone at the wedding and thank them for attending. It also gives guests time to congratulate you face-to-face, particularly if there is a large guest list.

But it takes time. With over 200 people at our wedding, we spoke with and hugged every guest and it took more than 30 minutes. While necessary to visit with everyone, it was long and drawn out, particularly for those standing in line waiting.I remember at my cousin's wedding a year later, instead of a receiving line, she and her new husband went table-to-table at the reception to say hello to every one. It was more efficient in that everyone got to the reception quicker and was seated to eat while the couple made their rounds.

I saw a rerun for a 2010 episode of the television series Four Weddings which showed a bride and groom playing usher at their own wedding and hugging guests as they left the pews at the wedding. Everyone had to leave anyways, so it was nice that the Mr. and Mrs. took this time to greet and welcome their guests.

Should you choose not to have a receiving line, understand that it may be more difficult to try to get around to visiting with everyone. If you want to make sure you've seen everyone, this is the way to go, plus it gives members of the bridal party and parents a chance to meet every guest and gives the bride and groom the opportunity to introduce individual friends and extended family or folks who have traveled long distances to their new spouse.

The awkward part about the receiving line is for guests who are shy and may not want to shake hands with or introduce themselves to the entire bridal party. You can eliminate this by keeping the receiving line to just the two of you. This will also speed up the line. Also, try to keep conversations brief. If there is someone you want to spend more time talking with, tell them you'll catch up with them more at the reception.

The Bible tells us in several locations to "greet each other with a holy kiss" (Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Thessalonians 5:26) - which is probably a kiss on the cheek - but regardless greeting is a big part of welcoming and respectful to those coming to celebrate with you. I will say, there is one memory I have of my receiving line which I will never forget. My choir director from our church and my junior high school came to our wedding. She was undergoing chemo for brain cancer and had lost most of her hair. I will never forget the chance I had to put my hand on her face and hold her close. How I loved this woman. It was the last time I ever saw her. She passed away soon after (and I'm sure is leading the heavenly choirs in Paradise today.) For those precious moments, the receiving line is priceless.

So to have a receiving or table visit? Or eliminate all together. This is entirely up to you and what you are comfortable with. So do what works for you.

Discussion: How do you plan on receiving and spending time with each of your guests? Do you think it's important to spend that time with them? If you have a receiving line, who will you include to greet guests?

Prayer: Father, we know how important it is to be hospitable to our friends and to strangers as well. We pray we find a way to greet all our guests in love and efficiently for their comfort and our own. In Christ we pray, Amen.